– girl has been giving me mixed signals

[AH1990]

I will follow your advice. However, I am still unsure about what happened on Thursday (I don't know for sure if it was a 1-on-1 dinner and if she stayed over at his place and on his bed vs. couch - ultimately if they had sex). Does it matter at this point though?

 

Not really. Seems kinda obvious to me what she is doing.

 

She's leaving for Asia next Saturday and won't be back for a month. There is a possibility that her ex is going to be in the same city since they are both from Malaysia and on winter break from school. This Saturday (after asking if she wants to go out with my friends, but she said she was busy with a school project <-- not sure if this is an excuse to see her ex), I asked her if I will see her today (Sunday) and she said hopefully. I was like "okay whatever" in my mind, but she said that she will see me soon before she leaves. What also confuses me is that multiple times last week, she kept mentioning about doing stuff together once she's back from Asia.

 

Would that time I meet up with her be the best time to bring this topic up? What do you think?

 

She's mentioning stuff like that because she wants to keep you around. I went through the same thing with the girl I was dealing with. Constantly telling me what we should do next time, always telling me we should go here or there.

 

Here's the way I see it: She is keeping you around while she makes up her mind between you and her ex. Hence her making future plans with you. The best time to bring this up is the next time you see her (should be initiated by her).

 

You know what you want from this girl, and you're not getting it. So why are you sticking around?

[so_cal_dude]

Thinking back to your previous advice - I will just back off for now. The problem with talking to her about it shows how attached I am. We aren't exclusive, and the idea of me bringing it up will show her that I am making her my life and not just a part of it. That is the only problem I find. If we were exclusive, it would be perfectly fine. However, currently, she has every right to see any other guy and I have every right to see any other girl. I do like her a lot, but I can control my emotions much better now.

 

I would guess that it would appropriate to talk to her before she leaves. If she reacts in a way that I don't like, I'll pull back with the communication while she is in Asia. However, I won't mention that I found out it is her ex's bday on Thursday.

 

 

How about this:

 

(Her name), before you leave there’s something that I wanted to tell you.

 

I really like you, but what’s been happening in this past week hasn't been really working out for me. I understand that you're going through a very hard time, but I don’t want to be involved with someone if there is some other person taking away the time I look forward to with you. I appreciate our time together. I just want to let you know that I have a boundary that I’m not willing to cross because I understand and respect myself, my needs and desires.

 

I’ll leave the ball in your court. Until then, good luck with everything. I’ll see you around.

 

 

Also - do you think it would be okay to mail her a letter instead with what I just said in case we don't meet each other this week?

 

 

p.s. having sex with her a day before her ex's bday..quite idk..?

Edited December 12, 2011 by so_cal_dude

[AH1990]

Thinking back to your previous advice - I will just back off for now. The problem with talking to her about it shows how attached I am. We aren't exclusive, and the idea of me bringing it up will show her that I am making her my life and not just a part of it. That is the only problem I find. If we were exclusive, it would be perfectly fine. However, currently, she has every right to see any other guy and I have every right to see any other girl. I do like her a lot, but I can control my emotions much better now.

 

Sounds good to me. Just remember you shouldn't be making this girl your life. Make her part of your life. That is one thing that people screw up a lot. Don't invest too much in someone that isn't willing to mirror your actions.

 

How about this:

 

(Her name), before you leave there’s something that I wanted to tell you.

 

I really like you, but what’s been happening in this past week hasn't been really working out for me. I understand that you're going through a very hard time, but I don’t want to be involved with someone if there is some other person taking away the time I look forward to with you. I appreciate our time together. I just want to let you know that I have a boundary that I’m not willing to cross because I understand and respect myself, my needs and desires.

 

I’ll leave the ball in your court. Until then, good luck with everything. I’ll see you around.

 

Edit: Just seen what you wrote. Looks even better than the last one. As for the letter, might be a little bit too forward I guess. I'd rather say it straight to her face, that way you can judge her reaction and emotions. Best bet is to first try and say it in person, or over the phone. Texting/Mailing a letter is very one sided. Doesn't show emotions, and the slightest change of a word or a simple happy face can have a very weird effect.

