jacksonBrown Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 i'm depressed over loosing my ex last weekend we werent together but were really close friends i ended up getting very drunk last saturday night and sent some very abusive txt msg's to her mainly calling her a slut for catching up with other guys when we promised we wouldn't see other ppl. I have an alcohol problem because when im sober i couldn't care less about her catching up with other ppl but when i drink i turn into a nasty person who is on a mission to hurt ppl , she knows i have and alcohol problem and the next day i couldn't apologize enuff she means the world to me how could i be so abusive to her, any way she wasnt having it she said she never wants to see me again and that she's over all the drama. only just last week she was telling me how much she loved me so i'm extremely gutted that i got drunk and ruined everything, i'm attending my first AA meeting this weekend and i'm swearing off the booze its ruining my life. but i still cant get her out of my mind i get very depressed when i think about her and how i ever could of said those things to her, should i just let her be and give her some space or should i try patch things up, please any advice evan if its harsh i dont mind. Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 The alcohol is fueling your depression, which in turn is causing you to drink - it's a never ending circle and you are the only one who can change it. It's good that you're starting AA, but without the support for the depression you're only going to cover up the wounds, rather than getting them healed. You need to tackle both at the same time - realise that you're fighting with two demons here and your journey may be a long one, but if you truly want to heal then you will. We all have it in us to make any change we want to, it's all a question of will power. Get some advice on therapists from your doctor and make an appointment. Be honest about the drinking too so they know what they're dealing with and how best to help. In the meantime, delete your ex from your phone or even give your phone to a good friend so you can't be tempted in any way. Good luck. Hope it all works out soon for you. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 Im going to swing another way with this post. Alcohol is called liquid courage for a reason. People don't have the courage to say or do what they normally wouldn't do without it. People like to blame alcohol for cheating, people like to blame alcohol for them saying things that they "normally" wouldnt say. It's on your mind so you said it with liquid courage coursing deep through your veins. I am pretty sure you meant everything you said. She broke a promise (a bull**** promise she had no obligation to keep and you were hurt and mad). Own up to this, you did it, you know its been on your mind for a long time. Take responsibility for your own actions and dont take the cowards way out and blame something else Link to post Share on other sites
Author jacksonBrown Posted November 17, 2011 Author Share Posted November 17, 2011 Im going to swing another way with this post. Alcohol is called liquid courage for a reason. People don't have the courage to say or do what they normally wouldn't do without it. People like to blame alcohol for cheating, people like to blame alcohol for them saying things that they "normally" wouldnt say. It's on your mind so you said it with liquid courage coursing deep through your veins. I am pretty sure you meant everything you said. She broke a promise (a bull**** promise she had no obligation to keep and you were hurt and mad). Own up to this, you did it, you know its been on your mind for a long time. Take responsibility for your own actions and dont take the cowards way out and blame something else Thanks smudge i will be seeking proffesional help! Wilson i agree i probably did mean everything i said at the time, but that doesnt change the way i feel now! Evan if it is the corward way out thats how im feeling at the moment, anyway i guess the advice then is dont contact her.. Evan tho its eating me up inside... Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 (edited) Absolutely NC. I slipped and called my ex a Bitch when she gave me her breakup speech. You know what she said only one other person has ever called me a bitch besides her mom, and that was her last long term relationship that dumped her. You know, I dont necessarily think you need AA. Probably some therapy will do you good. Therapy is not the cowards way out. I said cowards way out because you blamed the alcohol for what you said and immediately said, I am going to go to AA because Im depressed and doing stupid things while drinking instead of owning your feelings. You have the right to own your feelings and you should never make yourself smaller so that other people will not be insecure around you. Im going to tell you why you are depressed, because you are STILL in contact with your ex of how long now 6 months? Shes banging other guys and cut you off and guess what, you are starting on day 1 of the breakup. If you would have started NC with her 6 months ago, you would be much better off then where you are at now. This is a learning lesson for you! NC after breakups. You have lowered your self worth from boyfriend -> friend -> now you are nothing. You no longer feel important so guess what you hit the bottle and spoke your mind. Something you probably should have said 6 months ago. I know I did. Here's the thing about NC, you can always start it again. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Say it mean it own it. The depression doesnt go away over night, Im 6 months out and there are days it hits me like a ton of bricks but I fight through it Edited November 17, 2011 by wilsonx Link to post Share on other sites
Author jacksonBrown Posted November 17, 2011 Author Share Posted November 17, 2011 i appreciate the comments but i do have a drinking/drug problem, have had for about 10 years now and i've had depression isuess for the same time i've only just gone on anti depressants 5 months ago and they have helped but i havn't stopped using drugs or alcohol. i say and do alot of things when i'm drunk or on drugs that i cringe about the next day i'm also violent when i drink i have some major anger issues too. need some professional help, need to sort my life out sorry for the rant but i'm not seeing a therapist till tommoro and talking helps Link to post Share on other sites
Veryconfused12345 Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 The problem with drinking/taking drugs on SSRI (antidepressants) is that it actually produces a counter effect when you take other substances and impedes the power of the medication. I know how it feels to be completely torn up inside and have no way to cope with the notion of losing someone you love. But from a woman's perspective here, I think that she needs some time to cool off and recover from this just as much as you do. If you lose it with her and insult her and then come back a week later saying it will never happen again and you've changed, I think it's going to be very difficult for your ex to believe you and take it seriously. I know you want to make changes for the better and you're doing what you can but you need to use this time to actively work on improving your emotional state so that if/when you do get an opportunity to show her your improvements, you're confident in your own abilities. It's terrible to feel like you're walking along this knife edge of depression and could slip back at any moment. But as I've discovered, that fear of being shaken by external forces is actually dependent on your own personal resiliance. Strengthen yourself right now, if you're to have a future with this woman, you need to focus internally at the moment... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jacksonBrown Posted November 17, 2011 Author Share Posted November 17, 2011 The problem with drinking/taking drugs on SSRI (antidepressants) is that it actually produces a counter effect when you take other substances and impedes the power of the medication. I know how it feels to be completely torn up inside and have no way to cope with the notion of losing someone you love. But from a woman's perspective here, I think that she needs some time to cool off and recover from this just as much as you do. If you lose it with her and insult her and then come back a week later saying it will never happen again and you've changed, I think it's going to be very difficult for your ex to believe you and take it seriously. I know you want to make changes for the better and you're doing what you can but you need to use this time to actively work on improving your emotional state so that if/when you do get an opportunity to show her your improvements, you're confident in your own abilities. It's terrible to feel like you're walking along this knife edge of depression and could slip back at any moment. But as I've discovered, that fear of being shaken by external forces is actually dependent on your own personal resiliance. Strengthen yourself right now, if you're to have a future with this woman, you need to focus internally at the moment... thankyou for the reply very sound advice, i need to get my self sorted first Link to post Share on other sites
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