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Ex Gf Calling/Texting after 3 Months NC. This is for the Dumpees

lalalandman

By lalalandman,
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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lalalandman

lalalandman

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HA!!!

 

Ran into her randomly on Halloween. Didn't say a word. She was obviously with another dude. She calls Blocked tonite, then texts "I miss you. Haven't stopped thinking about you since I saw you on Halloween. I wanted to talk to you on Halloween but I couldn't."

 

No ****.

 

So she calls from her Regular number. Now there's a voicemail. She broke up with me in May after 5 years, then I gave up 3 months ago. Stopped responding to her. And after hearing about all the dudes she screwed.

 

A new text "There's so much I want to tell you. Ikd if u have a gf or not you'll always be my bestest friend. You were always a big part of me even though it never worked between us. I want to show you Long beach and invite you to see my place"

 

EFF NO. She's a manipulator. She'll never hear from me again.

 

EVER. PERIOD.

 

More text. "I know you hate me blah blah"

 

More calls.

 

She loses.

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Rorschach64

Rorschach64

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I know this is a vent and feelings of justice floating around but...it made chuckle a bit, something I needed before going to bed. :)

 

Good for you sir for not breaking NC. Another inspiration! Thanks for sharing anddd good night!

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lalalandman

lalalandman

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Yes, emotions were high, temporarily. I guess I'm not surprised she contacted me. Still doesn't change the fact that sadly our lives are separate. There's no reason for communication.

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lalalandman

lalalandman

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thanks, but I don't want to be a hero. I don't feel like a hero. Nothing about this makes me feel good. It's sad really.

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Sugarkane

Sugarkane

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I think you should be quite proud of yourself for not giving into the exes BS and breadcrumbs. Not always easy.

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EgoJoe

EgoJoe

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Lala, I think that your apprehension with regard to the "self-satisfying" nature of the post, content of the post etc. is very healthy and alludes to a sense of self-awareness.

 

That being said. She's on the rollercoaster right now. I don't think it's a good idea to respond to her either. Go knock on some wood about that, "Never going to hear from me." bit because people change alot. You never know if you might want to hit her up a few years from now knowing she'd obviously be receptive to you. Not that I'm encouraging it, but, I want to drive the point home.

 

I think you would do well to have some compassion. She's going to hurt for awhile now...and it will get worse for her even though you don't see it. We all know how rejection feels and she is obviously not getting the same fulfillment she did from you from the other guys she has hooked up with. That being said I'm not saying talk to her or anything I am suggesting that you take the high road (for yourself) and remind yourself that everybody makes mistakes that they regret.

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lalalandman

lalalandman

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It's like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. Even as a dumpee, some people will find it extremely cold to ignore her obvious requests for attention. Then if I do respond to her, I'd be breaking my vow of NC and putting my own Progress at a standstill. At this point, I've moved on. 6 months has Given me adequate time to heal. But I still chose NC. There is absolutely no reason for communication. It would probably do more harm than good, for us both.

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Berlington Bob

Berlington Bob

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This is pretty much where I want my path to lead... I know it could never work out between my ex and I since she betrayed what we had but it would still be nice to hear her say she made a mistake and that she missed me... But it would make it damn tempting to break NC... Good job for sticking to it.

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lalalandman

lalalandman

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Texts are getting really intense now. Things like she wanted to see what life was like without me and she sees that it sucks. How I'm her soulmate. She is saying she wants me forever. How we're both stubborn but she wants to better ourselves. Then she said to come over to her place. That it will be worth it. She's now saying that she loves me. That she dated a few guys and nobody matches up to me. She dreams about me. 3 voice mails telling me she misses me. Goes on.

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Rorschach64

Rorschach64

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Well what do you want? Do you even want her back? Do you think this is just another bullcrap ego boosting trap?

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Rorschach64

Rorschach64

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Well hopefully my personal desires of this happening to me won't affect my judgement here....

 

So you don't trust this....I am assuming that's a gut feeling, if your gut is telling you this doesn't seem on the level then it probably isn't.

 

But as far as what you want...well what do you want? Do you want to get back together with this individual?

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M2155

M2155

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Ok something similar happend to me very recently except it was an ex from a few years ago. I'm really not interested so it's easier for me to deal with I guess. I eventually went NC (by default, not as a strategy) after all my failed attempts to get his attention and pined over him until I met the next guy (who I had a great 2 year relationship with).

Anyway, he claimed he missed me and thinks about me all the time too but here's the thing- these people did not say a word until they ran into us. That's what gets me.

I'm all for being cordial, for me it's long over so I can say nicely it's great to be back in touch but I'm not interested in a relationship with you right now. I don't know how it is for you yet because it has not been very long. Maybe you can tell her you don't mean to be mean but you really arent' ready to talk right now.

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EgoJoe

EgoJoe

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The fact that it happens after they see you (in my mind) has more of an impact than them realizing it on their own (because it's happening sooner and belies powerful unresolved emotions). They see you, feelings resurface, you're strong and uninterested and then they dwell.

 

Lala, I wish Homebrew's Phases of GIGS posts were not deleted when he was moderated. What you're seeing is like what he called "Stage 3" where she's hitting bottom. Now, I know you're doing NC to heal and I'm proud of your strength because you could be kicking her while she's down right now.

