– girl has been giving me mixed signals

[so_cal_dude]

Hate to be blunt: but you fell right back into the same bull$hit she has been feeding you. You started off good with talking to her, then from there on in, it just went downhill. FAST!!!

 

I told you not to talk to her after that and leave it as is! You kept on initiating conversation! You kept moving forward! You kept pushing at it! You kept asking her out! And most of all you kept having sex with her!

 

She has you wrapped around her finger now. Now this whole $hit storm has been taken off her and put on YOU because of what you did.

 

Here is what you should do:

1) Back off!

2) Don't text her!

3) Don't call her!

4) Don't facebook her!

5) Don't show up at her place

 

Like I said before: DO NOTHING!

Right now this attention whore is playing a game with you, and you are losing badly! You did have the upper hand. But she called your bluff and you folded!!!!!

 

I have promised myself that I will follow your advice FOR SURE THIS TIME. If I don't, then I will lose all respect for myself.

 

She's in Asia right now (and her ex is also in the same city) and won't be back until January 28. I don't care what she does with him, but I'm going to give her space and time. Hopefully she'll think things twice before doing something.

 

From this point on, I'll be cutting all communications with her. Thanks AH1990.

 

By the way, do you have aim/msn/facebook? You've given me great advice and I hope that we could keep in touch one day. Thanks again!

[Onlyjonley]

First of all, she is playing you like a piano. Read through your posts -- it's incredibly obvious. She has you wrapped around her finger. Not only that but ... you are acting completely desperate and spineless.

 

I understand it can sometimes be hard to control yourself when you have strong feelings for someone but she is getting the reaction she wants out of you. She likes your attention and she likes the occasional sex from you and she knows she can get those things from you any time she wants.

 

As far as snooping through her emails ... shaaaame on you. Shame. That's not acceptable in a relationship let alone someone you're just casually dating. That sends out major red flags to the other person.

[TheFinalWord]

Hey guys,

 

A final update:

 

On Tuesday (December 12), I left her a voicemail saying, “Evelynn, if I ever meant anything to you, there's something I need to see you to tell you before you go to Asia.” Evelynn texts an hour later on the same day with a sad face and then texts me again at 6pm saying, "I’m sorry for how I’ve been acting. I feel horrible. You've always treated me so well and have been an amazing friend whereas I’ve been such an idiot. I know I can’t just run away from things all the time but I’m not sure what to say to you. I obviously have reasons but they will never justify why I act like this and I’m really sorry.”

 

On Wednesday night (December 13), I meet up with her at her apartment. We chit-chat for 15 minutes, and end up having a conversation on her bed. I told her I was getting mixed signals from her and was wondering why she missed her final that was due on December 9 (the day after her ex’s birthday). I beat around the bush by not directly asking what she did on Thursday (December 8) by mentioning that I don’t have a right to ask her and I respect her privacy since we weren’t exclusive. However, she got really curious and said it was okay for me to ask and she wouldn’t be angry. Then she asked if it was about her dating other people. I replied yes. After, she asked me if it was about her ex and I replied yes. I then asked whose birthday it was on December 8 and she said it was her ex’s.

 

As a result, I asked why did she not tell me. She replied that I was acting really “boyfriend-ey” a few times before and she didn’t want to tell me because she knew it would hurt me. I asked her what do you mean “boyfriend-ey” and she referred to it as me leaving my clothes at her place sometimes or saying I’ll treat her better than her ex (I only said this once when she stayed over the weekend at my place the prior week). She says her ex wants to get back together, but she doesn’t want to get back with him, but at the same time, she doesn't know what she wants and that a relationship kind of scares her. This touches back to our talk 2 months ago when she said she did not want a relationship. She said she is not afraid of commitment but she doesn’t know what she wants right now. I told her I care about her as a person and I don’t have a right to her privacy or personal life, but I wanted to establish a sense of trust by having open communication. Her ex said she didn't want her talking to me or else he would cut communications with her completely if he saw me with her. She mentions that she only wants to be friends with him while his ex wants to get back together, but since she spent such a large part of her early years with him, I feel that she doesn’t want their past to be a waste (hence being friends).

