Do Rebound Guys get second chances?

[jsd43953]

Hello all. I am new to this and this heart broken thing is too. I found this site so I am hoping venting will provide some solice. Here is my story:

 

About 4 months ago me and my uncle's wife daughter started to talk (she's not blood so its quite different). We've know each other for years but never really had too much of a relationship outside of the obvious crush we had on one another..but not much communication. Anyway 4 months ago I saw her on facebook and just sent a message and we began to talk. This is when I found out that she was going through a break up with a guy who she has been with for 2 years (minus the 6 months he was in jail; but she kept phone contact). They lived together, she has two kids that are not his, but they call him Dad. However for the two years they were together he was a live in, sit on the couch play vide games type , not working or helping pay bills dude.

 

He was still living with her once during the time we were in contact but that was dissolving rapidly and her I began communicating more and more..hours at a time on the phone all day texting etc. As her relationship was falling apart and she ended up kicking him out she turned to me to come to her place because she was scared he might try to break in or whatever. Well the first time i came over she introduced me to her kids as their cousin (neither one of us expected the upcoming events). It was a cool weekend, but some how me and her ended up having sex. This ultimately changed things. We were like we are not going to catch feelings etc, but then that backfired.

 

So a few family gatherings come and go and she is still introducing me to her family as a cousin, but there are stronger feelings now. I have now been at her house for a few weeks looking for a job (actually found one while out there). During the week her kids are at her grandmas so it is just me and her at her house. Sparks begin flying. its clear she loves me but I know she is not over her ex and I ask her about being a rebound.. And she said if you were a rebound we would just have sex and i would send you home, rather than have you stay with me. I like you being here and for all that you do for me to show me you care.

 

Side notes: The first time we had sex we kissed for about 2 hours; she aknowledged she never kissed anyone that long.. she also was shaking and all that before we even started intercourse..I was making love to her which i have never done. I would massage her back when should would ask cause I knew it would hurt. Id wake up in the morning to make sure she had breakfast before work and make sure she had dinner made and a clean house when she got home (this was before I started working). As this goes on one day she ask me if I want to make it official and be her boyfriend. So in essence everything was cool. She also told me she never told anyone she loved them first; she told me she loved me first. She said she didnt want any more kids; she said she wants one with me and even wants to marry me and we began talking about that alot. This is even stuff she told her friends and her mother.

 

Now what happens is events occur where now the kids are home everyday with her. This is not a problem with me; I am not working and going into this i realized that if i was going to love her I had to love the kids the same so I took the daddy role. Continued to wake up in the morning get myself ready for work, wake her up to get ready, cook breakfast for her, the kids and myself.. set off for work, come home clean, cook dinner, give the kids a bath and ready for bed and so forth. Just giving you an idea. Nothing seemed out fo the ordinary, but sometimes things arent always what they seem I suppose

 

So fast forward through the honeymoon stages..(well thats bad terminology because it was no honeymoon stage since we were not declining feelings only incling and building on them). Anyway we decide that it is a good idea to tell her kids (ages 2 and 4) that we are not cousins but "friends". Unfortunately, the 4 year old did not understand as he was always questioning why mommy was sleping with her cousin; needless to say that was stressing to her emotionally. Secondly her family; on her fathers side had a lot of negative stuff to say about it as well, but she blew it off. However since the son is always at the grandmas this is stuff that he has to hear and he brings that home, b/c we were saying one thing to him and then he hears this.

 

Again the kids are home everyday with her. Neither of us had a car. But out of the blue her comes mr ex dude.. with a brand new car and stacks of money throwing around. The same guy who watched her struggle for two years.. never bought the kids anything but now is buying her clothes, the kids clother, picking them up in the morning for work and babysitter and bringing them home. She tells me that she feels as if he didnt do anything while they were together and now wants to come around buying stuff and she aint got to do nothing for it that she is going to take advantage. Sounds f'd up but i can't blame her a woman scorned to a degree.

