CopingGal Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 I left my ex in July. He never had time for me but many times seemed to have a legitimate excuse. After I left him, he showed no remorse and started dating someone within 7 days. Then she dumped him and he said he realized how wrong he was. He was very remorseful and apologized many times. Then he asks me to be his friend. I accepted and then he got back with her and wanted to keep me as his friend, even though I found it very painful to be his friend while he was dating her, so I said, "No." Well then, he calls me and tells me that he cheated on me with this thing. When his job schedule got better, one of the reasons why I couldn't reach him, is because he was on the phone with her. He did not have money to see me because he came to MY town, to date her, then he told me he had no money to see me...this is while he was supposedly committed to me. He said he did not break up with me because he wanted to keep me around in case she and he did not work out. That was the final blow. This asswipe has hurt me so much....so many tears....so many tears. He was cheating on me while we were going to couple's counseling. He was cheating on me when he confessed to me about thinking about his first finance. He said I deserved to have a boyfriend who is honest so he told me he was thinking about her, while all the while he was cheating with a completely different woman. Sometimes I feel like I'm going out of my mind when I think about all the twisted, ridiculous things he did to me. I called him so many horrible names and hung up on him. He wants to be friends. I want nothing to do with him ever again. Link to post Share on other sites
Dblock10 Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 hey CG, so sorry to hear this, must feel like poo to have someone do this. but please try and look at the good thing, and that is that you know 100% he is an ass wipe as you said, therefore you really can know its done and that he isn't worth another single thought from you.. he has screwed you over and you are obviously a nice person, please look after yourself Link to post Share on other sites
Author CopingGal Posted November 16, 2011 Author Share Posted November 16, 2011 Yes. I really can't believe he did this to me. I was the one who was lonely waiting for his schedule to get better so that he could finally make time for me. I put up with his schedule for almost 3 years and then when he greats a great schedule, he cheats on me? It hurts so badly that he would do this to me. He says he treated me terribly but he does not know why he treated me terribly. I can't believe he wants to be friends. I hate him. I am sorry I ever met him. Link to post Share on other sites
MizHoney2U Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 There is a posting titles... what red flags did you ignore... It helped me to heal and to stop blaming him... Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author CopingGal Posted November 18, 2011 Author Share Posted November 18, 2011 Thanks, I will check it out. Yes, there were a lot of red flags. But also, I did question lots of things. He always had an explanation. He always had a reason. As a partner, you want to believe that your bf or gf is telling the truth. You want to trust them. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 Wow he apologizes and asks you to be friends, while he continues seeing the woman he was cheating with?! What an as*hole! Link to post Share on other sites
Berlington Bob Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 Yeah, like an above poster said, this guy is clearly an asshat. That makes it much easier to move on... Not that it will be easy but its a lot tougher when its just one time cheating... makes one want to give another chance. Also, go get tested for STD's. It's something a lot of people don't think about when they get cheated on but you have to just to be sure. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 I fully support future lorena bobbit's in this case Link to post Share on other sites
Author CopingGal Posted November 23, 2011 Author Share Posted November 23, 2011 (edited) So my ex sends me a letter of apology by first started out with talking about the woman he cheated on me with and mentions her in a lot of the letter. I did not read it. My roommate read it and said it would hurt me. I sent a text telling my ex puppeteer that he is toxic for me, that I wish I never met him, and that his phone calls will not be answered any more and his texts will not be read. I already blocked him on facebook and got a new email address. And get this, he said the problem was I did not trust him from the vary beginning, when I met him online and did not know him. I told him, why would I instantly trust some stranger I met online? Trust takes time and then he did other things so I could not trust him. He said "she trusted me from the very beginning." I told him I didn't give a *^&% what she does. I should have also said, if she's stupid enough to trust a complete stranger that she met online, that's her problem. Edited November 23, 2011 by CopingGal Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 Stop talking to him, your fueling his fire and yours. It honestly doesn't matter what he says anymore or what you say to him. The relationship is over. The longer you dwell and keep focus on him, the longer its going to take you to let go. Start focusing on yourself. The only trust you need to establish in any relationship, is trust in yourself. If you trust yourself to be able to do the right thing and always listen to what your gut is telling you, trusting other people is irreverent. Think about it, you trusted him, he cheated on you. If you trust yourself and you think that he cheated on you, he probably did. It does not matter what he says or the reasons why he cheated. I got that excuse too, my ex cheated on me because she said we were having problems. Its a lame cowardice excuse and it means nothing in the grand scheme of things. Here's the thing, I knew she cheated on me but I could not trust myself to let it go or do the right thing for me and walk away. Try to let go of this and focus on your happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 Lol the problem was you didn't trust him?! Who would when he was cheating on you? You had a valid reason NOT to trust him. Link to post Share on other sites
