It Is Just a Never-Ending Cycle For Me.

[gandhi]

My girlfriend of almost a year dumped me two days after my birthday (mid-august) completely out of the blue. That night, she texted me saying "I think I don't like you anymore" and our relationship to me ended at that moment. Mind you, not to make her seem like the person at fault, I was the type of boyfriend to put her needs over mine, I put her on a pedestal and wouldn't let her get off until she was completely happy with me and I proved my worth to her time and time again.

 

After that night, after my very familiar fair share of extreme anger, extreme denial, and extreme depression, she consistently messaged me/contacted me to talk, only for it end up for me begging her to come back and her yelling at me for somehow hurting her. After awhile of this, of me trying to win her back, I started the no contact rule. She would not have this and kept on explaining to me how I was hurting her and how she did not deserve to be thrown out of my life, and begged for me to talk to her and be friends. I gave in and tried it, I couldnt do it, went NC AGAIN, and then the same deal happened where she endlessly contacted me to talk to her as if nothing happened between us. And to this day, almost 4 weeks later, I am still in contact.

During the night of the breakup, her brother has messaged me numerous times to leave her alone. I ignored the first few msges because I honestly did not want to take her , but he also insisted on talking to me, so I did. He basically told me to off, and I did. Since then, he has gone as far as posting stuff on my facebook wall to ridicule me among a slew of other things, all of which I ignore.

Also, when school started (I was still NC), my ex was in almost 4 of my classes. I ignored her for 2 days, ignored looking at her, talking to her, acknowledging her, and ignored her countless texts/calls/IMs. Until she came up to my in school and told me she still loved me, missed me, and I was the only one she wanted to date, but she doesnt want a relationship. A week of just talking like we were dating flies by and we somehow agree on a "friends with benefits" situation. I do it, hoping she;ll come back. We have gone on numerous dates and have gotten physical numerous times also.

 

 

^ I copied and pasted that from another thread I posted like a month ago, but thats just for some background. But now, for the past month or so, we have been talking and going through the same phases almost weekly. In the beginning of any given week, we'd be together as if nothing ever happened, she'd hold my hand, i'd hold hers, get intimate, and say "I love you" as if we meant it. Usually by thurs/friday, she'd start to become distant and unresponsive. I would ask her whats wrong and she'd almost always go back to the idea of being "friends" because we never officially stated we are back together. We would argue to some extent and often times one of us would ignore eachother for the weekend. And it would almost always be me who would crack and convince her I want to be her friend and she would reluctantly agree to try. This happened almost 4/5 times and each time she came back to me, it was as if we were never apart but then reality hits when she becomes distant.

 

Most recently, it seems like the end. Last friday we hooked up, and that same night, I texted her and told her I loved her. She said "mutual," and for the rest of the night, barely said anything to me until finally she outright said she just wanted to be friends. I was crushed once again and I initially said it would be difficult, but quickly took it back and said I would try. This week, the first day or two was just like the beginnings of any other week, we were so close and almost like a couple. The friends talk comes again wednesday and for this one time, it was civilized and she expressed everything to me for the first time. She said she was the happiest she has been in awhile because she was free and she had me.

 

I was crushed AGAIN, and we just stop talking that night with a simple goodbye I'll see you tommorow and nothing resolved.

At school the next day, she tries to do the friend thing. I dont know what to do so I act distant, not intentionally, but thats what came out. I guess she didnt like that and last night told me I was being a dick and then just proceeded to ignore me. I sent her a text today saying I saw her alone multiple times today and all I wanted to do is come talk to her, and I hope she felt the same way too. No response. I already lost hope, I am ready to move on compeltely, but the idea of her hating me along the way is KILLING ME. We have so many mutual friends and the fact that we cant even look at eachother kills me even more.

 

I am at a loss of words, GIVE ME SOMETHING TO GO WITH HERE? =(

[thepedestrian]

She said she was the happiest she has been in awhile because she was free and she had me.

 

This is what you should be focused on in my opinion. Seems like she is happy that she is still getting everything from you that she wants. I'd probably tell her I need some space for a bit and break off contact.

[gandhi]

Thats what I have been doing. She deleted me off of facebook and everything.

 

I cant get my mind off of this stuff.