Right Guy - Wrong Time ... Second Chance

[lost_in_chgo]

A question for the ladies here...

 

If you've dumped a guy and later came to feel that he was the right guy, but that the timing was what was wrong, how did you handle it?

 

Did you try for that second chance?

[average guy]

Well, not being a lady, I have no idea how they would feel about it, but being a man I can tell you that if he was the right one and you dumped him, he may not be the right one anymore - you can't just break someone's heart and expect them to love and trust you as if nothing happened. If he does, he is the best man you'll ever meet and you'd better never hurt him again, but if he doesn't want to get involved again, that would be perfectly expected and normal in my opinion.

 

Good luck and hope it works out

 

Cheers,

 

A.G.

[Ebania]

I think if your guy is mature and open-minded enough he'd understand the issue of bad-timing - it can happen to anyone. So long as you know within yourself that the commitment is easier for you to make at this time... and that the "ship hasn't sailed". Second chances do sometimes happen.

 

Good luck

[glong425]

I met a man 12 years ago. I gave him my phone number but then blew him off. I connected with him again several months later and fell so deeply in love that I could not breathe. He was going through a difficult divorce, and his wife was pregnant with another man's child. His wife was a bi-polar and although that may not mean a lot to some, anyone who has ever been with a manic depressive will know how difficult it is to leave these relationships. Bottom line, he broke up with me. She begged him for another chance. He is an honerable man and told me "sadly,at our very best I don't think she and I can ever have what you and I have, but when I married her, I promised her forever, and I would never be able to walk away from her with a clear conscience without giving her the 2nd chance she is begging me for." How could I even be upset with a breakup like that? His reconciliation only lasted a few months, and I had moved on to another relationship in an effort to comfort myself. Over the years, we never lost contact for very long, but the time was never again to be right for us. I was ready, he wasn't, he was ready, I wasn't. Through it all, our friendship remained strong, and actually continued to grow. I got pregnant 9 years ago and married the father. My "friend" is in the Army and was in Korea, and I convinced myself he was gone forever. He was one of my last thoughts before saying "I do." Why am I soooooo stupid?????????? 6 months into my marriage, he called me. "Oh my God, did you go and get married on me?" He conceded, backed off, and our contact was minimal for quite a long time. When my marriage began to go south, we found each other again. Now keep in mind, I have not laid eyes on this man for 8 years except for photos, so I have not "cheated" on my husband, but the love for this other man is so strong still that I cannot right the wrongs in my marriage. Before thinking too badly of me, let me tell you my marriage is awful. My husband has turned out to be manic depressive and an alcoholic. Details that escaped me while in the glows of pregnancy. He has been irrational, violent, and in jail on domestic violence charges. I have stayed out of committment and have not seen this other man on purpose, as I know I would be tempted and would simply rather not put myself into that situation. My marriage is plain and simply over. I don't trust him, and don't like him very much. I have known this for years, yet have still stuck around knowing we have a large investment. He refuses counceling. Again enter the other man. His friendship over the years, and his understanding of my bi-polar marriage (having come from one himself) have brought us even closer. He has not married in the 11 years since our breakup and I don't believe he will as long as I am out there. We are now 39 and 40 years old. In March, he received orders to Iraq. The thought of losing him forever has put a new spin on the situation. I cannot walk away, and I cannot live my life without this other man anymore. He is in a situation where he may die. I have had a difficult time keeping a "poker face" here at home and spend most days wathcing the news for any iformation from Iraq. Oh God, why can't I walk away from a horrible marriage? What is wrong with me? How do I arrive at a place in my life where I can know true contentment. I'm almost 40. I do not want every day to be a litany of stressors and arguments. I think my husband wants out too. I think we are both ready. How do we start this process? When my love comes back from Iraq, I am ready for us to be together.

[mandrews1119]

Whew!!

 

That is one long story. Several things come to mind. One, is that things are totally different in a long term relationship. Two, you are direct proof of being honest with yourself as to where your heart lies, and the consequnces of not listening when your heart speaks. Life can get very twisted up and convoluted. The wonderful thing is that you KNOW where your heart and love really belong and you are still willing to make a go of it. My advice is to be as upfront and direct with your real love as is humanely possible, and work like heck at getting OUT of the bad marriage so the two of you can get together and be as happy as you obviously will be. Far too often people lie to themselves or allow other things to keep themselves apart from the person they know they really love. I know because I am going through a very similar situation myself. You are fortunate in that you two are in close enough contact to make plans for life together. Do it!! I am a firm believer in the axiom that love never dies. It may have been a long road to get there, but I pray for your happiness in the end. And of course, keep posting here so those of us who believe in the power of love can root for you. Best of everything to you both.

[mandrews1119]

Have you talked to or contacted your love in Iraq yet?