Just one more 'other woman'

[kiababy]

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O.K. here goes.....I am 42. Last summer I met a man who I didn't know was married - for the first hour! He is 26!!! I am divorced and independent and have been happily dating for 5 years. Suddenly I meet this beautiful, tall blond adonis and I'm swept off my feet. He is married to his high-school sweetheart who doesn't want to have sex with him (I believe it's because he took her virginity). I am in my sexual prime and love our incredible moments together. Here's the thing - when he did admit he was married we had already had sex but I told him I was not looking for a relationship and didn't want to cause any problems in his life. It's been almost a year and things have heated up in the last few months:

 

His wife went away on business and he invited me to spend the weekend at his house...to see what it would be like 'together'...we had a blast and he said he had no regrets. His job takes him out on service calls so on he weekends my kids are away he comes over in the mornings.....he gets emotional and tells me I make him feel wanted like he's never felt in his entire life....he has told his friends and Supervisor about me and wants me to meet them????? What is happening here? I made it plain that I still date other men and he said he's fine with it but the thought of me with another man makes him feel ill.....he suddenly wants me to take pictures of him to keep in my wallet.....he talks about things we'll do 'once a year'.....a few times he's been out drinking late at night with buddies and phoned me around 3:00 a.m. begging me to come and get him...(he always phoned to apologize the next morning)...he asks me to leave him messages on his cell phone, then replays them for the guy he works with, and his supervisor. when we're together he sometimes says "I don't want to leave my wife....' and repeats it several times. I always say 'I don't expect you to leave your wife....' he says he feels like the luckiest man alive......to have me in his life....

 

I have always had an active dating life in the time I've been single but I've found myself comparing every man to him. No one seems good enough anymore. The guys I used to see on a regular basis mean nothing to me now.

 

I've never been in love but this feels different than anything I've ever experienced. We talk on the phone all the time, not just about seeing each other, but our conversations are 90% 'you are so great....' we just gush and gush about how much we like other, and relive our first meeting over and over again. We also relive every encounter we've ever had in great detail. He tells me that he fantasizes about me every day, I'm the perfect woman, and he can't imagine life without me.....some times he calls just to say that he thinks I'm amazing...or beautiful...If there is a psychologist out there reading this, can you give me some insight as to what is going on here?

 

Also, when we are together we're as nervous and excited as the moment we first laid eyes on each other I'm tired of being alone but push away men that want to be with me...good-looking single men my age who I could actually have a relationship with...they repulse me.....I love his face, eyes, hair, hands, body, feet...his smell....how his skin tastes ( I mean that in the cleanest sense)....

 

please help me....I should have ended it ages ago but I feel helpless and totally out of control....I never call him, he always calls me, always staying in touch with me, telling me how much I mean to him......

[Arabess]

When you mean as much to him in his heart as the words he says on his lips....he'll get a divorce and you guys will have the opportunity to follow true love. Till then.....it's just words Honey. If you aren't around to hear them...he'll find someone else to listen to them while he stays with his wife and lives two lives.

 

He may seem like quite the catch....but it's just make believe. It's his fantasy....and your heart. Don't go there. Trust me.

[CurlyIam]

Kiababy,

 

Monday said on one thread that you shouldn't be dating you don't want to marry because you'll eventually fall inlove - time, routine, etc.

 

"Play" is good, who am I to judge you... Maybe you spent too much time with him and you're getting soft... like forgeting the rules of the game.

 

You know what they say about affairs:"they're great while they last!". So maybe it's time to get out. IT's not fair to you to involve emotionally! Think exclusively about what you want and about what's best for you, not about what he's telling you. Keep a clear head and you'll be fine!

[kiababy]

Reply to CurlyIam - that's just the problem, I don't know what I want. I have to confess this is my third affair with a married man. The first one lasted about 2 years, during the last 6 months of the affair he and his wife separated (she left him) and guess what? We only saw each other ONCE during that time. I felt afraid, like I would be trapped into something, similar to how I felt before I married my husband.

 

The second one was/is with a guy who was separated but still living in the same house as his wife. Now they're in the process of divorce and he has been trying to stay in contact with me, keep things going until he's completely free. I still sleep with him once in a while....the comfort level here is that he lives 2 hours away. I liked him a lot more before he started his divorce process. On weekends he has invited me to come up and visit him as he's in the house alone now...but it's easy to make excuses not to visit someone 2 hours away.

 

I have another confession to make: I also see a 20 year-old college football player who used to be my personal trainer for a couple of weeks...until we became intimate. I feel very comfortable with him because he's 20 - there is no future in it and we both know it, it's just a lot of fun. But still I pine for my married lover. He's knows about these guys by the way but we've agreed that when we're together we leave the 'real world' outside the door.

 

I want to be in a relationship but don't know how to love anybody. Except my kids. And by the way, my two sons (13 and 11) meet NO ONE. None of this goes on under my roof when my children are home. And the guys I see only have my cell phone number, they can only call my home when I choose to forward my cell there. Very strict about that. The boys never see me go out on a date.

[CurlyIam]

Listen, I can only say what I imagine to be a good advice: I'm 23 and more than a half (God, is June nearer... haha) so no life experience here about marriage. I did have one relationship for 4 years, we were getting really close, but it was definetely not marriage!

 

So: before passing through my analysis here could you tell me how long have you been divorced and what happened? I mean, your choosing clearly unavailable man may be your shield of protection against the "possibility" on a relationship. I am most clearly speculating, but you are a mature woman with 2 kids. I simply can't understand why else you'd choose that kind of situation.

 

So to me, you don't want to have a relationship with an available guy. That may be your subconstient way of having something totally different from a marriage! Like a relationship but with no possible future. Unfortunately it's not the "cure" for no heartacke!

 

Now, kiababy, take a weekend all to yourself and do some self analysing. You seem to be doing the same thing over and over again: running after unsuitable, unavailable men. It must hurt like hell, I can't imagine what drives you to do this! Stop! See what's triggering this response and clean up the mess! The mess in your life and in your partners' lives.

 

Maybe you simply need time off, alone, time to get used to yourself, to face the mistakes you've done. I remeber after breaking up with my ex, I was terrified of confronting myself. I was afraid of being alone. And I also wanted a relationship completely different from my previous one. I setted with a blue eyed blong hair guy instead of a green eyed dark hair one . Kidding, they couldn't be more different. Unfortunately I'm the same, so I decided to start working here, not around me!

 

You'll get tired, alone and hurt, because, because also the men you're dating are either married or too young, it is no guarantee for not falling inlove. It simply is the perfect way to misery! You're smarter than that.

 

So face your fears, 'cause you risk to blow everything. It'll came back for you, these bad choices. It always does! The outcame can't be anything but really bad! I mean it!

 

You've got 2 boys,you must see that your life or lifestyle shall nevere ever affect them, if you aren't strong enough to change for yourself. Talk to your friends, ask for feed-back and help, take time out, but find the cause and stop this viscious cercle! Fast!

 

Hope I got you thinking!

 

Curly

[kiababy]

Curly, I never would have guessed you were 23 because you're advice is so insightful! You're right, I never choose men who are available. I want the ones I can't have...want them badly!

 

I've been divorced for about 5 years? 6? I can't even remember. The reason my 9-year marriage endedis because my husband was controlling. He followed me everywhere, wouldn't leave me alone for a minute! If I went shopping he would show up a few minutes later to check up on me. It drove me crazy. I am an only child of busy, divorced parents and can't handle too much attention. I love being by myself but I want someone to be there for me when I pick up the phone, you know?

 

I didn't have an affair or anything like that but in any couples situation, I always got along better with the husbands than the wives and the wives started giving me the cold shoulder and pretty soon all of our friends were gone. And no, I was not flirting with them, I was just joking around and being friendly. I'm a lot like the Elaine character from Seinfeld - my 'buddies' are all guys.

 

I know I need to leave my lover, I've been telling myself that for months...but I can't imagine life without him. He's the bright spot when I'm having a miserable day, he always makes me smile, gives me constant encouragement and positive reinforcement. In fact, that's what we give each other- praise and encouragement..we tell each other all of our darkest secrets with no judgement whatsoever.

 

I think I need him?

[CurlyIam]

You are doing it again. Not letting go. I'll leave him out of this, I'm sure he's a wonderful person.

 

But I am sure you have the maturity to see what's good for you, what's good in your life. Do you see him permenantly in your life? Helping you with your kids? Liking you when you're .... let's say down, not in the hot spot?

 

I know younger can be an enchantment - my current bf is 24, but sometimes I wonder if shouldn't chech his ID . Still, you, just like me, need a man in our life. As far as I'm concerned, keep him and live your life for the week ends and for when you feel like it.

 

But to me this is not going on with your life.

 

Ok, so the minute my ex and I split up, I was in pubs, partying late, drinkig and dancing, like a kid who finally got away from home. My best friend couldn't believe her eyes, I am not the "party animal" type of person. I kept it like that for a couple of months(my ex and I would always go every where together, except for bathroom ). He wasn't ever checking up on me, but we were spending all our time, but ALL our time together. I was quite dependent on him, and unable to find a way in the midle. Therfore I run away for good!

 

I think that's what you've been doing for the last 5 (or 6) years. Making up for whatever you thought you didn't have. Freedome, younger men, etc. Having it easy, you know?

 

But this is turning into a lifestyle. Neither one of us is getting any younger, you know... I'm not gonna came up with "how about a father for your children" line. They already do have a father, don't they?

 

You need that married man like a hole in your head, kiababy! You are scared. Read your post again. You said nothing about him being perfect in your life, him having the qualities you've always dreamed of or him.... or him simply making you happy. Yes, he makes you smile. (I've always looked up to women not afraid of dating younger men, by the way )

 

But you are not inlove. You just don't want to let go. Maybe becaute it would mean it took you a lot of time to get over your marriage. Or that whatever yo and your ex had wasn't all that bad... I don't know, whatever you fear so terribly of admitting! But it's alright. Some people never do get on with their life! They spent their rest of it running after bits and pieces they think they missed out on and end up .... well, kiababy, they end up alone. And not by their choice, that's the sad part.

 

It is hard to let him go, be alone and actually have the courage to face the possibility of meeting a man. One who might like you for yourself and who might want be with you in a relationship. A serious relationship.

 

Not all men are gonna be as intrusive as your ex. But you know this, don't you? In 6 years... you certenaily figured that out.

 

The only other possibility isn't flattering. You like it that way! You like not having responsabilities. Being comfortable. You like acting like an independent high school girl. Only... you're not in high school anymore.

 

As I said on my first post: think about what's best for you! And have the courage to act upon it!

 

You don't love that person and you certainly don't need him. Not like a woman needs a man. Don't kid yourself, kid !

[CurlyIam]

Hey... listen I didn't mean to be that harsh on you... I've meant to PM you but I guess I can't... anyway, take your time and if you feel like it, think about what I said... wasn't all that nice, I know ...

[kiababy]

I didn't think you were too harsh, I was just thinking about what you said. In response: I do not use my affair to compensate for anything I miss in my marriage. I HATED being married to my ex-husband. I don't miss him or any part of our life together. In fact, when we split up, I gave back all photo albums, wedding pictures and all of the videos. I wanted no memories of our lives together. The only pictures of him that remain are in my sons' rooms.

 

I am surprised that you don't think I am in love with my lover! I thought I clearly was!!! What makes you think I'm not?

[befuddled11]

You're pretty naive for someone who's 42.

