I can't do anything now..

[BigDumbFoot]

I'm going to sound like a sad sack here for a few minutes, so just bear with me. I've been broken up with the ex for about 4 1/2 months, been NC for a month. Any contact before that was very limited. Once in a great while I'll see her in my neighborhood (she lives 2 blocks away), and she's usually with the new guy she's seeing (or rebounding with at least, it's a long rebound by now though). Our relationship lasted close to 7 years, so needless to say I'm still pretty devastated, though slowly getting better. But the thing is I want to move on with my life now.. I want to start making new friends, doing new things, start REALLY working on my career that I've been putting off for the past 3-4 years. But I can't.. I'll start looking into career/grad school options for myself, or I'll start considering social options I could partake in, stuff like that, and just feel completely paralyzed. I'm working now and being social with my inner circle of friends, but that's about all I'm able to do. I can't get out side of my comfort zone.. The thought of doing so just makes me feel sick. When I try to do so, I don't have a positive reinforcement outcome like most people would. I seem to always think that I screwed up somehow, or that I'm making a big mistake or something.. Granted I had problems with this even before the break up, but now they seem to be about 10x worse.. Does/did anyone else have these kinds of issues post-breakup? I've been trying to work on my self-esteem through self help books, so maybe in a couple of months my story may be a little different, but for now all I can feel is terror at the thought of facing the real world without her.

[BigDumbFoot]

I just want to add that I think at this point it's just about survival for me. I just need to make enough to survive and do enough socializing to not go completely crazy.. I'm getting impatient though, and want to feel like I'm moving forward in my life.. Which will probably take some time and some healin'.

[NYOrLAGuy]

I do buddy... I feel like I've almost been sleepwalking for the past few months. I've been hanging out with my friends on a limited basis, not really venturing far outside my comfort zone and just plain ol' existing. I have a movie that I'm working on and trying for force myself to continue with but then the thought creep in of how much I wanted my ex to be a part of it and work on it with me... have her by my side.

 

I even have a rebound that lives only 10 mins away from the ex, and I had to cut it off because I literally couldn't get in my car and drive down to see her, because just the drive on the same freeway reminded me too much of going down to see the ex.

 

It's hard, I don't necessarily know what to do to break out of this mold... to face the real world without her as you put it, but you know what? At some point a decision has to be made. To be this way (forever?) or to take the harder path and break free. I'm not there yet, and it sounds like you're not either, but I feel the tide starting to turn. Hopefully at some point you'll get to a place where you just get tired of living this way, and the decision becomes easier. I wish I had a specific piece of advice for you... hey do this, and all will be good, but unfortunately I don't. But if you keep pushing, keeping trying hard to break these damn chains, they will eventually give way. Keep pushing, m'man, and I promise I will too.

[Thieves]

But I can't.. I'll start looking into career/grad school options for myself, or I'll start considering social options I could partake in, stuff like that, and just feel completely paralyzed. I'm working now and being social with my inner circle of friends, but that's about all I'm able to do. I can't get out side of my comfort zone..

 

I remember after things ended with my ex, things just seemed to keep going downhill, or either time was 'standing still' and not getting better. I was in a bad place in enough ways, with having trouble finding a good job, falling out with a few of my friends, and in the midst of moving between cities. After I got settled, one of the first things I did was attempt to get a better job, and to be honest, I was afraid. I was already vulnerable with being left for someone else, just feeling lonely and pretty worthless. So with all of that and trying to muster up the confidence to get a new job, I felt the same type of terror you're feeling now. I felt insecurity and terror at the thought of taking this semi-big leap into creating a new better life for myself without 'him'... and failing. For a long time I was frozen, not making any real decisions or like you put it, feeling paralyzed, because I felt I didn't know how to do it right or that I was always failing at it.

 

But you know what? Months later, the one thing I've learned is that you really can't be afraid to fail when it comes to living a life without your ex. And after a few missed shots, I did end up getting that new job too. I'm doing so well and it's a relief! I'm honestly so proud of myself. You have to learn how to take a few chances again without your ex. It's better to try and screw up than to just sit there paralyzed the whole time, not even giving it a shot. Because at least you can say you're putting in the effort. Believe it or not though, things will come together for you and they will work out somehow. Maybe it won't work out the first time you try, or the second, or third... but if just say screw it and keep going (if only to amuse yourself), then things will pan out for you.