I'm a screw up. The only way to cope is to end it all...

[Philosoraptor]

Another crappy morning. These dreams really destroy me and make the mornings even harder. It seems that if I'm not getting my heart broken in the dream, that the dream is good and I feel the heartbreak all over again when I wake up. I am getting the house re-organized and more of her things boxed up. Sad to see how little I actually own in the end, seems like most things were her choices and I just can't live with those things even though I paid for damn near everything. I just keep forcing myself to do things and pushing myself to keep moving forward even when I'd just like to lie in a ball and die somewhere.

 

The morning is still bad though. I have to insult myself just to get motivation to get moving. "What are you some sissy?", "You say you're so tough but you lay here like a coward you piece of ****", etc. I really need to be rough with myself to get up.

[betterdeal]

Be careful with that negative self-talk; it has an impact on your self-esteem. Change it to something more affirmative of you, something like "F*ck it, this is tough time but this too shall pass. I'm good, Hell, I'm f*cking good! LET'S DO THIS THING!!!" and just big yourself up.

 

You are the summation of a line of thousands of winners, each generation succeeded in breeding and raising the next generation. You are the result of millions of years of evolution. Your ancestors didn't succeed by being the biggest, the strongest or the most perfect: they succeeded by adapting, and you are genetically programmed to adapt. Your landscape has changed. What was there is no more. The only way to deal with change is to change too. You are a winner, a survivor, an adapter. You're doing fine, buddy. You're going to get through this a better man. You are unstoppable.

[radiodarcy]

The morning is still bad though. I have to insult myself just to get motivation to get moving. "What are you some sissy?", "You say you're so tough but you lay here like a coward you piece of ****", etc. I really need to be rough with myself to get up.

 

you really don't need to do this in order to get moving. just simply get up and do what you need to do.

 

i was recently dumped for someone else. the mornings are difficult for me, too. but instead of berating myself. i simply remind myself that once i get up and start moving i'll be ok. if the stubborn little kid inside me balks. i remind myself: i'm better than this.

 

then i get up, feed the cats, walk the dog, eat breakfast, etc. and after abt 15-20 mins i feel much better.

 

it's all about going through the motions. life really does go on - - whether our exes are in the picture or not.

[Philosoraptor]

I took your advice and didn't beat myself up this morning. Still took about an hour to actually sit up, but once I got up I was ok. I think I just need to train myself to sit up once my eyes are open, as once I sit up I don't let myself lay back down.

 

Packed up more stuff and continued organizing the house. The bedroom is looking very nice and I had the mattress professionally deep cleaned to remove her smell from the bed. It might seem a bit overboard but I just need to do whatever I can to limit my thoughts about her. But day by day I am taking back my life anyways.

[radiodarcy]

I took your advice and didn't beat myself up this morning. Still took about an hour to actually sit up, but once I got up I was ok. I think I just need to train myself to sit up once my eyes are open, as once I sit up I don't let myself lay back down.

 

Packed up more stuff and continued organizing the house. The bedroom is looking very nice and I had the mattress professionally deep cleaned to remove her smell from the bed. It might seem a bit overboard but I just need to do whatever I can to limit my thoughts about her. But day by day I am taking back my life anyways.

 

glad to hear! it took you about an hour today. see if you can make it 45 mins tomorrow and so on. before you know it, you won't need to think about it.

 

one thing i would suggest if you're still having problems getting out of bed is to consult with a doctor about getting on meds - - as that can be a sign of depression.

 

but it sounds like you're keep busy which is good. i don't think it's at all silly to have the mattress professionally cleaned.

 

the guy that dumped me is named chris, is an ardent cyclist and is from pennsylvania. so i try to avoid all books, movies and programs that make any references to people with the name chris, the state of PA and lance armstrong believe it or not, it hasn't been that hard to do.

[Philosoraptor]

Things have gotten much easier and getting out of bed hasn't been too hard. Not much in the way of thoughts at all either. I actually sorted my pictures finally and while looking at them I felt next to nothing. Instead of seeing her on this pedestal that I had her on I saw her as a human being, and though in my opinion she is a good person, she is not the right person for me. I've been very happy, had a great holiday, and I'm starting to move on taking care of me first.

 

Making plans to go to Times Square for New Years (I've heard that everyone should do it once). My advice to everyone is to put yourselves on the pedestal that you had your ex on.

[betterdeal]

Huzzah! Good to hear you're back on your feet!

[Philosoraptor]

She's trying to play a power game now but doesn't seem to realize that I hold the only ace in the deck. Going to have a great weekend though Got awesome plans and I'm enjoying boxing all her things up. This is going to get ugly, but losing is not an option.

[betterdeal]

That's the spirit Keep on keeping on and get it over and done with as soon as practical. Have a great weekend!

[radiodarcy]

Things have gotten much easier and getting out of bed hasn't been too hard. Not much in the way of thoughts at all either. I actually sorted my pictures finally and while looking at them I felt next to nothing. Instead of seeing her on this pedestal that I had her on I saw her as a human being, and though in my opinion she is a good person, she is not the right person for me. I've been very happy, had a great holiday, and I'm starting to move on taking care of me first.

 

Making plans to go to Times Square for New Years (I've heard that everyone should do it once). My advice to everyone is to put yourselves on the pedestal that you had your ex on.

 

that's great to hear, Philosoraptor! see how much better you feel when you stop being your own worst, enemy?

 

you'll still have your days. but it's all part of the letting go process. but it sounds like you're on a roll. so keep it up!

[Chi townD]

Well, just read through your thread and I must say, you sound a whole lot better. She's gone, she made that choice. Now, you have to make positive changes in your life. You've already started! Continue to seek counseling. Gut out that house and MAKE IT YOUR OWN!!! Completely re-design it! Make it so it is a completely different house than what it was. Believe me, it makes a world of difference! Go to the gym. Work out your frustrations there and you've already made plans to be at Times Square! Awesome!!! I'll look for ya on the TV!!!

 

This world can give you sooo may adventures and sooo many memories. After Times Square, set yourself up a new trip. Give yourself something to look forward to. Like, whitewater rafting in West Virginia. Or scuba diving in Key West. Or a trip to Vegas....ANYTHING!!! Give yourself something to look forward to, then do it.

 

You're on the right track, dude!!!!!

[Philosoraptor]

Thanks for the ideas Chi townD.

 

Actually going skydiving Sunday and to a state park in Pennsylvania that is so clear that at night you can see into the heart of the Milky Way. I actually created a bucket list and have plans to knock three off already by the end of the year (well one at midnight, but we will count it anyways )

[betterdeal]

Dude, that's inspired me and this site too - http://bucketlist.org/ - thanks a bunch!

[Philosoraptor]

Glad I could give something back

 

I can't wait to take pictures of the sky. I want to get them blown up and use them to decorate my house since I took all of the old paintings down as she picked them out.

[betterdeal]

Good call. It's pissing it down here and I was cycling back from a meeting with my therapist in the downpour, and I started singing this:

[Philosoraptor]

It's almost scary how easy things have gotten. Mornings are no longer bad and I'm not afraid to face life anymore. I'm happier on a more consistant basis than I was in the relationship and I rarely spend any moments sad. There have even been days that I didn't really think of her at all. It's almost like I've grabbed life by the horns and said "I'm not going to be sad anymore. That was an important chapter in my life but it has come to an end and I'm excited to get the next chapter started."

[betterdeal]

Totally impressed!

[Milocat]

I agree with the whole 'changing up the house' thing! I moved in with my fiance into the house he picked out, bought, and remodeled with his EX. Well that place is NOTHING like she had it. Other than the structure layout, it's not the same house. She (thankfully) got all the furniture in the divorce, so we used all mine and bought new stuff that matches. I changed paint colour in every room. This helped SO much! It was like I was painting over their memories and leaving a fresh canvas for mine and my SO.

 

OP: So glad you escaped the gloom and doom cloud. I suffer from depression as well and it's really hard to do. Good on you and you're now a little stronger (cliché but true).

 

Have a great weekend!

 

PS: re: Times Square? Be prepared to stand for a looooooong time and don't drink to many liquids because after a certain point they fence you into squares and you must stay there until the show is done!

[Philosoraptor]

I have heard stories of people wearing diapers in Times Square. I don't have to be exactly there, just would like to actually see the ball drop in person and get a kiss at midnight. I have no idea how I will find my way around New York but I do have my kiss at midnight lined up anyways

[Philosoraptor]

Skydiving was amazing. I suggest everyone give it a try. Awhile after I landed, when I was waiting for my pictures, I realized that the entire time I didn't think of her once. Even though this was something we had wanted to to together, she didn't matter at all. I no longer needed her to help me make my dreams come true, I could do it alone.

 

I think all the back and forth over the years has had me pretty prepared for this and other than when I started this thread, I've been very strong and moving forward. I don't even want her back, but the damn ego does make me want her to miss me and realize that I wasn't as bad as she thought... but then again, it doesn't matter.

 

I dunno, either way I've been feeling good overall. Guess I should make a thread in another section as I think I'm past the misery phase. Any suggestions on where to setup shop?

[Chi townD]

Awesome dude! A Kindred spirit! Okay, Skydiving done and New Years is set up! What's next on the list?

[betterdeal]

The self-development / improvement section?

[D-Lish]

I'm actually seeing my counselor and taking medication, just have had a hard time. It seems that since I have opened up some about how I'm feeling that everyone around me is trying to help me. People at work that I never talked to are just talking with me for long periods, and giving me good solid advice. As much as it may hurt now I'm worth more than this. We both are good people, the relationship just wasn't and I can see that. As much as I wanted to hope things could be better, and try... we just lacked trust that we could get what we needed from the other person. Though I will miss what we had at one point, I know that it just wasn't meant to be or else we could have fixed it years ago. I'll try to focus on myself and take things a day at a time. I can keep busy as I know I can be happy without her. Thoughts will come and go, but they are not worth ending my own life at 24. I'm still young, I've been in one relationship that I wanted to last forever. The world is out there and I just need to make the effort to go out and take it.

 

Please keep taking your medication and talking through it.

 

I've been where you are currently, more than a few times in my life. Each time it feels so hopeless, like the pain will never end.

 

I know it's not comforting to hear these words now as you are in the middle of an emotional crisis- but it does get better. It's been 7 1/2 months since my last heartbreak and it initially felt like the world was ending. It no longer feels that way at all.

 

I couldn't eat, sleep, I don't know how I functioned at work (maybe it was the distraction that got me through the days).

 

If there was a miracle pill to negate all the pain and suffering- we'd all opt to take it- but there is no such thing. Medication doesn't help unless you are willing to work through it- it merely helps you to focus in order to process things with a clearer head.

 

Keep pushing through it. Use distractions when you need to, but don't ignore what you need to process. We have to be willing participants in our own healing to avoid getting stuck.

 

The biggest obstacle to healing from a break-up is the fear of acceptance. People tend to avoid accepting reality because having hope gives up moments of solace. Unfortunately, as long as you cling to hope- you deny yourself recovery.

 

As soon as I accepted and embraced that my relationship was over, I was able to move forward. Not move on- but start the process of moving on.

[Philosoraptor]

The self-development / improvement section?

 

That's where I setup shop

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t309744/

 

Please keep taking your medication and talking through it.

 

I've been where you are currently, more than a few times in my life. Each time it feels so hopeless, like the pain will never end.

 

I know it's not comforting to hear these words now as you are in the middle of an emotional crisis- but it does get better. It's been 7 1/2 months since my last heartbreak and it initially felt like the world was ending. It no longer feels that way at all.

 

I couldn't eat, sleep, I don't know how I functioned at work (maybe it was the distraction that got me through the days).

 

If there was a miracle pill to negate all the pain and suffering- we'd all opt to take it- but there is no such thing. Medication doesn't help unless you are willing to work through it- it merely helps you to focus in order to process things with a clearer head.

 

Keep pushing through it. Use distractions when you need to, but don't ignore what you need to process. We have to be willing participants in our own healing to avoid getting stuck.

 

The biggest obstacle to healing from a break-up is the fear of acceptance. People tend to avoid accepting reality because having hope gives up moments of solace. Unfortunately, as long as you cling to hope- you deny yourself recovery.

 

As soon as I accepted and embraced that my relationship was over, I was able to move forward. Not move on- but start the process of moving on.

Thank you, but you're a bit late. I'm actually doing great now, just had a couple of bad days after the initial breakup.

 

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t309744/

[Philosoraptor]

Nevermind.... I made a new thread about moving forward in life and working through my issues of being a natural caregiver and putting myself last... and it was deleted.