 

Anyways, she agreed to our conversation and felt even worse after I told her this. We finished our conversation on a good note. One thing led to another and we slept with each other that night. I went over again last Thursday (December 15) and we had sex again, but things felt normal again. Last Friday, she was out partying and I was doing my own thing. I asked her around 10pm if she was free after, but she said she didn't know if she was free. Then at 11pm, she says this song came up and it made her think of me. Later on, I had sent a text around 1am asking where she was, but then she replies at 4:30am with like 20 texts freaking out. Her friend and her friend's ex were smoking weed at her place and he started twitching so they left her apartment. She was left alone and freaked out, which is why she sent me those messages. I called her for 20 minutes and we met up at 5:00am on Saturday and as you already know one thing led to another.

 

She was flying to Asia on the same day, so she ran out to do errands early morning to afternoon. I slept in at her place until 1pm. We got lunch together and she spent a few hours talking and packing. I told her that I was cool with her hanging with her ex, but asked her to promise me one thing and that was not to sleep with her ex. She agreed and promised. Anyways, while she was packing her stuff (from 6 to 9), she kept saying that she wanted to pack me into her suitcase so I could go to Asia with her. When we were at the airport, she kept saying she’ll miss me. While eating dinner at the airport at around 10:30pm, I told her that we should go somewhere far when she's back. She said that sounded “boyfriend-ey”, but to my surprise, she responded that she really wanted me to go with her to Asia. I joked and said that sounded “girlfriend-ey” and we had a good laugh. We finished dinner and headed to the security checkpoint at around 11:30pm. She said that she'll miss me again and gave me a big hug. As I left, she sent a text with a sad face and called me shortly after asking if I could run past the security guards and go to Asia with her. She said she won't be able to contact me for a few days since she doesn't have internet set up at her place, but right after she landed in Malaysia, she called me and we spoke for 30 minutes and it seemed like she really misses me.

 

I’m really embarrassed to say this, but when she was running errands on Saturday, I snooped her e-mails and found stuff back in May and August relating to their break-up. It seems like both of them didn’t take the break-up well and that she was apologizing to him for her mistake. Although I have no right to invade her privacy, I felt very uneasy and insecure and I had the best intentions in mind to do this. Unfortunately, she found out two days ago that I was snooping. She texted me saying that I wasn’t really good at being sneaky. Later, I saw her on Skype and this is how our conversation went on Wednesday (December 21) morning:

 

[12:29:33 AM] *** Call to Evelynn, duration 00:49. ***

[3:48:50 AM] jeffrey: Evelynn

[3:50:19 AM] jeffrey: are u theree

[3:54:18 AM] *** Call to Evelynn, no answer. ***

[4:06:55 AM] Evelynn: sup sneaky

[4:07:12 AM] Evelynn: im leaving again soon

[4:07:55 AM] Evelynn: 1 sec

[4:08:01 AM] *** Call to Evelynn, no answer. ***

[4:09:16 AM] Evelynn: i cant really talk on skype

[4:09:46 AM] Evelynn: there are ppl here so got to go outside la

[4:10:08 AM] jeffrey: First off, I want to say that I'm sorry for what I did

[4:10:39 AM] jeffrey: it was completely wrong of me

[4:11:10 AM] jeffrey: the big problem with what i did was that i violated your trust

[4:11:37 AM] jeffrey: and the first thing i need to do is to promise myself that i won't cross this boundary of trust again because it wouldn't be fair to you..

[4:12:11 AM] jeffrey: in my past when i associated myself with people that i cared about, there were specific things and bad personal experiences that made me feel insecure

[4:12:33 AM] jeffrey: and when patterns exist in our lives sometimes they are chance, sometimes they are the result of making the same choices repeatedly

[4:12:40 AM] jeffrey: i'm not asking for your forgiveness..

[4:13:00 AM] jeffrey: but i just want you to understand how uneasy i felt at that time =\

[4:13:12 AM] jeffrey: that's why i really wanted to speak with you over the phone

[4:13:36 AM] jeffrey: im sorry if i caused any misunderstandings..

[4:22:55 AM] Evelynn: hey sorry i had to go talk to my dad n some ppl

[4:23:04 AM] Evelynn: im going out with my mum now so I'll ttyl?

[4:23:18 AM] Evelynn: u should go to sleep

[4:23:37 AM] jeffrey: i feel like an *******

[4:23:39 AM] Evelynn: so I guess you know all about me now...