 

You're very mature and compassionate even if you're not doing/thinking it actively. You are doing very very good. That being said, keep ignoring. It's not petty. She needs to get a grip and you won't help her or yourself by giving in. Show your strength and do not respond.

 

She'll give up and then go down in the dumps experiencing rejection and it will suck. But, what it's important is to not give in so that she comes to some HEALTHY realizations on the afterburner of this. YOU ARE DOING HER A FAVOR!

 

Now, I'd also like you to consider this: everything she is saying she is true. Some of it is perspective based "life without you" etc. GIGS, Rumspringer, Egocentrism etc. all day.

 

It is fishy because she's experiencing feelings from her unconscious that she's attempting to rationalize and what you're doing by not responding to her is a KINDNESS.

 

She will very likely calm down and try to contact you again down the road after she has normalized. It'd be ok to talk to her then but remembering Homebrew's post about the phases. Don't entertain the notion of getting back with her yet. I know you're not for the most part and this is good.

 

Remember, they have to crawl through broken glass on their knees. Not because you're cruel but because they get to learn a lesson with regard to your value and they will appreciate, respect and value you no matter what YOU decide.

 

I don't say this to encourage one thing or another but to remind you of the facts because she's going to get worse before she has that moment...and you know it. The sudden realization that the one you loved is GONE and then the despair will truly set in. Her contacting you is impulsive and based off of the fear and anxiety that she stuffed down. That has now been compressed so much that she's acting on it.

 

REMIND yourself of what you went through and know that is now going through it and that it is healthy. Think about how much you have grown.

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nathanjbrown1

nathanjbrown1

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HA!!!

 

Ran into her randomly on Halloween. Didn't say a word. She was obviously with another dude. She calls Blocked tonite, then texts "I miss you. Haven't stopped thinking about you since I saw you on Halloween. I wanted to talk to you on Halloween but I couldn't."

 

No ****.

 

So she calls from her Regular number. Now there's a voicemail. She broke up with me in May after 5 years, then I gave up 3 months ago. Stopped responding to her. And after hearing about all the dudes she screwed.

 

A new text "There's so much I want to tell you. Ikd if u have a gf or not you'll always be my bestest friend. You were always a big part of me even though it never worked between us. I want to show you Long beach and invite you to see my place"

 

EFF NO. She's a manipulator. She'll never hear from me again.

 

EVER. PERIOD.

 

More text. "I know you hate me blah blah"

 

More calls.

 

She loses.

 

The girl is so weird telling you those scraps..I think you did the right thing..keep it up dude.

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windmask

windmask

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LOL

 

firstly i gotta say am proud of you.......what you did took guts bro and because u didnt give a f*** is the reason shes texting you and wanting to talk.

 

clowns like that deserve it because they nothing but selfish people...u did good u deserve better and u shouldnt lower urself to people like that.....

 

glad i read this forum

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nathanjbrown1

nathanjbrown1

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I feel that your apprehension with regard to the "self-satisfying" nature of the submit, content of the submit and so forth. is extremely wholesome and alludes to a sensation of self-awareness.

 

That becoming mentioned. She's on the rollercoaster proper now. I don't think it's a excellent strategy to reply to her both. Go knock on some wooden about that, "Under no circumstances heading to listen to from me." bit mainly because people modify alot. You never know if you may want to hit her up a couple of several years from now understanding she'd naturally be receptive to you. Not that I'm encouraging it, but, I want to drive the position property.

 

I assume you would do very well to have some compassion. She's going to harm for awhile now...and it will get even worse for her even however you don't see it. We all know how rejection feels and she is definitely not obtaining the exact same fulfillment she did from you from the other men she has hooked up with. That currently being mentioned I'm not declaring converse to her or anything I am suggesting that you get the substantial street (for oneself) and remind your self that everybody tends to make errors that they regret.

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joseph17

joseph17

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This is just a fluke to see if she could get you back. Good thing you have already seen her manipulative side and recognized it from the start.As far as all the love BS this are just resurfaced feelings tha she think she has but will fade away if you keep ignoring her. I wouldn't get back with an ex that was sleeping with a bunch of guys either. You can so better than that and you realize it. Let her be the one to suffer in her own mess ups. If she wanted you back she shouldn't have slept around and kept her legs shut to see what she really wanted. If she waanted to experiment and go be with a bunch of guys well I guess she got what she asked for then.

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Rorschach64

Rorschach64

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"This is just a fluke to see if she could get you back. Good thing you have already seen her manipulative side and recognized it from the start.As far as all the love BS this are just resurfaced feelings tha she think she has but will fade away if you keep ignoring her."

 

I'll agree with you on this Joseph because, to me it seems like this, she went from just wanting to talk about whatever and hang out with him to show him her new house and all this minor stuff to loving him so quickly? Yeah, ego boosting it seems...she doesn't know what she wants...

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wilsonx

wilsonx

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This is just a fluke to see if she could get you back. Good thing you have already seen her manipulative side and recognized it from the start.

 

This is exactly right... I got one of these traps Nov 2 and I didn't bite either.

 

Just keep letting it go man, keep up the good fight

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Sugarkane

Sugarkane

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Just one thought: if she really wants you back, then why hadn't she dumped this other guy yet? What's the excuse?

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