Feel worthless :(

[Buttercup84]

Okay some of you know my story . I went into my ex's email after he ended it because I always had a feeling he was hidding something .

 

To make a long story short , I found out that he still had a dating profile . I knew he had one as he met his ex before me on it , and he said he deleted it when we met . He mentioned that he kept it for a few weeks when we met because I wasn't " nice " to him . I was a bit cold , but only for a few weeks and I always said sorry for that .

 

When I asked him which dating site he met his ex on he said he forgot , and later he said he didn't want to tell me incase we broke up and I stalked him . Right .

 

He uses the same password for everything so I took my chance and logged into that site and saw he had a profile . It was on " hidden " which means you can look for people but they can't look for you . Like it is on reserve .

 

And from the photos I know it was old as he had those on his phone when we met two years ago .

 

You can either delete your profile , or just keep it hidden . His was hidden .

 

From his emals to his friend he said he started contacting girls a day before we broke up. This man could be so caring and and romantic , then he became nasty and emotionally abusive .

 

It's been 6 months now and while I don't want him back and hardly miss him , my self esteem is so ****ed up right now . I am going to a psychologist and taking anti depressants , working , meeting friends etc but this jerk really hurt me bad . I am sorry for going on and on about this . I still think I am not good enough and feel so embaressed as I am sure he said horrible stuff about me to friends and family.

 

I do not even think I am worth dressing up and feeling sexy anymore .

[smudge21]

I did the whole snooping on an ex thing a long time ago and swore I'd never do it again. It's better not to know a lot of the time, instead just accept that it's over for whatever reason and move on. But I know how tempting it is to want to know stuff - I'm like that now but do avoid doing it.

 

I remember reading what she was saying to friends about us and it was clear she was showing interest in someone else but never cared enough to just be honest with me. Even after we broke up, she would occasionally show interest again but I knew it was all lies as she was seeing someone else. To her it was a "good time" and a bit of a "laugh". Really wish I'd never read what I'd read.

 

You're going through a rough time as you feel so betrayed and let down and it will take time to get yourself back to where you were, but you will get there. I think that's how I saw it - added to the pain of losing someone I loved, there was the betrayal. Not only do you give someone your heart, but you also put your trust in them. Some people can be so cruel at times, especially when we lower our guard and let them in.

[OnyxSnowfall]

Aw I'm sorry...... I think you're doing good by meeting people and trying to get help.

 

Bottom line though is that your ex doesn't deserve your time and your energy. Know that.

 

*You* deserve more...

 

This may be a good opportunity for you to cultivate your own self-worth. The kind that exists a part from everyone else. If your psychologist is unable to help you explore different ways of building that up, perhaps ask him/her for a recommendation with someone who can. Reading books has always helped me personally.

 

Having self-worth is invaluable though, and it will help pull you through all kinds of adversities in life.

[geegirl]

I know how you feel Butter. But you must not let another person define your worth and especially someone of his character. If you do that, you are essentially believing you are as bad as him.

 

You attached yourself to his negativity when you were dating him and now you're breeding it. You have to detach from that mentality and start believing that there was nothing about you that made him treat you or view you that way.

 

Before you met him, I would safely say you were on top of the world. That is your value. He just came along and muddled you up a bit. Don't let him define you.

 

I felt worthless at one point as well. But then I started seeing the reality in him and realized I was by far a better person than he was. If you start seeing the reality in him, your true self will emerge again. You were an extension of him. Break free and you will find your self esteem and your value.

 

I read a lot of self help books. Took notes, read and re-read to reframe my mind. Tried to get myself out there and be in uncomfortable situations i.e. making friends. When you put yourself in uncomfortable situations, you overcome and you feel a sense of accomplishment. It helps to feel better about yourself, and you feel reinforced. Cultivate a passion that you have and seeing the work that you put in and the results will help you feel good about yourself. Volunteer for a cause you believe in and it will give you new perspective on life. Plan and take a trip on your own. You'll feel empowered. Get to the gym. And if you don't want to dress up and get sexy, you must do it. Don't stay stuck in bad patterns, bad habits and bad thoughts.

 

Staying wounded will keep you there. You can never fathom the doings of someone like your ex and you never will.

 

You once loved to dress up and feel sexy. It's there. One way to overcome this is to snap out of it and say enough. Live. Get in that closet, get your best dress on and strut. And I guarantee you, that as soon as you break that seal, you'll keep doing it and that in turn will keep you feeling like a million bucks. Don't stay down. Get up.

