Boyfriend is being self-destructive?

[ColettesDream]

I'm 15, and he's 16. We started dating in April of 2011, and he broke it off in August. He started dating another girl who really messed him up. She was incredibly manipulative and now that it's over he feels worthless. He started to cut himself in multiple areas. This weekend his parents forbid him from using the phone or the internet. It didn't stop him from calling me, and telling me that he's giving up and wants to just leave. I care for him so much, but I just don't know what to do anymore. I want to help but there is only so much I can do without him thinking I'm betraying his trust. I'm so conflicted. I need some advice on how to handle all this. His parents want to send him away, but I know this would hurt us beyond belief. I don't want to lose him again; but I'm afraid that's what is happening and I am so scared every moment I am not talking to him. I have no idea of his full intentions or his capabilities.

[The dot]

I'm 15, and he's 16. We started dating in April of 2011, and he broke it off in August. He started dating another girl who really messed him up. She was incredibly manipulative and now that it's over he feels worthless. He started to cut himself in multiple areas. This weekend his parents forbid him from using the phone or the internet. It didn't stop him from calling me, and telling me that he's giving up and wants to just leave. I care for him so much, but I just don't know what to do anymore. I want to help but there is only so much I can do without him thinking I'm betraying his trust. I'm so conflicted. I need some advice on how to handle all this. His parents want to send him away, but I know this would hurt us beyond belief. I don't want to lose him again; but I'm afraid that's what is happening and I am so scared every moment I am not talking to him. I have no idea of his full intentions or his capabilities.

 

You're 15, the odds are you're going to lose him anyway when you both go to college down the road. You're better off cutting your losses. At your age, dating should be about having fun, and it sounds like it's not fun anymore.

[confused kitty]

Your being very selfish here - he clearly needs help!!! Step back and let his parents do whats best for him, your worried sending him away will "hurt us"???? Would you rather he kept harming himself or worse commit suicide????

 

Grow up and please just let his parents do whats right for their son

 

Sorry if thats harsh to hear but you really need to realise how serious this is and stop worrying about yourself - hes the one that NEEDS HELP!!!

[JohnnyBlaze]

For what it's worth, more times than not, cutting is not a test run for a suicide attempt. It can also be a cry for attention and help, self-punishment for what he deems to be an unforgivable error or sin on his part, or a transference from emotional pain to physical pain. It's like that old adage where, when your left foot hurts, if someone stomps on your right foot then your left one won't hurt so much any more. Yes, I know it sounds illogical, and it is. But that's the reasoning. When you're hurting, emotional reasoning overrides logical reasoning.

 

Has he gone for a psych eval? Although he is too young for a psychiatrist to diagnose him with any certainty (they want you to be 18+), he could at least learn what they suspect. If nothing else, it'll give him a head start on learning how to deal with it. That alone can be invaluable.

 

I won't speculate as to what he may have, as I can't even come close to giving an armchair analysis without knowing a lot more about him, as he may have numerous other symptoms lurking under the surface. Admittedly, I have two personality disorders that share his symptoms of low self-esteem and self-injury (Borderline PD and Avoidant PD), so I know how hard it can be on him. Believe me, his SI is only the tip of a very large iceberg.

 

You said his parents want to send him away. Where? Are they sending him somewhere to get treatment, or just to go live with an uncle or some other relative? What does he think about all of this? Has anyone even broached the idea with him that he may need mental help? It's a hard thing to wrap your head around. The social stigma of being considered insane is hard to deal with, so many people with disorders will fight tooth-and-nail, resisting even discussing the possibility of having it, let alone getting any help.

 

I hope that, whatever he's going through, he's able to work through it.