 

So her we are having several nights of just communicating how her son being confused is stressing her, how her family saying stuff is stressing her. How she loves both him and I and it not fair so she'd rather be alone. That she does mean everything we talked about that just right now, as in she feels we need to take a step back in order to move forward. So of course I am heart broken I pack my things and leave the next day. but before I leave she tells me I didnt tell you that you have to leave, just said that we could not do what we've been doing.

 

The day I leave she texts me asking am I okay.. of course I am not and she just replies I am sorry for hurting you, whatelse do you want me to do. I leave it at that. A few days later I get a text since I did not say anything since saying morning. How come you dont text me anymore? I replied just been busy with work. She then says i cant keep her up all night :* (mind you this is something she would say when we would be having sex or about to at night). So I said funny, you don't miss me enough for that. She then said i do, but this is the best for now. I agreed and that was it. It has been now 9 days since I have heard from her and I am struggling to not contact her. If you have read my F'd up situation and have some words of encourgement Id appreciate it.

 

 

p.s. this is the only girl who i can ever say i have met who's heart beats the same rhythm as mine. I do not believe in coincidence. If a female is a mans rib then my thought is that you know the 'one" when you beat the same rhythm..

[ChelseaLS]

Hello all. I am new to this and this heart broken thing is too. I found this site so I am hoping venting will provide some solice. Here is my story:

 

About 4 months ago me and my uncle's wife daughter started to talk (she's not blood so its quite different). We've know each other for years but never really had too much of a relationship outside of the obvious crush we had on one another..but not much communication. Anyway 4 months ago I saw her on facebook and just sent a message and we began to talk. This is when I found out that she was going through a break up with a guy who she has been with for 2 years (minus the 6 months he was in jail; but she kept phone contact). They lived together, she has two kids that are not his, but they call him Dad. However for the two years they were together he was a live in, sit on the couch play vide games type , not working or helping pay bills dude.

 

He was still living with her once during the time we were in contact but that was dissolving rapidly and her I began communicating more and more..hours at a time on the phone all day texting etc. As her relationship was falling apart and she ended up kicking him out she turned to me to come to her place because she was scared he might try to break in or whatever. Well the first time i came over she introduced me to her kids as their cousin (neither one of us expected the upcoming events). It was a cool weekend, but some how me and her ended up having sex. This ultimately changed things. We were like we are not going to catch feelings etc, but then that backfired.

 

So a few family gatherings come and go and she is still introducing me to her family as a cousin, but there are stronger feelings now. I have now been at her house for a few weeks looking for a job (actually found one while out there). During the week her kids are at her grandmas so it is just me and her at her house. Sparks begin flying. its clear she loves me but I know she is not over her ex and I ask her about being a rebound.. And she said if you were a rebound we would just have sex and i would send you home, rather than have you stay with me. I like you being here and for all that you do for me to show me you care.

 

Side notes: The first time we had sex we kissed for about 2 hours; she aknowledged she never kissed anyone that long.. she also was shaking and all that before we even started intercourse..I was making love to her which i have never done. I would massage her back when should would ask cause I knew it would hurt. Id wake up in the morning to make sure she had breakfast before work and make sure she had dinner made and a clean house when she got home (this was before I started working). As this goes on one day she ask me if I want to make it official and be her boyfriend. So in essence everything was cool. She also told me she never told anyone she loved them first; she told me she loved me first. She said she didnt want any more kids; she said she wants one with me and even wants to marry me and we began talking about that alot. This is even stuff she told her friends and her mother.

 

Now what happens is events occur where now the kids are home everyday with her. This is not a problem with me; I am not working and going into this i realized that if i was going to love her I had to love the kids the same so I took the daddy role. Continued to wake up in the morning get myself ready for work, wake her up to get ready, cook breakfast for her, the kids and myself.. set off for work, come home clean, cook dinner, give the kids a bath and ready for bed and so forth. Just giving you an idea. Nothing seemed out fo the ordinary, but sometimes things arent always what they seem I suppose

 

So fast forward through the honeymoon stages..(well thats bad terminology because it was no honeymoon stage since we were not declining feelings only incling and building on them). Anyway we decide that it is a good idea to tell her kids (ages 2 and 4) that we are not cousins but "friends". Unfortunately, the 4 year old did not understand as he was always questioning why mommy was sleping with her cousin; needless to say that was stressing to her emotionally. Secondly her family; on her fathers side had a lot of negative stuff to say about it as well, but she blew it off. However since the son is always at the grandmas this is stuff that he has to hear and he brings that home, b/c we were saying one thing to him and then he hears this.

