maryslamb Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 Hi everyone, I am new here and just wanted to keep a log of how Im doing.. and So forth.. I have posted my story in breakups lableled "break up makes you stronger?" ( sorry I cant copy and paste the thread since Im on my phone) But bf of 2 years , living together 1 year recently put me out of his home. Couldnt really give me a legit reason, but that I was getting to comfortable at home. Not in the physical aspect, but cleaning. But it was all minor things. Pretty much he wanted to explore, and needed a way out. it has now been 4 days of NC. Initially it was 10 days of nc, but I broke it to ask about some finacial things. When I spoke to him he was completely cold towards me , which cause me to almost have a break down. Weve been broken up now for 14 days. Everyday is just another day for me. Ive been distracting myself. But I still have my moments where I feel jittery. Like today.. I have to stop, take deep breaths, grab my bracelet (ill explain the bracelet) and recite a few words that put me back in a peaceful place. so, its day 4 and im dredding going home today. The past few days I went out with friends, but today theres nothing to do. Ill try to find something to occupy my time Link to post Share on other sites
ChelseaLS Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 Hi everyone, I am new here and just wanted to keep a log of how Im doing.. and So forth.. I have posted my story in breakups lableled "break up makes you stronger?" ( sorry I cant copy and paste the thread since Im on my phone) But bf of 2 years , living together 1 year recently put me out of his home. Couldnt really give me a legit reason, but that I was getting to comfortable at home. Not in the physical aspect, but cleaning. But it was all minor things. Pretty much he wanted to explore, and needed a way out. it has now been 4 days of NC. Initially it was 10 days of nc, but I broke it to ask about some finacial things. When I spoke to him he was completely cold towards me , which cause me to almost have a break down. Weve been broken up now for 14 days. Everyday is just another day for me. Ive been distracting myself. But I still have my moments where I feel jittery. Like today.. I have to stop, take deep breaths, grab my bracelet (ill explain the bracelet) and recite a few words that put me back in a peaceful place. so, its day 4 and im dredding going home today. The past few days I went out with friends, but today theres nothing to do. Ill try to find something to occupy my time Maryslamb, I am on day 39 since my breakup and I'm still on the emotional roller coaster, but I swear its about 10x better then day 1, week 1 and even week 2. Keeping busy is the main thing. Thats what I have been doing. However if I am down I do let myself cry. It's healthy and it release 75 different toxins from your body. You're doing great and although you'll have a day here and there that are super emotional and you feel like you've gone backwards, those crappy days are less and less as you go forward. You're doing great! Keep it up. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 (edited) Four days is still very raw, Maryslamb. All the emotions you are feeling are normal. It's good that you are finding ways to cope, i.e. bracelet, reciting comforting words, breathing, etc. I used to find it hard to go home as well. It reinforced the reality that I was alone. Have a plan. Go home. Take a hot bath. Get in some comfy pajamas. Get your favorite take out. Maybe before you get home, grab a movie that you like, a funny one. Or read that book you have been wanting to finish. Maybe pick a hard recipe and get cooking as soon as you get home. Pick up a hobby and promise yourself to invest one hour of your night focusing on that. After a hearty meal, go for a long walk while you listen to some music. Just don't stay home and keep idle. Do something, anything that will comfort and nurture you. Everyday while you are at work, try to think about things you can do when you get home. That is what I used to do. Plan my nights at home. I didn't want to walk in the door feeling like I had nothing to do, because when that happened, all I did was lay on the couch and mope. Keep moving and keep functioning. If I had a plan, it helped distract me and before I knew it, it was time for bed. Edited November 15, 2011 by geegirl Link to post Share on other sites
Author maryslamb Posted November 17, 2011 Author Share Posted November 17, 2011 So its now day 6 of n/c... I'm feeling a little better. Improved a lot from day 1. But I still have my moments I was speaking to a friend today about the relationship, and how it made me sick to my stomach to be referred to an 'ex' now. Its like now when he speak to other girls, ill be related as past tense. I feel like I just want to contact him. Or just send a text and say ILY.. Its been a total of 16 days since the break up.. I'm still trying to hold on, or try to move on. Everyone keeps saying 'things will get better' but who says that they actually do? Why should I believe that this man will contact me again. And we will work it out? He might never contact me, and that's it! Day 6 , trying to stay strong! Link to post Share on other sites
karmaqueen Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 Hang in there- it does get easier. I broke NC a few times and each time I did, I regretted it and it set me back. The other posters are right- try to keep busy and pass the time because time really is the greatest healer. Link to post Share on other sites
