Rebounds,, Be careful

[mike588]

Ok you meet someone who is just out of a relationship and start dating/fall in love then months later you get dumped, they either go back to their ex. or find someone else.

 

Your heart broken and go thru the terrible pain hoping that they will come back to you. I've learned that since you were used as an "emotional bandaid" during their time of grief from the previous relationship chances are your holding on to false hope.

 

They may have loved you and care/cared about you but were NEVER IN LOVE with you and did'nt have a deep emotional connection with you,, their heart was elsewhere during the relationship.

 

Why would they come back to someone they never were IN LOVE WITH or had that deep emotional connection with???

 

They would only come back to you as a fall back person,, use you again until someone else comes along, and likely break your heart again. Sadly it's taken me to long to finally realise this.

 

My advise is be very,very careful getting to involved with someone fresh out of a relationship especially if they tell you they still have feelings for their ex. RED FLAG,, RUN!! RUN!!!

 

I've paid a heavy price for being a rebound guy,,, Never again!! Everyone else here used as a rebound person and still hoping he/she will come back and have a REAL loving meaningful relationship with,,, don't count on it,, just move on, save yourself the pain of having to going thru it all over again.

[Teuen101]

yup your so right, been that guy my self.

[mike588]

yup your so right, been that guy my self.

 

What happened with you,, go back to the ex.?

[maxy1]

mike's words of wisdom strike again, i have been finding myself wanting to rebound mainly just to feel good about myself again. but then i think about it and i know i am just not ready.

 

i wish my ex could read this, as she jumped right into a new relationship from ours (as you know mike), but she is gonna hurt this guy and she is not gonna make herself any better. she hasn't been alone since she was like 14 or 15, i dunno if she will ever truly know herself. she jumps from one dream to another, without direction always changing her major, or life goals, or whatever. i wish she could see that this time alone will help her. not to mention, i wouldn't feel as worthless. it hurts both people in the end, maybe even more.

[Mcnulty]

Echoing your thoughts Maxy.

 

2 weeks of just no contact, no argument and facebook tells me she's in a rel. with my friend, i still shudder when i think about it. I pray for karma to get them, i really do.

[Teuen101]

What happened with you,, go back to the ex.?

 

they don't come out and say this is a rebound relationship, the thing that make it a rebound is this, they came out of a relationship they haven't 100% dealt with, thus, they've had no time to heal.

 

What happened to me ? I met some one 4 years ago that wasn't happy she gave this song and dance about how she sad, however she just came out of a divorce 3 weeks earlyer so...I got sucked in and it was a good 3 months but she met some one else and did the same thing to him..she started relationship hopping.

 

sorry for the typos and grammer.

 

 

key is, never get into a relationship with some one who just came out of one,you will get hurt.

[ken_25]

Forget being careful, just avoid them altogether. Same goes for people still hung up on someone else. For example, my ex had been single for nearly a year but was chasing her first love who was playing her. When I met her, she said she's moved on and blah blah blah. Nope, she was still hung up on him and cheated on me, with him, two months into our 3 1/2 year relationship together.

[mike588]

they don't come out and say this is a rebound relationship, the thing that make it a rebound is this, they came out of a relationship they haven't 100% dealt with, thus, they've had no time to heal.

 

What happened to me ? I met some one 4 years ago that wasn't happy she gave this song and dance about how she sad, however she just came out of a divorce 3 weeks earlyer so...I got sucked in and it was a good 3 months but she met some one else and did the same thing to him..she started relationship hopping.

 

sorry for the typos and grammer.

 

 

key is, never get into a relationship with some one who just came out of one,you will get hurt.

 

Ok, lets say you got involved with someone just out of a relationship and they never healed or dealt with it then they meet you and you date for 6,,8 months and there was something there again maybe they loved you,cared for you or really wanted it to work but were still hung up in with an ex. Then they dump you.

 

Now do they go thru dealing/healing with this loss too? Guess what I'm trying to say is: Your now ex. never healed from his/her ex.,,,, you date for sometime then he/she dumps you to go back to the ex.

