Connor22 Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 Ok so, I'm 14 and a freshman in high school. I went to JH with this girl from 7th to 8th grade. At the beginning of 8th grade I realized I like her a lot. I asked her out in May and she said yes. It was fine until July when we decided to end it because we rarely saw each other. However we decided to remain really good friends. We are really really close. I still love her and she still loves me. When I say "love" I don't mean like romantic/relationship love I mean like we "love" each other like family. She cares so much about me and I care so much about her. Now she just told me she has a boyfriend. Obviously, I'm insanely sad and depressed. I'm not mad at her at all. She said she didn't think I was mad but I feel like she does. I'm feel really lonely and I don't know what to do. I love her so much. I really really want to stay friends. Shes like my best friend and if I lose her I'm gonna go insane. So I'm just asking for help. How do I make myself not be depressed about this and not be sad. I feel like absolute ****. Is there anything I can do to help me get this empty feeling to leave? Is there any: 1. certain music I can listen to? (I'm a huge metal, rap fan. Metallica and Eminem mostly) 2. Any activities I can do? Just anything to help me get this feeling to go away. Keep in mind we still want to stay best friends. Please help me I'm on hand and knee here. Please help! Link to post Share on other sites
ksmit Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 Is there any: 1. certain music I can listen to? (I'm a huge metal, rap fan. Metallica and Eminem mostly) 2. Any activities I can do? Just anything to help me get this feeling to go away. Keep in mind we still want to stay best friends. Please help me I'm on hand and knee here. Please help! 1. Music - whatever makes you happy 2. Meet more girls. If you want to be with this girl, try again when she breaks up with her BF. Sounds like you were never aggressive about getting her, and now that you hindered your chances you feel like you made a mistake? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Connor22 Posted November 13, 2011 Author Share Posted November 13, 2011 1. Music - whatever makes you happy 2. Meet more girls. If you want to be with this girl, try again when she breaks up with her BF. Sounds like you were never aggressive about getting her, and now that you hindered your chances you feel like you made a mistake? Exactly. I mean I was agressive about getting her. I almost killed this guy who tried to kiss her when we even wernt going out. (I don't mean I killed him I mean I got into a fight with this guy). But also yes I do feel like I could have tried a little harder in keeping us together. I do feel like I made a mistake and it'seating me alive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Connor22 Posted November 13, 2011 Author Share Posted November 13, 2011 Also, is it normal to feel like ypou won't love anyone as much her ever again? Cause I feel that way Link to post Share on other sites
Thieves Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 Connor, you know, even if you did say that you don't "love her" in a relationship/romantic kind of way, I think you might. It's possible to love a person in more than one way after all. You can still love them romantically, so much that they almost feel like they're a "part" of you and that you would do anything for them because you really care (like family would). I'm thinking this because... well, you said you were insanely depressed and sad after she got a boyfriend. That has to mean something. I know this is not going to be an answer you like, but I can't see any other way for you to get past this than to either cut down a lot on how much you talk to her and see her, or to just not see her/talk to her at all for a little while. The point is that you're hurting, and while I understand that you want to be there for her because you care for her and you're friends, you're in pain and she should understand that too. I'm not saying you have to end the friendship, but be honest and tell her that it's hard for you. You need some time to yourself. If she's truly your friend, she'll understand. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Connor22 Posted November 13, 2011 Author Share Posted November 13, 2011 Connor, you know, even if you did say that you don't "love her" in a relationship/romantic kind of way, I think you might. It's possible to love a person in more than one way after all. You can still love them romantically, so much that they almost feel like they're a "part" of you and that you would do anything for them because you really care (like family would). I'm thinking this because... well, you said you were insanely depressed and sad after she got a boyfriend. That has to mean something. I know this is not going to be an answer you like, but I can't see any other way for you to get past this than to either cut down a lot on how much you talk to her and see her, or to just not see her/talk to her at all for a little while. The point is that you're hurting, and while I understand that you want to be there for her because you care for her and you're friends, you're in pain and she should understand that too. I'm not saying you have to end the friendship, but be honest and tell her that it's hard for you. You need some time to yourself. If she's truly your friend, she'll understand. Thank you that helped a lot to hear that. I just sent her a text telling her that it was hard for me and that I need some time to get my head straightened out. Thanks again Link to post Share on other sites
ksmit Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 But also yes I do feel like I could have tried a little harder in keeping us together. I do feel like I made a mistake and it'seating me alive. What I might be hearing is that you never really wanted her until you felt like you lost her. It's a natural human response in the brain to want what you can't have. Recognize these brain chemicals playing tricks on you and control them accordingly. You mentioned that you broke up only because you couldn't see each other frequently. If I really wanted a girl, I would find a way to make it work or even try LTR (temporarily) until we could spend more time together. Think hard about how you really felt about her BEFORE you found out she had a BF. Did you REALLY care about this girl as much as you think you did? And yes, it is common for people to convince themselves that one particular girl is the "one and only". Be fortunate you're only 14 and have yet to meet many more chicks throughout your schooling. Since she has a BF now, all I can suggest you do is start forming more relationships with other girls. An advantage of your age group is relationships are often short so she may be available again before you know it. So just relax and start talking to other girls. There's a good chance you'll find someone even more special than her. Link to post Share on other sites
Thieves Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 (edited) Thank you that helped a lot to hear that. I just sent her a text telling her that it was hard for me and that I need some time to get my head straightened out. Thanks again You're welcome, honey, I'm glad I could help out. Again, I know this all feels very hard for you, but we've all been there at some point in time and we're all still here, doing okay and taking it day by day. Ksmit also has some very good points in their post, so be sure to check those out too. I didn't want to bring up your age at first because no matter how old or young you are, I know it doesn't make it hurt any less. Edited November 13, 2011 by Thieves Link to post Share on other sites
Author Connor22 Posted November 13, 2011 Author Share Posted November 13, 2011 Thank you everyone. I just have 1 last question. Is there any certain things I can do to make sure she stays close friends with me even though she has a boyfriend? Because if at the end of the day we arent able to go out I still want to be close friends with her. If I can at least be her close friend and be there for her I'm happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Berlington Bob Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 Thank you everyone. I just have 1 last question. Is there any certain things I can do to make sure she stays close friends with me even though she has a boyfriend? Because if at the end of the day we arent able to go out I still want to be close friends with her. If I can at least be her close friend and be there for her I'm happy. Make sure to give her space... We all feel the need to smother people in love and affection but it will have the oppisite effect. Try to do things to keep your mind off her and dont make her feel like you're obsessed with her... women innately hate that. What a girl will want especially at your age is a guy that can live without her. As for music, yeah whatever makes you happy but STAY AWAY from Emo!!! It will $*#^ your #*@& up and amplify your feelings of loss of control 10x. Which will make you do the oppisite of the above paragraph. Hang in there man, even if it doesn't work out there are plenty of girls out there that will make you feel as good as she does... Trust me its normal to think otherwise and none of us will be able to convince you 100% of this but it WILL feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Connor22 Posted November 16, 2011 Author Share Posted November 16, 2011 Ol thank you to EVERYONE who posted on this thread. Her and I went and had lunch yesterday and NOTHING has changed between us. and we talked about this and we are still best friends. THANK YOU AGAIN! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts