Long thread - just want opinions on something

[Sarah_J_uk]

ok ... another post from me. sorry.

 

I'm gonna get a few things sorted b4 i start: this is just me thinking outloud (or online... either way) about things. What i'm about to write isn't cos i wanna change anything. I'm not looking for advice as such. just opinions.

 

4 years ago a new guy came into my class. We didn't really get to know one another for a while but by the end of the school year we were friends. Then in september (new school year) all the classes were switched round for one reason or other and we ended up in the same class again. That year we really got to know one another and it turned out that we just got on really well.

Then the next school year in january i met this guy (another new guy). I fell for him immediately, 3 months later we were dating and over a year later we are going strong. he is perfect. someone on here said that you mustn't have a perfect guy in mind cos u will always be disappointed. Well he actually honestly is everything i ever wanted. which is crazy i know. We are completely in love and everything in our relationship is going great.

 

When i started seeing this guy i kinda stopped speaking to the other guy cos i didn't want my bf to think he had competition (which he didn't but it was best to keep him a happy bunny). that sounds weird. ok. in my bf's past he has been cheated on by every girl. so i wanted him to feel safe with me.

 

Then this year i was put in the same class as guy number 1 in french, geography, science, Rs, IT and english - Most of my timetable.

So we got talking again... and we still get on great. Thing is... is keep getting that feeling when you begin to fall for someone. So i make sure we don't sit together or talk or anything for like a week. I completely distance myself from him cos i don't want to fall for him. i'm sooo in love with my boyfriend. tho i guess it doesn't sound like it. I am.

 

Next year i am taking A levels and my bf is leaving my school. It just so happens that i'm taking the same subjects as the first guy. Problem??? yes. my bf and i wanna be togther for ever n have kids etc etc. i sound really immature but i'm just giving examples of our hopes.

 

Its just annoying that i have to keep distancing myself from my friend. I mean, surely if there was anything between us it would have happened before like 4 years ago but it never did and there was immediate chemistry between my bf and i.

 

With my friend: my bf and i were out shopping at xmas and we bumped into my friend. my immediate reaction was to hug him but i didn't cos bf was there and i'd never hugged him b4. i guess i was just glad to see him. Also i have exams at the moment and when i go into school i'm wondering if he'll be there and then telling myself off. Today was my first major exam and i made sure that i didn't speak to him or anything. He must think i'm weird tho.

 

By the way... when my friend was in town he had been buying me an xmas present - a bracelet. (he also bought braceletts for two other other girls).

 

So... having read all that i was wondering if you guys could answer this:

 

should i just stay away from him? i don't wanna end with my bf. I don't even wanna go out with this guy friend. i don't ever want anything to happen between us while i'm with my bf.

OR

Should i just carry on as usual... being his friend, getting too close, going away for a while and then coming back?? Just wondering.

 

Thank you x

[Sarah_J_uk]

a little help?

[dudesomewhere]

um...if you truly love your bf...and you respect yourself...love yourself there shouldn't be any worries in your mind. Thing is, it sounds like you are saying you have no type of fidelity or self control or something. I know in my life, if I'm with someone and there were any outside females involved, they'd strictly be friends...platonic. In your case you seem to suggest that if there's any other guy in the picture, you'll end up straying. I don't get it.

 

I'm sure the average guy would love to have you as a friend...someone seemingly so easily swayed away from the true loves of their lives. I on the otherhand find it peculiar. I think what you have here is a fidelity or commitment issue, so I'm not sure what kind of solution you need. The love involved here looks paper thin rather than iron clad.

[Sarah_J_uk]

thanks. I guess it sounds like i do have some kind of problem. i just needed someone to say that. Now i'm sorted. I figured the problem... The only reason i would wanna chat with this guy as more than a friend is cos he gives me the only thing missing from my relationship - the appreciation received from someone who is flirting with you. My bf appreciates me alright but not in the way the other guy does. I don't have feelings for my friend. I just like to be noticed and appreciated. I that weird??? i am i stupid? yes. ok.

[Sarah_J_uk]

Thanks again, you really put me back on track!

 

I've deleted my friend from IM and removed his number from my mobile.

 

I have decided to end major contact.

 

You do seem to have taken the situation more seriously than it is. I would never EVER cheat on my boyfriend and i don't have problems with commitment.

 

I just wondered if it was ok to have a guy flirt with you etc etc.

 

Thank you so much for showing me how far this could have gone. I feel so much better now,

 

Thanks again, sarah