Author Marianis Posted November 15, 2011 Author Share Posted November 15, 2011 Your are going to have to go NC no matter how hard it will be. Getting over a ex can be a long process and one of the hardest things to go through. You have to get over him though he has moved on and has a GF. You can't wait around for something that may never happen. Start dating or at least hang out with friends and going out. Don't stay at home and mope get out there and do the things you have always wanted to do. You will start to feel better with the more things you do to keep active and busy. Just be sociable and find the person you once used to be hoho.... getting there!! ill skydive in december .. ill also go to cancun with my friends and graduate from university!! ive been going out with my friends and family.. no dates tho... im scared! .. and mmm ill go to the gym twice a day so im getting where i wanna be! .. even if im not happy without him i guess ill be! ......... someday .. and yes ill do the NC thing again!! it helped me before .. it might help me stilll ..... thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
Rorschach64 Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 Well as for him who knows what he is going through or what he went through all you need to concern yourself with is what are you going to do with you! Obviously you have laid out ideas of what you want to do and you should go do it! As for finding love, let it come to you, I've always found when love came to me it was much more natural because I wasn't really actively seeking it. The thing for you and me both is we will survive this and smile in the near future, then ponder what was it that ever made us so miserable. We lived without these people most of our lives and we can get by just fine again without 'em! Link to post Share on other sites
lolita jade Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 Hi all again, You are right Rors. My stuff doesnt matter that much. My husband has been snappy like this to me when we were together. Not all the time though. I think he is highly strung. I just laugh as this woman has been with him 4 months and she doesnt know his bad points. They probably haven't had their first argument yet. I am starting to think someone else can put up with that. I am sure he thinks the grass is greener at the moment and it is all new. I really dont get him with the 3 kids, especially as ours are 20 and 23. Mari, I dont suggest you date until over your ex or you could be doing it on the rebound and just using him to get over ex rather than loving him for him. I have a suspicion that is what my ex did. We were separated for a year but he still had strong feelings for me. And he told her that which is bizarre. I am wondering whether he is setting himself up for a fall as he is telling everyone how happy is. but obviously cant assume and can only assume he is with her for keeps. Ali Link to post Share on other sites
lolita jade Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 PS Mari Here is the best two things that were told to me. 1. LESS IS MORE!!! 2. You can sky dive, go to cancun and do what the hell you like without checking with anyone. Great!!!! He wont be doing that. He will have to keep in tow with the OW. He wont be able to break wind without asking her first LOL. Hope this helps. It helped me. Everytime I want to contact him. I think LESS IS MORE. Also imagine his first argument with her. That helps to. The relationship won't be perfect. We should make a pact to get out there and get over those guys and show them we dont need them. I know myself when men are pathetic and needy it is a real turn off. You have to think reverse psycology. Ali Link to post Share on other sites
Author Marianis Posted November 16, 2011 Author Share Posted November 16, 2011 thanks everyone! .. lolita i think we should make that pact! .. and i am much better now .. but confused.. yesterday i talked to the guy that like me in my school.. the one i kissed when i was dating my ex.. we have been really close and stuff.. he told me he has been wanting to be with me for more than 2 years .. and he asked me why dont i let him make me happy... :S (i was really distante the past weeks) .. i told him i still hurt because of my ex.. and that people are replasable so he can go find someone else to be with.. and he asked me then ,.. why can i replace my ex? .. and thats right.. why cant i forget about him?! .. he is not the last coke on the desert!! i kind of got to the conclusion that dating him would be good for me... that open myself again to someone else is better than cry every night for the same guy that has a gf and who knows what they do! hoho! .. the thing is that if i do .. i know for sure my ex wont ever come back... (he hates this guy) ... but i shouldnt think about that right?! .. im not saying ill date him right away... but i guess eventually... what do you guys think!?!??! ... ---- crazygirl Link to post Share on other sites
lolita jade Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 Hi Mari, I have guys who like me but I am not ready for a relationship. If you just go with him because you hurt that is not fair on him. Maybe just say you want to be friends for a while and see how you feel about taking it further. Think of this scenario. You go out with him and then you ex wants you back. What would you do? What does your gut feeling say. I have made plans to see someone and I backed out at the last minute cos I am not ready. so that is my gut instinct. Look at the advice on the thread 'thinking of telling ex still love him' Its very good advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Rorschach64 Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 Mari, Not only do you have to consider what jade said but think about how you will most likely compare this new guy to your ex. Then the things this new guy isn't will make you think of what your ex was thus ...well yeah you are thinking of your ex again. Simply put...don't do it till you feel 100% empty of your ex. Eventually? Yeah when you are ready, but since you are still on LS gives me the impression you aren't ready. Now you are probably asking...wait why is this guy handing out advice when he is still creepin' on the LS? Well I am at a point where I come on here and read the same posts, not literally same posts, then think how depressing this is, was I like that back 5.5 months ago? (No offense intended to other LS'ers since this is a place to learn and develop) I just for the most part at this time stare at the posts blankly and wander over to FB now or go to the gym for a long time instead of being on here as much as I use to be. Link to post Share on other sites
lolita jade Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 Rors is right mari. Even coming on this site we are spending our energy thinking about our ex and it brings it all to the forefront. On that thread about telling ex how much she loved him--someone pointed out about 12 different threads over last 10 months from the poster all about wanting her ex. If we do this we will be in the same position for ever. You are drawing it out. Keep busy. You are only young. you should be able to bounce back alot easier than me with a husband I have known 25 yrs. more than half my lifetime. And I will need to see him at weddings etc in the future. I am on here mainly to help now. I do still hurt about NC etc. Focus on you and each time you think about him. Do something to keep yourself busy. Whats meant to be is meant to be. So if he doesnt come back it is meant to be. Be strong Mari. and you enjoy your sky dive/ Cancun cos its something you have over him. Link to post Share on other sites
lolita jade Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/coping-with-and-moving-on-after-a-break-up-commandment-10-thou-must-close-the-door-and-move-forward/ Take a look at this as mentioned on another thread. Its a great site. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Marianis Posted November 17, 2011 Author Share Posted November 17, 2011 you are right guys! .. its time to move on .. and i have been trying to get away from LS but sometimes i can write things i can not tell my friends or family... they have been close to me in this prosses and i think by telling them all this will be like an step back in their eyes.. ... so thank you all.. illl try to stop spending that much energy here haha.. and more in my school i guess!! .. since this are my last 2 weeks of university!!! so i guess ill come back emm... on monday! yesss.. haha i have to start somewhere!! right?! .. thanks everyone you are great people and i wish you the best .. we can do it! .. and then maybe sometime we can met and see how is everyone doing ... Link to post Share on other sites
Rorschach64 Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 It is okay to hang around on LS still but yes school should be number one! We can get through this because we have done this same song and dance before so no doubt in my mind we will succeed. Link to post Share on other sites
lolita jade Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 Come on love shack just dont focus too much on your ex. Maybe we can keep this thread going to see how we are all doing. Uni comes first. If you fail u wont be happy You will end up hating your ex for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Rorschach64 Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 I just read the article you posted Jade and I agree with it, of course. Obviously if you cannot forgive your ex, you will only hold on to the hate, the resent, and the frustrations your ex has caused you therefore essentially hanging in limbo. Definately right that if you leave your old relationship with the door left ajar you will always be holding yourself back and that's what you ex did to you till he smothered the hell out of that. I personally created my own 'door left ajar' (wrote her a letter for self closure and telling her I only wanted whats best for her) and so did my ex-fiancee (during the break up alluded to the future with a 'who knows'), but yeah...it kind of feels like being torn in twain, I guess? Closure....yeah that is found within yourself through whatever efforts you can do, with me it was trying to understand what happened through LS , as I told my ex-f, if I do something wrong I obsess over it till I beat the solution in to my being and well I guess that's what I did, and a counselor plus writing that letter I mentioned, granted there is that stupid speck of hope. Question is what are you going to do for closure? A letter? Obsessing till you understand what went wrong? Or are you just gonna say screw it, walk away, and live your life? Link to post Share on other sites
lolita jade Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 Yes the site is so true. Trouble is. If we had proper closure, we would not probably be stressing over our ex's as we would have all the answers to close that door. It is definately being confused and left feeling you don't understand the situation or your ex's behaviour that keeps that door ajar. Ironically, When we have fully moved on, we probably wont even care what the reason for them dumping us was anyway. And will probably think it is the best thing they did:) Just remember, we are free to do what the hell we want Link to post Share on other sites