 

If you really believe that his wife doesn't have sex with him, you're the epitome of naive. Of course he's going to tell you that (LMAO!). That's probably one of the biggest "lines" that MMs give their mistresses....so that naive mistresses will feel all sorry for the poor guy, the poor guy who's not having his "needs" met..so that it'll make her (the mistress) feel all sexy and powerful and like she's the only woman around who can meet his needs. Blech.

 

What kind of woman would go into a MMs home and spend the weekend there? Don't you have any self respect or respect for your fellow women? Women are supposed to stick together....a sisterhood of sorts.

 

This guy sees you as nothing more than an easy and available "lay." He's got the good hard working, loyal, loving wife to come home to, but he gets the cougar on the side.

 

And you can actually look yourself in the mirror each morning? Wow.

[kiababy]

Oh please, women have never been particularly nice or loyal to me so I could care less about the so-called 'sisterhood'. And yes, he and his wife do have some sex, but she says he 'hurts' her for reasons I don't need to go into. I get out of it what I want and he gets what he wants.

 

Why don't you blame the wives of these men who don't give their husbands what they need....or become frumpy, miserable, screaming, banshees who drive their men away.

 

And ladies...get your butts into the gym, out jogging, on rollerblades or on your bike with your man!!!! That's where I meet most of my men - they're out there working out and getting healthy while you sit on the phone and gossip....or whatever it is women do.

[CurlyIam]

I like your attitude, very proactive !

[CurlyIam]

Originally posted by kiababy

I didn't think you were too harsh, I was just thinking about what you said. In response: I do not use my affair to compensate for anything I miss in my marriage. I HATED being married to my ex-husband. I don't miss him or any part of our life together. In fact, when we split up, I gave back all photo albums, wedding pictures and all of the videos. I wanted no memories of our lives together. The only pictures of him that remain are in my sons' rooms.

 

God, that is terrible. I just can't imagine why you'd feel this strongly to a man who you once trused so much to marry!

 

I am surprised that you don't think I am in love with my lover! I thought I clearly was!!! What makes you think I'm not?

 

I don't know how to put it. Search LS for a thread of capitald when he was talking about the woman he loved. He was calling her his challenge , she was really into his life, he was truly into her life.

 

IT is not about words, it's about the general impression. You speak a lot about what he said, what he felt, you did describe your relationship... but a woman inlove is ....well, kiabab, is irrational . She is selfish, doesn't want to share her man, is very much involved and ... it's a certain energy you could feel when talking about her man. I can't put it into words... like something protecting her. I am not talking here about sparks and emotions, I am talking about that state of mind and heart. She is there!

 

I think you are a more "feet on the Earth" type of person, that might have an influence too. I believe he is a very special person, I am convinced he makes you feel great. I am also sure that you haven't had that in a while.

 

I just don't think it's love. It doesn't have to be love, if that's not what you're seeking... You don't even have to define it . I'm only second guessing here . You are the one who really knows!!!!

 

May I ask what exactly is bothering you? Be as specific as possible, maybe we can help!

[Debster]

I think that your previous marriage has left a bad taste in your mouth towards marriage. Not just that you don't want to get married again, but that you try to go out there and destroy marriages. The fact that you have been with at least three married men shows that you have no respect for marriage. I doubt it had anything to do with you finding these men irressistable - if it was surely you would have been overjoyed when one of them left his wife.

 

I can understand why you might be turned off marriage but what I can't understand is why you feel the need to get involved with married men. Is it a desire to make sure that noone can have a happy marriage? Is it the art of preying on a married man and getting them to cheat? Is it because deep down you really don't want a relationship and you think married men are 'safe'.

 

Last summer I met a man who I didn't know was married - for the first hour!

and then you write

 

Here's the thing - when he did admit he was married we had already had sex but I told him I was not looking for a relationship and didn't want to cause any problems in his life.

 

All I have to say about this is you slept with a guy you met in the first hour and then have the gall to say that you didn't want to cause any problems in his life. Bull. You were to busy getting busy to think about anyone else but yourself.