reimeivn Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 it is always the worst when you just found that out while your heart is still with the guy. i hope the day get easier for you. just know that it ended anyways, and you should not think for another minute about what happened anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CopingGal Posted December 2, 2011 Author Share Posted December 2, 2011 Stop talking to him, your fueling his fire and yours. It honestly doesn't matter what he says anymore or what you say to him. The relationship is over. The longer you dwell and keep focus on him, the longer its going to take you to let go. Start focusing on yourself. Thank you everyone for all of your advice. Wilsonx, I stopped talking to him completely. Before I did, my housemate and I sent a text message telling him not to come to the house any more. We also said that any snailmail cards and letters my ex sends to the house will be thrown away immediately and not shown to me. Also, that I will no longer get any of his voicemails and text messages. The phone belongs to my housemate. It's also his apt. and he has the key to the mailbox. He told me that I will never have to deal with my ex again. My housemate is 6 ft 1 and over 300 pounds. My ex is short and skinny. He has already angered my housemate before. I think he's afraid of my housemate. My housemate is VERY protective of me. My housemate signed his name to the text. That was the last I heard of my ex. I have completely cut him off in every single way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CopingGal Posted December 16, 2011 Author Share Posted December 16, 2011 So I told my ex that he was toxic for me and I told him to leave me alone. He ignored my request and called me to wish me happy holidays. After that he kept contacting me. I found out he was cheating on me in November, and in December he sends me a text telling me about his upcoming wedding- a wedding with the same woman he cheated on me with. The text was very insensitive and very upsetting. We tried to get the number changed, but we could not because the phone was in my roommate's brother name and he said it was a hassle to change it. We put my ex on call reject, but the calls went to voice mail. We couldn't do call block or text message block because that would cost my roommate's brother extra. So I had a talk with the police. It had gotten that bad. He treated me like crap this summer, ignored me and cheated on me. He got the dysfunctional woman he wanted and then he has the nerve to hound me, call me, text me, to throw this woman in my face. The policeman said he could call him and give him a warning. If he doesn't comply, evidence would be sent to the state attorney. I called him to tell him this. I left a message telling him if he didn't stop harassing me that I would report him to the police. I gave him one chance to call if he had any questions, but told him he would have to speak to my roommate not me. I told him my roommate would explain to him about us reporting him to the police. Tomorrow will make 2 weeks since he last texted me. I'm so glad that he has stopped contacting me. The phone calls, texts, and messages all have one of two themes- either he asks me to be his friend, or throws his woman in my face. The harassment has been so hurtful that I really will report him to the police if he keeps it up. From what I can tell, he has already started lying to her even though they have been seeing each other for less than 6 months. I feel very sorry for this woman, but hey, better her than me. Link to post Share on other sites
motive2002 Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 I want nothing to do with him ever again. I'm glad you typed that. When you are at your worst, and thoughts of him start rolling around.. i want you to remember you typed that. This is your mantra. The stress and anxiety will undoubtedly roll in. It's what makes you human. It's what makes you have a heart and have feelings. It's what makes you feel empathy for others. Feel empathy for yourself. Take a deep breath during these times of stress, close your eyes and repeat your mantra. My Dad used to say to me.. "Sometimes you meet people in life that are just gold-plated ***holes!" I think what he was trying to tell me, is that no matter how well you mean, or what you say, or what steps you take, these gold-plated characters are just gonna be that way and they aren't ever going to change. Don't forget your mantra. Have empathy for yourself.. and you want nothing to do with him ever again. <3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CopingGal Posted December 20, 2011 Author Share Posted December 20, 2011 Thanks. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CopingGal Posted December 28, 2011 Author Share Posted December 28, 2011 Yes. Thanks. I'm staying strong. I've been NC steady for over three weeks. I play to keep NC going and going and going! Link to post Share on other sites
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