Mrlonelyone Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 My older sister has been seeing this one guy for a while. My mother paid him to put up a screen door for us. It has taken a couple of weeks. He hasn't had any tools and has needed us to buy tools for him. Today he was supposed to come by and finish. Then I get a call. He ask me to come to the store and buy some more tools. I said to him I wasn't ready to leave yet, I'd need to put clothes on. I then said jokingly.... "Well your a handy man aren't you, don't you have tools" ha ha ha. Then he gets all offended because I called him a handy man. WTF do you think you are. I own buildings and I have money and blah blah etc etc. Until today I have never heard of anyone being offended about being called a "handyman". People even advertise as such in the newspapers and on craigslist around here. Now I have fallen out with two of my older sisters. The one he's seeing I could understand, love chemicals. The other one.... IDK she just met the man. My father says to just not deal with any of them at all. He says that the man seems to have a inferiority complex... does things like brag on his money, and flashes his cash around etc. What should I do? I don't want to be on bad terms with my sisters, but at the same time... if calling someone who's supposed to be good with tools "handy" is an insult now... PS: The door he finally got mostly put up..... does not even close and latch at all. So I guess he wasn't that handy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrlonelyone Posted November 11, 2011 Author Share Posted November 11, 2011 Some more info. The two older sisters are my half sisters. We have the same mother. They have deep down still an idea that if my father and their mother hadn't got together their life would be so much better. A whole sibling rivalry thing. Now I simply thought of them as being my older sisters (and one brother who has no contact with any of us at all anymore). I loved them period. Sometimes I don't think they felt that way back. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 "Well your a handy man aren't you, don't you have tools" ha ha ha. He wasn't offended by the "Handy Man" comment, it was what followed afterwards, you saying that he didn't have any tools. And, he took that personally, like you think he is broke and can't afford his own tools. That's the real issue here. Anyway, just apologize to him, again and say you really didn't mean to offend and hurt his feelings. Don't explain yourself, or say it was just a joke. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrlonelyone Posted November 11, 2011 Author Share Posted November 11, 2011 He wasn't offended by the "Handy Man" comment, it was what followed afterwards, you saying that he didn't have any tools. And, he took that personally, like you think he is broke and can't afford his own tools. That's the real issue here. Anyway, just apologize to him, again and say you really didn't mean to offend and hurt his feelings. Don't explain yourself, or say it was just a joke. Well.. that's possible. The thing is in phone conversations that he had afterward, that I was made aware of he specifically cited that he did not like being called handy. That "He usually pays other people to do it for him on all the buildings he owns etc.". My mother, and both of my oldest sisters sons have noticed his....attitudes as well. It could well be that he feels insecure about his financial situation. Which again if the man supposedly owns buildings and such, as I am told, he should not feel insecure about that. :/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrlonelyone Posted November 11, 2011 Author Share Posted November 11, 2011 Thanks Yukon and Martinmann... It's just going to be very difficult to deal with the sisters for a while. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 Just think what would have happened if you had called him "Bob the Builder" Honestly.. your sisters should hire someone to fix the door the proper way.. If it doesn't shut or latch after 3 weeks of install time then he needs to let it go and admit that he should hire someone with all that cash he is throwing around.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrlonelyone Posted November 11, 2011 Author Share Posted November 11, 2011 Just think what would have happened if you had called him "Bob the Builder" Honestly.. your sisters should hire someone to fix the door the proper way.. If it doesn't shut or latch after 3 weeks of install time then he needs to let it go and admit that he should hire someone with all that cash he is throwing around.. LOL Nooo if I did that I would get it real bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 This guy is really chippy, you have to walk on eggshells around people like that. I have no patience for this sort of nonsense. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 I simply can't resist.....tell him a monkey could have installed it better. As for the OP, a handyman isn't really a term of respect where I am from. It's a guy who can do a lot of things fairly well - but not well enough to be termed a "electrician" or a "builder" or a "plumber", as those things require testing and licensing. I know more than one person who own a lot of property, and while they can probably do some simple repairs, they aren't carpenters or plumbers. So they might not even own the tools that they need to complete a job like hanging a new door. If you called my H a "handyman", it would probably tick him off, too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrlonelyone Posted November 11, 2011 Author Share Posted November 11, 2011 Really luckyone? Where I come from, and where he comes from people advertise in the classified adds as handymen. The town ship we live in has official handymen who will come by up to twice a year and fix things....free of charge (my mother used their services her two times). He is also from this place so his reaction is inexplicable. It's not like where you are from. Now as for monkey, I don't think anyone except certain actors who specialize in playing apes for TV would advertise as such. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 Wow, a handyman where you are from can replace a frig lightbulb, fix a squeaky hinge or hang a picture of your grandchildren. That is definitely not a job description that begs respect. So you basically compared him to a guy who drives to old people's houses and changes their bulbs for them - for free. And you think that because he KNOWS what a handyman in your area is considered to be that he should be less offended? I would be MORE offended if I knew that. You have basically called him less than a man who can perform the most basic of household upkeep. Link to post Share on other sites
creighton0123 Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 How long does it take to put up a screen door? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrlonelyone Posted November 11, 2011 Author Share Posted November 11, 2011 Lucky One Those were just examples. Just a month ago we had the official handyman over to do some simple plumbing. The point is it's not a mark of disrespect to anyone. Besides a young man in his 40's who owns properties really should not need to have us buy his tools. Should not be so insecure that he needs to flash cash around like he's never had more than $10. etc. @Creighton For this guy so far it's been about 2.5 weeks and it's not even done right. I am afraid to try to fix it myself since the way my sisters have been reacting it might just lead them to say I was somehow dissing him by correcting his work. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 Don't worry about it. Personally, I'd be embarrassed if I didn't have the tools to install a screen door (I think I had those when I was eight) and thought of myself as anything even approaching 'handy'. If the guy 'owns buildings and has money', he could've hooked you all up with his 'handyman', since you were paying for the job anyway. Bright bulbs and all that. Creighton, it takes about twenty minutes to install a screen door if it's sized properly for the opening. I've installed dozens, mostly for free for friends. It's like screwing in a light bulb for someone who's really 'handy'. In fact, I pack my tools in my checked luggage when visiting friends just in case there are little 'projects' they need done. It's nothing. My 'pay' is food and their company. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrlonelyone Posted November 11, 2011 Author Share Posted November 11, 2011 @yukon I know. It's just so hard to get someone who's all full of love chemicals to see things like that for what they are. @carhill What you said is basically the way folks around here look at it to my knowledge. Anyone who even rents an apartment has some basic tools. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 Yeah, and, funny story, when I went to visit an LS'er she had a couple of 'problems' and I didn't have my tools so she borrowed a tool kit from her exH and I fixed them while I was there. She had called the apartment complex manager to have their 'handyman' stop by and take care of the items but they hadn't 'gotten around to it'. I fixed two doors and one good sized hole in a wall in less than an hour and learned a new plastering technique Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrlonelyone Posted November 11, 2011 Author Share Posted November 11, 2011 "Visit" huh. They make movies that start with a visit from the handyman in the San Fernando Valley. Is some of that story code words? lol Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 My point isn't whether he is handy with tools or not. The screen door itself is not the issue, his non-ownership of tools is not the issue - the comment is. He was offended because you called him a handyman. In your area, a handyman is a guy who drives to low income housing/elderly homes and changes light bulbs. In his eyes, you compared him to that. If you want peace, then simply apologize to him for calling him a handyman. If the apology is not accepted or if there is continued tension, then you can cleanly walk away as you would have done all you could to defuse the situation. Carhill - plastering is a b*tch. I do a lot of my own small projects, and when I had to plaster a partial wall in the house, it was amazingly hard to do it well. Thank god for sheetrock is all I can say. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 (edited) "Visit" huh. They make movies that start with a visit from the handyman in the San Fernando Valley. Is some of that story code words? lol I think she posted a thread about that visit, which was about a year ago. On a more recent visit I recall teaching her sons a bit about camping (they were buying stuff for a trip) whilst we were navigating WalMart or whatever that big box store was. Nothing out of the ordinary for me. I do it all the time. I'll be back east in a week or so building a dog ramp and doing some electrical at a friends over Thanksgiving, the same friends where we did a painting project on a recent visit. The moral of the story is that some men talk and some men do. The man in this story is more of the former. That's OK but see it for what it is. Carhill - plastering is a b*tch. I do a lot of my own small projects, and when I had to plaster a partial wall in the house, it was amazingly hard to do it well. Thank god for sheetrock is all I can say. Yeah, when we do a mud job, anymore we'll wire it up with media wire and blow it on. I haven't done one of those in awhile, but did do some anger hole repairs at my exW's new home, which was a foreclosure. Small stuff (less than a stud span) is pretty easy, though blending texture can sometimes be tedious. Well within the toolbox of a handyman, though. Edited November 11, 2011 by carhill Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrlonelyone Posted November 11, 2011 Author Share Posted November 11, 2011 Lucky one I don't know where you get you idea of what Proviso township is like. He was offended because you called him a handyman. In your area, a handyman is a guy who drives to low income housing/elderly homes and changes light bulbs. In his eyes, you compared him to that. Whats wrong with elderly people or low income housing? Second it's a place with 155 thousand people spread over 30 square miles from million dollar homes to broken down SRO's. On behalf of all 155 thousand of my neighbors I take offence and demand an apology! :/ @Carhill I was just joking with ya and see what you are saying. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 Where did I get that idea? From your link. It clearly states what a handyman does and who he does it for - all for Proviso Township. I have nothing against the elderly or the poor; that would be silly to accuse me of such, when all I did was follow your link and read your information. Have you ever noticed that you take offense quite easily? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrlonelyone Posted November 12, 2011 Author Share Posted November 12, 2011 I was being sarcastic. ;-) Link to post Share on other sites
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