wilsonx Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 Am I doing better then I was at the this time last year, absolutely. I think I am happier now then I was on my last birthday with my ex. There's a backstory to this, the first time my ex broke up with me, it was on my birthday after she took me out for dinner and we had sex 2 years ago. So my birthday still stings a bit for me and it always has. I never was able to let that go and let the past be in the past. I was completely heartbroken. I have never told anyone this. Not even my best friends. I was so ashamed and heartbroken like most people, I did not know which way was up. I questioned myself more then her wondering what I did wrong what was wrong with me for someone to do this to you and then break up with you that night that was probably the most painful experience I had ever gone through mentally. I mean you couldn't wait a day? I remember crying on my birthday and I did the wrong thing that everyone else here does, I lowered my self worth and value and continued being friends with her because I felt unimportant. With this sad story comes a glimmer of hope. I grew from this, I learned from this. I have self respect, pride in myself and confidence in my ability to make correct decisions in the future. I am no longer captain save a hoe. We can let to people that our ex's leave us for to have them. I am not settling for anything less then I deserve. I had a dream 2 nights ago where I was running the noland trail, and my ex was chasing me asking for me to stop so she could talk to me, I turned my head shrugged my shoulders and kept going. Finally I said to myself when I woke up a good dream, a positive dream, a sign that I am letting go. So those of you new to this battle, keep your head forward, grieve the past and then let it go. Don't become frustratred because its not happening immediately. True change takes time. Give yourself time and keep being the best you possible. Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 Excellent post there my friend and Happy Birthday too. It's terrible to have triggers but even worse when those triggers are days that were already special to us, like birthdays or Xmas etc. The last time I saw my ex was a week before my birthday, so not the same as yourself but it's still a reminder I'd rather not have. I think your final line means a lot, about it taking time to heal. So many here post because they still feel terrible after a day, a week or a month. Everyone heals differently and there is no time limit. It will happen when it happens. Now go enjoy your day... Link to post Share on other sites
Kamila Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 This is so true. "True change takes time. " Posting here relieves the pain though. Happy b-day. Link to post Share on other sites
Rorschach64 Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 Happy Birthday! Forcing the change only will just make the inevitable up's and down's feel much worse. Best way to take this as a 'work in progress' physically, mentally, and emotionally. Time will only tune your work to your liking. Link to post Share on other sites
NYOrLAGuy Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 Happy birthday, buddy, congrats for hanging in there. How unbelieveably cold hearted for someone to do that to you. My therapist made a great point a couple of weeks ago, when he told me that the dumpers usually go through quite the gestation period with their thoughts and feelings trying to decide whether or not to dump. They rarely go from 0 to breakup overnight. So assuming she was thinking about it for a while, how awful and SELFISH that no, she could just wait until the next day so you could at least have a good memory to fall back upon. My ex broke up with me five days before my birthday, and we had plans to go to an Angels/Yankees game on my bday, and a U2 concert a few weeks after. So it hurts like a sonofabitch thinking that she deprived me of what were supposed to be special memories. I bet your ex was thinking she was doing the right thing waiting until your bday, but again, very SELFISH that she couldn't wait just a day or two longer. That alone says to me that she's incapable (much like mine, so maybe I'm positing) of truly being able to feel unconditional love. And that should make you feel sorry for her more than anything. Keep on keeping on, dude, sounds like you're doing quite well! Link to post Share on other sites
Wesker Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 I know about bad birthdays. My last one back in March while I was still with my bitch of an ex made basically no effort at all. Prolly because she was living a a huge lie for a year at that point, and emotionally fantasizing about her new idiot sugar daddy she's with now. Was wondering something WilsonX. I'll be coming up on my 6 mark next month too. How long, if any, were you stuck in that anger stage where even the thought of your ex makes you want to just punch a wall. Funny thing about your dream, if that was me right now, instead of ignoring my ex, I'd prolly grab her by the throat and chuck her into a tree. ha It's amazing how just one person can fuel so much hate, and anger, and I'm normally a pretty laid back guy. Link to post Share on other sites
lymtal1 Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 happy birthday wilson. i hope your next one brings you nothing but indifference and happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wilsonx Posted November 18, 2011 Author Share Posted November 18, 2011 Thank you everyone @wesker - Its 6 months and I still have a bit of anger. I haven't displayed this much anger in my life. I think I have always been afraid too. I think that's the problem. Life isn't always positive and instead of accepting the emotion we have at the time, we bottle up the negative ones and try to be positive. I have learned its ok to be angry, just accept it and use the negative energy for positive things such as working out. Just see that you are angry, feel the anger, dont judge it and say this is bad dont be angry, just accept it as part of what you are feeling. This is being honest to yourself and start practicing this with all your emotions. You might see a whole new person evolve from this experience. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 Happy birthday! Don't apologise for how you feel - that's like apologising for being real. Link to post Share on other sites