 

Granted, I know that the man has a huge part to play in this - but I think a serial adultress has serious issues. You mentioned in one of your threads a negative comment about women. Maybe this is the root of your problem. You don't like women so you want to hurt them.

 

I want to be in a relationship but don't know how to love anybody.

 

I think this is one of the keys to your issues. You don't know how to love anyone and have a serious relationship and you resent any woman that can.

 

Oh please, women have never been particularly nice or loyal to me so I could care less about the so-called 'sisterhood'.

 

Maybe women aren't nice or loyal to you because they can see through you. They know that you go after married men. Why would they want to be nice to you or be your friends? Is this your way at getting back at women? By going after their men?

 

Why don't you blame the wives of these men who don't give their husbands what they need....or become frumpy, miserable, screaming, banshees who drive their men away.

 

And ladies...get your butts into the gym, out jogging, on rollerblades or on your bike with your man!!!! That's where I meet most of my men - they're out there working out and getting healthy while you sit on the phone and gossip....or whatever it is women do.

 

I think the second key is that you have serious issues with women and want to hurt them. Why? Were you one of those women who never had any friends in high school? Who never felt they 'fit' in?

 

I think you need to start looking inside of yourself and identifying how you should change to help you be ready and willing to find and receive the love you want and deserve.

[kiababy]

reply to Curly:

 

First I want to thank you for not judging me. Marrying my ex-husband turned out to be the biggest mistake I've ever made. I did not marry because I was in love. I got married to get away from my mother. I thought I picked the lesser of two evils, and he was always there, always at my house when I got home from work so I figured, why not?

 

As it turned out, he would never leave my side or leave me alone. But I take full responsibility for that. I picked him, it was my error to undo. Don't get me wrong, my sons are the light of my life. But if I had to do it over again I never would have married him.

 

In case you're wondering - in my mother's eyes I could never do anything right, I was no good and 'just like (your) father'. My parents divorced when I was 14. I'm sure all of this has something to do with the choices I have made in life.

 

My father was great, very responsible, always there for me, but very strict and demanding.

 

What I want out of life is someone that makes me feel like my married lover does. I want to feel like that every single day, but have it fit into my everyday life....with kids, bills....etc.

[kiababy]

Debster, yes I did sleep with him within the first hour of meeting him. I have never, ever had that kind of chemistry with any man before or since.

 

I don't think I have issues with women, just with my mother - who hates me. Why do I say that? During my divorce she went into court with my ex-husband - against me. She told me she was convinced the failure of my marriage was all my fault.

 

Since then she has apologized for doing that but what a horrible betrayal. I will never trust her again.

 

I don't go after married men, or younger men or any men. We become friends, workout buddies, whatever. Things just get out of hand sometimes. I never make the first move...ever.

[kiababy]

By the way….in case you’re thinking it’s all about sex…well it’s not. My married lover and I spend 90% of our time just talking. Men loved to be listened to…they have crazy thoughts sometimes, kinky, naughty thoughts that they’re embarrassed to share. It’s harmless and shouldn’t be taken seriously….and they should never be judged for it. Men also like to be complimented..just like women do. They like to hear that they do something well, that you’re proud of them – that they are sooooo handsome and sexy. But you have to MEAN it..and I do.

 

Also, when man tells you his problems, he doesn’t want your advice – he just wants someone to listen, and hear him.

[Debster]

I'm sorry to hear about your relationship with your mom. However, I do feel that you have issues with women - and this might have developed due to your relationship with your mom. No matter how it developed, I clearly get the impression from your posts that you DO have a problem with women. Almost as if you don't respect them and feel they are stupid.

 

I don't go after married men, or younger men or any men. We become friends, workout buddies, whatever. Things just get out of hand sometimes. I never make the first move...ever.