 

Example: The girl I was talking to thought I was mad at her because I didn't put a happy face in the text's we were sending. We were just having a simple conversation and she interpreted my text as an angry one, when in fact I meant nothing ill of it.

 

p.s. having sex with her a day before her ex's bday..quite interesting, no?

 

Yes and no. Could be she was in a state of weakness. Who knows. This girl is a constant roller coaster of emotions.

Edited December 12, 2011 by AH1990

[so_cal_dude]

Sounds good to me. Just remember you shouldn't be making this girl your life. Make her part of your life. That is one thing that people screw up a lot. Don't invest too much in someone that isn't willing to mirror your actions.

 

 

 

Edit: Just seen what you wrote. Looks even better than the last one. As for the letter, might be a little bit too forward I guess. I'd rather say it straight to her face, that way you can judge her reaction and emotions. Best bet is to first try and say it in person, or over the phone. Texting/Mailing a letter is very one sided. Doesn't show emotions, and the slightest change of a word or a simple happy face can have a very weird effect.

 

Example: The girl I was talking to thought I was mad at her because I didn't put a happy face in the text's we were sending. We were just having a simple conversation and she interpreted my text as an angry one, when in fact I meant nothing ill of it.

 

 

 

Yes and no. Could be she was in a state of weakness. Who knows. This girl is a constant roller coaster of emotions.

 

Sounds good. Thanks for the advice. I don't think you saw the edit in the post you've quoted from me, but I've decided to say this instead. Let me know what you think:

 

 

(Her name), before you leave there’s something that I wanted to tell you.

 

I really like you, but what’s been happening in this past week hasn't been really working out for me. I understand that you're going through a very hard time, but I don’t want to be involved with someone if there is some other person taking away the time I look forward to with you. I appreciate our time together. I just want to let you know that I have a boundary that I’m not willing to cross because I understand and respect myself, my needs and desires.

 

I’ll leave the ball in your court. Until then, good luck with everything. I’ll see you after you come back from Asia.

 

 

Also - do you think it would be okay to mail her a letter instead with what I just said in case we don't meet each other this week?

[AH1990]

Sounds good. Thanks for the advice. I don't think you saw the edit in the post you've quoted from me, but I've decided to say this instead. Let me know what you think:

 

 

(Her name), before you leave there’s something that I wanted to tell you.

 

I really like you, but what’s been happening in this past week hasn't been really working out for me. I understand that you're going through a very hard time, but I don’t want to be involved with someone if there is some other person taking away the time I look forward to with you. I appreciate our time together. I just want to let you know that I have a boundary that I’m not willing to cross because I understand and respect myself, my needs and desires.

 

I’ll leave the ball in your court. Until then, good luck with everything. I’ll see you after you come back from Asia.

 

 

Also - do you think it would be okay to mail her a letter instead with what I just said in case we don't meet each other this week?

 

 

Yeah I seen your updated post. Personally I'd leave this bit out "I’ll see you after you come back from Asia." Your implying that you still want to see her. Which is EXACTLY the way she will take it.

 

As for the letter, like I said, it's very one sided. If you don't see her before she leaves, call her. If you can't get a hold of her, leave her a message. If she doesn't have voicemail (not sure who doesn't these days), then send her a text. Texting her that message should be a last resort.

[so_cal_dude]

Yeah I seen your updated post. Personally I'd leave this bit out "I’ll see you after you come back from Asia." Your implying that you still want to see her. Which is EXACTLY the way she will take it.

 

As for the letter, like I said, it's very one sided. If you don't see her before she leaves, call her. If you can't get a hold of her, leave her a message. If she doesn't have voicemail (not sure who doesn't these days), then send her a text. Texting her that message should be a last resort.

 

Understood about the letter part. Thanks

 

While I respect myself and my decisions, I felt as if the earlier message sounded a bit selfish.

 

Here's my revised version:

 

(Her name),

 

Before you leave, there's something that I wanted to tell you because it’s been bothering me. Lately I feel as if I have been getting some very mixed signals from you. I don’t want to make assumptions and be left in the dark, but I wanted to ask if you and your ex have been seeing each other. I understand that you're going through a very hard time, but I want to let you know that I really like you and I appreciate the time we spend together.

