Right thing to do

[screwed up]

Hi it's me again. I finally broke down and called my ex to see if we could get together and talk. I couldn't stop thinking about him and I had to do something. I do feel really guilty about going behind my boyfriends back but I feel this is the only way I'll know what the right decision is.

 

The only way I'll know if my ex has changed and truly does what me back in his life, for good, is to spend sometime with him. Would that be classifed as cheating on my boyfriend? There would be absolutely nothing going on just talking. My boyfriend said he didn't have a problem with me and my ex being friends but that was before my ex wanted me back and to marry me, so I think his attitude might change.

 

Part of me wishes that I could afford to move out on my own, that way I could date them both and see which one is the right one. It is hard to answer that unless you are with them for awhile becuase people change after you have been dating for awhile and that is the side I need to know not the side that is trying to win me over.

 

I am going to suggest to my ex that we see each other casually on the side as friends, I feel I would need to get to know him before I rush into anything. I don't think he will go for it though becuase he probably would be jelous over that fact I am still living with my current boyfriend. And I am not saying that he can't see other people or even get back with his ex but if we are truly meant to be it shouldn't bother him how long he has to wait and he would want to be with me any way he can be in order to get me back . . .right?

 

If me and my current boyfriend had not moved intogether that is exactly what I would do - see them both casually - but we do live together and we signed a year lease plus neither one of us can afford to leave or have the other one leave. I can't move back home and if I do decide to go back to my ex I would'nt want to move right back in with him, I couldn't anyway because of the lease. . . I really need some help?!?!?!?!?! Any suggestions????

[Taressa]

Your Tuesday post made both these men sound less than ideal. You mentioned trust problems with your ex, and a lack of commitment from your roomie/boyfriend. You're not screwed up, you're just settling for less than the best in love.

 

Please slow down this weekend to examine what seems to be a pattern in your relationships. I'm not sure the relationship problems lie solely on these men; perhaps there's some blind spot, some unfulfilled need you're trying to fill with a quick-love fix from the wrong type of man.

 

As to going behind your current boyfriend's back, well that is just downright disrespectful and dishonest. I don't think you are that type of person; you sound good, just a little misguided.

 

Slow down so that you can figure out this love thing and how you want it to work. Given time you will find the right man proves himself and you will find yourself loving him in strength, not desperation.

Hi it's me again. I finally broke down and called my ex to see if we could get together and talk. I couldn't stop thinking about him and I had to do something. I do feel really guilty about going behind my boyfriends back but I feel this is the only way I'll know what the right decision is. The only way I'll know if my ex has changed and truly does what me back in his life, for good, is to spend sometime with him. Would that be classifed as cheating on my boyfriend? There would be absolutely nothing going on just talking. My boyfriend said he didn't have a problem with me and my ex being friends but that was before my ex wanted me back and to marry me, so I think his attitude might change. Part of me wishes that I could afford to move out on my own, that way I could date them both and see which one is the right one. It is hard to answer that unless you are with them for awhile becuase people change after you have been dating for awhile and that is the side I need to know not the side that is trying to win me over. I am going to suggest to my ex that we see each other casually on the side as friends, I feel I would need to get to know him before I rush into anything. I don't think he will go for it though becuase he probably would be jelous over that fact I am still living with my current boyfriend. And I am not saying that he can't see other people or even get back with his ex but if we are truly meant to be it shouldn't bother him how long he has to wait and he would want to be with me any way he can be in order to get me back . . .right? If me and my current boyfriend had not moved intogether that is exactly what I would do - see them both casually - but we do live together and we signed a year lease plus neither one of us can afford to leave or have the other one leave. I can't move back home and if I do decide to go back to my ex I would'nt want to move right back in with him, I couldn't anyway because of the lease. . . I really need some help?!?!?!?!?! Any suggestions????