bhawksx3 Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 My girlfriend of 2 years was married to a man who emotionally abused her for about 15 years. I think she is getting past that finally but now her young adult children who are 19 and 26 are starting to try to control her. These kids live with her ex husband and believes all the disgusting lies he tells about me to discredit me. In return they tell my girlfriend that they will not have a relationship with her till she breaks up with me. I have proven with facts over and over again that the lies are false. But her kids keep making up new lies and once again i defend myself and have to prove myself with facts again. My girlfriend even admits that her kids and ex lie to try to control her but then as soon as a doubt about me pops up i am running around getting facts just to keep her happy. She is strong about half the time and in a down funk the rest. I love her very much but i have never had to defend myself so much in my 41 years of life as i am now. Its exhausting to constantly do. Any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 You have very little control unfortunately, as it's she who needs to take a stand against being manipulated by her ex and children. Until she does, you're at a serious disadvantage and this stressful situation will continue. At some point, she must find the strength to break the pattern and establish control over her own life. That is if she cares to. It's unfamiliar territory for her but growth can happen. Until then, it's for you to decide your quality of life. You can continue to be part of this toxic pattern, or choose something else. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 Your scenario is quite common- The victim becomes the abuser. She is now abusing you emotionally and thru false accusations (mindgames). You seem like a healthy person and thus know its not in your interest to "feed" into her allegations . Explain to her that she must get counseling to understand her part in the current relations. She is forcing you to Prove the truth??? Please....back away from her , You are going to get ill yourself from constantly trying to re-assure her and defend yourself...that is not a healthy lifestyle .... Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 Your scenario is quite common- The victim becomes the abuser. She is now abusing you emotionally and thru false accusations (mindgames). You seem like a healthy person and thus know its not in your interest to "feed" into her allegations . Explain to her that she must get counseling to understand her part in the current relations. She is forcing you to Prove the truth??? Please....back away from her , You are going to get ill yourself from constantly trying to re-assure her and defend yourself...that is not a healthy lifestyle .... This is absolutely true, you need to step back and walk away. I was not only mentally broken but physically ill after my 2 year stint with my emotionally abused ex. In hindsight, it was a dumb relationship and there were many times where I wanted to walk away but couldn't. I was battling not only her but myself. I know you care for her but you need to exit for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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