 

I just hope that you could be as truthful with me since it’s making me uncomfortable knowing that your ex's intentions is to get back together.

 

I’ll leave the ball in your court. Until then, good luck with everything. I'll see you around.

Edited December 12, 2011 by so_cal_dude

[AH1990]

but I wanted to ask if you and your ex have been seeing each other.

 

 

That one part sounds like your interrogating her. What if she says 'no'? Will you believe her? She could say 'no' and bam, your right back where you started. Do you really think that she is going to say 'ohh yeah me and him are seeing each other'? She isn't going to be straight forward with you, or give you a straight answer. She's going to beat around the bush about it. Guaranteed. You will not get a simple answer.

 

This girl obviously likes you, but she doesn't know what she wants.

 

Imagine a fat kit standing at a crossroads between an ice cream stand and a cotton candy stand. He wants both. He's been eating ice cream for the past 2 years. So it tastes good, but he wants something new (ie cotton candy). So he goes to the cotton candy. $hit tastes amazing! But now, he wants to get some ice cream. Well, soon he finds out that the cotton candy stand is closing down. So he freaks out and asks them to stay open, tells them how good it is. He steps back, and is trying to make up his mind which one he wants the most.

 

In that situation you are the cotton candy, her ex is the ice cream and she is the hungry fat kid. I know, it's an odd comparison. But a comparison none the less.

[Eddie Edirol]

Ugh, this woman knows what she wants, and it aint you, its her ex. But THAT guy doesnt want her. She is probably being led around by her ex boyfriend, she is on the rebound, and is using you as a safety net, but doesnt like to. Thats why she is so wishy washy. When he calls, she goes running, and blows you off. Then he ignores her, and she looks for you. She slept with you to see if she could forget about him, but it didnt work. So dont send her the email, cut her off, she will never have any feelings for you or take you seriously as long as she isnt over her ex. And that wont be for a while, because he is using her for sex. So leave her be, this one is a done deal. Theres nothing you can do, youre out of the running. At least for a few years.

Edited December 12, 2011 by Eddie Edirol

[so_cal_dude]

That one part sounds like your interrogating her. What if she says 'no'? Will you believe her? She could say 'no' and bam, your right back where you started. Do you really think that she is going to say 'ohh yeah me and him are seeing each other'? She isn't going to be straight forward with you, or give you a straight answer. She's going to beat around the bush about it. Guaranteed. You will not get a simple answer.

 

This girl obviously likes you, but she doesn't know what she wants.

 

Imagine a fat kit standing at a crossroads between an ice cream stand and a cotton candy stand. He wants both. He's been eating ice cream for the past 2 years. So it tastes good, but he wants something new (ie cotton candy). So he goes to the cotton candy. $hit tastes amazing! But now, he wants to get some ice cream. Well, soon he finds out that the cotton candy stand is closing down. So he freaks out and asks them to stay open, tells them how good it is. He steps back, and is trying to make up his mind which one he wants the most.

 

In that situation you are the cotton candy, her ex is the ice cream and she is the hungry fat kid. I know, it's an odd comparison. But a comparison none the less.

 

That's a great analogy. So here's my final revision (hopefully I can tell her this in person):

 

 

Her name,

 

Before you leave, there's something that I wanted to tell you because it’s been bothering me. Lately I feel as if I have been getting some very mixed signals from you. I don’t want to make assumptions, but I realize that you’re not completely broken up with your ex boyfriend.

 

I understand that you're going through a very hard time, and as much as I’d like to be fine with this, I believe that a relationship is built over committed trust, which we are both not prepared for. I hope you can understand my position of sincerity. I like you and I appreciate the time we spend together.

 

Until the air is clear, good luck with everything. I'll see you around.

[AH1990]

That's a great analogy. So here's my final revision (hopefully I can tell her this in person):

 

 

Her name,

 

Before you leave, there's something that I wanted to tell you because it’s been bothering me. Lately I feel as if I have been getting some very mixed signals from you. I don’t want to make assumptions, but I realize that you’re not completely broken up with your ex boyfriend.

 

I understand that you're going through a very hard time, and as much as I’d like to be fine with this, I can't. I hope that you can understand where I am coming from with this.

 

Why don't you give me a call when you have everything figured out and we can go from there. So good luck with everything. I'll see you around.

 

Read what I quoted. I just changed it up a little bit. That is what I would say.

 

Hopefully she is mature enough to understand where you are coming from. If she doesn't understand why you are doing this, well, you dodged a bullet. She would be selfish if she didn't understand.

 

Mind you the girl that I said that to didn't understand why I was doing it. But she was 18. But hey, how mature is an 18yr old girl? She still doesn't understand why I did what I did. And she STILL wants to hang out and be friends. Like I said, if you want to date a girl, she either gets all of you or none of you. There is no in between.

[so_cal_dude]

Read what I quoted. I just changed it up a little bit. That is what I would say.

 

Hopefully she is mature enough to understand where you are coming from. If she doesn't understand why you are doing this, well, you dodged a bullet. She would be selfish if she didn't understand.

 

Mind you the girl that I said that to didn't understand why I was doing it. But she was 18. But hey, how mature is an 18yr old girl? She still doesn't understand why I did what I did. And she STILL wants to hang out and be friends. Like I said, if you want to date a girl, she either gets all of you or none of you. There is no in between.

 

Everybody – I forgot to mention an important piece of my previous update:

 

Last Friday morning (December 9), a mutual friend (whom we will refer to as Jessica) who is a classmate of the girl I’m seeing (whom we will refer to as Evelynn), mentioned that finals are this week, and that a draft of a final project was due last Friday. It turns out that Evelynn did not go to that class (in SF) – I’m guessing because she stayed over at her ex’s in Berkeley on Friday after his birthday. Due to her failure to show up last Friday, Evelynn has pretty much secured a failing grade in that class. I also found out from Jessica that Evelynn did not turn in her midterm 4 weeks ago. I was shocked to hear all of this as I remember being at Evelynn’s apartment while she was working on it, and that she had spent all night working on it. Jessica said she did not turn it in because she was too embarrassed to present a half-finished project to class (doesn’t make any sense as it is better turning in something vs. nothing).

 

Hearing about her midterm failure, Jessica introduced Evelynn to a smart classmate in attempt to boost her grades and finish the draft of the final project by Friday midnight so she could at least pass the class. I texted Evelynn on Friday afternoon and told her, “I heard you didn’t go to class today and wanted to make sure everything was okay.” (looking back, I should have only sent the first part of the text). Evelynn replied at 6pm saying she’s working with her project partner (the one that Jessica introduced to her) at the moment. At 10pm, Evelynn says she didn’t go to class today. She went after so she didn’t have to see her teacher (who was obviously mad at her). I replied by saying to her to study hard at 11:30pm and she sends 6 short texts at Saturday 1am saying that, “she just got into bed.” “so sleepy”. “Got home like 5 mins ago can’t take it, going to sleep!!” “Ttysoon”. “Nightnight.” “So tired!” I called her since I was actually in her area, but her phone was on silent and then died shortly after. This was true as we use Whatsapp and I could tell what she last saw her messages and that the calls went straight to vocemail.

 

She texts me at 6pm on Saturday (December 10), saying “So sorry abt yday”. “My phone was on silent while I was sleeping and then it went out of batt.” “I’m still with my friend at the moment I’m going to hers later.” She had said it was something dealing with school, but I don’t believe it. I called her shortly after – she sounded happy on the phone and she told me again that she was going to Asia this Saturday and said again that she was working on something with her friend. She said she’ll see me soon before she leaves.

 

Rewind a bit – as I was on the phone earlier with Jessica on Friday morning, Jessica told me about more instances about how Evelynn had disappointed her. Jessica mentioned to me that the girl I’m seeing prefers to take the taxi to go to school even though she lives a walking distance of 5 minutes away. Also, she sometimes doesn’t go to class because she isn’t dressed up and ready. I realized after talking Jessica that this girl seems to break under pressure and likes to run away from her problems as she comes from an affluent family. She mentioned back in mid November when I was over at her place (when she said her ex and them started talking again during Halloween) that she didn’t know what she wanted and she said it not only applied to relationships. Now I am starting to understand what she meant by this.

 

On Sunday night (December 11), Jessica calls me and says that the partner she introduced to said that he did not see Evelynn at all this weekend and that he was waiting for her all weekend to work on the final project. I was infuriated to hear this and asking to myself, WTF is she doing?!

 

I then realized that she had lied to her ex earlier last Monday (regarding staying over at my place) and now she is lying to me about hanging with her ex (I’m not 100% sure yet, but I have a gut feeling). I’ve now come up with a result and I am going to back off completely, but before I do that I will tell her this:

 

Before you leave, there's something that I wanted to tell you because it’s been bothering me. Lately I feel as if I have been getting some very mixed signals from you. I don’t want to make assumptions, but I realize that you’re not completely broken up with your ex boyfriend.

 

I understand that you're going through a very hard time, and as much as I’d like to be fine with this, I can't. I hope that you can understand where I am coming from with this.

 

Why don't you give me a call when you have everything figured out and we can go from there. So good luck with everything. I'll see you around.

 

I know her flight number and when she leaves to Asia. Should I try to catch her offguard and tell her in-person or just leave a voicemail?

[so_cal_dude]

Read what I quoted. I just changed it up a little bit. That is what I would say.

 

Hopefully she is mature enough to understand where you are coming from. If she doesn't understand why you are doing this, well, you dodged a bullet. She would be selfish if she didn't understand.

 

Mind you the girl that I said that to didn't understand why I was doing it. But she was 18. But hey, how mature is an 18yr old girl? She still doesn't understand why I did what I did. And she STILL wants to hang out and be friends. Like I said, if you want to date a girl, she either gets all of you or none of you. There is no in between.

 

I left her a voicemail at 7am this morning after she hasn't contacted me since Saturday evening.

 

All I said was, "(Name), If I ever meant anything to you, there's something I need to see you to tell you about before you leave to Asia. I'll see you soon."

 

She just sent a reply 5 minutes ago with a sad face. Ignore her? Wait until she calls? What should I do?

[AH1990]

I left her a voicemail at 7am this morning after she hasn't contacted me since Saturday evening.

 

All I said was, "(Name), If I ever meant anything to you, there's something I need to see you to tell you about before you leave to Asia. I'll see you soon."

 

She just sent a reply 5 minutes ago with a sad face. Ignore her? Wait until she calls? What should I do?

 

 

Ignore her and wait until she calls. You left a message which is good enough. If she really wants to hear what you have to say, she can call you back.

[so_cal_dude]

Ignore her and wait until she calls. You left a message which is good enough. If she really wants to hear what you have to say, she can call you back.

 

After her reply with a sad face as mentioned previously, she sent another sad face 2 hours later. At 6:15pm today, she sent another text saying:

 

"I'm sorry for how I've been acting. I feel horrible. You've always treated me so well and have been an amazing friend whereas I've been such an idiot =\ I know I can't just run away from things all the time but I'm not sure what to say to you. I obviously have reasons but they will never justify why I act like this and I'm really sorry :("

 

Wait a bit longer until she calls or just ignore her for now?

[AH1990]

After her reply with a sad face as mentioned previously, she sent another sad face 2 hours later. At 6:15pm today, she sent another text saying:

 

"I'm sorry for how I've been acting. I feel horrible. You've always treated me so well and have been an amazing friend whereas I've been such an idiot =\ I know I can't just run away from things all the time but I'm not sure what to say to you. I obviously have reasons but they will never justify why I act like this and I'm really sorry :("

 

Wait a bit longer until she calls or just ignore her for now?

 

 

Keep ignoring. The best part about this is, is that she kinda knows where your going with this. Unless she calls, don't give her the time of day. You've put in way to much into this girl, only to barely get anything in return.

 

Your on the right track. So STAY ON IT!!!

[so_cal_dude]

Keep ignoring. The best part about this is, is that she kinda knows where your going with this. Unless she calls, don't give her the time of day. You've put in way to much into this girl, only to barely get anything in return.

 

Your on the right track. So STAY ON IT!!!

 

Thanks for the constant support and advice. She texted me again at 3am today asking, "Did u need to tell me something?" I'm just surprised she hasn't called yet..

 

She should have a good time in Asia, but I don't want her to spite me for "ruining" her trip by not telling what I've intended to say so earlier.

 

What would you recommend?

[AH1990]

Thanks for the constant support and advice. She texted me again at 3am today asking, "Did u need to tell me something?" I'm just surprised she hasn't called yet..

 

Seems like a stupid question. You told her in your message that you had something to say to her. Again, if she really wanted to hear what you have to say to her, she can call you.

[so_cal_dude]

Seems like a stupid question. You told her in your message that you had something to say to her. Again, if she really wanted to hear what you have to say to her, she can call you.

 

Keep ignoring her until she calls is what you recommend?

[dispatch3d]

hummm neat so you just ignore her at times so that she chases. You know what you're doing better than me, good luck!

[Eddie Edirol]

Keep ignoring her until she calls is what you recommend?

 

She will never call you. She moved on from you but doesnt want to tell you that over the phone. So dont answer any texts, you have your answer already. BTW, theres nothing you can do to ruin her trip, she doesnt care about you anymore.

[AH1990]

Keep ignoring her until she calls is what you recommend?

 

Yup! Just do exactly that. Remember what I said: Do NOTHING!

 

You have a lot more ball$ then some guys in this world. Most would cave, text her, and just fall right back into the bull$hit that she is throwing you.

[so_cal_dude]

Yup! Just do exactly that. Remember what I said: Do NOTHING!

 

You have a lot more ball$ then some guys in this world. Most would cave, text her, and just fall right back into the bull$hit that she is throwing you.

 

Hey guys,

 

A final update:

 

On Tuesday (December 12), I left her a voicemail saying, “Evelynn, if I ever meant anything to you, there's something I need to see you to tell you before you go to Asia.” Evelynn texts an hour later on the same day with a sad face and then texts me again at 6pm saying, "I’m sorry for how I’ve been acting. I feel horrible. You've always treated me so well and have been an amazing friend whereas I’ve been such an idiot. I know I can’t just run away from things all the time but I’m not sure what to say to you. I obviously have reasons but they will never justify why I act like this and I’m really sorry.”

 

On Wednesday night (December 13), I meet up with her at her apartment. We chit-chat for 15 minutes, and end up having a conversation on her bed. I told her I was getting mixed signals from her and was wondering why she missed her final that was due on December 9 (the day after her ex’s birthday). I beat around the bush by not directly asking what she did on Thursday (December 8) by mentioning that I don’t have a right to ask her and I respect her privacy since we weren’t exclusive. However, she got really curious and said it was okay for me to ask and she wouldn’t be angry. Then she asked if it was about her dating other people. I replied yes. After, she asked me if it was about her ex and I replied yes. I then asked whose birthday it was on December 8 and she said it was her ex’s.

 

As a result, I asked why did she not tell me. She replied that I was acting really “boyfriend-ey” a few times before and she didn’t want to tell me because she knew it would hurt me. I asked her what do you mean “boyfriend-ey” and she referred to it as me leaving my clothes at her place sometimes or saying I’ll treat her better than her ex (I only said this once when she stayed over the weekend at my place the prior week). She says her ex wants to get back together, but she doesn’t want to get back with him, but at the same time, she doesn't know what she wants and that a relationship kind of scares her. This touches back to our talk 2 months ago when she said she did not want a relationship. She said she is not afraid of commitment but she doesn’t know what she wants right now. I told her I care about her as a person and I don’t have a right to her privacy or personal life, but I wanted to establish a sense of trust by having open communication. Her ex said she didn't want her talking to me or else he would cut communications with her completely if he saw me with her. She mentions that she only wants to be friends with him while his ex wants to get back together, but since she spent such a large part of her early years with him, I feel that she doesn’t want their past to be a waste (hence being friends).

 

Anyways, she agreed to our conversation and felt even worse after I told her this. We finished our conversation on a good note. One thing led to another and we slept with each other that night. I went over again last Thursday (December 15) and we had sex again, but things felt normal again. Last Friday, she was out partying and I was doing my own thing. I asked her around 10pm if she was free after, but she said she didn't know if she was free. Then at 11pm, she says this song came up and it made her think of me. Later on, I had sent a text around 1am asking where she was, but then she replies at 4:30am with like 20 texts freaking out. Her friend and her friend's ex were smoking weed at her place and he started twitching so they left her apartment. She was left alone and freaked out, which is why she sent me those messages. I called her for 20 minutes and we met up at 5:00am on Saturday and as you already know one thing led to another.

 

She was flying to Asia on the same day, so she ran out to do errands early morning to afternoon. I slept in at her place until 1pm. We got lunch together and she spent a few hours talking and packing. I told her that I was cool with her hanging with her ex, but asked her to promise me one thing and that was not to sleep with her ex. She agreed and promised. Anyways, while she was packing her stuff (from 6 to 9), she kept saying that she wanted to pack me into her suitcase so I could go to Asia with her. When we were at the airport, she kept saying she’ll miss me. While eating dinner at the airport at around 10:30pm, I told her that we should go somewhere far when she's back. She said that sounded “boyfriend-ey”, but to my surprise, she responded that she really wanted me to go with her to Asia. I joked and said that sounded “girlfriend-ey” and we had a good laugh. We finished dinner and headed to the security checkpoint at around 11:30pm. She said that she'll miss me again and gave me a big hug. As I left, she sent a text with a sad face and called me shortly after asking if I could run past the security guards and go to Asia with her. She said she won't be able to contact me for a few days since she doesn't have internet set up at her place, but right after she landed in Malaysia, she called me and we spoke for 30 minutes and it seemed like she really misses me.

 

I’m really embarrassed to say this, but when she was running errands on Saturday, I snooped her e-mails and found stuff back in May and August relating to their break-up. It seems like both of them didn’t take the break-up well and that she was apologizing to him for her mistake. Although I have no right to invade her privacy, I felt very uneasy and insecure and I had the best intentions in mind to do this. Unfortunately, she found out two days ago that I was snooping. She texted me saying that I wasn’t really good at being sneaky. Later, I saw her on Skype and this is how our conversation went on Wednesday (December 21) morning:

 

[12:29:33 AM] *** Call to Evelynn, duration 00:49. ***

[3:48:50 AM] jeffrey: Evelynn

[3:50:19 AM] jeffrey: are u theree

[3:54:18 AM] *** Call to Evelynn, no answer. ***

[4:06:55 AM] Evelynn: sup sneaky

[4:07:12 AM] Evelynn: im leaving again soon

[4:07:55 AM] Evelynn: 1 sec

[4:08:01 AM] *** Call to Evelynn, no answer. ***

[4:09:16 AM] Evelynn: i cant really talk on skype

[4:09:46 AM] Evelynn: there are ppl here so got to go outside la

[4:10:08 AM] jeffrey: First off, I want to say that I'm sorry for what I did

[4:10:39 AM] jeffrey: it was completely wrong of me

[4:11:10 AM] jeffrey: the big problem with what i did was that i violated your trust

[4:11:37 AM] jeffrey: and the first thing i need to do is to promise myself that i won't cross this boundary of trust again because it wouldn't be fair to you..

[4:12:11 AM] jeffrey: in my past when i associated myself with people that i cared about, there were specific things and bad personal experiences that made me feel insecure

[4:12:33 AM] jeffrey: and when patterns exist in our lives sometimes they are chance, sometimes they are the result of making the same choices repeatedly

[4:12:40 AM] jeffrey: i'm not asking for your forgiveness..

[4:13:00 AM] jeffrey: but i just want you to understand how uneasy i felt at that time =\

[4:13:12 AM] jeffrey: that's why i really wanted to speak with you over the phone

[4:13:36 AM] jeffrey: im sorry if i caused any misunderstandings..

[4:22:55 AM] Evelynn: hey sorry i had to go talk to my dad n some ppl

[4:23:04 AM] Evelynn: im going out with my mum now so I'll ttyl?