 

I find that hard to believe that you don't go after men. Especially with you having had affairs with three married men. Your comment makes it seem like you feel you are blameless. Maybe you don't realize you are doing it - something about you or the way you act or things you say lead men to believe that it is ok to cheat on their wives with you. Either that, or you just pick some slimy men.

 

Basically by your comments you think that the reason men cheat with you is because you listen to them and praise them and you ASSUME their wives don't. Your comments appear as if you think that you are the only one who knows how to treat a man.

 

I want to be in a relationship but don't know how to love anybody.

 

Maybe the reason why is because you are so used to telling a man what he wants to hear that you don't know how to develop a loving relationship where both people have their needs met and accept the other - warts and all.

[kiababy]

O.K. Deb, I can't disagree with your assessment of my relationship with women, I don't know if it's true or not. I don't feel I'm as hostile towards women as you think. I just don't have a lot of patience for women.

 

I always feel relaxed and happy however, around men that I like....the key word being LIKE.

 

My special guy and I are relaxed and happy together and are just....ourselves...we don't have to talk or be doing anything special. We can just sit around and 'be'. We think the same, finish each other's sentences....it's a strange kind of bond that makes no sense considering we're from two different generations....and worlds. He's a true Northern Canadian from the country, I'm was born in England and have a South American background. There is no logical reason we should have such great chemistry...we just do.

[VivianLee]

Originally posted by kiababy

Oh please, women have never been particularly nice or loyal to me so I could care less about the so-called 'sisterhood'. And yes, he and his wife do have some sex, but she says he 'hurts' her for reasons I don't need to go into. I get out of it what I want and he gets what he wants.

 

Why don't you blame the wives of these men who don't give their husbands what they need....or become frumpy, miserable, screaming, banshees who drive their men away.

 

And ladies...get your butts into the gym, out jogging, on rollerblades or on your bike with your man!!!! That's where I meet most of my men - they're out there working out and getting healthy while you sit on the phone and gossip....or whatever it is women do.

 

 

"Whatever it is that women do"? Aren't you a woman??

 

I remember chicks like you in highschool and now in life. You aren't close to any females, you look at the boyfriend or husband when you talk without so much giving the gf or wife the benefit of being an intelligent person that should be included in the conversation. Women ARENT intimidated by you (as you probably tell yourself), because they usually feel sorry for you BUT they are worried that perhaps their horny, ego-starving husband may be stupid enough to fall for your little games and realize they can score easily!! So yea, females tend to steer clear of you.

The sad thing is, you are missing out on a common ground....someone that knows what it's like to have PMS, a period, a fat day, an emotional day, morning sickness, childbirth and many other things a man will never know or sympathize with you about...

 

It's interesting getting advice from you.....you are divorced, you have casual sex and have been with 3 married men....gee aren't you the poster child for what a real woman is....I'm sorry but you are getting "being a real woman" mistaken with "being an easy piece of a**"

 

If you believe in the bible....read Proverbs 31....that's what a real woman should try and model themselves after (of course putting it in context with the current century)....if I could be even 10% of this, I would be happy!!

 

Try and get over yourself and look into what you can do to have a healthy relationship (hey that's what we are all here for!)....leave this young man alone....he's having himself a good old sex time but he's more than likely in love with his wife and just horny and immature!

[kiababy]

You couldn't be more wrong. You did NOT know girls like me in high school. I was skinny, painfully shy and spent my time in the library reading and wishing I was poplular. I did not have one boyfriend in high school, never went on a date until I was 18 and started working.

 

I never said women are intimidated by me.....o.k. maybe in one respect only - I have a naturally large chest. But that's it...I'm pretty, smart, confident and independent. All of the things I wanted to be in high school and couldn't be. What, did you think I was a cheerleader????? What a joke! - think NERD.

 

Even if I had been popular, my overprotective mother never let me out of the house.

 

The men I can get now would never have looked twice at me in highschool. It's finally my turn.

[Debster]

Aha - now the truth comes out.

