I miss her :(

[LifeTwist]

LifeTwist, I don't really agree with you on the 'marriage will make the relationship better/last' part... We get into relationship to find that someone who is really compatible with us... If they are really compatible and both side put their effort into making the relationship work, they will not break even if they are together for 10years...

 

In my humble opinion, getting married after one year time into the relationship is not a really good way because one year is not a really long time for us to really know/understand the other person... And many people will end up in divorce after finding out that their partner is not suitable for them...

 

One more thing... Marriage nowadays did not really tie down anybody... I see that you are from Pakistan and I do have a friend there... Correct me if I'm wrong... I know to a certain extend marriage there is very different... Not many guys will take/marry a woman if she had been married to someone before...

 

But it's just different in many other countries... Even if married, people will just leave if or when they feel that they wanna leave... Women now are able to provide for themselve and they don't need anyone to provide for them... And many relationship/marriage fail is because people nowadays have too many choices... Not like our grandfather era where people get married young and they stay in the marriage for a lifetime...

 

First of all, i would like to clear one aspect of our conversation. My knowledge and experiences are very limited as compared to you Silly Panda. I admire your threads and have been through few of them. I admit that you have seen life with a very critical view. So any of my explanation would never mean to challenge your knowledge base. Do prove me wrong where ever you feel like.

 

I wrote such a long explanation before and very informative and all of that got deleted by one wrong key.. I was just thinking that a relation can be like writing a paragraph too. One wrong step can erase all teh chapters of your and your gf life which took you years to write. Anyways, as u said urself, in our grand fathers era, marriages used to last long as it was the culture and tradition of those times. Even if girl is unhappy, she had to live her life with the same man. First of all, not every men nor women are in relationships to get married. There are many out there who realises after few months that what they were calling a relation was merely a hallucination and what actually they are looking for is definitely not her. In old times, ppl used to get married both on arrange and love/choice marriage footings. But one thing was taught to them through out their lives, Compromise. Every religion, every book, every culture teaches the same lesson to everyone at all stages of life. We have to compromise on so many things at all stages of life. So in relationship we have to compromise but not on everything. Till now, the old stuff is praised, starting from movies, actors, love stories, (you never find any love story like romeo juliet in todays world), and so many things. Human race have this one thing in common. Every one praises their past and the old times even if that had hard ships. So it means that with each passing day, with every new invention, the miseries of human race are also being increased. Relationship and marriage have differenent meanings and footings in every society. The respect which a woman can get through being a wife in the society can never be attained through being a girl friend. Relationships are mostly found as a temporary status which is always hanging. Whereas, marriages, at least require a legal process to call it off unlike relationships. One year includes hundreds of days and thousands of hours. If two ppl seeing each other for almost a year can not understand or know each other, then there are small chances that they can ever know or understand each other. There is always a time by which one should turn his/her relationship status into marriage. Once taht time passes, then chances of getting married gets slimmer.

 

We all belong to one father and one mother, no matter what ever happens. Mostly it has been seen wiorld wide that kids suffer a lot in broken marriages. The other man/woman can never look after the kids in a much better way than their original parents can, Yes, exceptions are there, but at rare side. So, the emotional attachment which kids can have through their original parents is much more than getting it through their step fathers/mothers. Here i want to prove importance of life long marriage.

 

In our part of world, the education trend is rising and all educated families always seek consent of their daughter before getting her married to any guy in case of arrange marriages. The divorce rate is minimum just because the traditions are still kept and parents teach their kids to compromise on small matters to have a life long relationship. So both the guys and gals look forward to have a life long realtionship with someone they are married to. But it doesnt mean that if one is acting b !tchy, the other should take it. There are definitely some borders which both men and women should nt cross.

 

As i stated earlier the Compulsive Cheating Behaviour trend, it has been found in women more than men. Do tell me if i am wrong. As far as i have seen, this trend is found more in women than men. Women mostly mark one lame excuse for themselves and then based on that excuse they can do anything (from dating till sleeping with several men). And when their bf gets to know this, they forward this lame excuse that we werent treated well at that point so we did this. Now look in Sustugriel matter, poor him did nothing. Every man/woman has right to work and they should work even if they have to travel long way or live in different cities. But it doesnt mean that she should make it an excuse for herself to sleep with other guys. This is one incident which he came to know in 5 years. Dont you think that there might be chances of having done said stuff in previous years as well. But she located an excuse (which isnt even an excuse to sleep with other guy, infact there is no such excuse in this world to sleep with other man), and then started cheating on him. This trend is found more in women than in men. When men get into other relation, they rarely take heed of such lame excuses rather they admit of cheating or convey that they were bored etc. It tears one person apart when such kind of excuses are presented for sleeping with another man. Dont you think Silly Panda that there is an age for doing everything. dont u mark remarkable difference between a person getting married at 26/27 and a person getting amrried at 45/50? So if you are going to give relations 5-6 or even more years, what age you would be at that moment.