 

Again the kids are home everyday with her. Neither of us had a car. But out of the blue her comes mr ex dude.. with a brand new car and stacks of money throwing around. The same guy who watched her struggle for two years.. never bought the kids anything but now is buying her clothes, the kids clother, picking them up in the morning for work and babysitter and bringing them home. She tells me that she feels as if he didnt do anything while they were together and now wants to come around buying stuff and she aint got to do nothing for it that she is going to take advantage. Sounds f'd up but i can't blame her a woman scorned to a degree.

 

So her we are having several nights of just communicating how her son being confused is stressing her, how her family saying stuff is stressing her. How she loves both him and I and it not fair so she'd rather be alone. That she does mean everything we talked about that just right now, as in she feels we need to take a step back in order to move forward. So of course I am heart broken I pack my things and leave the next day. but before I leave she tells me I didnt tell you that you have to leave, just said that we could not do what we've been doing.

 

The day I leave she texts me asking am I okay.. of course I am not and she just replies I am sorry for hurting you, whatelse do you want me to do. I leave it at that. A few days later I get a text since I did not say anything since saying morning. How come you dont text me anymore? I replied just been busy with work. She then says i cant keep her up all night :* (mind you this is something she would say when we would be having sex or about to at night). So I said funny, you don't miss me enough for that. She then said i do, but this is the best for now. I agreed and that was it. It has been now 9 days since I have heard from her and I am struggling to not contact her. If you have read my F'd up situation and have some words of encourgement Id appreciate it.

 

 

p.s. this is the only girl who i can ever say i have met who's heart beats the same rhythm as mine. I do not believe in coincidence. If a female is a mans rib then my thought is that you know the 'one" when you beat the same rhythm..

 

 

Anything is possible. You sound like a MUCH better man then the ex. Unfortunately there wasn't much bonding time there. Don't hold out hope.

 

Be thankful that she told you then instead of dragging it out for a year or more. She said she needs to take a step back to get her feelings in check and you have... now it's up to her to deal with her issues.

 

Heal yourself.

[jsd43953]

Chelsea thanks for the words. I myself feel like I did all that I could. I came in and showed her what type of love and the degree of love she should get. There where times where we would talk and I would be an open book to her and she would start crying b/c cause she told me I act out what I say and she can feel that. At the end of the day I feel that she will miss me before her, but again i cant sit and wait. It sucks b/c I sit here and look at my phone during the times we would normally talk and its nothing. I just want to reach out but in my heart I know that is not what I am supposed to do. I laid a foundation to be a strong man, so I feel that if she wants to talk to me she has my number and will reach out to me. What do you think you would do if you were me?

[ChelseaLS]

Chelsea thanks for the words. I myself feel like I did all that I could. I came in and showed her what type of love and the degree of love she should get. There where times where we would talk and I would be an open book to her and she would start crying b/c cause she told me I act out what I say and she can feel that. At the end of the day I feel that she will miss me before her, but again i cant sit and wait. It sucks b/c I sit here and look at my phone during the times we would normally talk and its nothing. I just want to reach out but in my heart I know that is not what I am supposed to do. I laid a foundation to be a strong man, so I feel that if she wants to talk to me she has my number and will reach out to me. What do you think you would do if you were me?

 

If you love her, then respect her decision.

 

If I were you, I'd let her know (if you haven't already) that you can't be friends with her and that you don't mean that to be hurtful, but that it would be too hard on your own heart. Tell her you respect her decision for space and because you love her, you will honor that.

 

Then go NC or LC (I do low contact because me and my ex work together).

 

Now she has the time and space to think about what she really wants.

Time and space for her to grow. And time and space for her to miss you. By no means does this mean she will come back, but it shows that you care for her, but you respect yourself and your own feelings.