 

Do they now mourn of have to deal/heal with the loss of your/this relationship too???

 

Do they ever take the time to heal from anyone!!! Geeze!!

 

Where does that put their head/emotions?? For all who know my story this is what happened to me.

 

Yes the key is,,,NEVER EVER get deeply involved with someone fresh out of a relationship!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[MIK1000]

My ex and I were in a very deep and loving relationship for over a year, then she went away for the summer to america to work at a kids camp and became distant, e.g not contacting me more than once a week then split up with me after I made a fuss about this a couple of time. Then started going out with a new guy a few weeks later. They're both home now and doing a LD relationship.

 

I don't know if my ex will ever properly mourn the loss of our relationship because she was having the time of her life while she was in america and I was the last thing on her mind and now she seems to be happy with this LD guy and they are making the effort to see each other every second weekend.

 

Will she eventually mourn losing our relationship (it was a very intense young love, where we promised the world to each other) or because we broke up while she was away having the time of her life, has she managed to side step it?

[Jono85]

Ok, lets say you got involved with someone just out of a relationship and they never healed or dealt with it then they meet you and you date for 6,,8 months and there was something there again maybe they loved you,cared for you or really wanted it to work but were still hung up in with an ex. Then they dump you.

 

Now do they go thru dealing/healing with this loss too? Guess what I'm trying to say is: Your now ex. never healed from his/her ex.,,,, you date for sometime then he/she dumps you to go back to the ex.

 

Do they now mourn of have to deal/heal with the loss of your/this relationship too???

 

Do they ever take the time to heal from anyone!!! Geeze!!

 

Where does that put their head/emotions?? For all who know my story this is what happened to me.

 

Yes the key is,,,NEVER EVER get deeply involved with someone fresh out of a relationship!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

trust me man, i can write this book myself after my last relationship.

 

mine was about 2 months out of hers (but this is the ONLY guy she had sex with, and were on and off for the last 3 years). i put her through some hoops to prove she was over the guy (they hadn't communicated for months) but in the end, about 4 months into our relationship, he came back in her life. she basically met up with him behind my back to talk things out for about a month, all the while telling me she was in love with me and there was no one else lol. well i finally found a letter from him confirming all the lies and they were indeed discussing getting back. she was obviously waiting for him to commit, before getting rid of me.

 

it was a terrible terrible feeling. but there were some minor red flags that i ignored. but to look back at a time when you were so happy, b/c u thought this girl really loved you, cared for you, was insanely beautiful, etc etc, only to find out it was essentially all fake, and you were used, it destroys your self esteem.

 

i thought about all the people in my life, family, friends, who were so happy for me, and then the embarassment of me having to tell them what happened. i thought it made me look like an idiot for falling for it all.

 

the worst part is, almost a year later, she's broken up with that same ex and is onto someone new right away. a guy we both used to work with who we made fun of for being so desperate and weird/creepy (he had a huuuge thing for her). but now i feel terrible for him, i already know how this story ends. it makes me sick that she's gonna do the exact same thing to him. and i KNOW she's not over her ex b/c i visited her FB page the other day out of curiosity (we're not FB friends don't worry) and now all of a sudden her FB page is totally public, and she's not friends with her ex anymore, and she's flaunting all her pics with the new guy. but also posting quotes to songs and sayings that are motivational and about ******* guys, etc...and if i were this guy i'd feel so disrespected as it's clear she's dealing with the pain of her ex by getting with him.

 

 

anyhow...done venting lol. but i totally can sympathize with the rebounds out there. i can now say i'm much wiser though and will be more cautious in the future.

[DownNotOut]

I couldn't agree with this thread more, and sadly - I learned the hard way after a 1 1/2 year relationship. The first year was great between us, then out of the blue she told me "I've been having feelings for my ex" - I was floored after she claimed to be in love with me and I being the best thing that ever happened to her. She later apologized and told me she didn't know what she was thinking. The next 6 months I discovered she was emotionally cheating with him and possibly physical (my guts me that) but I have no proof. At then end of the day she ran and I got the whole "I love you, but am not in love with you" BS.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t305160/ - That's my story, it's long...

 

I'd recommend anyone considering a rebound to prepare yourself at the onset that the chance of it working out if there are unresolved feelings is slim to none.

[mike588]

I couldn't agree with this thread more, and sadly - I learned the hard way after a 1 1/2 year relationship. The first year was great between us, then out of the blue she told me "I've been having feelings for my ex" - I was floored after she claimed to be in love with me and I being the best thing that ever happened to her. She later apologized and told me she didn't know what she was thinking. The next 6 months I discovered she was emotionally cheating with him and possibly physical (my guts me that) but I have no proof. At then end of the day she ran and I got the whole "I love you, but am not in love with you" BS.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t305160/ - That's my story, it's long...

 

I'd recommend anyone considering a rebound to prepare yourself at the onset that the chance of it working out if there are unresolved feelings is slim to none.

 

Funny I heard the same stuff,,, I love you,I was the best thing ever to come along in her life blah blah blah.

 

I do however believe at the time she said those things she really meant it or wanted to believe it to convince herself that she was over her ex.

 

Your ex. may have felt the same way?? Some people purpously use others (us) to get over their past ex./love but I feel that others may have really tried to move on,, tried to make it work, wanted it to work but when the ex. comes a knocking it's just to much for them and they do suffer the loss of the relationship they had with us.

Edited November 17, 2011 by mike588

[DownNotOut]

Funny I heard the same stuff,,, I love you,I was the best thing ever to come along in her life blah blah blah.

 

I do however believe at the time she said those things she really meant it or wanted to believe it to convince herself that she was over her ex.

 

Your ex. may have felt the same way?? Some people purpously use others (us) to get over their past ex./love but I feel that others may have really tried to move on,, tried to make it work, wanted it to work but when the ex. comes a knocking it's just to much for them and they do suffer the loss of the relationship they had with us.

 

No - don't get me wrong, I know she meant what she was saying at the time - but those feelings started to wane over time - especially when started communicating with her ex again. They always talked as they shared a daughter together, but their communication increased when she started to grow indifferent to our relationship. I accept fault in our relationship by enabling her and trying to be captain save a hoe, but I learned my lesson about jumping into a rebound relationship and will never do it again.

[YouNeverKnow86]

Well let me tell you my story:

 

My girlfriend and I are in a relationship for 2 months (intense, hung out all the time, everything seemed perfect, no arguing etc.). Well she randomly blindsides me out of nowhere and breaks up with me. She says these reasons: "Something is missing", "Makes no sense because you are perfect but something is off" and was still upset/saying she will miss me/asking my perspective (thought this was weird). She goes cold/distant (I beg/plead) and she tells me her ex (first love) randomly contacted her. They haven't spoken in 2 years and this coincidently happens a few days after our break up? I never believed it one bit.

 

Well the story goes that eventually she cuts me out of her life and readds her ex bf/his friends on Facebook (this according to her friend). I was the first guy that has slept with her since her ex (she is a traditional Italian). So guys it seems as if rebounds can happen even 2 years later.

 

I truly believe she dumped me because her ex actually contacted her during our relationship and it messed her mind up. She said it took her a year to get over him, I highly doubt she is over him if they have reconnected. All I know is that she is supposedly still single on facebook (we have broken up 3 1/2 months ago). She picked having him in her life over me.......

 

Unreal.

Edited November 17, 2011 by YouNeverKnow86

[mike588]

Well let me tell you my story:

 

My girlfriend and I are in a relationship for 2 months (intense, hung out all the time, everything seemed perfect, no arguing etc.). Well she randomly blindsides me out of nowhere and breaks up with me. She says these reasons: "Something is missing", "Makes no sense because you are perfect but something is off" and was still upset/saying she will miss me/asking my perspective (thought this was weird). She goes cold/distant (I beg/plead) and she tells me her ex (first love) randomly contacted her. They haven't spoken in 2 years and this coincidently happens a few days after our break up? I never believed it one bit.