Rorschach64 Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 Yes their behaviors are typically irratic at best and chalked full of lies or half truths. I'll be honest I still check my e-mail every day with this small part of me expecting an e-mail from my ex-fiancee looking to at least bread crumb me or ask how I am but nadda That is the thing I do like about LS, everyone seems to get breadcrumbs but I haven't gotten anything so it keeps me wanting but in turn it helps reassure me that she has most likely moved on and is totally happy with her decision. Yes we are free now to do whatever we wish Free to experience new things and new people because of this. Link to post Share on other sites
lolita jade Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 It is some kind of syndrome I read about. If we spend energy on our ex's. Looking for them, emailing them, texts, calls etc then the relationship goes on in our eyes. When someone finishes with us we dont just say ok and accept it, we fight it. But the best thing to do would be to say ok and walk away because reverse psycology would have them wanting you. Why is it we are all so stupid to not realise this until it is too late and we have ruined our pride and made complete fools of ourselves? We have to work hard to get on top of the situation and be one over them. And it comes down to doing what we should of done in the first place. Lets keep our pride!! I want to make my life great for me. Positive thinking for me from now on............ Link to post Share on other sites
lolita jade Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 PS Rors, The email or contact will come when you are not looking for it. Probably when you are over her or nearly over her, if at all. So don't look, you are tormenting yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Marianis Posted November 18, 2011 Author Share Posted November 18, 2011 ok so.. i was doing great.. until i cheked my phone and i saw an international missed call!! .. so i was wondering for like 2 hours if he called me.. (we were in a LDR) so .. i texted him.. SAYING THIS: --> _____.. hello! , hey I Have a LD missed call.. could it be that by any chance it was you? ... he said: --> Haha, no sorry, i was at work until recently -->If its important they will call u back hope ur oing well i said: --> Buuu i would have liked to hear your voice he said: --> i said: --> I guess so... hey why did u block me from all your fbs? HE HASNT ASNWER IN LIKE 2 MIN.. i think he wont answer.. and i have to say im DRUNK.. and mmm ... confused... :S .... he wont answer ever again right?! ----------- stalker crazy girl that cant move on... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Marianis Posted November 18, 2011 Author Share Posted November 18, 2011 (edited) he said.. --> that was earlier .. just never changed back i guess... but 3 weeks ago i realize dhe bloked me from my newest one!! :S CRAZY EH! DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY NEXt! I SAID: --> crazy eh... the truth would be better tho! Edited November 18, 2011 by Marianis Link to post Share on other sites
Author Marianis Posted November 18, 2011 Author Share Posted November 18, 2011 i am so sad now... i coundnt sleep thiniking about all those messages i sent him.. i broke every rule and now i feel lost. ill put them here me --> there is no day i dont think about you and i know i shouldnt be telling you this but it is what it is.... --> Are you happy tho? ... please answer and i wont bother you again he --> well i dont know _____... i dont know how to make it easier... i dont want to block you from my life either --> things are different .. im not fast to move on a lot of things... just taking feelings slower this time me -->just give me a close then .. tell me you wont ever be with me ever again --> i always image ill see you someday and you will be available again and you will see me and think you want to be with me --> as silly as it sound I STILL LOVE YOU he --> :S well i dont know what to say... i just want you to be able to be happy me --> tell me youll have sometime for me then ill go see you or whatever --> you think youll be happy with that girl? --> or just give me my close... im a bigg girl i can handle it he -->i dont know how things will work out ... just not going crazy with it all meee --> i dont know what to think by that! :s i guess ill let you do your thing then.. u know where to find me yes?! he --> well u cant just be waiting around. u do ur thing to me --> im doing my things to i just cant forget about you... i have no feelings anymore... and dont want to feel love again --> i just want to see you again he --> well keep doing your things .. u never know whats gonna happen me -->thats it then? just remeber that i will aways love you and hope the best for you he --> well i wish you the best ... i wont b blokin you u on fb me --> hope to know about you tho its hard not to.. keep me posted and ill be here i mean u are still a really special person for me --> and i miss you.. sorry for all this i had to tell you but it wont happen again .. keep in touch .. good night he -->night u he never said he was happy... he never said he loved that girl ... he never said he didnt want to be with me ever again DID HE?! :'( ive been reading the texts all night wondering ....but he kind of told me to move on right?! .... Link to post Share on other sites