 

In the end, i would strongly recommend that Sustugriel should strictly stay away rom 2nd chances. There are no 2nd chances and she would crawl to him with those fake tears to have her back. But he should not even look at her and tell her to go away from his sight. I feel so bad for this guy that i was forced to leave him with my first note on love shack. I am sorry if any of my words have hurt you or any LS community member..

[Sustugriel]

Thank you for the replies to you all.

 

Lifetwist, you don't have to worry about offending/hurting me. I am not easily offended nor hurt. Everything you've said has been helpful and you're right. She could have easily cheated before and I wouldn't have known about it, simply because I implicitly trusted her. However, I will maintain that I was completely faithful.

 

She has cheated before, not with me, but with a guy she was with before me. She told me all about it, and oddly enough this scenario that I am in is not much different. She simply said she was unhappy with said guy, so she went out and found the nearest man.

 

Now let me tell you a story...I knew both guys involved. Both her boyfriend at the time, and the man she cheated with. I confronted the man she cheated with and told him to back off, for the sake of the boyfriend's feelings. I was being a good friend to him, just because that's what decent men do. The man she was cheating with was so intimidated he actually skipped town. Unfortunately, after she had cheated on him, her boyfriend could never trust her again and their relationship slowly spiraled downward until it ended. She approached me a couple months later, and I asked for permission to date the girl from her ex-boyfriend.

 

I stepped through every hoop to not step on people's toes and their feelings. Now, was that ever returned to me? No. She cheated again, for no reason other than she's too damn selfish to see how it would hurt anyone else...and this "friend" of mine...deliberately deceived me and claimed we were not friends in order to get into her pants guilt free.

 

Lifetwist, I should have known, once a cheater, always a cheater. She's done this before, she'll continue to do it until she gets hurt in this way. I just thought it would be different, sure it was different after so long. Then she just finds any small number of things, believing they are huge problems and unfix-able, and then runs straight to the nearest man to cheat...after all, men are so willing to stab each other in the back. That part that hurts the most because I care for not just her...but for him too. We had been friends for 9 years. Now I feel like I can't ever trust another human being again, man or woman.

 

This is why it's not only a man-law, it's also a commandment. " "Thou shall not covet thy neighbor's wife." It's recognized across all cultures, even across the world...As completely wrong and evil, breaking up a commitment of so many years from something menial and pointless... You may say, we weren't married, well no, not technically, but the connection as if we were married was there, for me it was. I had every intention of marrying her for the legal purpose and I wanted her to be my wife.

 

Well it's just not going to happen anymore.

 

As much as I love her still, her beauty has been perverted in my mind, the idea of another man enjoying her corrupts my memories of her down to the very core. Her personality to me...destroyed from the hurt she's caused me. Indeed, there may be no going back, ever. As much as I'd want to, I have a feeling that our relationship would just spiral and it'd inevitably end after such a devastating event.

Edited December 7, 2011 by Sustugriel

[Bazamu]

Sustugriel, holy crap. After reading that I actually felt a little sense of relief! Seems like you are off on your way to a new direction, which is going to be awesome. Unlike me, my xgf only talks to me because I have cancer and recently today we met up (after not seeing eachother for 1 week) and hugged eachother acting like it was our first time. We were hanging out for about 4 hours and had lunch, it was all too amazing. She even did a sexual act in the parking lot broad daylight.

 

Point is, she has already torn out my heart and stomp the **** out of it, so I say, why not let her do it again? Haha, sometimes I wonder why we all do such stupid things because of love.

 

It seems to me like you are recovering pretty well from all of this or you are keeping yourself very busy, since it doesn't seem like you hover on this site as much. Keep posted or hit me up at [email protected] much easier to do and faster

[Sustugriel]

Sustugriel, holy crap. After reading that I actually felt a little sense of relief! Seems like you are off on your way to a new direction, which is going to be awesome. Unlike me, my xgf only talks to me because I have cancer and recently today we met up (after not seeing eachother for 1 week) and hugged eachother acting like it was our first time. We were hanging out for about 4 hours and had lunch, it was all too amazing. She even did a sexual act in the parking lot broad daylight.

