confused kitty Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 This is more of a vent for me than anything else Its been 7 weeks since BU and Im feeling worse instead of better, I really thaught at this stage I should be over the worst of it but its actually getting harder. The last few days have been horrible, I always had hope of us getting back together (as he said this is what he wanted,but needid space) this kept me feeling positive but lately that feeling has been going - I feel the longer we're apart the further apart we're drifting from eachother. We're LC as he said he wanted to stay friends and hang out etc (we havent seen eachother since BU) we have texted abit and afew calls - he says all his feelings for me are still there and he still loves me, says right now he cant give me or our relationship what it/I deserve... Its been 5 days since Ive heard from him, Im trying not to initiate contact but rather leave it up to him - Ive a horrible feeling hes pulling back more and more as time goes on, instaed of the opposite which is what he promised, he said the time apart would make him want me more.. I miss him terribly I havent seen him in 7weeks and the pain is honestly getting worse instead of better, I still feel so empty and that rawness of having your heart ripped out of your chest is still amazingly fresh - its the most soul destroying feeling in the world Link to post Share on other sites
sunflower11 Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 Hi confused I'm sorry but I am a little confused ..last I heard, he had textd you after 3 days of NC and you were going on a date with him to work things out? Sort of like a second chance? Sorry if I missed it somewhere but what happened to that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused kitty Posted November 14, 2011 Author Share Posted November 14, 2011 Hi Sunflower, yes we were supposed to meet up last Thursday (his idea) he text me Wed morning we spent an hour exchanging texts light convo/ messing about with eachother it felt great, just like old times, so then I ask him is he still on for tomorrow? And he didnt text me back - that was the last I heard from him, 5days ago!!! I dont know if us texting again like that, the way we used to when we were together freaked him out or what, I just dont know whats going on in his head anymore and I used to be able to read him like a book which he said nobody was ever able to do, thats just the connection we had with eachother.... Link to post Share on other sites
sunflower11 Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 It sounds very similar to what I went through. He grew distant, would text me less, said he couldnt be a good boyfriend to me because he was depressed. It was 2-3 weeks of me being in a "limbo" state. I of course, did not want to break up with him but he kept dragging me along and telling me he loved me and didnt want to break up..but he needed space and time and I depended on him too much etc. Eventually he "broke up with me" with a text and that was it. After almost 2 months since the break up and still not having heard the words.."its over" I really wish I had let go sooner. Like you said, you have spent 7 weeks like this. How many more do you want to be waiting for him to make a decision? If you love someone, dont you want them to KNOW they want to be with you, instead of THINK about if they want to be with you? Its just for your sake cause I am going through something similar. I have accepted its over and hes not coming back and honestly, I feel better than i have the past two months..because all that wishing, waiting, hoping, thinking, praying limbo drove me crazy and my anxiety got so bad. It wasn't healthy for me! I am NC now and I am doing this for me, because I want to get better. Just today, I realized that i am MUCH happier without him in my life..than waiting for him to come around because you are not really living...you are bringing your life to a standstill while he makes a decision. I think quite honestly you should move on, but you have to realize this yourself..I had friends tell me this for over a month and it took me time to accept it Here's something that has helped me a lot, from the No Contact book from baggage reclaim: "If they want to be out of the relationship, why don’t you want to be out of the relationship? What are they seeing that you’re not seeing? What are you seeing that they’re not seeing? If they don’t want you, why do you want them? If they don’t want a relationship with you, why do you want one with them? You are throwing your love at people that don’t want it. Loving someone doesn’t give you an IOU. You’re so trapped in your feelings that you’ve projected those on him. You have to realise that what you think, want, and need is not the same as what he thinks, wants, and needs. You’ve been suspended in time and space, wondering if he’ll call, when he’ll call, what you’ll do if he does call, whether you’ll be able to resist him, what you’ll say, and willing, wishing, waiting, and hoping your life away. You’ve been totally focused on him, which is really an avoidance of not only feeling the pain, but also working on your own issues so that you don’t find yourself in this cycle again." Even my doctor told me, If it's meant to be, he will come around, if not, won't you be glad you didn't spend all that time waiting? Link to post Share on other sites
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