fenderjames Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 Happy birthday brother . Nice post ( as usual ) . Thanks for the final paragraph . I'll be reading it frequently . Link to post Share on other sites
mike588 Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 Happy Birthday Wison, great post,,, hang in there! Link to post Share on other sites
novus69 Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 Yes, amen to that, and I am very happy for you. It has been nearly 6 months of no contact for me and I had a lot of ups and downs. I think I only had one dream though about him, which is good.... I am beginning to enjoy things more now, I can sit here by myself and enjoy a bottle of wine (which we used to do together all the time) and I can listen to the same music again that we used to listen too without falling apart. I have my moments, nevertheless, but it IS getting better. Ones self-value gradually returns. I get surges of optimism about life that I have not had in a long time, and it feels good! I am the captain of my own ship, and I am sailing at full sail!! It does get better~!! Link to post Share on other sites
fenderjames Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 Hi W , how was your birthday ? I hope you found some peace at some point during the day . Cheers man . FJ . Link to post Share on other sites
Author wilsonx Posted November 21, 2011 Author Share Posted November 21, 2011 Thanks for the support Peepz! Honestly, it was rough. My family took me out to dinner and my jaded brother came. haha. I don't think hes ever going to get into another relationship. He's 2 years younger then men and has had his fair share of hurt. As for my personal well being, it gets better, the more you focus on you, the less you focus on the ex. I have my moments though. I have been confused by a lot of posts here with compassion and being a better human being and blah blah blah. I realized I don't want my ex back, Im tired of games. I am an adult and I figured she was but her true colors shine when she does her childish stalking. I did get a breadcrumb the other day and I shrugged it off. It didnt phase me. I have a lot of friends now then I did when I was with her and I have this great funny older guy that owns a laser tag studio and him and I were talking and he said, you know what, she doesnt even compare to you and your level. He's a typical older guy that I figured was jaded too dating 3 women at a time but he found somebody and he told me today, you know what I called those 3 women and burned my bridges with them, Im willing to risk it again. We both are equals, shes not better then me, I am not better then her. We compliment instead of supplement each other. He's absolutely right. As for what I have done the past couple of months, I am crushing my bucketlist... If you do not have one make one... The most recent items I've crossed off. 1) Lesbians 2) Jumping out of a perfectly good airplane 3) Being thrown out of a club for being too intoxicated. (This happened last night, bouncer came around the corner... been there at a party for 6.5 hours. Bouncer walks up to me, can I see your ID please. I said sure and gave it to him. He said you need to follow me you are intoxicated. Im there with 30 people and they start watching. You guys know me, Im no holds barred. I said so what does that mean? He says you have to leave. I said what? Are you serious? Your profiling me (Im white hes black) Everybody stops and looks and he says "Im not racist" I said who said anything about you being racist, your going around the club looking for drunk people, your profiling. He smiles and continues to escort me out of the club. My friends laugh. I sit outside and start talking to the police officers sitting out there and said, I hope you guys aren't profilers either. and then I yelled "I AM NOT RON "Tater Salad" White". If you have never seen Ron White, hes a comedian you have to watch it. The cops outside laugh. Ron has this thing where he complains about getting arrested for being drunk in public. He says, I was drunk in a bar. I was thrown in public. Its not fair. After a few, my friends come out and we all laugh and go home. HERES RON WHITE VIDEO IM TALKING ABOUT My friends awarded me a merit badge for being thrown out of a club. When you start focusing on you and just enjoying your own life, nothing else matters, the past doesnt matter, the future doesnt matter, its all about right now. Link to post Share on other sites
reimeivn Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 happy late birthday wilson. 6 months is a mark. i am glad that you are there already Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 Make a woman laugh and you can make her do anything. Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 Make a woman laugh and you can make her do anything. True story! And, happy belated birthday Wilson! Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 Make a woman laugh and you can make her do anything. Not entirely true if the laughter follows the moment the guy drops his pants! Link to post Share on other sites
immitable Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 Hey, happy belated Birthday to you Wilsonx, the funny thing my ex also had a birthday on Nov 17, I didn't wish her a happy one though. Thank you for all the good advices man. Best wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
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