sunflower11 Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 Ok, yesterday I posted about how I was having a ****ty day cause wednesday was his bday and I felt bad for not wishing him happy bday and I kept thinking if he had a good bday, if he was still depressed, if he was on medication etc. Since he broke up with me (saying he was medically depressed and needed to take time off the relationship and sort himself out, get on meds, or do something cause he couldn't be a good boyfriend to me when he felt everything was pointless and he felt miserable) I've been feeling guilty that I couldn't do anything to help him get better and guilty that I would get angry at him for being so cold and indifferent towards me cause I felt that I didn't understand his condition. Well yesterday, my friend Tom told me he textd him to say happy bday and he replied to him. Now Tom hasnt talked to my ex since July yet he textd him wednesday night and he replied to him? While I, the girl he said was the love of his life, tried to contact him for a month (in October) and he ignored every call and text? So Tom says my ex sounded like he was doing great, he was upbeat and happy, keeping busy with work and working on design projects. And it all hit me like a train. I've been grieving this relationship thinking he was depressed, that he loved me and wanted to be with me but because of the depression and his issues we couldn't be together right ow. I wanted to scream or punch something... I've been putting my life on hold for someone who is clearly moving on and "happy" without me. It hurts me soo much and I am so angry and disappointed. I feel like I am back to square 1 almost..I was so stupid to believe him, I don't know if the whole depression issue was a load of crap or what, but I feel like an idiot...here I am praying for him to feel better, worrying about how he is doing, and he's doing just FINE. FINE FINE FINE without me. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I feel like such a fool... Link to post Share on other sites
Lemon Drop Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 Sunflower, I'm sorry. This is crazymaking. Right this minute stop being on hold for him. This would give him pleasure if he knew you were. Have you read the book "It's called a break up because it's broken"? Because there are probably lots of impressions you are under, which he let you be under which are false ones. Anger is a helpful emotion because it is a good fuel to get moving. I know you probably want to rant at him and justify but that will only slow your progress. He is progressing, so should you. You are romanticizing things and wanting to fix him... it's time to go take care of yourself now. Hugs to you. Link to post Share on other sites
jsd43953 Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 SunFlower... keep your head up. While I realize this forum is helpful remember this is only advice. How do we really know what the ex is feeling like, what is going on etc. So what he sounds upbeat etc.. it sounds like he is trying to cope with his feelings. Keeping himself busy to not have to deal with it. Maybe he has moved on, dont hold your head down. Dont you consider yourself a catch? Well if you do, chances are he does/will to and may come back when the smoke clears. In the man time just get back to you and build you up. They say when you hit rock bottom the only which way is up. Read my story if you like, you might feel that yours is a little bit better and have some solace..ciao. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t306219/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunflower11 Posted November 11, 2011 Author Share Posted November 11, 2011 Thank you both, I guess I don't know what I was expecting. I've been hurting so bad I thought he'd be the same way...and he told me "its not over forever i love you" and just to know he is happy and moving on...I guess I stupidly thought whenever he got out of his depression he would come find me? ...time to stop waiting and wishing and move on. 10 days NC and I will keep it going Link to post Share on other sites
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