LITTLEMISSPINK Posted May 24, 2004 Share Posted May 24, 2004 i am 24 years old and have been in a relationship for 7 years, he was my first boyfriend and i have grown up with him and done everything with him, only trouble is i think i have fallen out of love with him. I love him but i don't think i am in love with him anymore, he feels more like a brother to me, i absolutely know he is my soul mate, he is my best friend but it feels like that is all he is now, i can't bear for him to touch me intimately anymore as it feels completely wrong! i have felt like this for about a year and have tried to work it out but it seems to be getting worse. we have bought a house together and live together. we have talked about it and he has said it is because we are both under quite a lot of pressure but to be honest i don't think the stress is having an effect on how i feel. he says he is still completely in love with me and i really don't want to hurt him but i can't help but think that if i stayed with him i would be living my life as a compromise. i am scared and don't know what to do because i have no previous experience of this, would i be making the wrong desicion to leave him? how do i know for sure? please help me!!! Link to post Share on other sites
VivianLee Posted May 24, 2004 Share Posted May 24, 2004 Originally posted by LITTLEMISSPINK i am 24 years old and have been in a relationship for 7 years, he was my first boyfriend and i have grown up with him and done everything with him, only trouble is i think i have fallen out of love with him. I love him but i don't think i am in love with him anymore, he feels more like a brother to me, i absolutely know he is my soul mate, he is my best friend but it feels like that is all he is now, i can't bear for him to touch me intimately anymore as it feels completely wrong! i have felt like this for about a year and have tried to work it out but it seems to be getting worse. we have bought a house together and live together. we have talked about it and he has said it is because we are both under quite a lot of pressure but to be honest i don't think the stress is having an effect on how i feel. he says he is still completely in love with me and i really don't want to hurt him but i can't help but think that if i stayed with him i would be living my life as a compromise. i am scared and don't know what to do because i have no previous experience of this, would i be making the wrong desicion to leave him? how do i know for sure? please help me!!! Well....one good side to this is that you aren't married with children!! One cool thing about dating is that you get to sort of pick and choose before you make the final choice. During this time you may "fall in love" with several different guys. Then there will be THE ONE!! Somehow most of us know when it's THE ONE!! Now you've probably read on here where married people feel the way you do....after being together for a while, you aren't always going to feel like you did "the first time you meet or dated" but I've really been reading alot on drphil.com and he explains the reasons for that (I wished I'd read it a long time ago) but keep this in mind when you reach this feeling once you are married....now back on to the situation at hand... However, when you are dating, you aren't obligated under any vows to stay where you are unhappy.....this dating relationship may have just run it's course. You haven't really had the opportunity to see what else is out there. Perhaps, you need to just break things off and date others, then if y'all are meant to be, you'll come back together, if not then maybe you'll find the love of your life!! Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
2ndConfusedfemale Posted May 24, 2004 Share Posted May 24, 2004 Only you know whether you are still "in love" with him or not. But I'll give my opinion/advice. I think that you should try to think about why you are feeling this way. When did it start? Was there an event or something that triggered it? Were you in love with what you thought living with him would be, and now you are disappointed? Did you want more than what you have with him (not a fantasy but realistically speaking)? Is there someone else (real or a fantasy) that you've become interested in? Why do you love him? Think about his good qualities, and match them with what you want in you ideal relationship, is he a good match? No I don't think that you'll be wrong to break up with him if you think that the relationship will only get worse. Because you won't be doing him any favors if you start pulling away, and he starts pushing to try to work things out. If you are capable of being the person he deserves and he is the same then I think that you should try to work it out. Only you know your heart. Oh, but if you do decide to break up, don't try to string him along, and send him mixed messages...Think about your life without him, is it better? Link to post Share on other sites
Kate Posted May 24, 2004 Share Posted May 24, 2004 7 years.... well my 1st relationship lasted 4 years -- 2.5 of which i felt EXACTLY like you do now. you have no idea what else is out there. you naturally think this is the end all say all. but it's not true. breaking up with my 1st relationship was the HARDEST thing I have ever had to do. but i wish i did it sooner. just to give you a better understanding of how i understand you, it started out as a totally natural and unconditional relationship and love. i couldn't see a day without him. then, slowly, i began to be repulsed by him physically -- this is because you fell in love with the PERSON as your first relationship, but there are so many other needs you aren't even aware you need!!! I am 25 and broke up with my ex at 21, after 4 years. it was SO hard and now we are finally cordial friends. at first i thought it was my fault and that i could never ever live without his friendship, so i should just compromise my feelings. i also thought maybe i had a sexual dysfunction!! I definitely do not. you outgrew your relationship romantically. this is totally different from people in marriage because they are supposed to have had the time to figure out their needs, etc. to prolong their success. you have had a one-shot deal and it just won't work that way. not to be negative, but if there is one piece of advice on here you should take it is mine -- get out immediately and don't feel so guilty about it -- do it however you need to make it as easy as possible. you can savor a friendship later, but don't ruin your life. you need and deserve feelings of infatuation, romance AND friendship -- just 6 mos. ago I think I found all 3 in one guy and it has been a long journey. i have been exactly where you are... Link to post Share on other sites
Author LITTLEMISSPINK Posted May 25, 2004 Author Share Posted May 25, 2004 thanks for your advice guys!! i didn't know how much coming on here would help me, i haven't really been able to talk to anyone else about it because all of my friends are his friends too! i think just writing it down helped me, i did it in a diary but for some reason knowing that someone else knowing about my situation has helped me sooo much!!!! It semed to help me straight away, last night we both had a talk about it and have come to the decision that it best that we go our seperate ways and look back at the last 7 years as a wonderful and valueable experience together! he has said that he never wants to loose touch, so i didn't have to do that whole "can we still be friends" stuff! and i feel happy already knowing that we both know where we stand. thank you so much everyone- you will never know how much you have helped me!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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