spinaroonie Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 So my buddy and I hit up a lounge patronized mostly by a college crowd. We're seated at one end of a booth. 2 cute 19 year olds ask if they can sit at the other end - the only seated areas available at the club. We say sure. I chat up one girl, buddy chats up the other. Get good rapport going. About 15 min in, buddy's girl wants to leave to go dance. My girl says she has to leave. Girl: "I have to go dance with my friend!" spin: "I had a great time chatting with you. You seem pretty cool, smarter than most girls I meet here. I'd love to continue this conversation over drinks sometime." Girl: "I have a boyfriend!" spin: "Well if you're looking for an upgrade give me a call. I'll give you my number." Girl: "How about I give you my number?" Get my iPhone out, call her out for not really having a bf, punch her name in my phone in plain view of her (Her Name the horseback rider who hates Drake) punch her number in, give her a missed call, she inputs my name into her phone before leaving. Often times "I have a boyfriend" doesn't really mean "I have a boyfriend." Girls are testing you to see how you react. Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 Often times "I have a boyfriend" doesn't really mean "I have a boyfriend." Girls are testing you to see how you react. Or telling you they aren't interested (and sometimes they actually have one). Anyway, did you pass the test? When's the date? Link to post Share on other sites
Eeyore79 Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 Often times "I have a boyfriend" doesn't really mean "I have a boyfriend." Girls are testing you to see how you react. "I have a boyfriend" usually means exactly that. This woman obviously has loose morals and is willing to cheat with you, and you're now in a position where you can't claim that you didn't know she was taken and was only interested in sex with you. She's made it pretty clear that she doesn't want a relationship but would be interested in a bit on the side - and by pursuing her after she said she had a boyfriend, you've said pretty much the same thing. She may be good for a few booty calls, but don't expect a relationship. I feel sorry for her boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spinaroonie Posted November 11, 2011 Author Share Posted November 11, 2011 "I have a boyfriend" usually means exactly that. This woman obviously has loose morals and is willing to cheat with you, and you're now in a position where you can't claim that you didn't know she was taken and was only interested in sex with you. She's made it pretty clear that she doesn't want a relationship but would be interested in a bit on the side - and by pursuing her after she said she had a boyfriend, you've said pretty much the same thing. She may be good for a few booty calls, but don't expect a relationship. I feel sorry for her boyfriend. You're assuming she's telling the truth. "I have a boyfriend" is a reflexive canned response every girl's got on the tip of her to tongue, even when she's single. Girls here have confessed to pulling this stunt. Link to post Share on other sites
Eeyore79 Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 If it's not true, then "I have a boyfriend" is usually a brush-off. If I was genuinely interested in a guy, I'd never discourage him by saying I have a boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 If it's not true, then "I have a boyfriend" is usually a brush-off. If I was genuinely interested in a guy, I'd never discourage him by saying I have a boyfriend. Exactly. I've seen people confess to lying about having a boyfriend/girlfriend when they want to escape, but not as a way to drum up interest. That's an urban myth. Sounds like she's willing to cheat, is all. Yay. Link to post Share on other sites
grkBoy Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 In this case, she doesn't have a boyfriend. Her blurting that out was a defense mechanism...but since he pushed she figured he deserves a shot. That is assuming she ever picks up the phone when he calls. Some will put the number in just so they know to send him to voicemail the moment he calls. Girls who really have boyfriends will mention said man within the first 5-10 minutes of conversation, and it won't be as some "don't hit on me" message. So if spinaroonie was chatting with the girl and it went like this: spinaroonie: "I love to travel." Girl: "Oh me too. My boyfriend and I just went to Vegas last weekend. It was awesome" Then I'd assume she has a man. Also, if you see a guy who isn't a celebrity on her phone image screen, assume she has a man. HOWEVER...if you chat with a girl for 20-60 minutes and all of a sudden she says she's got a boyfriend...she doesn't. Girls treat their relationships as marks of achievement. They want to show they're "all that" that they can get a steady boyfriend and not just end up the flings or what not. Even if they cheat they still want to be seen as the girls guys will commit to and not just "pump and dump". The ones who find steady boyfriends will show off that fact. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 The women who do this are reacting in a way that goes back to times when we had less logic available. Say, back when all our ancestors were like the ape-men at the beginning of 2001. If a man wanted a woman he would have to beat her boyfriend senseless first. Overtime, the man who could come up with the better weapons, or more meat won the woman. In our case that lead to bigger brains. That said deep down women still want a man who's not going to bolt at the first sign of competition or hardship. Hence what PUA's call "**** test". What grk boy said too. Women are under tremendous pressure to have a man. Maybe not a husband like the old days....but they need to have a man or the hens will cluck. Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 You're assuming she's telling the truth. "I have a boyfriend" is a reflexive canned response every girl's got on the tip of her to tongue, even when she's single. Girls here have confessed to pulling this stunt. If they aren't interested then I can see why it could be a good response. Why would a girl say this to you if she actually is interested? Wouldn't it frighten off some of the guys who she's interested in? That seems a pretty dumb thing to do, unless she specifically wants to filter out the honest guys who wouldn't dream of enabling a cheater so that she can be left with just the jerks who don't care either way. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 That's the point oaks. The test is to see if another man being interested in her will scare you away. Furthermore, suppose the woman has a BF but is looking to trade up. Like grk boy said about the pressure on women to have a BF..... some don't leave their relationship until they have another man in mind. They won't leave their BF for a coward, they won't take a coward for a BF. To some people a man who shys away from any confrontation is just that. Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 If a women tells me she has a BF I apologize and walk away. Why go there? The options are: She is not interested. Or she really has a BF, but is willing to be deceitful. Do you want to be involved with a deceitful woman? Link to post Share on other sites