 

I was right in my assessment of what you felt in high school. I wondered why you keep mentioning the chemistry you have with this guy. I think in a way it is your way of making up for lost time. For the high school years where you felt unpopular and couldn't get a boyfriend. I think this is your way of acting out - of shoving it back that you CAN get a man.

 

The men I can get now would never have looked twice at me in highschool. It's finally my turn.

 

You are in your forties (I think) and acting like you are in high school. Get over it. Stop trying to punish women you knew in high school by stealing other men.

 

Work on yourself and develop some self-esteem and self-respect. Deal with the fact that you weren't as popular as you wanted in high school and move past it.

[FolderWife]

You sound kind of slutty to me. Women aren't all bad. I am married, and I won't let my husband be around a slutty woman, and I'll avoid her too. It is really slutty when a woman talks to a woman's husband with her right there. It's also irritating to the man's wife that this woman thinks her man is sooo interested in her...I mean, come on, who does this slut think she is???? Talking to MY MAN? What, does she think she's so hot, that my guy's going to fall for this trash?

 

90% of the men that I've ever met think with the wrong head. If they see something they can stick their dick in, they'll go for it. Men are not always all that intellectual either. I liked talking to men only when I was in high school. I had nothing in common with women. Now that I'm married, and have distanced myself from horny men, out of respect for my husband, I find that women are lots of fun to talk to.

 

I apologize for calling you slutty. That may not be entirely true....maybe immature?

[VivianLee]

Originally posted by kiababy

You couldn't be more wrong. You did NOT know girls like me in high school. I was skinny, painfully shy and spent my time in the library reading and wishing I was poplular. I did not have one boyfriend in high school, never went on a date until I was 18 and started working.

 

I never said women are intimidated by me.....o.k. maybe in one respect only - I have a naturally large chest. But that's it...I'm pretty, smart, confident and independent. All of the things I wanted to be in high school and couldn't be. What, did you think I was a cheerleader????? What a joke! - think NERD.

 

Even if I had been popular, my overprotective mother never let me out of the house.

 

The men I can get now would never have looked twice at me in highschool. It's finally my turn.

 

kiababy, I was popular in highschool, a cheerleader, Miss (name of my highschool) and pageant winner BUT I was friends with girls as much as I was with guys.....(okay I will say having a big chest is something foreign to me....still is )....I'm not sure how better you think you life would be now if you'd had those things....

 

My husband was popular in highschool, the jock and the handsome dude.....but we still screw up and did stupid things to each other and our marriage....

 

He and I can still get the looks from the opposite sex but that is just a fleeting thing....it means more to me now for people to think I'm decent, fair and loving....

 

I wish I had more to tell my daughter about my highschool years besides "what all I did"....what great advice and example can she get from my highschool experience other than that?

 

Did the college I went to care if I was "Miss Christmas?" LOL?? Did the mortgage company? Do they put that on your credit report?

 

I had very strict parent's....no matter what all I accomplished in school, I was never a good enough Christian for them.....I'd come home with the latest accolade or crown and I'd get "Well...your attitude wasn't that great and I worry you are going to hell..." I felt like I was just sorry trash all the time....

 

I know it's exciting for you to have men look at you, especially at your age. But don't limit your worth and happiness on that and on men. You could easily get a disfiguring disease or have an accident....then where will all these men be??

 

You need a good friend, someone that supports you for who you are.....that would be just as happy and love that skinny little shy girl as they would the woman you are now....don't limit you worth to just that.....

[kiababy]

Reply to Monday: I am not slutty so I'm glad you took it back. I have chemistry with very few people, contrary to how my story sounds. And I was NOT monopalizing the conversations with the husbands of my friends while I was married. We would be in a big group, joking around, and I just related to the guys better, that's all. I certainly did talk to the wives too.

 

Also - you may have an image of me as some woman in a bar picking up men. Well I don't smoke, drink or do any kind of drugs, and I never, ever go to bars. When I'm not at work or at home I can be found in the gym, outside at the park, or with my kids. Period.