[4:23:40 AM] Evelynn: lol

[4:24:18 AM] jeffrey: please dont take this the wrong way

[4:24:37 AM] Evelynn: mmm

[4:25:46 AM] Evelynn: well i don't really get how it would reassure you or whatever

[4:26:03 AM] Evelynn: i mean i just don't know what to think. It's kinda scary

[4:26:07 AM] Evelynn: anyway i have to go now

[4:27:03 AM] jeffrey: i just wanted to let you know how uneasy i felt and want to let you know i never have the wrong intentions to you

[4:27:18 AM] jeffrey: i feel like a complete jerk and im totally at fault and i will be a man and owe up to my mistakes

[4:27:35 AM] jeffrey: sorry for keeping you around, you should go with your mom

[4:27:43 AM] Evelynn: its fine

[4:28:19 AM] jeffrey: i never meant to scare you

[4:28:23 AM] jeffrey: in this kind of way

[4:29:43 AM] Evelynn: dont get too worked up about it

[4:29:47 AM] Evelynn: just dont be so **** at sneaking around

[4:29:57 AM] Evelynn: x

[4:30:09 AM] jeffrey: you know that i care about you and i said to you before...that im one who tends to overanalyze

[4:30:35 AM] jeffrey: of course im going to get worked about it..

[4:30:38 AM] jeffrey: i hurt you

 

I know I ****ed up, but is there any way of salvaging what’s left? I think she still has feelings for me and I’m giving her some space right now, but she won’t be back for another month. I also know that her breaking the “promise” we made on Saturday is highly likely since her ex is in the same city as her currently. FYI – their travels are mutually exclusive – it’s mainly to see family.

 

I also had to mail something to her friend this week since Evelynn in Asia so she actually had sent another text asking, “Hey just wondering did u manage to send the package by any chance?” I replied “Yes, sent it.” And she replied “Thank u”.

 

Your thoughts or opinions guys??? Thanks a bunch…

 

Yeah, she is playing you bro. You care way too much for how much she is giving. Just read my thread! I'm glad I'm not in as deep as you.

 

Sure, snooping is wrong. But I know the temptation had to be overwhelming. Who among us could have resisted j/k

 

I wouldn't keep beating yourself up and apologizing though. More importantly, I would ask yourself what kind of relationship has you so debased you will violate your own personal code of ethics?

 

This whole relationship is built on roller coaster emotions, love triangle, lies, and games. Now you're acting as shady as her. This person should be making you a better human being, now you are playing games like her, sneaking, lying...this month is a good time for you two to cut ties.

 

I would tell her that this whole snooping thing is a new low for you and you are wondering what kind of relationship is making you so paranoid. Tell her you need some space to think. Take this month to reflect. If she loves you and wants more, the time apart will either solidify her feelings or not. My guess is it's gonna be the latter...

 

The time apart could be a fresh start. Your relationship got off rocky and it doesn't seem to be getting any better...avalanche warning!

[so_cal_dude]

First of all, she is playing you like a piano. Read through your posts -- it's incredibly obvious. She has you wrapped around her finger. Not only that but ... you are acting completely desperate and spineless.

 

I understand it can sometimes be hard to control yourself when you have strong feelings for someone but she is getting the reaction she wants out of you. She likes your attention and she likes the occasional sex from you and she knows she can get those things from you any time she wants.

 

As far as snooping through her emails ... shaaaame on you. Shame. That's not acceptable in a relationship let alone someone you're just casually dating. That sends out major red flags to the other person.

 

I am embarrassed that I snooped. My emotions and insecurities got the better of me, and I promised myself that I would never do it again. If she likes the attention and occasional sex from me, why doesn't she just get it from her ex instead? That part isn't clear to me...

 

Yeah, she is playing you bro. You care way too much for how much she is giving. Just read my thread! I'm glad I'm not in as deep as you.

 

Sure, snooping is wrong. But I know the temptation had to be overwhelming. Who among us could have resisted j/k

 

I wouldn't keep beating yourself up and apologizing though. More importantly, I would ask yourself what kind of relationship has you so debased you will violate your own personal code of ethics?

 

This whole relationship is built on roller coaster emotions, love triangle, lies, and games. Now you're acting as shady as her. This person should be making you a better human being, now you are playing games like her, sneaking, lying...this month is a good time for you two to cut ties.

 

I would tell her that this whole snooping thing is a new low for you and you are wondering what kind of relationship is making you so paranoid. Tell her you need some space to think. Take this month to reflect. If she loves you and wants more, the time apart will either solidify her feelings or not. My guess is it's gonna be the latter...

 

The time apart could be a fresh start. Your relationship got off rocky and it doesn't seem to be getting any better...avalanche warning!

 

This ride has definitely been an emotional roller coaster. One time we're having the time of our lives and then another time I'm beating myself up (for the snooping I did). You are right about this month being a good time to cut ties. If she really liked me, she would come back (or maybe just for the attention).