Edited November 17, 2011 by geegirl

[Johnboys82]

Dont worry it gets better, i am a year after a break up and got a random text off my x a couple of weeks ago just HI after a year. i could have been dead in a ditch for all they cared. I found out by snooping she was on drugs behind my and out drinking behind my back. the only reason i think she contacted me was i was seen by her friends on facebook in tenerife having a ball with 3 girls hangin out of me, i hope it stung like **** when she seen it! my reply was who is this, i got a drunk call from private number d following sat night at 4.30am so i knew it was her and she was sad about something but u no what? We are worth so much more than scraps from a dirty table when they have not got what it takes to even sit with us! they always regret it needless to say i ignored d call and changed my number after i sent 1 hell of a text to her puttin her in her place to never contact me again she is drugged up scum. Keep your head up and if you need to chat let me know ill add you on facebook.

[Johnboys82]

Dont worry it gets better, i am a year after a break up and got a random text off my x a couple of weeks ago just HI after a year. i could have been dead in a ditch for all they cared. I found out by snooping she was on drugs behind my and out drinking behind my back. the only reason i think she contacted me was i was seen by her friends on facebook in tenerife having a ball with 3 girls hangin out of me, i hope it stung like **** when she seen it! my reply was who is this, i got a drunk call from private number d following sat night at 4.30am so i knew it was her and she was sad about something but u no what? We are worth so much more than scraps from a dirty table when they have not got what it takes to even sit with us! they always regret it needless to say i ignored d call and changed my number after i sent 1 hell of a text to her puttin her in her place to never contact me again she is drugged up scum. Keep your head up and if you need to chat let me know ill add you on facebook.

[jsd43953]

Well I would like to chim in with a bit of a perspective from a higher power. First and foremost the man upstairs promises us love, gives us love everyday, and is the soul symbolism of love. What I am finding during my break up is that through heartbreak and being alone is when we do the most growing mentally, physically and emotionally. All the thoughts we have that are negative are from the change in our emotional and spiritual atmosphere. I believe that when we are in such a negative state will will only bring forth negative responses and negative situations when dealing with the opposite sex. Vice versa, if you start looking for the silver lining in the clouds, this is where you can draw your strength from. Life for example dispite my heartache I am asking myself and teh man upstairs, what is this all about. Most people would say you should move on or whatever, but do you know that people including myself can only give advice based on our experiences, and the reality is all of our experiences are quite different. Me I am focusing on my spirituality and waiting for instruction to let go, hold on, etc. Remember a diamond is created under tremendous pressure and extreme conditions. Maybe this situation is your "coal" break ing experience. Food for thought. Hope something in my rant helps.

[CopingGal]

I understand Buttercup. My ex started contacting girls before we broke up and it is very possible that he contacted girls throughout the entire relationship. Every time I start to feel better and get my life back, some info comes my way that rips up the scars and makes me feel as if I am suffering all over again.

 

I told my ex not to contact me any more at all. I told him that I have removed all of his gifts and pictures from my home and have erased him from my home. I told him not to contact me in 6 months because he thinks I am no longer angry. I told him that I want nothing to do with him.

[Sugarkane]

Buttercup you deserve someone so much better than this jerk. At least now he can date someone, while still have a dating profile with someone else. At least he won't be cheating on you now.

[Thieves]

It's been 6 months now and while I don't want him back and hardly miss him , my self esteem is so ****ed up right now . I am going to a psychologist and taking anti depressants , working , meeting friends etc but this jerk really hurt me bad . I am sorry for going on and on about this . I still think I am not good enough and feel so embaressed as I am sure he said horrible stuff about me to friends and family.

 

I do not even think I am worth dressing up and feeling sexy anymore .

 

Buttercup, I'm sorry that you're going through a down time right now. But when I see your posts and threads, I always get upset that you don't seem to give yourself enough credit. There are some people out there who after a break up are still not able to get up out of their beds, or begin taking steps to heal themselves like you have. Nothing wrong those people, we all go through a period like that, but you've started taking those steps. You've started going to a psychologist, taking anti-d's, meeting friends... and those are all steps that you have to give time to start working, even if it's been 6 months.

 

But hey, you did say you don't miss him as much or want him back. Do you know what a huge step that is?! It's a very good thing. It means you understand that even though your ex was a jerk and it hurts like crazy, you're aware that you have to move on with your life. It's hard, but you've gathered the strength to start piecing yourself back together now. That's more than a few people can say, and so I don't think you should be so negative about your self-worth.