 

Well the story goes that eventually she cuts me out of her life and readds her ex bf/his friends on Facebook (this according to her friend). I was the first guy that has slept with her since her ex (she is a traditional Italian). So guys it seems as if rebounds can happen even 2 years later.

 

I truly believe she dumped me because her ex actually contacted her during our relationship and it messed her mind up. She said it took her a year to get over him, I highly doubt she is over him if they have reconnected. All I know is that she is supposedly still single on facebook (we have broken up 3 1/2 months ago). She picked having him in her life over me.......

 

Unreal.

 

Heard the same exact thing: Something is missing,, your perfect then tells me a week later her ex. texted her one night out of the blue saying,, Love you, miss you,,,, yea right!!! Makes you wonder how long it was really going on.

 

Needless to say, I was history,ha.

[YouNeverKnow86]

Mike,

 

Do you believe these girls just use the same excuses "there is something missing" because they don't want to admit they are not over their ex. My ex would appologize over and over again about the breakup but wouldn't meet me face to face. Everytime I brought that up she would sidetrack it and end the convo. Well I guess its good knowing she is still single but do you believe in my case she broke up with me due to realization she wasn't over her ex...........I just think these girls are so messed up that they actually make themselves believe they are over us/loss spark or whatever/ so they feel better. Or do they just lie to us because they are ashamed to admitting the ex crap?

[mike588]

Mike,

 

Do you believe these girls just use the same excuses "there is something missing" because they don't want to admit they are not over their ex. My ex would appologize over and over again about the breakup but wouldn't meet me face to face. Everytime I brought that up she would sidetrack it and end the convo. Well I guess its good knowing she is still single but do you believe in my case she broke up with me due to realization she wasn't over her ex...........I just think these girls are so messed up that they actually make themselves believe they are over us/loss spark or whatever/ so they feel better. Or do they just lie to us because they are ashamed to admitting the ex crap?

 

Each and every relationship is so different. I think when they finally tell you that something is missing is when they have already decided to end it with you,,, they have already decided to go back,, it's their way of justifying it to themselves by saying that,,, they believe that something is missing when it may or may not.

 

My ex. also said she was so very, very sorry but with yours not wanting to meet you face to face was out of her guilt! it's so much easier for them to call, text, email etc. than meet you face to face and by her always side tracking it is just another sign of her guilt, she doesn't want to deal with it.

 

Yes, I believe she dumped you for her strong feelings for her ex.,,, she never got over him,, there is unfinished business between them,,, it may or may not work.

[YouNeverKnow86]

Why can't women just say: "I can't be in a relationship with you right now because I still have strong feelings for my ex."

 

It's like they are ashamed to admit that, I would have so much more respect for them if they actually did that.

[mike588]

Why can't women just say: "I can't be in a relationship with you right now because I still have strong feelings for my ex."

 

It's like they are ashamed to admit that, I would have so much more respect for them if they actually did that.

 

I too wish my ex would of told me that,, I feel like she strung me along because I was her "emotional bandaid" during her time of need,, she did'nt want to be alone, she was hurting and needed someone to fill that gap in her life.

 

If you would like to PM (private message) me please feel free to do so,, I know what your going thru,,, it sucks!!

[lilyblue]

It's not just women!! I know you've read and replied to my story Mike (thank you), but I have a feeling that even though I tried really hard not to be the rebound, I still was. He had been separated from his exwife for almost two years, divorced for one. He said he was ready, he talked about how he had always liked me but hadn't wanted to use me as a rebound immediately after his marriage broke up. After much discussion we dated for one month - the entire time he was saying how happy I made him, how much he loved spending time with me, how he looked forward to seeing me all day, telling me how much he missed me any night we were apart. It felt awesome. Then things changed. Communication lessened over the course of the next 2 weeks until he completely vanished. No discussion whatsoever about us not dating anymore. The last time I saw him he was still telling me how much he liked me and how he would never string me along. One month after the last text he sent to me (which was that his plane had landed and he had returned from his trip) I found out that he's back together with the ex.

