The Ghost

[ShannonMI]

Some of you may be familiar with my story. I dated a guy for 8 years and we broke up a year and a half ago. His doing. He blindsided me with the breakup and dumped me for a younger girl. Threw me out of the house and had the girl staying there a few days later.

 

I was a complete MESS when it all went down. I thought I was going to literally die of heartache. I'm sure a lot of you can relate. It's probably the most significant and profound pain any human being can go through. It is definitely the worst pain I've gone though physically or emotionally. I think it was so painful because I was happy and was not expecting it at all. Plus the girl he left me for is the complete opposite of me. A whore to put it bluntly. So I'm dumped and then I'm dumped for a major downgrade. I know this is not a reflection on me, but it still hurt.

 

Fast forward to now. I've been doing really well. I haven't cried over my ex in 6 months or so. Of course I still think about him on a daily basis, but my heart is healing. I've even dated. I dated one guy for 4 months from California. I posted about this relationship on LS. Bipolar, not on meds. Dumped him because I just couldn't take his behavior and he supposedly cheated which I don't tolerate. So yeah, I've been doing OK with some bumps in the road. Nothing I can't handle after the bullsh*t I've been through.

 

So the other night I go out and I'm having a great time with my friends. Just drinking some wine and relaxing. We go to a local bar and I go to use the restroom and I see my ex and his girlfriend standing at the bar. My ex doesn't see me, but I see him. My heart drops and I feel sick to my stomach. I immediately turn around and tell my friends I need to leave. They ask if I want to go to another bar and I say no, I'm going home. I get in my car and I drive home, crying the whole way.

 

Seeing him was like seeing a ghost. That's the only way I can describe it. Like someone who is dead and has just appeared to you. You get scared, the emotions start crashing into you and you run. Then you break down and cry. That's exactly what happened to me. I thought I had gotten over so much, but he still has power over me and my fragile emotions. I hate it. The heartbreak is still very much on the surface. Even after a year and half and after dating other men. I was so angry that I broke down over this @sshole. He doesn't deserve a second thought. And he certainly doesn't deserve my tears.

 

What's even more sad is that he looks like sh*t. His hair is grown out and he's got a beard. NOT a good look for him. Some men look great with a beard, but my ex looks terrible. Maybe he's miserable. His appearance makes me wonder. If I were him, I would be unhappy and riddled with guilt over what he did to me. I often wonder how he sleeps at night.

 

Just wanted to post this. To all of you out there suffering STILL. Even after months or years. How do you handle seeing the ghost? Are you indifferent or does it still hurt? Do the emotions come flooding back with a vengeance or do you just go on your merry way without a second look or thought?

Edited November 14, 2011 by ShannonMI

[D-Lish]

Shannon, I can assure you that your reaction to seeing your ex is a normal one.

 

My exH cheated on me and got another woman pregnant- we split because of it around 10 years ago. I ran into him and his new wife (the mistress), with their child in a mall. She was also expecting another one any day. This was more than 3 years after our split. I ran smack into them and had no choice but to engage in polite conversation. I even congratulated her on her pregnancy. She too was my opposite, and even older than I am! I was gracious, then bawled my eyes out all the way home. The next few days were difficult as well.

 

I think if I ran into him now, 10 years later, I'd still be affected.

 

The good thing about a meeting like this is that it doesn't take long to return to your former state. You process it, you deal with it, then you snap back.

 

I know things are fresher for you than they are for me (I'm 10 years out)... I can guarantee that you do get to that point where you look back and wonder what it was you saw in the person that once had such a profound impact on your life.

 

It's natural to react the way you did, to feel the way you did. I'm sorry you had to experience that.

[ShannonMI]

Shannon, I can assure you that your reaction to seeing your ex is a normal one.

 

My exH cheated on me and got another woman pregnant- we split because of it around 10 years ago. I ran into him and his new wife (the mistress), with their child in a mall. She was also expecting another one any day. This was more than 3 years after our split. I ran smack into them and had no choice but to engage in polite conversation. I even congratulated her on her pregnancy. She too was my opposite, and even older than I am! I was gracious, then bawled my eyes out all the way home. The next few days were difficult as well.

 

I think if I ran into him now, 10 years later, I'd still be affected.

 

The good thing about a meeting like this is that it doesn't take long to return to your former state. You process it, you deal with it, then you snap back.

 

I know things are fresher for you than they are for me (I'm 10 years out)... I can guarantee that you do get to that point where you look back and wonder what it was you saw in the person that once had such a profound impact on your life.

 

It's natural to react the way you did, to feel the way you did. I'm sorry you had to experience that.

Hey D-Lish thanks for the reply. Yeah I'm OK today. It was on Friday that this happened and I haven't cried at all since then. I could never engage in any sort of conversation with my ex and his new girl. No way. You are brave and mature for doing that with yours. I loath my ex. Seeing him made me high tail it so fast out of the bar. Like it was on fire. Chit chatting would have never happened. If I had had to stay I would have pretended he was a stranger. It was best for my sanity that I leave. I'm really glad he didn't see me. I think he would know better then to try to speak to me because he knows I want nothing to do with him, but still just being in the same room with him would have been like pulling teeth. I would have been incredibly uncomfortable. No need for that. And I'm also pretty satisfied he looked like complete sh*t. Hahahahahahaha it's better then running into your ex and he having him look hot, right?

 

Hopefully someday down the road, my ex will feel like HE has to leave when we show up at the same place. I'd love to make him feel some discomfort for once.