 

In the mean time heal yourself. Don't sit at home and stew over it. Get out there with friends and family.

 

I told my ex that. It's been just over a month. He has reached out to me once after 3 weeks. It doesn't mean we will get back together, but I know he appreciates my respect for his wishes.

 

You can't pine after her, it will only push her further away right now. She confused and she needs to figure it out on her own.

[leoc1973]

Dude google what is really happening with a rebound. I hate to tell you but all the feelings she was showing you were just transfered feelings from the ex not real feelings. Everyone that comes on here feels that they have this "special" love. Don't believe me read everyones story all the same all soulmates all that special once in a lifetime love. This is why I hate facebook cause its too easy for guys to pounce on girls going through breakups. When my ex and I broke up there were just way too many guys all over it. Her changing her status to single was like throwing a tuna to the sharks. I am on the other side so I cannot sympathize with you. I hate guys that do that. Let a girl heal go find your own girlfriends and stop pouncing on vulnerable women. My ex has dated a couple guys for a month or so and now she has all these guys thinking that she really loved them when her heart is still mine! She probably isn't coming back move on. Well unless this loser goes back to jail then she will be all over you but really don't you deserve better than to be someones plan B? Don't let this woman string you along and don't let her give you that she is in love with 2 guys crap. Think about it would you want anyone else right now? Probably not! that is cause you love her. Love is with one person a person that you cannot picture your life without. Find your special someone and get rid of this damaged girl.

[jsd43953]

Dude google what is really happening with a rebound. I hate to tell you but all the feelings she was showing you were just transfered feelings from the ex not real feelings. Everyone that comes on here feels that they have this "special" love. Don't believe me read everyones story all the same all soulmates all that special once in a lifetime love. This is why I hate facebook cause its too easy for guys to pounce on girls going through breakups. When my ex and I broke up there were just way too many guys all over it. Her changing her status to single was like throwing a tuna to the sharks. I am on the other side so I cannot sympathize with you. I hate guys that do that. Let a girl heal go find your own girlfriends and stop pouncing on vulnerable women. My ex has dated a couple guys for a month or so and now she has all these guys thinking that she really loved them when her heart is still mine! She probably isn't coming back move on. Well unless this loser goes back to jail then she will be all over you but really don't you deserve better than to be someones plan B? Don't let this woman string you along and don't let her give you that she is in love with 2 guys crap. Think about it would you want anyone else right now? Probably not! that is cause you love her. Love is with one person a person that you cannot picture your life without. Find your special someone and get rid of this damaged girl.

 

 

Leoc,

 

i dont blame you for feeling the way you do but I dont really think your generalization of what rebounds are applies. I was not on FB looking to pounce on her or even have the intent to. I was just an ear to her problems which turned into more. I am sorry that you were on the receiving end of being the guy to watch the rebounds but the pain you feel is the pain the rebounder feels. The only person who seems to manage and come out cool, is the female. Sounds to me that you are more upset that you have to watch her rebound, thus you see me being that guy and it is easy to vent frustration at me. Dude do whatever you have to make yourself feel better and heal. If these are rebounds as you told me just google what a rebound really is.. give the ex space and the honeymoon stages will dwindle and then she will be back to you. That is if her heart is really yours. In essence I would say you are wrong in that regard, because a person's heart belongs to them and the man upstairs. What you should be asking yourself is do I hold a large enough space in her heart to make it through this process of rebounding and to come back. Sometimes we are given the most beautiful thing and we mess it up. It is then taken from us and is just out of arms reach. At this time we must seek to find the solution which will get us back to that beautiful place, wheither thats with an ex or new person.

[joseph17]

You need to wait this one out and see how she is going to deal with you being so close to the family. I think this was the main decision for her needing some time to think about it. Having the kids confused is not good especially when they are going to families houses and telling the story. Her ex throwing money in her face doesn't help either. I feel where she is coming from but at the same time why does she feel like she should accept anything from him? Why accept money and rides from someone you were apparently done with. On the brighter side at least she told you and it wasn't out of the blue. If I where in your shoes I would have left too and not been in an already awkward situation.

