Bridgey Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 So here are the quick facts: Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and a half. We're both 20 and we go to the same University. Our relationship is amazing. So heres the issue: He is going to graduate at the end of this year and regardless of what happens the relationship is going to be long distance for a while. I was under the impression he would be doing Grad school somewhere either in state or only a few states away. I can deal with this no problem as I would be able to join him when I graduate next year. But a few days ago he dropped a huge bomb on me. He is considering joining the Peace Corps which will have him living in a third world country for two years.... This is by no means a sure thing, but it is a possibility and I have no idea how to react. I am going to stand by him no matter what, but this is going to be one hell of a struggle. We are going to talk about the details the next time we see each other. What on earth do I say to him? How do I keep myself from breaking down into tears mid conversation? I know we are both committed to each other no matter what he decides to do after college, but I'm still freaking out. Any advice from experienced LRD-ers is appreciated. I just need a third party to give me any sort of insight. Thanks for reading and responding! Link to post Share on other sites
wildgeese Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 So here are the quick facts: Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and a half. We're both 20 and we go to the same University. Our relationship is amazing. So heres the issue: He is going to graduate at the end of this year and regardless of what happens the relationship is going to be long distance for a while. I was under the impression he would be doing Grad school somewhere either in state or only a few states away. I can deal with this no problem as I would be able to join him when I graduate next year. But a few days ago he dropped a huge bomb on me. He is considering joining the Peace Corps which will have him living in a third world country for two years.... This is by no means a sure thing, but it is a possibility and I have no idea how to react. I am going to stand by him no matter what, but this is going to be one hell of a struggle. We are going to talk about the details the next time we see each other. What on earth do I say to him? How do I keep myself from breaking down into tears mid conversation? I know we are both committed to each other no matter what he decides to do after college, but I'm still freaking out. Any advice from experienced LRD-ers is appreciated. I just need a third party to give me any sort of insight. Thanks for reading and responding! My first bit of advice: Don't worry about breaking into tears mid-conversation. It's an emotional subject and you should feel comfortable enough with your SO to let that emotion show. It's completely understandable to feel freaked out, confused, etc. Let him know that you support his decision. And you need to support it no-strings-attached because if there is even an inkling of you resenting his decision, that will cause problems later in the relationship. After all, what he is doing is great humanitarian work - you should be proud of him! It's good to hear you say that you're going to stand by him and that you're both going to be committed. It takes two in a LDR. Truuust me and all of the other LDR-ers on this board. I've watched couples in real life (and on LS) completely fall apart because of one person putting in (or feeling like they are putting in) more effort than the other partner. Long distance relationships take a lot more patience, understanding, compromise, trust, and heart than your regular relationship. So it's vital that you're both committed to making it work. As for the big "talk"...I don't know about any of the others on here but our first big LD talk was chock full of "I don't know", "I'm confused", and "I'm scared" - from both of us. It's okay to not have all of the answers right away, but it's important that you're listening to each other and that you're supporting one another. I'm sure he has some hesitations about his plan too. I think that you're headed in a great direction by acknowledging that it's going to be a struggle but still willing to work for it. While a LDR is incredibly tough, it's definitely worthwhile if you feel that strongly connected to another person. My boyfriend and I have only grown stronger in our relationship and communication skills, and in our commitment and love to one another. Block out all of the "Long distance relationships never work" and focus solely on your relationship. I wish you all the luck in the world! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bridgey Posted November 15, 2011 Author Share Posted November 15, 2011 Thank you wildgeese, that was an incredibly helpful, well thought out post. You made a great point by saying I need to support him no strings attached, which I plan on doing and will be sure to make that clear to him. We aren't exactly strangers to being LD. We've had a few short instances of being LD, but never for longer than three months, although we do understand the effort it takes and we know we have the strength to deal with the distance. Thank you for your insight and supporting words Link to post Share on other sites
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