LS and me :(

[Els]

I've come to the realization multiple times over the years in which I've been here, that posting actively here isn't good for me in several ways. I'm not sure whether it is just the manner in which I handle it or the nature of the board and some of the posters it attracts - both, I suppose.

 

Last night, I was lying beside the sleeping bf in a state of blissful contentment, feeling at peace with the world and everything in it. It was an amazing feeling. It was too early for me to sleep, so I went on LS and read some of the threads. The swift change in outlook and emotions was astonishing. It makes me almost understand how some people can turn so bitter - they and others like themselves continually feed themselves, turning it into a vicious cycle of hate and anger.

 

I realize that more often than not, I tend to rise to the flame-baiting threads or posters here, and my emotions are negatively impacted after. Due to that, I feel that my being here causes me more unhappiness than enjoyment ultimately.

 

I have attempted to leave a few times in the past, but was held back mainly because I truly love some posters here to death - some have helped me immensely over the years, I have gained valuable insights, and I feel great helping those whose problems I identify with. Also, I admit it, there's a sort of morbid curiousity in seeing peoples' stories unfold.

 

That led to decisions of 'moderation' - I would remain here and continue enjoying the good parts of it, while staying away from certain posters and threads. It didn't work. Despite my best intentions, when New Post brings up an especially juicy flame-baiting topic, my restraint goes out the window. Blocking posters didn't work either. I'd see their post below mine because it isn't removed completely, and how do you resist the temptation to continue in fruitless engagement?

 

There is so much in life to do, this is the golden summer of my life (quite literally), and I am wasting it because I am unable to tear myself away from flame-bait. I am wasting it letting my brain go into overdrive overanalysing everything when I read some threads. It's just LS that seems to do that, perhaps because it's the only forum I read that touches on very personal and sensitive issues such as love, thought processes and gender identity. I don't react similarly when I participate in computer forums or game forums.

 

I don't know. I feel I should leave completely, because that seems to be the only answer, but some of the advice offered by some wise posters has contributed significantly to my progress over the years.

[Woggle]

Me too. When I am away from LS for a few days I feel so much better about women and relationships.

[whichwayisup]

when New Post brings up an especially juicy flame-baiting topic, my restraint goes out the window.

 

Turn that option off. I've never used it, and I just browse around finding newer posts and then I choose which ones I want to read and/or reply to.

 

Put those who irritate you on ignore..

 

Don't let this place bother you once you're offline.

 

Honestly, the bitterness, fighting, stupid shi.t that happens here at times doesn't bother me at all, once I'm offline, it's out of site (ha) out of mind. What gets me more though is when someone I'm friends with on here is going through something, I worry about them. Same goes with posters whom I don't know. I find some threads 'speak' out to me a certain way and I have to answer them.

 

Focus on the good rather than the bad stuff on here.

[confused kitty]

Ive also been feeling this way lately, dont get me wrong Ive got some great advice on here from some really lovely people but there are certain people (several names come to mind!) who are such negative nancys

 

Yes its great to get an outside perspective but every situation/breakup etc is different, and certain posters seem to take great offence if you voice a different opinion or dont follow the advice they gave you - at the end of the day, its your life and only you choice how to live it or decide which advice is most helpful/fitting to your own situation....

 

Ive posted afew "updates" or just my opinions in general and almost felt I was being attacked by some replies I recieved, seriously WDF!!!

 

This is supposed to be a forum for help/support/advise not to feel like your opening yourself up for battle (and Ive seen it happen to plenty of others on here too)

 

If certain people dont have any useful advice to offer then move on the next thread, and if people choice not to take your advice (feels it wouldnt benefit their situation etc) please dont take it personally

 

Ok rant over.....

[Cee]

I agree. I come on here now mostly to see if my favorite posters wrote something. You are one of those people. I agree that this site can be toxic. I get weird insecurities when I spend too much time on here. The dating sub-forum seems especially prone to negativity. I don't blame people for being bitter because dating sucks.

 

I keep coming back to check in, but I don't think there's much room for me. I'm in a happy relationship so there isn't any drama to report.

[Feelin Frisky]

I rarely find myself at odds with anyone anymore and I don't miss the crew that was here at this time last year that treated this place as Hate Shack. LS still has a pull and it's a distraction from my work which I need to do better at resisting but I don't see much that compels me to invest much emotion. I'm pleased with a certain female poster who has given me her heart and that probably has done the most to shut me up an occupy myself in other ways. Be good to yourselves.

[cerridwen]

Turn that option off. I've never used it, and I just browse around finding newer posts and then I choose which ones I want to read and/or reply to.

 

Put those who irritate you on ignore..

 

Don't let this place bother you once you're offline.

 

Honestly, the bitterness, fighting, stupid shi.t that happens here at times doesn't bother me at all, once I'm offline, it's out of site (ha) out of mind. What gets me more though is when someone I'm friends with on here is going through something, I worry about them. Same goes with posters whom I don't know. I find some threads 'speak' out to me a certain way and I have to answer them.

 

Focus on the good rather than the bad stuff on here.

 

Exactly.

The Ignore feature saves the day and everyone I have on it posts primarily in the Dating section.

Once I realized that, I largely just avoid that area as a whole.

Instead, I seek out my favorites posters, and they make me think or chuckle or feel thankful to be part of the community.

And a couple of them make me sigh with adoration.

I would be so sad if you left, E.

So enjoy your posts I do.

[Art_Critic]

You just need to pick and choose what threads you post on..

 

I generally stay away from the ones in OW/OM forums because it gets heated and volatile and it seems like they eat raw meat in there...

 

I certainly cherry pick the threads I post on for some of the very reasons you spoke about in your OP...

 

Most of the time LS is a positive experience for me, unless one of the idiot ignorant posters on here that I have on ignore say something that irks me, and you see it because someone quoted them.. then I have to post something.. then it is all downhill from there..

 

Of all my infractions on LS most of them have come from 2 posters on here that keep reporting me..hahahaha

[Mme. Chaucer]

Elswyth, I would hate to see you go.

 

But sometimes I feel that way too. I have spoken to my husband a few times recently about some crap that's gone down around here that stayed on my mind when I was far away from the computer.

 

There is an exposure to real hate here that I do not encounter in real life, and it makes me blue at times.

 

On the other hand, there are people here whose posts I eagerly look forward to reading. I crave having fun and stimulating exchanges, or maybe deep or helpful ones. Sadly, often these are derailed by the haters, hydras etc.

 

Oh, the humanity ...

[Anela]

I know what you mean. It isn't only this forum, either.

[Els]

I agree. I come on here now mostly to see if my favorite posters wrote something. You are one of those people. I agree that this site can be toxic. I get weird insecurities when I spend too much time on here. The dating sub-forum seems especially prone to negativity. I don't blame people for being bitter because dating sucks.

 

I keep coming back to check in, but I don't think there's much room for me. I'm in a happy relationship so there isn't any drama to report.

 

Aww, thank you, Cee. It's great to see I have helped others just as some have helped me. I think the main problem I have here is that it's too easy to escalate from censored moderation to excessive reading and posting, at least for me. If I could do that, it would be perfect.

 

Turn that option off. I've never used it, and I just browse around finding newer posts and then I choose which ones I want to read and/or reply to.

 

Put those who irritate you on ignore..

 

Don't let this place bother you once you're offline.

 

Focus on the good rather than the bad stuff on here.

 

Oh, WWIU, I've tried. The way the ignore feature works here does not help me at all, though, as I feel this odd compulsive curiousity whenever I see that they had answered my post, and so I want to know what they said even though it'll push me back into the flame cycle.

 

Exactly.

The Ignore feature saves the day and everyone I have on it posts primarily in the Dating section.

Once I realized that, I largely just avoid that area as a whole.

Instead, I seek out my favorites posters, and they make me think or chuckle or feel thankful to be part of the community.

And a couple of them make me sigh with adoration.

I would be so sad if you left, E.

So enjoy your posts I do.

 

Aww, thanks C. I love yours as well! I used to only hang out at LDR previously, and there are a lot of good folk there, but the old LDR gang I used to know is mostly inactive now and I'm not even in one anymore, so I had to venture out.

 

Elswyth, I would hate to see you go.

 

But sometimes I feel that way too. I have spoken to my husband a few times recently about some crap that's gone down around here that stayed on my mind when I was far away from the computer.

 

There is an exposure to real hate here that I do not encounter in real life, and it makes me blue at times.

 

On the other hand, there are people here whose posts I eagerly look forward to reading. I crave having fun and stimulating exchanges, or maybe deep or helpful ones. Sadly, often these are derailed by the haters, hydras etc.

 

Oh, the humanity ...

 

I know, right? I am positive that if the bf knew I was spending hours of my time responding to such people and getting myself all riled up, he would say, "Why are you letting those *****s bother you?" or something to that effect. But I think that it isn't always that easy to switch off. For me, at least. If it's something unavoidable like work that I cannot switch off from, then I need to work on my ability to do so. But if it's something avoidable, I feel it may perhaps be easier to just remove it entirely.

 

I guess I'll try another one of my new leaves, and resist the urge to click on one of those 'This post is not seen because xxx is on your Ignore List. Click to show' links.

[Els]

I generally stay away from the ones in OW/OM forums because it gets heated and volatile and it seems like they eat raw meat in there...

 

LOL I just saw that! Like cerridwen, I think Dating is one of the biggest culprits. But that could also just be because it has the largest number of posts.

 

I certainly cherry pick the threads I post on for some of the very reasons you spoke about in your OP...

 

Most of the time LS is a positive experience for me, unless one of the idiot ignorant posters on here that I have on ignore say something that irks me, and you see it because someone quoted them.. then I have to post something.. then it is all downhill from there..

 

Yes! This! :mad::mad:

[sweetjasmine]

I would miss you if you left, Elswyth, but if reading LS can ruin a good mood, maybe you can take a break. I think it's easy to get emotionally involved since these topics are so personal. It can be tricky to maintain a distance and not get sucked in.

 

There is an exposure to real hate here that I do not encounter in real life, and it makes me blue at times.

 

On the other hand, there are people here whose posts I eagerly look forward to reading. I crave having fun and stimulating exchanges, or maybe deep or helpful ones. Sadly, often these are derailed by the haters, hydras etc.

 

I feel the same way. It gets tiresome to see some of the same garbage derail threads over and over, but there are some posters whose insights and stories keep me coming back.

[Cracker Jack]

I know what you mean. I could be having a good day, then once I get on here and read one of the popular topics, I'll get annoyed. As others mentioned, I think it's best to not just enter into any topic if you have a feel for what's going on it.

 

Anyway, I think you're easily one of the best members here. I really enjoy reading your posts. Hopefully you'll just stay away from those topics and continue to be an active member here.

[Els]

I would miss you if you left, Elswyth, but if reading LS can ruin a good mood, maybe you can take a break. I think it's easy to get emotionally involved since these topics are so personal. It can be tricky to maintain a distance and not get sucked in.

 

I feel the same way. It gets tiresome to see some of the same garbage derail threads over and over, but there are some posters whose insights and stories keep me coming back.

 

Hey! I haven't seen you around for a while. I've missed your posts, too.

 

I have taken several breaks in the past - after a few weeks, I'm hanging around with a bit of extra time on my hands and I think, "Hmm, I wonder how the guys at LS are doing? Surely a little peek won't hurt." So I catch up a little here and there, and accidentally stumble across a very successful flame-baiting post... And the cycle continues.

 

I know what you mean. I could be having a good day, then once I get on here and read one of the popular topics, I'll get annoyed. As others mentioned, I think it's best to not just enter into any topic if you have a feel for what's going on it.

 

Anyway, I think you're easily one of the best members here. I really enjoy reading your posts. Hopefully you'll just stay away from those topics and continue to be an active member here.

 

Aww, thanks, Cracker. I'll try my best. It's refreshing to see that I'm not the only person whom LS is affecting offline.

[Taramere]

I would doubt the word of anybody who denied they ever have their buttons pushed on here. I usually have fun on this site, but I got myself involved in one of those threads...and downhill it went.

 

Anybody up for a "who can stay off longest?" contest? Given that competitive urges are part of what drag us into these pointless arguments, it seems as well to channel those competitive urges more positively.

[Els]

What exactly are we trying to stay off again?

[tman666]

As Frisky mentioned, the level of weirdness/negativity on LS around this time last year (remember the "Elitist Thread"? hahahaha) got to a point where I wasn't getting any sort of fulfillment from being here. In response, I took a 2-3 month hiatus (which I intended on being permanent when I started it). When I came back, a lot of the stuff that had been bugging me had been pretty much washed over. As with many things in life, my enjoyment with this place is cyclic and has its peaks and valleys. Maybe you just need a break?

[cerridwen]

What exactly are we trying to stay off again?

 

I saw you posting again on a certain thread last night and thought to myself "That naughty Elswyth."

To Avoid: Surly jerks/jerkettes whose agendas are to irritate.

Quite a few are out of their cages right now.

[norajane]

As Frisky mentioned, the level of weirdness/negativity on LS around this time last year (remember the "Elitist Thread"? hahahaha) got to a point where I wasn't getting any sort of fulfillment from being here. In response, I took a 2-3 month hiatus (which I intended on being permanent when I started it). When I came back, a lot of the stuff that had been bugging me had been pretty much washed over. As with many things in life, my enjoyment with this place is cyclic and has its peaks and valleys. Maybe you just need a break?

 

Same here. I left about this time last year due to all the crap being spewed at the time...PUA guys, lots of misogyny, etc. It was grim and I just didn't want to deal with it anymore.

 

A year later and most of that is gone, but it has been replaced by some unsuccessful daters who have some deep loneliness and bitterness.

 

If it starts getting to you, just step away for a while. Offline life is more important so if you are taking too much of the negativity here with you, it's not worth it!

[carhill]

Last night, I was lying beside the sleeping bf in a state of blissful contentment, feeling at peace with the world and everything in it. It was an amazing feeling. It was too early for me to sleep, so I went on LS and read some of the threads. The swift change in outlook and emotions was astonishing.

 

Perhaps you've identified some self-work, specifically in the process of disconnecting your mood (positive) from the subject matter (perhaps negative). LS has been pretty helpful to me in that regard; learning to live more within than outside. If there's a maelstrom swirling around, that's OK. One can feel calm in the eye of the storm.

 

I don't know. I feel I should leave completely, because that seems to be the only answer, but some of the advice offered by some wise posters has contributed significantly to my progress over the years.

 

Perhaps that's an option to pursue, even if for a defined period of time. I'll help a bit: I'll be traveling for the next week or so, starting tomorrow, and will be noticeably absent here, not because I haven't access (I will, both in the air and on the ground) but rather because I'll be focused on interactions with my real life friends across the country. It'll be a choice with a time-limit. Maybe you could try something similar. Pick a time period and do NC with LS for that time period. If you find no desire to come back after that period is over, that's an answer.

[freestyle]

 

Anybody up for a "who can stay off longest?" contest? .

 

I can't help but be reminded of the Seinfeld episode where the four friends had a celibacy contest..........who can refrain the longest...

 

 

I have a love/hate relationship with this place, too. I feel a fondness and respect for some posters, even though I'll probably never meet them IRL.I'm impressed with how many intelligent & articulate posters are here. As well as a few who have an amazing pragmatic wisdom. And there's some good humor & fun, too...........

 

BUT-- I can get sucked into the vortex here, and lose track of time. It IS addictive for me. It's funny, I HATE soap operas on t.v.---but I find myself following some of the stories here......

 

I usually stay out of the trenches, unless something REALLY,deeply offends me. Like when one poster started a thread about losing a former FWB to suicide. He was really messed up (understandably) and someone had the gall to imply that it was HIS fault---

 

I HAD to say something--I walked away from the computer for just a few minutes, and I knew I couldn't let that response go unchallenged--I think it was one of the worst cases of kicking someone while they're down that I'd ever seen. My blood pressure went up, and I had steam coming out of my ears.......(and I'm usually pretty mellow)

 

So, I can totally see how being here too much can have an adverse effect on one's psyche-- especially with some of the heated threads. If it's spilling over into real life--maybe it's time to step back for a bit.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I RELAPSED. Punish me.

[serial muse]

Another issue that I've found is that, while I do try to stay away from threads that I know will make my mood go downhill in a flash (not to mention start casting dark glances at my unsuspecting and entirely innocent husband), I of course do glance at those threads from time to time. Such as the thread that I suspect Elswyth is referring to, which is also the one into which Taramere got sucked and Madame Chaucer just relapsed.

 

And then I feel conflicted, because on the one hand I know I should stay out of it for my own well-being, but I also feel this compulsion to "help," particularly when posters I respect and agree with are arguing against particularly upsetting points/posters. (Never leave a man behind!) But I'm also aware that by "helping" I'd also probably just be stirring the pot. Yuck, you can't win with those threads.

[january2011]

I took a long break recently and it was refreshing. I thought this place was great when I first found it but some of the posts and threads from some new regulars can be depressing and I don't intend to get dragged down to that level.

 

Some of the people who used to post regularly don't post anymore and so the vibe is different - I miss some of the posters who were around when I first joined LS. There are still a core group of good quality posters on the site but it seems that they are in an uphill struggle with some of the newer posters who seem relentless.

 

I do like to dip in now and again to see what people are up to. But at the end of the day, I don't intend LS to be a huge part of my life and this helps me to temper my participation somewhat.

 

Elswyth, perhaps it's time to take a holiday. It doesn't have to be permanent if you don't want it to be. I think your wellbeing is worth much more than posting on internet site that drags you down. It's worth seeking out more positive activities that don't drain your spirit and joie de vivre.