Being taken for granted? Need a diff p.o.v.

[simplybrill]

I got back with the guy I dumped because I thought he was flirting around on me.

 

I thought maybe that one incident was a mistake on his part and I should give him a chance to do the right thing next time---mostly because he cried for 3 days straight and said that he really really wants to be with me, and all that good stuff...lets hope he wasnt just "saying that." to get back with me.

 

Well now we're back together and things are soooo wierd, I dont even know what to say to him on the phone! Whats straining our relationship is the fact that we both work a lot, and hardly get time to ourselves.

 

I just have this feeling that wont go away most of the time, like he doesnt really care about me. He always has time for his friends, but he doesnt make time for me anymore it seems. He had a "guys night out" with his buddy the other night, but why didnt he call ME to see if I wanted to do something? I just dont get it...he cant live without me, yet he cant even call me?

 

Im just frustrated, and I need some advice, from guys AND girls on this topic. Is he just keeping me around to HAVE a girlfriend or what, cuz im sick of always BEING here for him. Im sick of being the girlfriend he picks up whenever he feels like acting like a boyfriend.

 

Sad, and know I can probably do better, but Ive already said "I love you" eegh,,,how do you go back from that...how can I break his heart twice?

[hurtingandconfused]

If I were your b/f I would want you to break up with me.

[johan]

I got back with the guy I dumped because I thought he was flirting around on me.

 

You got back with him, because you thought he was flirting around on you? Or you dumped him, because you thought he was flirting around on you?

 

You thought he was, or he actually was? What exactly did he do?

 

he cried for 3 days straight and said that he really really wants to be with me, and all that good stuff...lets hope he wasnt just "saying that."

 

He cried for three days, and you're not sure he's sincere? What would convince you?

 

Whats straining our relationship is the fact that we both work a lot, and hardly get time to ourselves.

 

Do you think that calls for a little understanding? I mean you're BOTH working a lot. That happens sometimes.

 

I just have this feeling that wont go away most of the time, like he doesnt really care about me. He always has time for his friends, but he doesnt make time for me anymore it seems. He had a "guys night out" with his buddy the other night, but why didnt he call ME to see if I wanted to do something? I just dont get it...he cant live without me, yet he cant even call me?

 

You sort of have a point, but you don't appear to be very forgiving. Seems like you have one foot out the door all the time.

 

Is he just keeping me around to HAVE a girlfriend or what, cuz im sick of always BEING here for him. Im sick of being the girlfriend he picks up whenever he feels like acting like a boyfriend.

 

What exactly do you have him for? Because you're madly in love? I'd say not. Do you just want a boyfriend? You expect him to treat you better than you're treating him? You're ready to dump him at the drop of a hat, so what do you expect from him?

 

Sad, and know I can probably do better, but Ive already said "I love you" eegh,,,how do you go back from that...how can I break his heart twice?

 

Sounds like you both could do better. I can tell you really love him, that's why you said it, right? Why would you want to "go back from that" if you meant it? Are you positive his heart would be broken? I have to say that I agree with hurtingandconfused.

[simplybrill]

Johan, to answer your questions:

 

* I dumped him once because he was letting a girl act flirtatious with him, calling him "sweety" and such, and hugging him...and he didnt seem to mind the attention from this other girl. I was definitely offended, and took up the problem with HIM and not the girl.

 

 

* Lets just say that he's a great actor, and im not really sure if he cried for 3 days straight, or if he just said he was to get back with me.

 

* I made the point that we're both working because, when he does have time its like his time is already called for, and im not at the top of his priority list lately. I mean IM working too, and im tired at the end of the day, but I still sound like im happy to hear from him when I do call.

 

* I dont understand why I shouldnt have one foot out the door, I mean this guy has been treating me like this for some time, im not the bad guy here.

 

*Most people get into a relationship because they love the person they're with. I love this guy, and Ive asked him point blank if he still loves me, and he said yeah, so what gives! You say im ready to dump him at the drop of a hat, but if you were in my situation, what would you do? You love someone, you give them 100%, but they only call when they want to, hang out with their buddies more than they hang out with you, when they DO see you they just want to lie around and not really talk cuz they're "tired" all the time...we never go out, goodness I was wanting to take HIM out, and he still didnt want to go.

