LilKylie Posted May 24, 2004 Share Posted May 24, 2004 I am in love with a guy who I have known for a few years. We're good friends and recently fell into a sexual relationship. I know he cares for me deeply, but he just got out of a bad long term relationship and is due to head overseas for 6 months in a few weeks. He knows I am devestated. He has told me that he can't committ to anything that is good for him, that he runs away from security and love. He says he is running away from me because I am the only good thing in his life right now. He is seeing a psychologist about it and hopes that this trip will help him sort himself out. It is just so frustrating to see the potential that this relationship has and he is leaving. I don't know how I will cope when he's gone, as he has been central in my life for 2 years. I don't know if I can let go, although I have no idea whether he will have changed when he gets back - or whether things will go back to the way they've always been. I know I can't handle just being his f*ck buddy. I am at the end of my rope, crying every day because I am losing him. I guess my question is whether you think a leapord can change his spots, whether he can believe in himself enough to want a relationship with someone who loves and cares for him. Or whether I am wasting my time on a lost cause. I feel so depressed right now at the prospect of him leaving. But I don't know if it's worse to hope that everything will fall into place when he gets back... Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted May 24, 2004 Share Posted May 24, 2004 I am at the end of my rope, crying every day because I am losing him. It doesn't really sound to me like you had him in the first place. Was this trip arranged before you do started having a sexual relationship? If he is seeing a psychologist to help him deal with his intimacy issues then yes, he could very well change. But how is he going to be seeing a psychologist & be away for 6 months at the same time? Regardless, I'm assuming that you are not a psychologist & seeing as you know he has these problems because he has openly admitted as much, you should try not to get too involved with him until they're sorted (I know, too late already). Him getting involved sexually with someone else so soon after a bad break up was not a smart thing to do. I guess he knows that. He must have known that you've been in love with him for a while so maybe he also feels that he has taken advantage of you & your friendship. It sounds to me like you're just going to have to see what happens upon his return. In the meanwhile though don't put your life on hold. Keep busy, go out & meet new people. You may just find that you don't care so much when he does return. Link to post Share on other sites
RackEmUp Posted May 24, 2004 Share Posted May 24, 2004 People definitely can make BIG changes, and have them stick. I've seen it happen. But what has to happen FIRST is that the person changing has to really want it. They have to want it so bad they put all their energy into making that change. Your FWB doesn't appear to want it anywhere near that bad - YOU'RE the one who wants the change. He is seeing a psychologist about it and hopes that this trip will help him sort himself out. Hunnnhhh?? Where did he get that idea? I can understand taking a long weekend, or maybe a 1 week timeout, just to get one's head clear. But 6 MONTHS?? Just how much sorting does he plan to do, anyhow? This trip is poorly planned and thought out. It won't have the effect he is hoping for. Everybody has problems of one type or another, but best to find someone who doesn't need to change utterly before they can even sustain a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
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