counterman Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 Girls have said this to me before and it either meant that really had a boyfriend or they weren't interested. I've bumped into a few of these girls after and have seen them with their boyfriends. I agree, if a girl was interested in a guy, why would she say she has a boyfriend? By the way, if any girl feels that I should compete for her by saying that, I'm just going to walk away. I'm not buying it. I usually take "I have a boyfriend" as just that. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 No thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 If it's not true, then "I have a boyfriend" is usually a brush-off. If I was genuinely interested in a guy, I'd never discourage him by saying I have a boyfriend. Bingo! When I was younger, I would use this line when I wasn't interested. True or not, the "I have a boyfriend" line means "I am not interested" (boyfriend or not). Link to post Share on other sites
dasein Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 I disagree with female posters who have no experience dating women today. The "BF" lie is pervasive today, is just a little white lie to screen creeps, and doesn't necessarily mean she is looking to cheat. IME, women don't like to admit that they are completely single, just as some don't like to openly talk about their age. They can extrapolate any old guy in their life or even an ex into a "BF." I just treat it as noise until I see him or it becomes apparent that she means it. In the last month, I have had two young women use this ruse, and numerous times in the past. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 She was obviously not interested. Whether that was because she really had a bf, or because she wasn't attracted enough after talking to you, the point is she wasn't interested, or she would not have said she had a bf. Therefore, it was futile for you to try to press the issue and push your number on her anyway. It's possible her gf was unattached and she was just going out as a wingwoman so her gf could mingle. In any case, you should have dropped it after she said she had a bf. If she had any interest at all, she would not have said that. Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 If a girl is telling you she has a boyfriend, there are 4 options: 1.) She has a boyfriend. 2.) She has a guy she wants to be her boyfriend and isn't seeing anyone else (i.e. She has an "It's Complicated" situation in FB terms.) 3.) She isn't interested in you or mature enough to tell you the truth, so she made up a fake boyfriend, in which case she's (a) not going to go out with you and (b) not worth going out with. 4.) She IS relatively mature, but you're just so annoyingly persistent that, in the heat of annoyance and frustration at her "No" not being heard, she made up a boyfriend to make you go away. None of these suggest any potential. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 In this case, she doesn't have a boyfriend. Her blurting that out was a defense mechanism...but since he pushed she figured he deserves a shot. That is assuming she ever picks up the phone when he calls. Some will put the number in just so they know to send him to voicemail the moment he calls. This. No, girls DO NOT say they have a boyfriend in order to stimulate a guy to compete for her. I mean, it might happen here or there, but I have NEVER heard of any girl or woman who's done this, or who would even think of it. It's just … dumb. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 The "BF" lie is pervasive today, is just a little white lie to screen creeps... So you're saying that if she uses it on you, then she thinks you're a creep...? Lawyered. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 It's a test to see IF you are a creep. Rebutted. Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 So you're saying that if she uses it on you, then she thinks you're a creep...? Lawyered. It's a test to see IF you are a creep. Rebutted. Doesn't make sense that way MLO, because she'd essentially be either sending away or pissing off the non-creeps (non-creeps don't go after girls who say they have BFs). Unless you think the definition of creep is "Someone who respects my stated boundaries," which is weird. Does the girl then go, "Oh, just kidding. Wanted to see if you'd creep on me if you thought I had a BF!"? And wouldn't any normal, not creepy guy then go. . . "Eh, nevermind, you're a freaking weirdo." Personally, I'm going with Hokie on this one. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 It's a test to see IF you are a creep. Rebutted. So what does this test evaluate? If you still go for it even though she is taken, you're a creep? Or are you a creep if you have a semblance of integrity and back off...? Let's flip it around a little for you guys. If you were this girl's actual boyfriend, would you be encouraging of a little friendly competition from random bar douche...? Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 It's a test to see IF you are a creep. Rebutted. WRONG. How about when wondering what a woman thinks, you listen to WOMEN? Every single woman in this thread has said otherwise. It means she either (1) in fact has a BF, or (2) is not interested. It's not some lame test. Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 That's the point oaks. The test is to see if another man being interested in her will scare you away. Furthermore, suppose the woman has a BF but is looking to trade up. Like grk boy said about the pressure on women to have a BF..... some don't leave their relationship until they have another man in mind. They won't leave their BF for a coward, they won't take a coward for a BF. To some people a man who shys away from any confrontation is just that. Oh well. If that's what's happening with anyone who ever "tests" me like that then I guess we're just not compatible. I'm not going to say "oh, so you have a bf, but can I have your number anyway", and there are other women who are more obviously available. Her loss (and maybe she's thinking "why didn't he get my number? his loss"). Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 (edited) I'm actually with spinarooni. I have heard the "I have a boyfriend" line before but handled it as he did and met up with her later. Then again, I have had a woman just give me her number enthusiastically and without any of that nonsense, and then she never returned my phone calls, superstud that I am. (One such girl I saw out a couple weeks later with a guy who clearly WAS her boyfriend. Hmmmm....) Most of the time, MOST of the time, the "I have a boyfriend" line is either (a) true [whether she is willing to cheat or leave the relationship or whatnot] or (b) a brush-off that allows everyone involved to save face. Sometimes though, it is © an instinctual thing that a woman just says as a 'test' of sorts. You handled it extremely well. Give her a call. You never really know. Especially because she could have just taken your number, instead of showing interest and volunteering hers as she did. Edited November 11, 2011 by Imajerk17 Link to post Share on other sites
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