TheGrimSweeper Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 I've been broken up for just over a month and a half, long term relationship, can genuinely say I did really love the girl.. and still do. I lost her because I lost my way and became kind of a door mat too her, she lost attraction. She wanted to stay friends and still continue to hang out afterward to which I said no. I went NC immediatly, shes messaged me once, when she found out I was in the hospital getting checked for pneumonia when I had a bad flu last week. I give a quick reply letting her know I was ok, then she replied back right away trying to make small talk and thats when I stopped responding. Ive been hanging out with two new girls, their both really nice and fun to be around. But the more I find myself hanging out with them now the more I find myself missing and wanting to be with my ex. I ended up sleeping with one of them a few days ago.. and it was terrible compared to how it used to be with my ex, I felt no passion at all and honestly all I could think about was her. I am scared this feeling will never go away. Link to post Share on other sites
lymtal1 Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 grim, what you are experiencing is perfectly normal. i can tell you from personal experience. and for me this same feeling happened at the four month mark. i think you have been out of the past relationship for too a short time to feel anything but what you are feeling. i think from what you said you still have feelings for your ex and what that tells me is you are not emotionally available for someone else. this availability can vary as to what that means. in your case it sounds like the trigger was the sleeping with one of the other girls. given you still have feelings for the ex, no one may stack up to what you two had as you were much more involved. so bottom line is you are going to feel like this till you get to a point where your feelings are not at the same level as before (unless you are just a dog, and that does not sound like you). see it didn't seem to register as long as you were just hanging out. which by the way is exactly what you should be doing. when it got to a point where your emotions became involved, all of your feelings went back to the ex. normal. don't worry about that. you have some decisions to make. first, be careful about what you portray to these "friends". you don't want to hurt them and lead them on in anyway. as long as they know the deal and that you guys are just that, friends then no problem. if one (probably the one you slept with), develops feelings, she more than likely will be in for a bad situation. and don't think you want to go there. you are not ready and this is the dreaded rebound. bad for you. recognize it and be fair to them and yourself. second, you have to figure out if you really want to be n/c with the ex or are you good being l/c which more than likely will put you in the friend zone which i don't think you want to be in. so if you are going to move on you have to do it such that you have NO CONTACT. no messages from her and etc. third, these feelings will all get better but it will take some work on your part. and you are doing the right things but now realizing that you still have strong feelings for the ex. now the hard part comes and so does finding your intestinal fortitude to keep doing them. keep hanging out, keep no contact with the ex, keep busy so you don't regress too badly. keep reading stuff out here and keep your head about you. good luck:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheGrimSweeper Posted November 15, 2011 Author Share Posted November 15, 2011 I know its not fair to them, I felt horrible after doing it. The problem is, I think they both have developed feelings for me. i've heard though mututal friends that they both really like me. I still love my ex and only want to be with her. i have no idea when that will go away. Obviously I do not want to just be friends with her, I want more. Link to post Share on other sites
neghitzbrah Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 Hey Grim... I know how you feel. You have all these options, but the one you want isn't there. It really sucks man. I'm 10 months out and I still feel like this. Do you know what helps? Don't rush things. Let it all flow smoothly. Don't rush things with another girl too. You can't get back what you had before because 1) This isn't the same girl 2) It takes time to get anywhere. Think more long term. Such as, you can't go to the gym hard one day and have a six pack. It takes time. Patience pays over time my friend. It does. But ya... it does suck. I'm right here with ya bro. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts