Is it normal for the dumpee and dumper still to be sexually attracted?

[smokey bear]

Is it normal?

 

Anyone had this happen, for me in the past after about a month i have been sexually repulsed.

 

Is it normal to still be attracted especially if your the dumper?

[ChelseaLS]

I am incredibly attracted to my ex. I would love to jump his bones. I find him completely sexy and he has told me the same since our break. But I have never let it get to sex after the break up... that would be a step back and letting him think he can have it all.

[smokey bear]

lol, id say its a good sign, im just wondering if its normal lol xx

[raymondebontrager]

In all honesty i think lc has helped me, with bursts of nc. Lc helped gauge what stage he was at and also for us to be able to talk now and be on good terms. If it doesnt work out we should be able to stay friends, but not until all feelings are gone xx

 

my best advice is act like you dont care, when u see him act like it doesnt affect you, better than that try to get to a point where it doesnt xx

 

i find the scariest thing to deal with is the thought of never getting back together, but today i thought to myself that i could probably walk back to my other ex's and they would probably give it a go, its just the fact we get to a point where we dont to. That i think is another reason why i hold onto the pain than choosing to heal, I dont want to get to the point where i wouldnt go back, its only been 4 months for me. Id like a second chance x its just the way i choose to do it.

 

But it is a catch 22, the only way ill meet someone new is to move on, but if i move on i shut the door on my ex xx

[ChelseaLS]

Well that was a fun copy paste raymond..

[sayitasitis]

In all honesty i think lc has helped me, with bursts of nc. Lc helped gauge what stage he was at and also for us to be able to talk now and be on good terms. If it doesnt work out we should be able to stay friends, but not until all feelings are gone xx

 

my best advice is act like you dont care, when u see him act like it doesnt affect you, better than that try to get to a point where it doesnt xx

 

i find the scariest thing to deal with is the thought of never getting back together, but today i thought to myself that i could probably walk back to my other ex's and they would probably give it a go, its just the fact we get to a point where we dont to. That i think is another reason why i hold onto the pain than choosing to heal, I dont want to get to the point where i wouldnt go back, its only been 4 months for me. Id like a second chance x its just the way i choose to do it.

 

But it is a catch 22, the only way ill meet someone new is to move on, but if i move on i shut the door on my ex xx

 

I felt like I'm writing this post myself.

 

So you've chosen to let go?

[carhill]

IMO, it depends on the person's relationship style. If, for example, the person is prone to long periods of limerence and sexual expression thereof without emotional attachment, then it follows that when that attachment is severed, sexual expression and attraction can remain, since that was a very real basis for the relationship long before it became emotionally intimate. Another way of explaining it is the easier it is for someone to have sex disconnected from emotion and psychological connection, the more likely it will be to be attracted to a former lover, as they can sincerely be viewed as 'hot' without further consideration of the dynamics which led to the split. The sex is in a separate 'box'.

 

IMO, the more 'integrated' sexual attraction and emotional/psychological attachment are, the less likely it is for sexual attraction to exist once that attachment is broken, as the sexual attraction was hand in glove with the attachment.

 

Obviously, variations are as manifold as there are people but knowing one's 'style' of relationships should provide clues to how breakups go in this realm. There may be generalities which pertain to each gender but, again, variations in style cross gender boundaries. As an example, a woman might be more compartmentalized or a male might be more integrated, even if those examples 'fight' the norm. We're all different.

 

My data points have been, once I'm done with a relationship, and by that I mean a full and complete relationship, I'm done. EOS. I have no attraction whatsoever for that partner ever again. I might say honestly positive things about them and feel that way too, but they'll never buzz up my loins again, or at least none ever have. As an example, I recall the last time I saw my exW I hardly even recognized her, much less had any feelings of attraction. She was a vaguely familiar stranger who seemed to know a lot about me. That's it.

[smokey bear]

lol, lots of different answers, but still very interesting

[smokey bear]

Can someone dumb down carhill's post a bit, Im struggling to understand the concept lol

[ChelseaLS]

I was that way with my previous ex... couldn't be bothered... no sexual attraction whatsoever after the split.

