fenderjames Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 Hi all . 3 mos into NC . Was feeling pretty good for I'd say the last 2 weeks . I started thinking ... " son, you've moved on ... well done " . Wrong . For the last 2 days she is all over my mind . Nothing triggered it . I woke up and boom - the dark has returned . Is this some kind of cruel joke ? I wonder if christmas everywhere has maybe set this in motion again . I'm very p-off that I have slipped back into the void ....and I thought that finally - FINALLY this pain was starting to subside . Good grief , what will it take ? More time I guess . Great . Just great . Link to post Share on other sites
Author fenderjames Posted November 18, 2011 Author Share Posted November 18, 2011 I didnt mean to include that link , I dont know what it is . Cheers Link to post Share on other sites
TheJiltedGeneration Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 (edited) heya Fender its been awhile... it may seem like your relapsing but unfortunately this is really part of emotionally adjusting to NC.. and what your going through right now sounds very symmetrical to my current suitation. ( and something I might post up sometime this week...) two weeks like you also.. felt great, like I have offically moved on .. didnt think about her cept for when I woke up and before falling to sleep... but.. then this week feelings started to sprout from the woodwork, out of nowhere... could be a festive thing too.. since my birthday is in just over a week, I have the childish fantasy that my ex will somehow surprise me with a impromtu visit or call or w/e... *sigh*... her track record should be more than clear to me of the efficacy of this wish....... right now I think there is a duality in each our own living conditions. part of us is moving on but secretly ( even to ourselves) the comfort and ideal of being with our ex's hasnt quite been outgrown yet.. and I suppose it hasnt really been that to long ago for it to be completly out of our systems.... so basically its just a struggle for both of those parts to adapt to the condition currently thrusted upon us ( hell I've even though of going to see her deviant art yesterday without any thought to the contrary.. but as I was about to type her name... I thought... "well all thats going to show up is how she's enchanted and buoyant in her new world... so why confirm what I already know.. there have never been any pleasant surprises with this woman so what makes me think she will change now , when life is so easy for her..") I am kind of mumbling abit as its hard to give advice to a suitation I am also enveloped in also, I can't quite give advice but maybe a little tip in how I've been (sort of ) coping.... the typical advice of do things to take your mind is kind of trite (albeit stable) advice, and while I cant do productive things right now... instead I do things I enjoy, like bingeing on computer games all day. I am so engaged on finishing a game a day sort of thing, that I just almost forget my ex even exsisted.. I am slightly doing things to the extreme as this means my coursework has suffered a bit ( need to really work on it next week or this sun I think) but its still a while off.. so right now I am dealing with how I feel now ... basically what I am trying to say is.. try and find things to cope with in the present.. dont look back .. dont look foward.. just keep your headset on whats going on now, how your feeling now... ( dont do anything to reflect on past experiences just... concentrate on what your feeling now, not what caused it.. if that makes sence....)... maybe today after work or on the weekend or w/e.. watch all of a tv series you really like ( like marathon) or play something till the end ( right now concentrating on finishing castlevania: sotn with 200.6% completion... with all familars lv 99 and!!!!! alucard lv 99.. in the long run its a silly excerise but its keep me in occupied for now... so thats all I need.. then when I finish it I'll think of what to do next the following day.. ) just take it little by little... get through one day with a plan to enjoy your self then work out what to do the next day with yourself on that day.. I am sorry if this is not really venereal wisdom I am imparting as I am stumped to how to cope too, but *sigh* I dont want anyone else to be like this either... the biggest times when I am sad is when I have nothing to do but think of her.. which might be the same for you. so even if its unproductive ... if it keeps you happy and content for the time being just do it.... thats unfortunately all I can advice.. keep us posted though man ... maybe when my head is a bit clearer I can help out a bit better.. Edited November 18, 2011 by TheJiltedGeneration Link to post Share on other sites
jquest1280 Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 yes, Christmas can bring it on, so can birthdays and anniversaries, the sight of special places, even odors, or anything really, even the most innocuous thing..if it sparks a memory that your brain associates with the ex, there you go down the depression road. that's why NC and the total avoidance of anything your brain can associate with the ex is recommended. don't worry, it gets better. even if the dark returns, it won't be as dark as the previous. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fenderjames Posted November 18, 2011 Author Share Posted November 18, 2011 Thanks folks . Hi Jilted . Thanks for the words . Yeah , I do do alot of " live in the moment " things for now . Its too daunting to look far down the road . I agree with what you said alot regarding occupying your mind . Im just so tired of putting effort into changing my thoughts and having something stupid bring it all back ( or nothing at all ) . Its our old friend time . Thats the only thing thats going to make any difference here . I'll never ever break NC . I am 100 % sure she wont either . So all I have to do is let time run its course . So easy to type - so hard to execute . All the best. Link to post Share on other sites
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