[simplybrill]

I know Im sick of him taking me for granted, but how do I break it off when Ive met his mom, and his family, and they're expecting me at his brother's wedding next month?? His mom and dad are great, I love em to death, we actually get along, but I know once I break up with him--he probably wont tell them the real reason I did it, but rather go to them like a stupid child "waa waa she broke up with me, make me feel better, feel sorry for me"

 

I swear it feels like he's just keeping me around so he wont have to go to his brother's wedding alone. Then again, im not gonna waste money on a dress, only to get there and be his "back up plan" in case things didnt go well at the wedding.

 

I guess im really asking, how do I break up with him again, and this close to this big event?

[Pyrannaste]

Your posts make me wonder whether when he allowed the other girl to be flirtatious with him he *actually* acted in a bad way.

It sounds like -and I hope I am wrong- you just picked that episode to use as an excuse to dump him because you were already tired of the relationship.

 

From your posts (and from this thread alone, since I don't know you personally)to me he sounds like a quite okay and nice person, and you certainly sound more like the bad guy than he does.

 

You described him as a stupid whiny child, a jerk, someone who uses you, a liar, an hypocrite ("actor"), a manipulating person, a selfish guy.

You seem to have a lot of anger/resentment packed up towards him.

 

I suggest you stop wasting your and his time and break up with him, but NOT blaming it on him. Try with the truth.

He will be hurt but it's better now than after having wasted more time.

[Fritz]

It doesn't sound like either of you are that interested in the relationship (you dumped him because of one "flirtation"?). If you really want out, say so. Unless you are in the actual wedding party or deeply involved in the planning etc. you shouldn't feel that bad or obligated to go. So his folks may end up not liking you.. BFD. I got stuck being in a wedding party, was basically used but I did the good deed so the wedding party wouldn't be short one. Now I don't talk to my friend much anymore either.

 

What does this mean: "I swear it feels like he's just keeping me around so he wont have to go to his brother's wedding alone. Then again, im not gonna waste money on a dress, only to get there and be his "back up plan" in case things didnt go well at the wedding. " ?

[simplybrill]

ok so why am I the bad guy for standing up for myself, when he wouldnt when that ho was all over him? hmm...

 

Nope im not in the wedding ceremony itself, when i said " I swear it feels like he's just keeping me around so he wont have to go to his brother's wedding alone..."

 

I mean that I dont want to go there and get ditched- or emotionally ditched and not be able to say anything because he'll be "doing the right thing for his brother" Dont get me wrong, I would LOVE for him to go there, and be happy for his brother, and all that....but you have to understand, that my bf has a little problem with multi-tasking. Ive seen it happen when he's out with his friends and around his family.

When we're around his friends, he gets this "too cool for school/I dont need a chick" kind of attitude, but when he's around his family he gets super nervous and hardly says a thing. Ive tried really really tried to help him out of it and nothing helps. In both situations, im left out...literally its like im not even in the room. When im with his family, I talk to them, but its only small talk, and his friends, Ive only JUST gotten to break their walls and joke around with them.

 

You ever feel like someone's just going through the motions? They say they want to be with you, but nothing really confirms it?

 

I just dont want to spend like $200 on a dress, shoes, and all that, to go to this thing, and be left totally physically and emotionally alone...thats the worst feeling in the world.

[simplybrill]

what also...really kind of wierds me out, is that he said that he used to call this friend of his up whenever he has family functions to go to, and he said she basically looks just like me, and that most his fam. would think I was her, ( he said this in a laughing kind of way) This girl is also the best friend of his ex, who's number he promptly got after they broke up (she cheated on him).

 

Yea, I broke up with him over one flirtation the first time, because he wasnt man enough to stand up for US as a couple- and when that happened our relationship was brand new. I just wasnt willing to put up with that kind of mess, esp. from someone I hadnt been dating that long. Now we're 3 months in.