mmiller5373 Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 Over a year ago my ex girlfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me via a text message. She said she wasn't sure what was happening with her, but that she wanted to be single. Turns out that she left me for another guy. For three months after that, I chased her. I called way too many times, texted even more, showed up at her house a few times, and broke into her Facebook account. I found out that she was cheating on me for a long time. I've been NC for a year and I'm definitely happier without her, but I still feel like I'm having trouble moving on. I still have recurring thoughts about her everyday. It's not that I'm missing her or even missing the relationship. In fact, I'm glad I'm not with a person like her anymore. I constantly think about the betrayal, the way she used me and lied to me for so long, and how I lost a lot of my dignity by chasing her for so long. I feel like my pride and self-esteem took a hard hit from the breakup and that's what's causing me from moving on. How do I get past this? I've been trying to date but I still don't feel like I'm ready. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 Homebrew and I had many conversations about our types of breakups mmiller. You and I spoke a couple times too. Here's a huge difference between how you and I healed from this. You focused and are still focusing on the past, how you are a victim still a year later. I realized that I allowed my ex to do what she did to me. I saw it, I just chose to ignore it. You probably did not want to believe it too. Answer me this, so you are 1 year out and you are still not over it because you were lied to cheated on and manipulated. You did what you thought was right, there is nothing wrong with chasing for 3 months afterwards. You thought it was right so you did it. Something you should learn from this is you can't be captain save a hoe. I learned this too. One of my saving graces has been mindfulness and various other things of it. If you can find a mindfulness/meditation type class, you should sign up. I am absolutely serious. I guarantee you the very first time you finally can hear the stillness when your mind stops, you will cry. That's you taking the first step forward and you forgiving yourself. I still cry sometimes when I meditate. Its perfectly ok. You would be very ****ing surprised at how much you actually can see or hear after doing this daily, you are wide awake. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 Hey I'm struggling with exactly the same thing too. Except I didn't know I was being cheated on until after I was dumped. The way I see it we have nothing to regret, as we did nothing wrong. I dont know how the next person can trust them, when they were seeing the new person and us at the same time. I really hope that exactly the same thing happens to our exes. I would laugh my head off. What makes them think that it can't happen to them ? Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 These people are nothing but lying, cheating whores. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mmiller5373 Posted November 13, 2011 Author Share Posted November 13, 2011 You focused and are still focusing on the past, how you are a victim still a year later. I realized that I allowed my ex to do what she did to me. I saw it, I just chose to ignore it. You probably did not want to believe it too. You're right. I do focus on the past a bit too much. Sometimes I wonder if I have OCD because my mind tends to think about things too much, almost to the point where my focus and attention is gone. Like ADHD. I honestly had no idea what was going on with my ex during our last few months together. I thought she was just having some second thoughts because her father took off. I'm sure that had a lot to do with it, but I know the guy had been around for a while. The guy had more to do with it than anything. Answer me this, so you are 1 year out and you are still not over it because you were lied to cheated on and manipulated. You did what you thought was right, there is nothing wrong with chasing for 3 months afterwards. You thought it was right so you did it. Something you should learn from this is you can't be captain save a hoe. I learned this too. That's exactly how I feel. I feel like I did a lot for this girl and I let her walk all over me in the end. She cheated, she lied, she used me, she abused me, told me it was all my fault, and then ended it. And I chased after that? Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 haha its alright man, I did it too, the first time and she actually came back when I went NC for a week only to repeat the same pattern a year later. Trust me Im serious, if you are having a hard time focusing on the present and getting your mind out of the past, try mindfulness/meditation. Its great Link to post Share on other sites
Author mmiller5373 Posted November 13, 2011 Author Share Posted November 13, 2011 I started seeing a Psych last week... I'm hoping more sessions will help. I'll start looking into the meditation/mindfullness stuff though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mmiller5373 Posted November 16, 2011 Author Share Posted November 16, 2011 haha its alright man, I did it too, the first time and she actually came back when I went NC for a week only to repeat the same pattern a year later. Trust me Im serious, if you are having a hard time focusing on the present and getting your mind out of the past, try mindfulness/meditation. Its great My ex did the same exact thing! After we had been together for a little more than a year she broke up with me. I'm pretty sure that's when the GIGS started. I went NC for a week and she came running back... the next year was hell with her. Having to deal with GIGS when I had no idea what it was. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts