Lover's Digest condensed version of GUYS WON'T GIVE ME A CHANCE!

[Sweet_intelligent_lonely_gal]

Hello,

 

I'm a 23 y/o intelligent, attractive (just somewhat overweight) single gal who's had trouble meeting that special someone.

 

I've tried personal ads, bars, every meeting place available, meeting through friends, but nothing has worked! Every guy I meet is involved or not available.

 

I've met several guys lately, including some off the internet, but then they go home and never return my messages. I've met guys in person, including this really nice guy that my Mom knows, but after getting to know him a bit and asking for his phone number, he didn't think twice and said "I'm too old for you." (He's 32, I'm 23. So what? My cousin got married to his 40 y/o wife when he was 20. They've been married for 11 years!)

 

It's not a matter of "trying" or "not trying." I've tried "not caring whether I find a boyfriend", but it hasn't worked. The long version is below with the details of my stories.

 

Thank you for your help!

[Teresa]

Hi. I have read your long version of this post and your condensed version, and I must say I have been there myself, and Tony is right from his previous post.

 

Whether you choose to admit it or not, I feel you ARE trying too hard. And guys can sense this..it comes off as being clingy or needy of a man, despite your saying your are independent.

 

I suggest you concentrate on doing things to have fun w/ your girl friends, and put men in the back of your head! When you do this, they will flock to you. Men do like a challenge, and do want what they can't have.

 

I, myself, used to be just like you. I wanted so hard to have a relationship, I am very attractive, sweet, honest..all the ways you describe yourself, but i over analyzed every situation and obsessed on finding a man, whether i chose to admit it or not. I also used to go out of my way to be nice and kiss a man's butt....DONT DO THIS! As soon as I said, Im sick of men..forget men, a GREAT man came into my life! Well, then the irony of it is, now, eventhough Im engaged, I get hit on and have men swarming after me all the time. The more I tell them Im taken, the more they chase me! It's a sick catch 22, but its true.

 

Another thing,....If I were you, I would not call men first..let them call you. If they don't call, then they were never interested in the first place. Don't volunteer it out until they ask...unless you KNOW they are just really shy or don't know where you stand. And NEVER..NEVER ask for their number...if they want to give it to you, let them give it to you..and then wait 3 days to call! Also, my thing I do w/ men and numbers is if they say I will give you my number and you can call sometime, I said, NOPE..,I dont call men, i don't have too, and if they were interested and asked for my number then I would give it. I have found that alot of men enjoy giving women their numbers or acting interested when they are really not...just to enjoy the feeling of 10 women chasing them! This is their way of initiating chases. It's sick, but they do it for ego boosts.

 

Leave the losers be, and move on! As soon as a man annoys you, say forget you and move on to spending more time w/ girl friends. There are plenty of men out there, instead of getting caught up on each man and his particular situation when it fails, or he acts ridiculous to you, just make more time for girlfriends.

 

Also, eventhough I have not ruled sex out before marriage in my situation, I DO NOT feel like this should have any bearings on your situation. There are still plenty of men out there who are NOT looking for just sex and w/ a little playing your cards properly, you will find them.

 

Good luck and lay low girlfriend.

Hello, I'm a 23 y/o intelligent, attractive (just somewhat overweight) single gal who's had trouble meeting that special someone. I've tried personal ads, bars, every meeting place available, meeting through friends, but nothing has worked! Every guy I meet is involved or not available. I've met several guys lately, including some off the internet, but then they go home and never return my messages. I've met guys in person, including this really nice guy that my Mom knows, but after getting to know him a bit and asking for his phone number, he didn't think twice and said "I'm too old for you." (He's 32, I'm 23. So what? My cousin got married to his 40 y/o wife when he was 20. They've been married for 11 years!)

 

It's not a matter of "trying" or "not trying." I've tried "not caring whether I find a boyfriend", but it hasn't worked. The long version is below with the details of my stories. Thank you for your help!

[Taressa]

Oh my heart goes out to you. I've shared that pain.

 

The best advice I can offer you isn't going to sound very satisfying until you do it. Doing it has brought new joy to my life; I promise it will for you too...

 

For now, lay your romantic hopes aside and concentrate on building a group of friends. Invite friends into your home and into your life. Get involved with life and throw your energy into doing things you enjoy. Once the loneliness fades you will find your longing for love becomes less desperate. You will also find your self-esteem no longer depends on the attention of a man. I promise.

 

Once your happiness is back in your hands and off the shoulders of the men you approach, you'll become much more attractive (and much less needful) of that lovely opposite sex.

 

Be patient with yourself and work to make your happiness.

[Sweet_intelligent_lonely_gal]

Hello!

 

Thank you for your reply! I agree with what you say. Although I don't feel I NEED a man, I am just very lonely. Like I said in the previous reply (Tony's), I've tried the whole "not trying" thing and that doesn't work either. I go to all kinds of places, meet tons of people, but they almost NEVER come to me. I don't recall EVER meeting a guy and having him ask for *my* number. I AM trying hard. Very hard. But I can't pull myself away from it. I'm a born opportunist (I think that's the right word), and I try to take every chance I can get! Maybe what I should ask, then, is: HOW DO I "NOT TRY" ??? Some critical suggestions in that area may be one step to help solve my problem. Could you help?

 

I agree with you that there are guys who will "wait", and that I don't save to sacrifice a value that I hold close to my heart just to get someone. People today seem to have sex, and THEN get to know someone, if they do so at all, and I don't want to make that mistake. There *are* guys who will wait, I just don't know where the good ones hang out. (Hint, hint!) =)

 

Thank you for your support and advice! Maybe I'll get so peed off by guys that I won't even fathom the chance of giving my heart to someone. Then I'll meet 'em. LOL! =)

Whether you choose to admit it or not, I feel you ARE trying too hard. And guys can sense this..it comes off as being clingy or needy of a man, despite your saying your are independent.

 

I suggest you concentrate on doing things to have fun w/ your girl friends, and put men in the back of your head! When you do this, they will flock to you. Men do like a challenge, and do want what they can't have. I, myself, used to be just like you. I wanted so hard to have a relationship, I am very attractive, sweet, honest..all the ways you describe yourself, but i over analyzed every situation and obsessed on finding a man, whether i chose to admit it or not. I also used to go out of my way to be nice and kiss a man's butt....DONT DO THIS! As soon as I said, Im sick of men..forget men, a GREAT man came into my life! Well, then the irony of it is, now, eventhough Im engaged, I get hit on and have men swarming after me all the time. The more I tell them Im taken, the more they chase me! It's a sick catch 22, but its true. Another thing,....If I were you, I would not call men first..let them call you. If they don't call, then they were never interested in the first place. Don't volunteer it out until they ask...unless you KNOW they are just really shy or don't know where you stand. And NEVER..NEVER ask for their number...if they want to give it to you, let them give it to you..and then wait 3 days to call! Also, my thing I do w/ men and numbers is if they say I will give you my number and you can call sometime, I said, NOPE..,I dont call men, i don't have too, and if they were interested and asked for my number then I would give it. I have found that alot of men enjoy giving women their numbers or acting interested when they are really not...just to enjoy the feeling of 10 women chasing them! This is their way of initiating chases. It's sick, but they do it for ego boosts.

 

Leave the losers be, and move on! As soon as a man annoys you, say forget you and move on to spending more time w/ girl friends. There are plenty of men out there, instead of getting caught up on each man and his particular situation when it fails, or he acts ridiculous to you, just make more time for girlfriends. Also, eventhough I have not ruled sex out before marriage in my situation, I DO NOT feel like this should have any bearings on your situation. There are still plenty of men out there who are NOT looking for just sex and w/ a little playing your cards properly, you will find them. Good luck and lay low girlfriend.

[Sweet_intelligent_lonely_gal]

I like the sounds of that! I have been getting into all kinds of things lately! I've been heavy into my music and nostalgia. I'd have a party, but my friends are not around. My best is studying in England, another VERY close friend I haven't seen in over a year (a very strange situation; one I can't explain here), my buddy from school spends every weekend with his kids, and the rest are scattered throughout the country.

 

I had a very close friend who joined a cultlike religion in 1998 and I haven't seen him since (I'm not making this up), and I have a kinda close female friend who I'm gonna see today. The problem is that she is always working and looking for another job, and doesn't have a lot of time to socialize. Most of my friends are single males (with no mutual love interest and who are just as unlucky, if not MORE unlucky as myself.) I must add. =)

 

Maybe I should have an 80's nostalgia single friends reunion party! LOL I was actually considering that! I'm gonna think that one over...Hmmm. =)

 

Thank you for the help! Thank you for the support! I will try to create some positive energy in my life and see what it brings. Thank you so much!

 

s_i_l_g

Oh my heart goes out to you. I've shared that pain. The best advice I can offer you isn't going to sound very satisfying until you do it. Doing it has brought new joy to my life; I promise it will for you too... For now, lay your romantic hopes aside and concentrate on building a group of friends. Invite friends into your home and into your life. Get involved with life and throw your energy into doing things you enjoy. Once the loneliness fades you will find your longing for love becomes less desperate. You will also find your self-esteem no longer depends on the attention of a man. I promise. Once your happiness is back in your hands and off the shoulders of the men you approach, you'll become much more attractive (and much less needful) of that lovely opposite sex. Be patient with yourself and work to make your happiness.

[Bobby Dygytul]

tsuJ rebmemer siht, ereht si enoemos tuo ereht rof ydobyreve!!!!!!!!!

 

Doog, kcul!!!!!!!!

 

~YbboD lutygyD~ oodoodoodoodoodoodoodooooooo!!!!

 

Hello, I'm a 23 y/o intelligent, attractive (just somewhat overweight) single gal who's had trouble meeting that special someone. I've tried personal ads, bars, every meeting place available, meeting through friends, but nothing has worked! Every guy I meet is involved or not available. I've met several guys lately, including some off the internet, but then they go home and never return my messages. I've met guys in person, including this really nice guy that my Mom knows, but after getting to know him a bit and asking for his phone number, he didn't think twice and said "I'm too old for you." (He's 32, I'm 23. So what? My cousin got married to his 40 y/o wife when he was 20. They've been married for 11 years!)

 

It's not a matter of "trying" or "not trying." I've tried "not caring whether I find a boyfriend", but it hasn't worked. The long version is below with the details of my stories. Thank you for your help!

[g_l_i_s]

knaht uoy!

tsuJ rebmemer siht, ereht si enoemos tuo ereht rof ydobyreve!!!!!!!!! Doog, kcul!!!!!!!! ~YbboD lutygyD~ oodoodoodoodoodoodoodooooooo!!!!

 

[Bobby Dygytul]

yrros, eht D ni ~ybboD si esoppus ot eb a B, ~ybboB

 

~ybboB lutygyD~ !!!!!!oooooodoodoodoodoodoodoodood

tsuJ rebmemer siht, ereht si enoemos tuo ereht rof ydobyreve!!!!!!!!! Doog, kcul!!!!!!!! ~YbboD lutygyD~ oodoodoodoodoodoodoodooooooo!!!!

 

[Bobby Dygytul]

sI ti tsuj em ro si gnihtyreve mi gnitirw, sdrawkcab !!!!!!!!!!!!GGHHHAAAAA tahw eht lleh si gnorw htiw siht P.O.S (eceiP fO tihS) ?

knaht uoy!

[Rogue]

Well,you do get an "A" for effort.It's refreshing to see someone who know what they want. I won't say "forget about boyfriends for now" or "you don't need a man",since that's not the answer you are looking for.

 

To tell you the truth,I'm a little disconcerted by your requirements for a boyfriend.I've read your earlier post ,and seems to me you want an awful lot from your "dream" guy. Please don't misunderstand me, I think it's important to have standards and to stick with them. It just seems like awfully big shoes your average Joe will have to fill should he stumble upon you in everyday life.

 

I'm not saying your type of man doesn't exist, because I know tons of them,many as friends. But guys like that have standards too, and they tend to be equally high. Guys like you described get more than their share of female attention, so you are up against some stiff competetion !

 

I know a lot of guys who are professional, clean-cut, outgoing and very attractive.You know what? An awful lot of them are arrogant and childish. There are some real cool guys in that category, but the only one I know of personally married my sister.(hahaha)

 

Let's be honest with each other.I'd like a beautiful woman,with a pretty face ,a hot body,and lot integrity, smarts and compassion.I'd like woman who can watch hockey and eat nachos,who I can trust,who won't nag, who is fun to be with,who can kick butt like a Power Ranger. What red-blooded male on this planet wouldn't want that too??!? Do I really think I'm the only one on the planet who values those qualities in woman?!? Any woman with all that would probably have 50 guys following her around drooling to be with her!! Unless I'm hybrid between Cary Grant\Clint Eastwood\Mel Gibson\Batman I'm not going to stand a chance. Never mind my clever wit, never mind my debonair charm, never mind my keen social insights, never mind my...(well ,the list goes on and on), the fact is I'm not Cary Grant\Clint Eastwood\Mel Gibson\Big Bird from Sesame Street ! And you know what? A lot of really cool guys out there aren't either!

 

So my advice is to relax a bit more around men. I'm not saying you should go steady with someone you don't feel is right for you. I'm saying you should learn to appreciate some of the men around you (only if they are nice guys). And if dating them doesn't work out ,at least consider some of them as friends. Well that's my 2 cents.

[Paulie]

Hello, I'm a 23 y/o intelligent, attractive (just somewhat overweight) single gal who's had trouble meeting that special someone. I've tried personal ads, bars, every meeting place available, meeting through friends, but nothing has worked! Every guy I meet is involved or not available. I've met several guys lately, including some off the internet, but then they go home and never return my messages. I've met guys in person, including this really nice guy that my Mom knows, but after getting to know him a bit and asking for his phone number, he didn't think twice and said "I'm too old for you." (He's 32, I'm 23. So what? My cousin got married to his 40 y/o wife when he was 20. They've been married for 11 years!)

 

It's not a matter of "trying" or "not trying." I've tried "not caring whether I find a boyfriend", but it hasn't worked. The long version is below with the details of my stories. Thank you for your help!