 

Like I said before, if she wanted attention and sex, why me and not her ex or somebody else? I mean she's a pretty attractive girl too..

[so_cal_dude]

btw merry christmas everybody..

[AH1990]

I have promised myself that I will follow your advice FOR SURE THIS TIME. If I don't, then I will lose all respect for myself.

 

She's in Asia right now (and her ex is also in the same city) and won't be back until January 28. I don't care what she does with him, but I'm going to give her space and time. Hopefully she'll think things twice before doing something.

 

From this point on, I'll be cutting all communications with her. Thanks AH1990.

 

By the way, do you have aim/msn/facebook? You've given me great advice and I hope that we could keep in touch one day. Thanks again!

 

Good, and you better keep to it. Do you have BBM?

[so_cal_dude]

Good, and you better keep to it. Do you have BBM?

 

I actually don't since I use an iPhone. You could email me your # at [email protected]. This is a temporary e-mail account I've made for these purposes.

 

Another small update: Since not speaking with her, my Facebook news feed showed that she uploaded 120 photos with around 20 photos of the activities/places/things we did together in the past 2 months last Saturday. There were no actual pics of us "together", but she took pictures of the flowers I gave her a while back, places we went to, etc. She even uploaded pictures of me dancing with some of our mutual friends and then tagged me 3 days later on Tuesday. There were also 20 photos of the things her and her ex did together, but without him or them actually being in the pictures.

 

I don't like to over analyze things at the moment, but I think she's trying to play it safe between her ex and me. I just thought it was strange that she would upload a few photos of me when her ex specifically said to her that if he saw her hanging out with me, he would cut communications with her completely.

[2sunny]

You are too damn nice to a gal that's willing to use you and manipulate you with sex.

 

She's a player and a cheat!

 

Why is that appealing to you when you could be spending time with a nice gal that doesn't create this drama and suspicion?

 

She's exhibiting bad behavior - and you reward her by continuing to stay in contact.

 

Call her on her bad behavior. Be honest.

 

______ (her name),

 

Your behavior tells me what your true character IS. You lie and cheat and are sneaky. I deserve better!

 

Have a good life!

 

That's the letter that shows honesty!

[AH1990]

.....

 

Another small update: Since not speaking with her, my Facebook news feed showed that she uploaded 120 photos with around 20 photos of the activities/places/things we did together in the past 2 months last Saturday. There were no actual pics of us "together", but she took pictures of the flowers I gave her a while back, places we went to, etc. She even uploaded pictures of me dancing with some of our mutual friends and then tagged me 3 days later on Tuesday. There were also 20 photos of the things her and her ex did together, but without him or them actually being in the pictures.

 

I don't like to over analyze things at the moment, but I think she's trying to play it safe between her ex and me. I just thought it was strange that she would upload a few photos of me when her ex specifically said to her that if he saw her hanging out with me, he would cut communications with her completely.

 

Just doing it to try and get a reaction out of you. Hoping that you will contact her. That's all.

[so_cal_dude]

You are too damn nice to a gal that's willing to use you and manipulate you with sex.

 

She's a player and a cheat!

 

Why is that appealing to you when you could be spending time with a nice gal that doesn't create this drama and suspicion?

 

She's exhibiting bad behavior - and you reward her by continuing to stay in contact.

 

Call her on her bad behavior. Be honest.

 

______ (her name),

 

Your behavior tells me what your true character IS. You lie and cheat and are sneaky. I deserve better!

 

Have a good life!

 

That's the letter that shows honesty!

 

I might just do this when she's back from Asia on Jan 28. Who knew being friends w/ benefits would turn into so much drama?

 

It's so strange because the past 3 girls I've dated in the past few months have been so problematic. One was too much of a party animal, another one was cheating on her boyfriend (I didn't find out until after), and this one has too much baggage with her ex and cannot face up to her own problems and is a liar.

 

Just doing it to try and get a reaction out of you. Hoping that you will contact her. That's all.

 

I see. Nothing has been said or been done since my last update. It will be another month when she comes back and I think by then I won't have feelings for her anymore. She'll probably feel the same (I think).

 

Did you see the temporary e-mail addy I've provided?

[2sunny]

Since there's a pattern and the common denominator is YOU - I have to think its you who is attracting such chaos.

 

Do things differently for a new result.

 

For starters - all that contact during the middle of any night isn't normal.

 

Productive people normally sleep at night!

 

Contrary action ALWAYS gets different results.

 

Be the change you wish to see!