 

This time... I struggle not jumping into bed with him. It's the sexual burn I felt for him when we first met. It's strange.

[smokey bear]

I agree, i once met an ex 2 years later and the tention was certainly still there, but at the time of the split i was repulsed lol.

 

I think something could have started with him again if he hadnt treated me so bad lol. I was his rebound, it was the one and only time i was a rebound, never again. Hardest break up i ever had.

 

With recent ex, its first time ive experienced it through out the break up.

[Trovador]

I think is extremely hard for both parties to be attracted sexually to each other... usually is one of them, the dumpee mostly, or always...

[missed_theboat]

I was that way with my previous ex... couldn't be bothered... no sexual attraction whatsoever after the split.

 

This time... I struggle not jumping into bed with him. It's the sexual burn I felt for him when we first met. It's strange.

 

Same here. One of my exes--I was over him sexually almost immediately. Part of the reason I was not satisfied in the relationship was our sexual compatibility.

 

My most recent ex, however (we only broke up a month and a half ago) is still on my mind all the time. We haven't even seen each other, but I am still insanely sexually attracted to him. We are still in contact, but we had to kind of be careful, because we were slipping back into talking about being intimate. It's hard because we have both been with other people before, etc, but we find each other irresistible!

 

We are more than likely going to have sex again (this weekend probably, when we go on a road trip together). It's going to be just so hard not to, being together 24/7 for a week.

 

 

But yes, it's natural to be sexually attracted to an ex--of course! It all depends on the people and their status towards each other, both in the relationship as well as afterward.

[Star Gazer]

IMO, the more 'integrated' sexual attraction and emotional/psychological attachment are, the less likely it is for sexual attraction to exist once that attachment is broken, as the sexual attraction was hand in glove with the attachment.

 

I'm the same way.

[missed_theboat]

IMO, the more 'integrated' sexual attraction and emotional/psychological attachment are, the less likely it is for sexual attraction to exist once that attachment is broken, as the sexual attraction was hand in glove with the attachment.

 

That's probably true. So, the fact that I'm still very much in love with my ex means that I am also in love with the idea of being intimate with him. I am sexually attracted to him in that I want to make love to him again, not just to f*ck him. I haven't let go of that emotional bond yet, nor has he.

 

When we have talked about being intimate, it was talk of "making love", but at first coded in sexual lingo. Then, it became more passionate, and it started stirring up how much we were still really connected to each other and that it could never just be "sex" between us again. We talked about when we'd meet up and how it would be difficult not to want to get back together--after making love. But that's a whole separate issue.

 

If one's relationship was purely physical, I'm sure it's a different reaction... or if one's relationship was built around sex instead of trust or emotional intimacy, then it would work differently, I guess.

[smokey bear]

After 7 years together, our sex life never faltered. It actaully got better towards the end.

 

In this case the dumper is still sexually attracted to the dumpee, Could it be a case that of still have feelings, or is it just lust.

 

I expected the sexual desire to die. normally dumpers are not still attracted to the dumpee.

 

Also ive heard of cases where the dumper is in a new relationship but is still sexually attracted to an ex, anyone got a view on this?

[Buttercup84]

My self esteem is just so ****ed up because he was no longer attracted to me . I feel like I repulsed him

[smokey bear]

I think its important to get your sex appeal back.

 

It helps to get up everyday and look your best, put on outside clothes (not the sweats).

 

I found it helped a little just to look my best each day, took a little bit of the pain away.

 

And also if you ever bumped into someone they know atleast they will go back and say, oh i saw your ex, she looked great, not i saw your ex, she looked terrible

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Is it normal?

 

Anyone had this happen, for me in the past after about a month i have been sexually repulsed.

 

Is it normal to still be attracted especially if your the dumper?

 

 

 

Of course it's normal!!

 

A huge chunk of what we feel during sex is our OWN vulnerability to the other person.

 

Most of us can't manufacture that with just ANYbody... and when it's an ex, we have the added confidence of feeling that we've already reached that personal comfort with that partner, and can more easily get there again (than if made to contemplate a new physical being, who merely "looks good on paper").