[D-Lish]

Hey D-Lish thanks for the reply. Yeah I'm OK today. It was on Friday that this happened and I haven't cried at all since then. I could never engage in any sort of conversation with my ex and his new girl. No way. You are brave and mature for doing that with yours. I loath my ex. Seeing him made me high tail it so fast out of the bar. Like it was on fire. Chit chatting would have never happened. If I had had to stay I would have pretended he was a stranger. It was best for my sanity that I leave. I'm really glad he didn't see me. I think he would know better then to try to speak to me because he knows I want nothing to do with him, but still just being in the same room with him would have been like pulling teeth. I would have been incredibly uncomfortable. No need for that. And I'm also pretty satisfied he looked like complete sh*t. Hahahahahahaha it's better then running into your ex and he having him look hot, right?

 

Hopefully someday down the road, my ex will feel like HE has to leave when we show up at the same place. I'd love to make him feel some discomfort for once.

 

Who knows if he's even happy!

The fact that he's let himself go says something.

 

My ex looked really good when I saw him- I took more solace in the fact that his new wife looked like a brown paper bag. She looked like an old woman compared to him. I also noticed on his facebook that he has no pictures of HER, only himself and his kids. I've always wondered what that was all about.

 

Seeing ex's in person really have a way of bringing old pain back to the surface.

[Beachgirl8]

So sorry this happened to you. I have a similar story, 8 years together, he cheated on me with a younger girl. I left and moved out of state.

 

His ghost ass FLEW to see me multiple times the first year and showed up randomly. I never gave him my address but he would show up at my job and haunt the general area where I live.

 

I've posted about how LONG it seemed to take me to get over this guy- I hope it takes you less time. I'm 100% over it now I think, but I feel your pain and I hope you don't have to run into him again. Unless it's with your car (JOKE)

[ShannonMI]

So sorry this happened to you. I have a similar story, 8 years together, he cheated on me with a younger girl. I left and moved out of state.

 

His ghost ass FLEW to see me multiple times the first year and showed up randomly. I never gave him my address but he would show up at my job and haunt the general area where I live.

 

I've posted about how LONG it seemed to take me to get over this guy- I hope it takes you less time. I'm 100% over it now I think, but I feel your pain and I hope you don't have to run into him again. Unless it's with your car (JOKE)

Wow I would be pissed if my ex haunted my life to the extent your did. Running into him accidentally was bad enough. I think he knows better then to f*ck with me now. He did try to "haunt" me a bit. He's tried contacting me numerous times over the year and a half we've been broken up. I shut him down immediately. I even changed my number because of his stupid f*cking text messages. The last contact he tried having was through his mother a few months ago. Supposedly he had found some of my things at his house and wanted to drop them off to me. I told his mother there would be no dropping off anything to me. He was to stay away from me. I told her he was a piece of sh*t and I wanted nothing to do with him EVER. She got the message loud and clear and I'd imagine she passed the message on to him. She ended up dropping the things off to me herself.

 

Our exes are some nervy f*cks aren't they? And believe me I've fantasized about running my ex down with my car. Or watching him get plowed into by a bus or a Mack truck. I know I'm sick, but it helps:p

[ShannonMI]

Who knows if he's even happy!

The fact that he's let himself go says something.

 

My ex looked really good when I saw him- I took more solace in the fact that his new wife looked like a brown paper bag. She looked like an old woman compared to him. I also noticed on his facebook that he has no pictures of HER, only himself and his kids. I've always wondered what that was all about.

 

Seeing ex's in person really have a way of bringing old pain back to the surface.

He may have let himself go, but he's still with the tramp and apparently happy enough to stay with her. While I'm single and struggling. It's really not fair how that works. I should be the happy one with a wonderful man and he should be a miserable, lonely mess.

 

I know you can relate to this D-Lish because you are still looking for love while your ex is married with kids. It must make you feel good that the wife looks like a sea hag though:laugh: He probably cheats on her. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

[broken-and-lost]

Hey Shannon

 

I have to admit every time i run into my ex and unfortunately it's more then i'd like it cut like a knife feel like being sick and wrecks me for days. Your reaction i would say is normal.

 

I hate her having such power over me i have to admit i was hoping after a year i'd not care or i'd have no reaction but it does drag me down unlike your ex she is looking good and seems happy which also cuts a little no i have no ill feelings towards her.

 

Hope your feeling ok now

[ShannonMI]

Hey Shannon

 

I have to admit every time i run into my ex and unfortunately it's more then i'd like it cut like a knife feel like being sick and wrecks me for days. Your reaction i would say is normal.

 

I hate her having such power over me i have to admit i was hoping after a year i'd not care or i'd have no reaction but it does drag me down unlike your ex she is looking good and seems happy which also cuts a little no i have no ill feelings towards her.

 

Hope your feeling ok now

I am doing OK. Thanks for the kind words. The point of indifference has not come yet for us, but it will eventually.

[D-Lish]

He may have let himself go, but he's still with the tramp and apparently happy enough to stay with her. While I'm single and struggling. It's really not fair how that works. I should be the happy one with a wonderful man and he should be a miserable, lonely mess.

 

I know you can relate to this D-Lish because you are still looking for love while your ex is married with kids. It must make you feel good that the wife looks like a sea hag though:laugh: He probably cheats on her. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

 

Life is rarely fair. I know some pretty horrible people that have achieved success in love and life despite being awful, insensitive, immoral people. It screws with your mind seeing people like this seemingly happy and content.

 

Happiness with a wonderful man is in your future. It's better to be alone doing your own thing than to settle for a loser.