[4:23:18 AM] Evelynn: u should go to sleep

[4:23:37 AM] jeffrey: i feel like an *******

[4:23:39 AM] Evelynn: so I guess you know all about me now...

[4:23:40 AM] Evelynn: lol

[4:24:18 AM] jeffrey: please dont take this the wrong way

[4:24:37 AM] Evelynn: mmm

[4:25:46 AM] Evelynn: well i don't really get how it would reassure you or whatever

[4:26:03 AM] Evelynn: i mean i just don't know what to think. It's kinda scary

[4:26:07 AM] Evelynn: anyway i have to go now

[4:27:03 AM] jeffrey: i just wanted to let you know how uneasy i felt and want to let you know i never have the wrong intentions to you

[4:27:18 AM] jeffrey: i feel like a complete jerk and im totally at fault and i will be a man and owe up to my mistakes

[4:27:35 AM] jeffrey: sorry for keeping you around, you should go with your mom

[4:27:43 AM] Evelynn: its fine

[4:28:19 AM] jeffrey: i never meant to scare you

[4:28:23 AM] jeffrey: in this kind of way

[4:29:43 AM] Evelynn: dont get too worked up about it

[4:29:47 AM] Evelynn: just dont be so **** at sneaking around

[4:29:57 AM] Evelynn: x

[4:30:09 AM] jeffrey: you know that i care about you and i said to you before...that im one who tends to overanalyze

[4:30:35 AM] jeffrey: of course im going to get worked about it..

[4:30:38 AM] jeffrey: i hurt you

 

I know I ****ed up, but is there any way of salvaging what’s left? I think she still has feelings for me and I’m giving her some space right now, but she won’t be back for another month. I also know that her breaking the “promise” we made on Saturday is highly likely since her ex is in the same city as her currently. FYI – their travels are mutually exclusive – it’s mainly to see family.

 

I also had to mail something to her friend this week since Evelynn in Asia so she actually had sent another text asking, “Hey just wondering did u manage to send the package by any chance?” I replied “Yes, sent it.” And she replied “Thank u”.

 

Your thoughts or opinions guys??? Thanks a bunch…

[Feelsgoodman]

This woman is a typical drama queen/attention whore. Yes, she had sex with you...but only because she sensed she was losing you and felt it was a necessary measure to reel you back in.

 

You wasted what - six months on this woman? And all you got for your efforts was having sex twice. As someone who works at an investment bank, you should know that this is not a good ROI.

[so_cal_dude]

This woman is a typical drama queen/attention whore. Yes, she had sex with you...but only because she sensed she was losing you and felt it was a necessary measure to reel you back in.

 

You wasted what - six months on this woman? And all you got for your efforts was having sex twice. As someone who works at an investment bank, you should know that this is not a good ROI.

 

I'm sorry if I wasn't clear but I've known this girl since late August. We didn't really start dating until october. If you were to put the collective time we spent together, I would say half a month. We had sex about 15 times.

 

Hope that clears it out. What would you recommend doing now? I was just thinking of giving her space and start to meet other people. She won't be back until January 28.

Edited December 24, 2011 by so_cal_dude

[AH1990]

I'm sorry if I wasn't clear but I've known this girl since late August. We didn't really start dating until october. If you were to put the collective time we spent together, I would say half a month. We had sex about 15 times.

 

Hope that clears it out. What would you recommend doing now? I was just thinking of giving her space and start to meet other people. She won't be back until January 28.

 

 

Hate to be blunt: but you fell right back into the same bull$hit she has been feeding you. You started off good with talking to her, then from there on in, it just went downhill. FAST!!!

 

I told you not to talk to her after that and leave it as is! You kept on initiating conversation! You kept moving forward! You kept pushing at it! You kept asking her out! And most of all you kept having sex with her!

 

She has you wrapped around her finger now. Now this whole $hit storm has been taken off her and put on YOU because of what you did.

 

Here is what you should do:

1) Back off!

2) Don't text her!

3) Don't call her!

4) Don't facebook her!

5) Don't show up at her place

 

Like I said before: DO NOTHING!

Right now this attention whore is playing a game with you, and you are losing badly! You did have the upper hand. But she called your bluff and you folded!!!!!