Second Chance for Short Term Relationship?

[kat27]

Posted this in second chances, but then realized that probably wasn't the best category for it...sorry.

 

At any rate, I was dating a great guy for seven weeks, and we broke up about a week ago. We were exclusive very early on (he brought up the conversation). We live two hours away from each other which was difficult, but things were great.

 

There was chemistry on every level, and he made it very clear that he saw potential for a long term relationship with me, and that that's what he was looking for. He was sweet and attentive and called me everyday starting immediately after our first date which he said he'd never done before (and I believe that). We had a great mix of interests in common and separate interests that made it exciting. It's the first time I've experienced that feeling that you've known someone forever, even though you just met.

 

He talked about trips he wanted to go on with me, and about wanting to meet my family. He even bought my sister (who he never met) a gift he thought she would like based on what I'd said about her (she loved it). We talked about what we wanted out of the future an awful lot for a short term relationship. What types of houses we like, that we both want children, even brief conversations on weddings and rings. Most of these were more indirect conversations about what we want not overtly about planning these things together. (I'm 27 and he's 34, even though this may make us sound like we are 13 haha). These were all conversations he brought up first, and I didn't push them, I more cautiously went along with them.

 

We definitely rushed things, which I shouldn't have let happen, but I really liked him and let myself get carried away because it was hard not to. I was pretty certain he was about to tell me he loved me, I thought he was feeling me out to see if he should say it. I didn't really affirm his testing because I was scared even though I was definitely falling for him. After a few days of what I assumed was him testing the waters he started to get a bit distant. About a week and half after that he broke up with me. That was about a week and a half ago.

 

It's actually the only time a guy has ever broken up with me and I've felt like he was being honest about the reasons. At any rate, he said that he really enjoyed spending time with me and is very attracted to me, but that it didn't seem like we were crazy in love, and that while we might slowly fall in love over time, it was too difficult/risky to explore that not living near each other.

 

I didn't beg or anything, but I was honest and just said it seemed like he was underestimating my feelings for him, and that while it wasn't what I wanted to hear I appreciated his honesty and didn't have any bad feelings towards him. The break up exchange was over email, and that's the last interaction we had.

 

A couple of years ago he broke up with a very long term ex he dated for like ten years he described it as basically being like a marriage, and I am sure he thought they would be together forever. I don't think he's totally over her. I don't think he wants to get back together with her (the relationship definitely had a lot of not so great things about it) but I don't think he's totally over it which is understandable. He talked about it a lot and a lot of her stuff is still at his place (she moved out of the country and so she left a lot of her stuff).

 

He hasn't been in a serious relationship since (he has always been the dumper in his short term relationships) and I think what was going on between us may have been new territory for him and he may not have realized he wasn't as ready to jump into something serious as he thought he was (he sort of hinted at that in the breakup email saying it took him a long time to even get used to the idea of being in a serious relationship with someone else and he thinks he is ready for that now).

 

I will be moving to the area he lives in the next year (I used to live there, and that has been my plan all along).I realize this was a very short relationship, but I've been in short term relationships before (both where I was the dumper and dumpee) and have never missed someone so much or felt like the breakup was a mistake so much. Usually after a week I sort of don't care anymore.

 

I don't think I'd want to jump into dating him again, because I think he needs to date more and do some more processing regarding the ex, but I would like to be friends with him and just see if something could develop out of that. I'm not going to wait around on him, but do you think there's any chance we might get back together in the future? Has anyone been in a similar situation? I think he'd be open to being friends. I want more time without contact first to stop hurting, but if I decide I'd like to be friends with him, how should I go about letting him know that without seeming like I'm desperate?

[fredrickhsalas]

I think Yes..if both of you feel the same thing...It is possible.we don't hold the future....and if ask about doing something without seeming like your desperate..I think it the best way if you want him back start as friends....treat him that in times of trouble and pain you're always there for him.