Popehappycat Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 Everyone keeps saying 'things will get better' but who says that they actually do? Why should I believe that this man will contact me again. And we will work it out? He might never contact me, and that's it! Nobody said "better" meant him. NC isn't a ploy to get your ex back. If you're utilizing it for anything else, you're already crippling the healing process. You go NC to heal, with no expectations. If the other person contacts you, you can revisit your history and make a decision on what to do. If they don't contact you, then you're already that many days into the only cure for heartache, TIME. And with that, you can realize you aren't worth the time in their eyes, so why should you still carry the torch for them? YOUR feelings aren't enough to make something work between two people, and you can't make them feel something they don't on their own. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maryslamb Posted November 18, 2011 Author Share Posted November 18, 2011 Nobody said "better" meant him. NC isn't a ploy to get your ex back. If you're utilizing it for anything else, you're already crippling the healing process. You go NC to heal, with no expectations. If the other person contacts you, you can revisit your history and make a decision on what to do. If they don't contact you, then you're already that many days into the only cure for heartache, TIME. And with that, you can realize you aren't worth the time in their eyes, so why should you still carry the torch for them? YOUR feelings aren't enough to make something work between two people, and you can't make them feel something they don't on their own. I don't want to use N/c as a currupt method.. I am actually using it to heal and better myself.. everyday is a struggle for me .. I'm trying to cope with the pain. But its so hard. I'm just hoping that since we haven't talked that he wilrealize that he miss me and loves me. But I am using n.c to heal myself. Its a lot of things I want to say to him, but I feel like I'm not emotionally stable to contact him Link to post Share on other sites
Author maryslamb Posted November 20, 2011 Author Share Posted November 20, 2011 So about 5 years ago my friend and I both applied for a cruiseline, got hired, and had a ship date. The contract was to last for 6 months. a few days before we were to depart I changed my mind. And my friend went on to do it, and loves it to this day. This was before the ex came into picture. Just met him 2 years ago. Well after the breakup which has now been 19 days , I contacted my friend and asked if they were still hiring. And she said yes. Well, now I have been completely thinking about leaving again. Once again the contract is for 6 months. But I'm scared that my ex may contact me in the next month or so and want me back. I want to better my life here, and be back with him. But also I want to get away for a while. But I don't want to miss my opportunity with him. I just don't know what to do. A lot of people say go. But I love my ex so much. I haven't heard from in in 9 days. Not sure what to do... Link to post Share on other sites
sunflower11 Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 What if he never contacted you and you missed out on this opportunity again because you were waiting on him? Think about it... If he loves you and comes back to you, and if its true love and its meant to be...he will want you to pursue your dreams/what you want to do and he will wait. That's what I think anyway.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maryslamb Posted November 22, 2011 Author Share Posted November 22, 2011 I'm off work for the next 3 days. Which means nothing but time, to think about the ex. I woke up early this morning because I had a dream about him, which brought me to tears. I know he said he w1ants space , which I have been successul of giving him . But I'm wondering maybe he doesn't really want space. Maybe he was just mad at the time when I spoke to him and he wants me to at least show some intiation. Just to let him know I still care 9 days since I've spoken to him, 22 days since break up.. I started to write an email to him. To let him know I'm bettering myself emotionally, and I learning how to love me. I don't think ill send it. But I'm still debating. I don't want to send it because what if he's met someone new already, and just reads the letter, never responds and goes back to him normal life with new g/f? Or what if he responds but its not the answer I'm looking for. I've been learning how to deal with my anxiety attacks. And I know if he doesn't respond or responds coldly, my heart would really shatter. And I will continue to walk around everyday like a zombie. I jus feel soul less.. I really miss him Link to post Share on other sites