 

It hurts really badly. I like to believe that he did not do it on purpose and the pull of his ex was just really strong. But it doesn't really make it better.

[Sugarkane]

My experience was different. I started seeing someone when I wasn't o er my ex. Then he screwed me over and dumped me. And I never got back with my ex either. I ended up with no one (abd thank god for that, as they were both jerks).

[lolita jade]

I may be wrong but I think my separated husband of 25 years is rebounding.

 

I thought for the year (separation time) we were trying to give eachother space after being in a rut. Did coffee, going out, take aways, meals occaissionally, but he did say he wanted space. I kept ringing and being needy,

 

He then told me he found someone else and said it was because I didnt give him space. He told her he had strong feelings for me and he initially was going to tell her he wanted space and try with me again but after a weekend with her that changed. She has 3 chldren and he doesnt like other peoples kids.

 

He now doesnt contact me like I have fallen off the face of the world. He has been seeing her for 4 months and is spending Christmas with her. Cant help feeling it is lust/ rebound as he hasnt felt this feeling for a long time. I have no choice but to carry on with my life and rebuild it. Very early on he has told me how happy he is too. And how he gets on with the kids and they get on with him.

 

It is hard for the ex partner of a rebounder too. If this is what he is doing?

[mike588]

It's not just women!! I know you've read and replied to my story Mike (thank you), but I have a feeling that even though I tried really hard not to be the rebound, I still was. He had been separated from his exwife for almost two years, divorced for one. He said he was ready, he talked about how he had always liked me but hadn't wanted to use me as a rebound immediately after his marriage broke up. After much discussion we dated for one month - the entire time he was saying how happy I made him, how much he loved spending time with me, how he looked forward to seeing me all day, telling me how much he missed me any night we were apart. It felt awesome. Then things changed. Communication lessened over the course of the next 2 weeks until he completely vanished. No discussion whatsoever about us not dating anymore. The last time I saw him he was still telling me how much he liked me and how he would never string me along. One month after the last text he sent to me (which was that his plane had landed and he had returned from his trip) I found out that he's back together with the ex.

 

It hurts really badly. I like to believe that he did not do it on purpose and the pull of his ex was just really strong. But it doesn't really make it better.

 

I really believe he did'nt want to do it on purpose, like you said the pull of his ex. was just to strong. Him not wanting to talk about it and vanishing are just signs of his guilt.

 

I heard the same thing,, last time I saw/heard from my ex. she also said how much she, LIKED me.

 

Amazing how much the pull of an ex. can have even after 2 years in your case.

[YouNeverKnow86]

I really believe he did'nt want to do it on purpose, like you said the pull of his ex. was just to strong. Him not wanting to talk about it and vanishing are just signs of his guilt.

 

I heard the same thing,, last time I saw/heard from my ex. she also said how much she, LIKED me.

 

Amazing how much the pull of an ex. can have even after 2 years in your case.

 

Yeah my ex told me she still liked me too after we broke up. Do these people really just go on with this guilt forever? Do they eventually come back and will admit to you what happened once the emotions are gone. I mean if I was them I would want to bury the hatchet later in life.....How could you just keep that on your mind?

[mike588]

Yeah my ex told me she still liked me too after we broke up. Do these people really just go on with this guilt forever? Do they eventually come back and will admit to you what happened once the emotions are gone. I mean if I was them I would want to bury the hatchet later in life.....How could you just keep that on your mind?

 

I laughed when she told me she "likes" me when before it was I love you. I don't know what's going on in her head or others when they say that.

 

As far as the guilt I guess they will carry that with them or find some way to justify it in their minds. My ex. really hosed me over BIG time and I don't see how she could EVER forget what she did and I hope she thinks/remembers it everyday.

 

Who knows if they will ever come back and admit it,, depends on the person?