[leoc1973]

JSD I apologize I did vent a little bit on you and I apologize. I have a cousin that does that he says the ones that just changed their status to single are the easy ones. I know there are a lot of guys like that out there. Once again I apologize. OK now on the other part. She is trying to get me back. This is after there were guys that she supposedly was in love with. She broke 2 guys hearts and you are totally right the woman does seem to come up smelling like roses usually unless the origional guy has enough spine to tell her to take a hike. I think I am going to tell her no. But like I said she said and I believe she never stopped loving me. She had GIGS. and now she can live with her choice. But as far as what to do with yours man you seem to deserve a woman that wants you and only you. You are probably a good guy stay strong and tell this one where to go.

[jsd43953]

You need to wait this one out and see how she is going to deal with you being so close to the family. I think this was the main decision for her needing some time to think about it. Having the kids confused is not good especially when they are going to families houses and telling the story. Her ex throwing money in her face doesn't help either. I feel where she is coming from but at the same time why does she feel like she should accept anything from him? Why accept money and rides from someone you were apparently done with. On the brighter side at least she told you and it wasn't out of the blue. If I where in your shoes I would have left too and not been in an already awkward situation.

 

Joseph,

 

Thanks for taking the time to reply. I too understand where she was coming from with the kids being confused. I mean kids arent built to deal with complex situations like this one so right now where we are is best. As far as the ex goes, he falls in the category of the guy who wants to do his "manly" duties once he got outted and saw another guy doing it. The reality is he should have been doing it all along. I can agree she did tell me, she also was adimit about this not being forever and that she still wants to be with me have kids the whol gammit. I hurt but I also love, and that means accepting, stepping way back, and letting her find her own way..despite how I feel. Sucks but such is life, nobody said love and the field of play we play it on is easy.

[jsd43953]

JSD I apologize I did vent a little bit on you and I apologize. I have a cousin that does that he says the ones that just changed their status to single are the easy ones. I know there are a lot of guys like that out there. Once again I apologize. OK now on the other part. She is trying to get me back. This is after there were guys that she supposedly was in love with. She broke 2 guys hearts and you are totally right the woman does seem to come up smelling like roses usually unless the origional guy has enough spine to tell her to take a hike. I think I am going to tell her no. But like I said she said and I believe she never stopped loving me. She had GIGS. and now she can live with her choice. But as far as what to do with yours man you seem to deserve a woman that wants you and only you. You are probably a good guy stay strong and tell this one where to go.

 

Leoc,

 

I am actually glad i wrote the post, that you were able to read it and taht you were able to vent. You seem to have much more clarity and seem to be in a better place. They say things happen for a reason. Let me ask you this: if you have love her does that fact that she had GIGs mean that you are not meant to be together? Here's and example..sorry to get biblical but I am in a much more spiritual place then when I cam here and I am getting clarity so here goes.

 

The perfect love and lover in this lifetime is christ. We as humans play the roll of your ex. We know his love is all encompassing, that he is there for us unconditionally, to comfort us, love us ex. Even knowing this we decide to go play around with the sinful things of the world (these being the rebounds for example) but once the luster wears off we come running back to the man upstairs. When we do his arms are wide open waiting for us to come in because when he lets us go, he knows that out of the process comes growth.

 

Now I know this is general and may or may not apply. You sound like you have come to terms with what you want. All I am saying is that as we hurt we are quick to want to run because the feeling is so uncomfortable. The truth is that while in this pain sometimes we need to stand in it for a while to receive growth as well as a confirmation of when it is time to let go or if it is meant to build us (our love that is) for when that person comes back.

 

Without instruction a house cannot be built same with a relationship. Nobody wants to work these days, we just run and go to the next at some point in time hoping to find the "one". The reality is sometimes the "one" for us is the one who puts us through so much pain because the pain in essence is creating us into the man/woman we should be for them.

 

Thanks for teh words.. it was a pleasure connecting with you on a mental compacity and I wish you the best in all your endeavors.