jsd43953 Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 After almost 6 months of NC I just broke it 2 times.. 1 like 2 months ago .. and now this time.. … .. .. I don’t know how I feel about it! And I don’t know if its good or bad… I was cheking fb AGAIN.. and I saw he and his gf blocked me from the other fb! .. :S who knows how he knew it was mine :S .. i closed them like 3 weeks ago... but tonight i got in again .... after that i closed them AGAIN to make sure i dont ever look!!!! ..... anyway.. I feel the need to ask him ... so i texted him this: “hey how are you? .. I need to ask you something.” ,.. he answered me and told me he was ok and that I could ask.. then I asked him if he thought I was an stalker! .. :s he said no and asked me why.. I told him that sometimes I wonder and want to know about him … he told me what he was doing and stuff and I told him to.. we sent a lot of messages until I asked him if he wanted to keep contact with me … .. he said that since the other time I called (like 2 months ago) he said yes .. but he never heard from me again……. I told him I didn’t want him to have problems with his gf.. and he said he could do what he wants without her permission… :s I told him it would suck not to see him in Christmas and that he could text me to then. He said that it would be good to know about me also... then good night and that was it… he also said that he was different with girls not like he was with me .. and stuff.. So what to do?! .. I do want to know about him! .. and I have no expectations I just want to know… I guess… it was good to hear from him and I think I feel better now.. I mean Im not looking to get him back…. Can I keep contact with him????? Or is it bad still?! .. I don’t know .. I mean I do feel things for him still…. WHAT DO I DO NOW?!????? How often can I sent him a txt?! .. ahhhh this is so difficult!!!! ... and i dont really expect him to sent me anything.. but it would be nice if he does... And is it bad if I want him back?! .. (which right now I don’t but i just want to know... ) --- crazy girl :S PLEASE ANSWER ANY ADVISE WOULD BE GOOD!! Marianis, How about a fresh perspective and something to think about? Mr Simple, I just read a bit of the history of what is going on. What it sounds like is that this is not about you it is about the other person and what at the moment feels to be right. During these times we have to step back and let them go. Sure everybody says move one etc, but let me ask you this: Have you ever stepped back to think that maybe this is a case of GIGS/ and if so that it is a blessing in disguise. You are probaly asking what I mean and I am going to tell you? Maybe this is a time of preperation for you both. Meaning higher powers are seperating you because you nor he are truly ready for what is in store. Thus you will go through the pain of heartbreak to grow your patience, love and faith. While he will go through the GIGS the ups and the downs to realize that in the end GIGS is about empty actions rather than true love. That moment of clarity will happen for him if you have faith. Faith is differnt from hope is empty and faith is filled with the promises of what truly lies within your heart. And because you went through the heartbreak and grew your love for him, your patience and you had faith. You will be able to love her past his faults, have the patience not to just jump back in but stand firm that taking it slow is for the best, and the faith to know that he came back because you had the faith in the first place. Now if he doesnt comeback; fine; then he was there to still help you grow. And from this you will be better suited for the next one. But before you cast him off, or decide to contact of not contact. Find a quite place somewhere and sit there for a minute. Calm your brain of any thoughts so that you can clearly hear your heart and your gut instinct instructing you on what you should do. More often then not you will find that whatever decesion you make works out for the best. Remember that no amount of logic can suffice when it comes to matters of the heart. Hope this gives you a little uplifting as well as a different perspective to think about before you just pull the trigger on any action. Link to post Share on other sites
lolita jade Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 I am a der brain but what is GIGS? Link to post Share on other sites
lolita jade Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 Did you get very heavy when with him Mari? He sounds like he was/is afraid of heavy stuff and commitment. Think he loves you but is afraid???? Link to post Share on other sites
Rorschach64 Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 It is some kind of syndrome I read about. If we spend energy on our ex's. Looking for them, emailing them, texts, calls etc then the relationship goes on in our eyes. When someone finishes with us we dont just say ok and accept it, we fight it. But the best thing to do would be to say ok and walk away because reverse psycology would have them wanting you. Why is it we are all so stupid to not realise this until it is too late and we have ruined our pride and made complete fools of ourselves? We have to work hard to get on top of the situation and be one over them. And it comes down to doing what we should of done in the first place. Lets keep our pride!! I want to make my life great for me. Positive thinking for me from now on............ Syndrome you say? Hrmm interesting well whatever it is at the core I am sure I'll get over it Eventually will come to the point I won't know why I am checking my e-mail other than to just check it. Why we make fools of ourselves? It is because of a fight or flight response I think plus you know it is also like taking away a druggie's drug so we freak out at this. Yeah well if she emails me, and if she really has GIGs, it won't be for a very long time...in terms of years. That's all theory though. GIGs is....well let me link you to what it is Jade. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t251986/ Link to post Share on other sites
lolita jade Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 GIGS yes they all have GIGS even though they dont admit it and think it is the whole package/ the one or whatever label you put to it. We want our grass to be greener though and will prove it is. How old are you rors? sorry for being personal. Link to post Share on other sites
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