J0N Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 It has been well over a year since me and my ex of nearly two years split up, we have been 100% NC since day one. I haven't seen her since about a week before we broke up, heck I can't really remember what her voice sounds like. For the most part I think I am pretty much over her, one thing still gets me though... That we were as close as we were for that amount of time and suddenly poof! For all I know she could have been abducted by aliens. I can't say that I think her reaching out would be a good thing, I am just surprised that she hasn't made so much as a single peep. I must have really meant a lot to her... I guess it is the holidays that gets me thinking about her again... I am sooo tired of her memory haunting me.... Link to post Share on other sites
fenderjames Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 Cheers to that ! I unexpectedly laughed out loud when I got to the part " abducted by aliens " . Thank you for that . You're so far ahead of me in NC ( im 3 months ) , I envy and congratulate you on that . It boggles my mind that apparently I don't exist anymore - wish I had a magic eraser like that . Regarding the holidays ... ouch . Bloody media everywhere . A year in ... wow , cheers to you bro . Link to post Share on other sites
broken-and-lost Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 Jon Think of it this way you haven't contacted her either but you still care right? maybe she is just respecting the fact you haven't been in touch and want the space to heal she may or may not still think about you Link to post Share on other sites
jsd43953 Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 It has been well over a year since me and my ex of nearly two years split up, we have been 100% NC since day one. I haven't seen her since about a week before we broke up, heck I can't really remember what her voice sounds like. For the most part I think I am pretty much over her, one thing still gets me though... That we were as close as we were for that amount of time and suddenly poof! For all I know she could have been abducted by aliens. I can't say that I think her reaching out would be a good thing, I am just surprised that she hasn't made so much as a single peep. I must have really meant a lot to her... I guess it is the holidays that gets me thinking about her again... I am sooo tired of her memory haunting me.... J0N, Congrats on 1 year of no contact. Since we/I don't know your back story anything is possible. Assuming everything was gravy during your relationship and things just ended because of circumstances, if you are over here and are wondering about her it my be something inside you telling you to contact her. IF the relationship was bad because of either you or her, it could be that you are not fully healed or a number of other reasons. When it comes to matters of the heart I am noticing that they defy any laws of logic. So in this case find a quite moment and quite your brain and see what your heart and your gut instinct say. Often times you will be surprised where you end up and it is usually for the best. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 It has been well over a year since me and my ex of nearly two years split up, we have been 100% NC since day one. I haven't seen her since about a week before we broke up, heck I can't really remember what her voice sounds like. For the most part I think I am pretty much over her, one thing still gets me though... That we were as close as we were for that amount of time and suddenly poof! For all I know she could have been abducted by aliens. I can't say that I think her reaching out would be a good thing, I am just surprised that she hasn't made so much as a single peep. I must have really meant a lot to her... I guess it is the holidays that gets me thinking about her again... I am sooo tired of her memory haunting me.... Are you dating someone now? Link to post Share on other sites
GreenPolicy Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 (edited) It has been well over a year since me and my ex of nearly two years split up, we have been 100% NC since day one. I haven't seen her since about a week before we broke up, heck I can't really remember what her voice sounds like. For the most part I think I am pretty much over her, one thing still gets me though... That we were as close as we were for that amount of time and suddenly poof! For all I know she could have been abducted by aliens. I can't say that I think her reaching out would be a good thing, I am just surprised that she hasn't made so much as a single peep. I must have really meant a lot to her... I guess it is the holidays that gets me thinking about her again... I am sooo tired of her memory haunting me.... JON, Our relationships ended in a very similar manner. I know how hard it is when things are going seemingly very well and you're very close to a person, then you get blindsided and never hear from them again. It really does a number on your head when you don't see the end coming, there is no mutual dysfunction and you don't really get a patented explanation. I think a big part of struggling to move on is that you did not get the kind of closure that I think most people get when relationships end. If you guys had not been getting along, if there had been issues that both of you were aware of and weren't making any progress in fixing, if you had wildly divergent goals and values when it came to your future, I think it would be easier to accept and move on knowing that you weren't right for each other. If you had been a bad boyfriend, either in the form of being neglectful, abusive, or very clingy and needy, you could accept that you turned her off and did not deserve her, and you would have learned some lessons and would understand you made mistakes you wouldn't want to repeat in your next relationship. But from our perspectives are relationships were stable, functional and loving ones, so of course it is hard to understand why our exes wanted to end them. And we will probably never really understand or know why. I know that as time passes you want to reach out to them, but I just don't think it's a good idea. I think it sends a message that you are still hung up on them, and that's not a message you want to impart. I know there is a part of you that wishes you could wave a magic wand and get back together with them and make things as they were, but that's of course not possible. I've been doing a lot better lately, started to finally feel normal again after almost a year, although it still hurts. I've actually done some casual dating too. I was able to go longer and longer without thinking about her. NC was kind of indirectly broken twice for me in the past four months. In July, I received a message on OK Cupid from somebody I did not know or recognize. When I browsed her profile and looked at her pictures, my ex appeared in two of the pictures. It was obvious that they had been taken since we broke up. I do not know if it was a coincidence or not. Just this past Monday, I was on facebook and I clicked on a facebook page of a church that my cousin belongs to when it showed up in my newsfeed. My ex had recently posted on the wall for this church's facebook page. I had not looked at her facebook in almost a year. Thankfully her profile was pretty locked down and I did not glean any info about her. But seeing a recent picture of her was pretty upsetting. It brought back a lot of the bad feelings from the beginning, so this week has been kind of hard for me, because I find myself experiencing some of the old emotions and thought patterns from this time a year ago. Even though NC was not directly broken, it was bad enough seeing her facebook, even though it's pretty private and I didn't learn anything tangible about her life now. It reminded me of how important it is to maintain NC because of the potential for great emotional distress that would ensue from breaking it. What if she were hostile in response? What if she tells you she is in a relationship and gushes over her new guy? What if she ignores your message altogether? Then you'd really feel foolish and upset. I think we stick to NC because of our need to heal and protect ourselves, not out of stubborn pride. What would really be the purpose of breaking it? I think deep down it's about one of two reasons: either to try and get closure and a misguided notion that your ex can help you with this, or you want to reconcile. While we weren't perfect, we were great boyfriends, and the ball was left in our exes court when things ended. I think it is up to them to walk back, not us. Edited November 18, 2011 by GreenPolicy Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 Hi Jon I can also 100% relate. It hurts like hell that they can do a 180 on us and never once check if we're ok. I think there's something seriously wrong with these people. Mine was completely hostile, do I never contacted him. The one thing that I would wish for is for someone to do he same thing to these people. I gave zero empathy for our exes. I know I did nothing wrong, so I have nothing to feel guilty about. But it doesn't make sense to mindf*** someone like that. I want to get back out there and a ruslly find someone who does a actually have a conscience. Coz my ex didn't at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 I also haven't seen my ex and dont have access to his Facebook. Will never make any sense of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 I fibd these people 100% shady and would never trust them ever again. I wouldn't trust them as far as i could throw them, so to speak. I'd have zero empathy if these people got screwed over. Link to post Share on other sites
NYOrLAGuy Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 GreenPolicy, You hit the nail on the head as far as my situation goes as well. Your last paragraph is so well-said and prescient. I'm still staying NC, but saw my ex on match.com the other day with a new pic, so she's fully moving on. i agree with you that it's up to them to come back, not us. I've always wanted her to date other people because it really is the only way she could see that we're right for each other. Does this mean I'm healing and moving on? Probably not, but it's all I've got right now. Link to post Share on other sites
smokey bear Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 I think when people go die hard nc from day one it doesnt leave any chance of contact down the line, if i dumped someone and they never contacted me for say 3 months, then the fog lifts on my side and i see the break up in new light, i wouldnt reach out, no matter how much it hurt if they had went nc from day one. I would honestly think they never wanted to hear from again so i wouldnt take the chance of getting told where to go. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 I think when people go die hard nc from day one it doesnt leave any chance of contact down the line, if i dumped someone and they never contacted me for say 3 months, then the fog lifts on my side and i see the break up in new light, i wouldnt reach out, no matter how much it hurt if they had went nc from day one. I would honestly think they never wanted to hear from again so i wouldnt take the chance of getting told where to go. I didn't feel as though I really had a choice. I mean my dumper refused to even talk to me. My dumper was completely hostile to me for no reason. Why the hell would I want to break NC for? Just to get verbally abused or ignored? Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 We aren't talking about normal dumpers here. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 I think when people go die hard nc from day one it doesnt leave any chance of contact down the line, if i dumped someone and they never contacted me for say 3 months, then the fog lifts on my side and i see the break up in new light, i wouldnt reach out, no matter how much it hurt if they had went nc from day one. I would honestly think they never wanted to hear from again so i wouldnt take the chance of getting told where to go. What's the point anyway? They never answer. Yeah and why would you want to hear from an ex that send you a dear John letter via text? These proletariat are callous as*holes. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 Plus there's always the fact that they have. someone else, even before they've dumped us. Link to post Share on other sites
Author J0N Posted November 19, 2011 Author Share Posted November 19, 2011 I am not so sure that my ex left me for someone else. I had heard that she was still single only a couple of months ago. Weather she is today is anyone's guess. either way, I don't really care. Not my problem. These days I wonder why I even give her a second thought. She is a shining example of an immature, spoiled, little brat. I mean seriously this girl dumped me over text messages because she was too chicken$h!t to meet and talk face to face. I think after two years and everything I did I at least deserved a face to face breakup, and a decent explanation of WHY she was leaving. I am much better off these days anyway. Let's face it, this was her loss. I am not trying to toot my horn here, but I am not exactly a loser, and I know how to treat girls. Someday she will realize what she tossed in the trash and regret it. As for right now I am single and in no hurry to dive back into another relationship. I am actually having fun being single. Years from now I will surely look back at this time after meeting the right girl, marrying her & starting a family and be thankful that my ex left me when she did. This may sound weird but I consider myself a somewhat of a sentimental person. I was looking at some old pictures on my computer and I stumbled over some of us together, she seems like a stranger now. I always read through my posts before posting and it dawned on me that to someone not familiar with my story would probably think I was 14. Nope. I am in my mid 20's and my ex really dumped me via text messages. Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 jon you actually have more depth to you than your ex g/f did. you are sentimental. i have read your posts form time to time. i like your signature at the bottom too with the serenity prayer. it feels like a horrible assault when someone coldly dumps you on text (and it is cowardly) and makes you feel like you did something so heinous and despicable that youre not worthy to be spoken to in so long or to even inquire if your dead or alive. but i promise you this...its HER not you that did something so despicably as to leave another human being feeling like that. you looked at the good and felt the good of the relationship. thats why its so hard to wrap your head around it. it is a dagger to the heart and mind and senses. but you need to know, that is was inhumane of her to do that to you and really unacceptable. we all deserve some time and answers or the dignity of being treated like a human being. afterall they picked us too. they loved us too. stayed with us for how many ever years. so to act all indignant now and to fluff you off like you never existed is just plain wrong... its a good thing you cant relate to this behavior and cruelness. please also remember that much about her when you think of the good. BUT don't let it fester or eat you alive. the good balances out the bad feelings. its true you will def. look back on this someday. and i actually think someday she will regret her actions or inaction's. maybe even get to tell you that someday. in the meantime its good you didnt rush into another relationship. that will come again in time for you. just believe and trust. i think the other poster is right too in saying....they must think about it from time to time and just because you dont hear from them doesnt mean they dont wonder on some level. but jon ..she is not on your level. you deserve so so much better and will find it. hang in there : ) Link to post Share on other sites
NYOrLAGuy Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 This has been my favorite thread since I found these forums after my breakup. Seems like a lot you have been in the same boat as me. I've been looking for someone, anyone, whose breakup resembled mine. To feel like there are other people feeling the same things I am. I too never got any real answer from my ex... just a lot of "I don't knows" and a lot of unanswered questions. At least I got a phone call for the breakup. I can't imagine someone being heartless and cowardly to do it via text. And that's what it is, cowardly. They take the easiest way out because for whatever reason they can't muster the strength to deal with a real-life adult situation head on. But that's all that we do, we deal with these things, like adults and we plow on. It's all we can do. To all the posters in this thread, thank you so much for your words and your inspiration. I find myself a personal crossroads in my healing, where it would be so easy to devolve, contact, and fall behind. Or take a real true step forward and finally say goodbye. It's not easy, but I'm dedicating myself to taking the harder path and strengthing myself along the way. I wish you all nothing but the best in your journey, and remember we're all here for each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 I'd really like Smokey Bear to answer my question. Link to post Share on other sites
smokey bear Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 I'd really like Smokey Bear to answer my question. whats your question? its unclear in your post Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 I didn't feel as though I really had a choice. I mean my dumper refused to even talk to me. My dumper was completely hostile to me for no reason. Why the hell would I want to break NC for? Just to get verbally abused or ignored? Why should we be the ones to reach out? Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 What's the point anyway? They never answer. Yeah and why would you want to hear from an ex that send you a dear John letter via text? These proletariat are callous as*holes. Proletariat? Hmm... Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 Why should we be the ones to reach out? There's something that has been left out that I posted in her original GIGS post sugarkane. It has to do with the need to feel important. There's a post on the breakup forum you should read that completely validates what I have to say. Its started by wow123 You shouldnt reach out to your ex ever. If they reach out to you, then you decide what steps you want to take to respond to it. I can clearly give you insight into both the dumper and the dumpee mind on this topic. Link to post Share on other sites
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