Rimer Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 I just don't get it why do I keep feeling sorry for myself. Deep in self pity. My GF was my best friend. We were so tight together that I pretty much didn't hang out with any of my friends except a few which still are my friends a handful. Now I feel so empty, so lonely as there is no one to talk to after getting home from work because I only have few friends and family. I don't feel like meeting new people at all atm. Is this normal? I fell like no1 likes me and that I'm gonna be alone for the rest of my life if I don't get my ex back. It's been 9 weeks since the BU. Sure I've lost all my self esteem long ago and I'm working on bringing it up as I joined a gym and go there 3-5 times a week. Yes, I'm on ANTI-D for 1½ weeks now Link to post Share on other sites
flyguy23 Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 I feel the same way, and my ex was my best friend as well. But I wasn't hers and now I am all alone. Its been 3 months since the BU and it hurts everyday. Link to post Share on other sites
confused kitty Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 Yep Im in d same boat! I dont know which is worse missing him as my best friend or missing him as a bf - either way it sucks big time!!! I love him, he means the world to me and I want to get back together, but honestly right now Id settle for just having my best friend back.... Ive been trying to work on myself and even lost 28lbs in the month since the BU everyone says I look great - but its all BS!! If only they knew what was going on inside - behind the fake smile that I force, It doesnt matter how good other people say I look, it means nothing when Im feeling alone and miserable and missing my other half, he really did complete me ( sad I know) Link to post Share on other sites
ksmit Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 I feel so empty, so lonely as there is no one to talk to after getting home from work because I only have few friends and family. I don't feel like meeting new people at all atm. Is this normal? I fell like no1 likes me and that I'm gonna be alone for the rest of my life if I don't get my ex back. I have the same feeling with a girl I was seeing for 4 months but never had a relationship with. She was pretty much the only social life I had (was like a best friend) and now that I f'ked it up I feel hopeless of meeting another girl like her while I sit in solitary. She seemed like, and might have been a once in a lifetime opportunity. Our problem is that we don't have enough social connections or date enough woman. My personality type makes it nearly impossible because I don't approach women in public or get their numbers. Being shy and plagued with anxiety disorders doesn't help either! Link to post Share on other sites
sunflower11 Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 I also feel like I made things worst with my ex by constantly calling and texting thus proving to him that I do depend too much on him like he said. Ughh how do I stop blaming myself? it's like i am excusing his behavior and im saying he is right to ignore me because i turned into this pathetic needy person Link to post Share on other sites
Thieves Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 (edited) In my opinion, self-pity and feeling sorry for ourselves after a break-up often has to do with guilt, and feeling somewhat at fault. No matter how things turned out, it's not uncommon for the dumpees (and dumpers) to feel like they could've done more to salvage the relationship and make things work out, even if there wasn't much that could've been done to prevent it. Another reason for self-pity is that we lost something very dear to us, and so of course we're going to have this small fear in the back of our hearts that we won't find something like that again. It's a pretty scary thought, I admit. Plus, throw in the low self-esteem, and that doesn't help much either... These feelings and reasons are all very real and painful, especially after having our hearts totally broken, but with time it becomes clear that things do get better (slowly) and that these problems can be solved if we try our best. It's normal for you to feel lonely too and that you're always going to be like this. We all feel that way sometimes, but realize that right now it's most likely the freshness of the pain making you feel like this. Give yourself time for it to wear off just a little, and once you get back out there (which you will eventually) and start actually being attracted to other people, then you'll realize that thinking you'll be alone forever is kind of a silly thought. It's only been 9 weeks for you, so you've still got a little while. But at least you are starting to do something to help yourself get better. The gym is never a bad idea, but hey, why not try to find a few other things you can throw yourself into too just so you don't get start to get bored with that? And you're on anti-depressants too, so really, I think it's basically just giving it time for all of what you're doing to really start working. Edited November 13, 2011 by Thieves Link to post Share on other sites
Rorschach64 Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 I know how you feel, man. My ex-fiancee was my best friend too, someone I could have depended on to cheer me up, someone I respected, someone I loved with all my heart and soul, and finally she turned out to be just a snake in the grass. At the stage you are at now .... I remember feeling like a huge void of my soul was ripped from me, a whole future stolen, and my mind couldn't take it. 5.5 months later, it feels better, I still miss her, love her, and still check my e-mail hoping that she will send me something...anything but it is almost an empty habit now. The thing that helped me the most was LS and a counselor. It helped me realize that there were was so many red flags and if I were to take her back, if that chance ever came up which I doubt, I'd just set myself up for further hurt and misery. You're better off without your ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rimer Posted November 13, 2011 Author Share Posted November 13, 2011 What's bad there too is that were still on contact. She says we got a chance but that rapidly is getting thinner because I'm being too needy when I talk to her. I know I shouldn't be and I do say that to myself before I meet or talk to her but for some freaking reason I can't contain myself and blurb out things I shouldn't. I'm like killing all my chances of getting back together. It's driving me mad! Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 Anti D's are a process that must be experienced and altered over time to find the chemical mix that seems to make the difference you'll value. Don't expect a cure in that short a time. The way it works is that you have to live for a while and take stock of yourself and ask yourself if you are improving on some of the patterns where before you were sorta seizing up and entertaining dark thoughts and feelings. Anti-D's deliver subtle changes, not tomahawk ones. And if you're not seeing some positive pattern changes after several weeks, you might need to ask your doctor to try a different medicine or combination. Everyone wants a med to deliver right away, but the knowledge of the living brain and neurotransmitters that make it do what it does is not so advanced as being able to take a test and know exactly what it is that anyone needs. So, expect your recovery to be longer and the positives you might get from medicine to reveal themselves in subtle ways. But once you you discover what's there to be had, it's very empowering and can really help you make up for lost time. Don't give up and be sure to be very active in your treatment--the doctor does not know everything. You have to direct. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Thieves Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 What's bad there too is that were still on contact. She says we got a chance but that rapidly is getting thinner because I'm being too needy when I talk to her. I know I shouldn't be and I do say that to myself before I meet or talk to her but for some freaking reason I can't contain myself and blurb out things I shouldn't. I'm like killing all my chances of getting back together. It's driving me mad! Then stop killing your chances and stop being in contact with her. Take a look at what you're doing and see if it actually makes sense. Why would you stand there and keep watching your chances get thinner and thinner with her if you know you can help yourself out? To be honest, and people have said it on here before, if you're really desiring to have a second chance with her then it's necessary to cut the cord for a while. I'm not one to give people false hope, and I'm still not going to, BUT. A second chance is more likely to happen if the dumpee leaves while they still have some of their pride and dignity. You've tried telling yourself before to contain yourself and it hasn't worked at all, so it's obvious at this point that you need to give it a break while you still can. Link to post Share on other sites
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