Popehappycat Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 He kicked you out of the house, "without a legit reason" and you think he's looking for you to make the first move? Right. If you were pissing him off, he could have spoken to you about it first. He obviously didn't care enough to do it then, he still won't care now. I'll wait here as you defend his actions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maryslamb Posted November 22, 2011 Author Share Posted November 22, 2011 He kicked you out of the house, "without a legit reason" and you think he's looking for you to make the first move? Right. If you were pissing him off, he could have spoken to you about it first. He obviously didn't care enough to do it then, he still won't care now. I'll wait here as you defend his actions. In all honesty, I do think he may be waiting on me to make the first move. Also, I feel like I'm just sitting on my hands doing nothing. I know if he misses me and wants me back then he will contact me, but my baby is stubborn. I just feel like 3 weeks is enough time to figure out what he wants from the relationship. And while I'm home sitting on my hands, and not contacting him it might come off as I don't care any more.. Also I'm scared that he may have already moved on. When I came into the picture 2 years ago, he just just freshly gotten out of a relationship with his ex. I'm scared he may meet someone and end up in a 2 + year relationship, and I lost my opportunity. Link to post Share on other sites
Popehappycat Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 Your "baby" kicked you out. You're the stubborn one. If he can just move on, then obviously he doesn't care or want you. He did this before, notice a trend? But it's your life, do what you want. Call him and get crushed, or go be his friend with benefits until he replaces you. Let us know how it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maryslamb Posted November 22, 2011 Author Share Posted November 22, 2011 Your "baby" kicked you out. You're the stubborn one. If he can just move on, then obviously he doesn't care or want you. He did this before, notice a trend? But it's your life, do what you want. Call him and get crushed, or go be his friend with benefits until he replaces you. Let us know how it goes. No need to be harsh. I'm just staing how I feel. And I do respect your comments. But not the sarcasm. I understand how I could be doing more damage to my self emotionally if I contact him. But just like everyone on here, I am just a hurt soul. I haven't contacted him for a reason. And I come on this site to help clear my mind. I've been posting on this site for quite a while. But had to rejoin under a different name. Because someone found out my identity on here.. Most of my post are just rants. Because I am emotional. I'm hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Popehappycat Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 I realize that you're hurt, but I prefer the direct route. I'm not trying to be a d*ck, I'm just trying to point out the painfully obvious. I'm glad you haven't broke contact, but a lot of people come here for advice knowing they're going to do whatever they want, regardless of what anybody suggests. You've pointed out a few red flags in your brief retelling, I'm just telling you to look out. Link to post Share on other sites
sunflower11 Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 Maryslamb maybe this article will be useful for you..read it if you have the time http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-core-breakup-boundaries-that-every-person-should-live-by/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author maryslamb Posted November 22, 2011 Author Share Posted November 22, 2011 Maryslamb maybe this article will be useful for you..read it if you have the time http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/10-core-breakup-boundaries-that-every-person-should-live-by/ Thank you sunflower. It was a good read. A few things I did take to heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maryslamb Posted December 3, 2011 Author Share Posted December 3, 2011 So, its been 1 month and 3 days since the B/u.. my friends think its a little funny how im able to remember how many days has passed since our b/u. but how can you forget? Each day I guess im just hoping and wishing that he calls. 1 month has been the longest break up/ and the longest we have been apart. We have broken up a few times before and got back together after a few weeks or so. I guese now im starting to realize that it is really over. Everytone keeps telling me its time to move on. and stop hoping that he calls. and stop putting my life on hold. But i feel like i cant even continue life, being myself. My heart just doesnt seem into anything. I feel like a walking zombie everyday. I feel like the person that completes me is gone. Im trying so hard to move on, but each morning I cry. I have established a routine everyday to occupy my mind. but it just doesnt help. I almost broke down yesterday and texted him to say i love you and miss u.. BUt was afraid of the response i might get, if any.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maryslamb Posted December 4, 2011 Author Share Posted December 4, 2011 I am woke unusually early. Its a little after 5 am. And I am fighting the temptation to not text the ex and say gm/ily, and miss you. I just wish this feeling would go away. Even though its been over a month , I feel like I'm breaking down more because its hard to accept the fact that it may really be over. And each day I'm hoping this is the day I hear from him. My friends believe I am getting so strong. But , they don't know each night I cry, and every morning. I really don't want to send this text. But I want him to know I still care Link to post Share on other sites
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