Why do we want to them to call after being DUMPED!

[jsd43953]

Classic thought and I am having struggles with this myself. When you are together conversation is endless, laughing joking etc. Your relationship ends not because of lack of love, mistrust or anything negative; just external circumstances cause it.

 

Now after the break up/seperation/break it feels weird. You are hurt because of the situation but you still miss the enteraction. The morning texts, texts throughout the day ...no more phone calls. Now you maybe get texts once every two weeks if lucky..maybe even longer than that.

 

Does anyone know why that is.. Id like to hear from the DUMPERS and DUMPEES.

[Thieves]

I think in the end it's very simple and comes down to three reasons, but other factors may cause confusion:

 

1. We want to be reassured of our "value" to the ex.

2. We want to get back what was once dear to us.

3. We want to know why it ended (closure).

 

I think, perhaps, number one is the most recognized reason for why we (dumpees) want -- or wanted -- the ex to call. Maybe it's embarrassing to admit for some people, but I think it's safe to say that a lot of us (dumpees) are very hurt by the fact that we were held so highly by our exes and they valued us so much in their lives and then, wham, we're dropped from the pedestal they put us on so fast that our heads literally spin. We're at a loss because at some point we meant so much to this person, they saw something special in us, and we were a part of them. And to no longer have that... to think that the ex no longer sees us as 'valuable', or special enough to keep us in their lives? It hurts, and how we seem so easily replaced is not the best feeling in the world. It makes you feel like sh*t, quite frankly. That's why we want them to call, to know that we still hold some type of importance to them, to know that they still think of us and care.

 

And this is where a lot of other problems stem from, learning to get back on our own two feet and see our own value. Because if you already have low self-esteem, then when this happens it's obviously not going to make it any better.

Edited November 18, 2011 by Thieves

[HollyHoliday]

When I dumped my old ex boyfriend, I had been struggling with the idea for at least a year. I always knew we weren't right for each other, but it wasn't until he said something that completely was disrespectful and downright wrong that I was finally able to do it. He fought me on it, cried, and I cried too. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. He never tried to contact me after, and I can understand why. It was really hard for him, but I hope that he realized what I did: that it was wrong for us to be together.

 

When my most recent boyfriend ended our relationship, I initially wanted him to call or text, and I probably stood vigil by my phone for two months. However, after while I was able to move on and accepted that it wasn't going to happen. While it actually did happen last week, I have come to terms about a lot of things and I can see things for what they are.

 

The reason why you want to be contacted is because rejection sucks. The idea of someone not wanting you is horrible. But you know what? You can't think that they are right. That they know something that you don't. You are you, and if you believe with your heart that you are a good person, than you are.

 

Just because someone ends a relationship with you doesn't mean that they know you, the person you are, and what you are capable of. It is very possible that they themselves, as their own person, is incapable of seeing those truths.

[bbronco]

Well from a dumpers perspective it can feel the same. I knew I was unhappy in my relationship (can't seem to remind myself of that now!) and brought up my concerns many times. My ex just didn't seem to grasp the importance of our issues so I ended things. It was sad, and I was very delicate about the whole thing. I figured if I was that important or meant enough to him, he wouldn't accept the breakup and would reach out expressing his feelings. But...he never did. He instead said we should stick with it.

 

I was the dumper, but I totally feel like the dumpee now. The urge to want to call/text him is constantly there. Maybe if I tell him again about how I feel he'll say something I want to hear. If he knows I'm holding a torch for him and uninterested in other guys, he'll want to come back. So many ifs it'll drive you crazy! If you think your ex will respond when you reach out, then you're super lucky and I'd take advantage of the willing communication while it's there. If you're going to likely be ignored..then avoid the self inflicted torture :/

[ChelseaLS]

With my ex before this current ex..The relationship ended without any hurt initially... that came later when I found out he cheated on me, but I was the dumpee and I was mad and didn't want him to contact me and he never did.

 

In my current situation, everything ended again without any hurt, but all I want his for him to reach out to me. Again I am the dumpee. But I think this time it is different, because I value this relationship more then the other. Also we are on a "break" and although I am moving forward and treating it like its a break up, I think "break" is still in the back of my head.

I also think that this is REAL love this time.

 

Who knows.

[radiodarcy]

The reason why you want to be contacted is because rejection sucks. The idea of someone not wanting you is horrible. But you know what? You can't think that they are right. That they know something that you don't. You are you, and if you believe with your heart that you are a good person, than you are.

 

this so true. i recently got dumped by a guy i had been dating via ok cupid. he was very up front with me and explained that he had met someone else he clicked with.

 

i appreciated his honesty. and understood his reasoning. but it really did suck being told that. made me feel like he felt she was better than me. even though i know that's now how he meant it. it still stung.

[Berlington Bob]

Studies have shown (can't site any cause i'm going out to dinner in a few minutes) that when you are with a person and share life experiences with them a part of your brain actually changes physicaly. In almost the exact same way it changes when you become addicted to some sort of chemical substance. We'll use heroin since I know first hand how tough love can be to get over. Though not heroin...

 

So the unquenchable, unexplainable urge you get once in a while to have contact with the ex is actually literally physical withdrawl symptoms. Go watch Trainspotting and I'm pretty sure you will relate to the main character.

 

Just resist the urge or you have to start all over again. Or you could go find love's version of a methadrone clinic... and go out to a bar. (talking other women/men not alcohol)