What to do? Two guys after me..

[sagweee]

Okay, I belong to this social club that has dinners every week and last year I dated a man from it. Went out for a month or so, but he got too serious and I kind of had cold feet and he ended up breaking it off and ever since then he basically ignored me.

About two weeks ago I went to the club (hadn't been in a long time) and he started flirting with me with his friend at a coffee place after the dinner that we all went to. I was sitting between the two guys and laughing and having a fun time. As I was about to leave, the ex came up to me, grabbed my arm and said, "meet me at my house in ten minutes" I was not quite ready for this, but I ended up at his place and he really had the hots, but I did not want to do something I would regret, so I told him I was tired and had to go home. He wanted me to give him a certain "service" like "old times" but I didn't.

 

Later that week I called him up at work to invite him to a show, and he didn't have time to talk and seemed cold and aloof, so I let it go thinking he wasn't interested since he didn't get what he wanted the last time. Anyhow, I went to the club the next week and he wasn't there, but his friend was. His friend took me out for coffee and we had a nice conversation and he told me he was interested in me and asked if I'd like to go out on a date the following week. I said, "sure" and we exchanged numbers.

 

Well last Friday night I went to the club and the ex was there this time, but not his friend. I kind of teased the "ex" by saying "Some people have been ignoring me!" and I looked right at him. He laughed and said he had missed out on lots of things because he was so busy with work. I sat near him for the dinner and the whole time whenever I would say funny things, he would look at me and kind of wink in a flirtatious manner. Afterwards when people began to disperse I went up to him and asked if he was going to the Barbeque on Monday at the beach (the club is putting one on tomorrow). He looked right at me and said, " I have so many committments, how do you expect me to keep social committments? I'll just play it by ear," and while he was saying this he started to touch me hands in a suggestive manner. I then told him directly in a quiet voice so others around wouldn't hear that I hope he hadn't thought I wasn't interested in him the last time, but that I was just very tired.

"I understand you very well" he said again this time touching my arms, "but I won't tempt you tonight" he said. I guess he meant he wouldn't ask me over. Then he told me he had tons of glass jars (I collect them for art) he had been saving for me for the next time I come over. I told him he didn't have to save them, but he said, "No, I'm saving them all for you for when you come over." He said he'd call me, but he hasn't and I really don't know what in the world to make of the situation.

When I got home there was a message from his friend! I called his friend back and he asked me out yesterday, but I told him I didn't want to do unnecessary driving with the gas prices so high (I live out of the city) but that I'd be at the barbaque on Monday. He said he'd be there too, and that we could go out after if I wanted. I said we'd "play it by ear" and left it at that.

 

Now I'm wondering why the ex didn't call because it is so clear there is a physical attraction. I'm not looking for a serious committement and I dont' understand why he can't just invite me over. I know he doesn't want a woman over when his daughter stays over, so perhaps she was over. How can I get to have some fun with him before it's too late. Who knows, perhaps I might fall for his friend....

 

I wonder if the two of them could be playing a game seeing who will get me. What should I do?

[sagweee]

I hate it when my posts get buried like this and then forgotten. Can't someone just give me a hint of advice?

 

Thanks

[CaterpillarGirl]

Your ex is playing games with you. If he truly cared about you he:

a) Would answer your calls

b) Would ask you out properly and arrive at the designated time and location

c) Would've made his move before his "friend" expressed interest

 

How can you be even asking this question? There is only one man in this scenario who has so far who has treated you with respect and consideration.

[CaterpillarGirl]

I'm sorry. I shouldn't have scolded you for posting here. Your concerns are legitimate and that's exactly what this forum was designed for.

[sagweee]

I saw both of them yesterday at the barbaque and my ex's friend didn't feel good because he had jus had surgery on his arm a few days ago so he cancelled the date until another time. Meanwhile my ex invited me over to his place afterwards. I went and had a shower, then he led me to his bed and I said, "I thought we were going to talk" to which he responded: "We'll talk in bed."

 

I went to his bed and cudled with him and he told me he hadn't been with another woman since me and he hadn't even had sex for over a year! He wanted it really bad and I told him I wanted to wait a while before doing that so we did "other" things but not the act. I felt guilty for having hurt him before he told me not to worry that he hadn't been hurt.

We agreed to take things slowly and to be friends with no serious committments.

 

I even told him I wanted to go out with his friend which he didn't mind. I just told him the truth that I am confused right now and don't want to jump into a serious committed relationship. He understood and told me that if ever I want to have a sleep over to call him up.

 

I said, "Do you really mind if I see other people?" and he said he didn't mind. Do you think I can do this? See two men at once? Or will feelings of jealousy come up? I don't want anything like this where my ex might become possesive. Could it be that these were just "words" of his to try and get me in the sack again?