 

Point is, she has already torn out my heart and stomp the **** out of it, so I say, why not let her do it again? Haha, sometimes I wonder why we all do such stupid things because of love.

 

It seems to me like you are recovering pretty well from all of this or you are keeping yourself very busy, since it doesn't seem like you hover on this site as much. Keep posted or hit me up at [email protected] much easier to do and faster

 

 

On the contrary brother, I'm not really recovering, I don't know if I'm still in denial about all of this, or just in denial of what I will have to face in the days coming. This was more my logical brain finally being able to talk...after weeks of constant emotional pain. But, I still see her face everywhere, I see her body in my head as well (yes, getting lonely in that regard). She used to wear these skirts I was crazy about, I can't help but think she's wearing them for HIM now. It hurts me badly. And I know, you will all say "You mustn't think of anything of her, ever." But honestly, she really was that beautiful and I was that in love with her where I can't get her out of my head. I never wanted to, I thought of her all the time, and now that I have to...I STILL don't want to.

 

I sometimes 'feel' her presence...For example. I went out to eat with some family recently, and I habitually leaned over to say something to her...only to notice she wasn't there. I am having many of these moments. They are probably happening even more often than what could be considered normal because, to me, there was nothing wrong with our relationship. It was just involuntarily terminated, and I will never understand why.

 

I am sorry to hear that you have cancer, I sincerely hope she did not leave you because of that, I couldn't imagine anything more heartless and selfish than that, but I am glad to hear that she is somewhat coming to her senses...It would be difficult for me to forgive someone after doing that, to be abandoned in your greatest moment of need..I have tossed you an email regarding the better contact method.

[LifeTwist]

On the contrary brother, I'm not really recovering, I don't know if I'm still in denial about all of this, or just in denial of what I will have to face in the days coming. This was more my logical brain finally being able to talk...after weeks of constant emotional pain. But, I still see her face everywhere, I see her body in my head as well (yes, getting lonely in that regard). She used to wear these skirts I was crazy about, I can't help but think she's wearing them for HIM now. It hurts me badly. And I know, you will all say "You mustn't think of anything of her, ever." But honestly, she really was that beautiful and I was that in love with her where I can't get her out of my head. I never wanted to, I thought of her all the time, and now that I have to...I STILL don't want to.

 

I sometimes 'feel' her presence...For example. I went out to eat with some family recently, and I habitually leaned over to say something to her...only to notice she wasn't there. I am having many of these moments. They are probably happening even more often than what could be considered normal because, to me, there was nothing wrong with our relationship. It was just involuntarily terminated, and I will never understand why.

 

I am sorry to hear that you have cancer, I sincerely hope she did not leave you because of that, I couldn't imagine anything more heartless and selfish than that, but I am glad to hear that she is somewhat coming to her senses...It would be difficult for me to forgive someone after doing that, to be abandoned in your greatest moment of need..I have tossed you an email regarding the better contact method.

 

Sustugriel. You know most of our stories are either fully or partially related to each other. Checking out the history of your story, most of the guys here would definitely think that its what happened to them. Sustugriel, there are two ways in front of you. Leme be straight. One is that you keep dating her and have fun with her and gradually your interest would decrease and your self esteem, which has been damaged by her cheating, would increase manifolds. This new guy she is with, very soon she would realise what she has lost coz he also knows how nice u had been with her all this time. So naturally, he must be having something in his mind about the relation he wants to keep with her. Guys who are purely sincere and devoted are very hard to find these days. She just got bored with you Sustugriel. Unlike you, she doesnt have a good character and self esteeem. What self esteem would be left in a girl if she sleeps with different guys just for fun sake and then making some tiny issue an excuse for herself and forcing her mind t o believe that what ever she is doing is right and she is hurt and she needs emotional attachment with someone else so she can heal up. Holy *****!!! Second way is to not to stay in the room as much as possible.. Staying indoors is the root of all evils. The free mind always tends to think about her and the guy sharing their bodies. Its very very tough Sustugriel, very tough than anything in world. I just wish i can brain wash you and this girl can go off your mind. Trust me, it will take some time, and you have to decide, which one you want to move up to. If you want her to crawl back to you and beg you and cry to you for revenge sake, then NC is the most appropriate option any guy can exercise. No girl can dodge NC. Its the best weapon at guys disposal to treat their cheating gfs with. My address is [email protected]. Do mail me and if you are using any messenger (like msn,yahoo etc), add me up. I honestly want you to move on with your life brother.

[LifeTwist]

Sustugriel, holy crap. After reading that I actually felt a little sense of relief! Seems like you are off on your way to a new direction, which is going to be awesome. Unlike me, my xgf only talks to me because I have cancer and recently today we met up (after not seeing eachother for 1 week) and hugged eachother acting like it was our first time. We were hanging out for about 4 hours and had lunch, it was all too amazing. She even did a sexual act in the parking lot broad daylight.

 

 

Bazamu, I am really sorry to read this about you. Leaving someone at such stage is something i cant even define or corelate to. Even animals must have some dignity and decency and feelings. You know what, when we guys put ourselves in these girls shoes who dumped us, we really think that we would have never stooped so low. Like if she would have cancer and you would be her bf, would you ever leave her or even make her feel that you are loosing interest in her? I bet NEVER. In fact, you would have tried your best to make her believe that you love and care for her even more now. I really pray to God almighty that you recover from Cancer and stay happy and healthy for remaining days of your life.

[silly_panda]

LifeTwist, I agree with your point regarding Sustugriel's situation... People who cheat are emotionally immature and selfish...

 

What I do not really agree was that marriage could solve breaking up issues in this era... You are rite... Compromise is a very important aspect in a relationship... But I really don't see what's the difference it will make between in a relationship and being in a marriage will make... Nowadays they are just as fragile...

 

I do agree there are many people who view marriage as pure/sacred and will not break easily... I am one of them too... But there are also many that don't... Like I had said before, nowadays we have something called CHOICE... During our grandfather era, most people (women) do not have a CHOICE but to stick to their husband because men are the provider for the family and also there are less temptation outside...

 

There is no timeline as how long you need to be in a relationship before getting married... Like I said again, in my point of view, one year is not really enough to know/understand the other person... Here is why... The 'honeymoon phase' will last between 3 - 6months (normally)... And after that they will move to the 'attachment phase' where couple starts to review their true colour... Arguement will happen during this phase and the ability to compromise and tolerate will determine how strong their love to each other... But during this period, people are still fresh from the 'honeymoon phase', so their compromise level will be higher... Hence, people are still not able to see the TRUE colour of their partner yet...

 

But of course, if people think and feel that they are ready for marriage, then they can go for it by all means... My point here is, you need a strong foundation for a marriage to last and that foundation comes from when you are still in a relationship... During the couple period, we need to understand what we need and also what are the things that we could not compromise... Based on that, we will be able to filter out and find the person who is compatible with us...

 

All I'm trying to say is that I don't think marriage could solve/stop people from breaking up... And marriage is really a big thing... When me marry a person, we marry their everything... Their family, their past, etc... There are many people that could not even feed themselves... How will they able to take care of their partner..? How do you expect people who are still in college/uni to get married..? There are a lot to consider before making the step of getting married... That's why I view marriage as a very big thing...

[Sugarkane]

This girl has no respect for the OP a all. After all her lying, cheating and manipulating I'd cut off the biatch. Let her cheat on the other gut too. She sounds like a slut to be honest.

[Sugarkane]

Hopefully the other guy will soon find our what a cheater she really is.

[Bazamu]

Totally agree with you Sugarkane. They become slutty after they receive the shaft (not all, but a good amount that's for sure). we are here all trying to learn from our mistakes and problems. We stay with someone because we love someone. Seems like this is happening more and more or maybe It's because this is whats going on in my life right now, so I am well focused on the bad and never the good.

 

everyday I tell myself I am going to do NC with her, but never tends to stick. always bringing up ridiculous excuses to talk to her. I end up getting hurt and back to square 1 I go. I know life is short and its just a rough patch, but ****. All this heartbreak and drama, they should have a pill out there by now that will make you forget your past relationships and start on a fresh slate. I know most of you say it takes time, but I want to say **** time.

 

Taking hearts and thinking its a game is not funny. Sometimes I wish I had the heart to do this, so I wouldn't have to experience heartbreak either!

[LifeTwist]

Silly Panda, i totally agree with what you said. Word to word was so [perfectly said and it was way convincing. This relation makes a man so weak and attached that even after break up, if someone else abuses his gf, he feels bad inside. Trust me it happens when u have loved someone a real lot. Sugar kane was ofcourse upset cos of the hurt and agony she caused Sustugriel , and thts why she called her Slut. And this guy would have also thought of her same way and in heat of emotions, he also would have abused but when he gets normal, he definitely would feel bad. This heart is such a huge enigma. It feeds on what ever you give it. Poor heart is always to be blamed where as the main culprit are the eyes which can see that something is going wrong yet they ignore the sight and forces the brain and heart to believe that nothing is wrong and All is fine. We become so blind folded in our love for some person that we are not even ready to hear one wrong comment. This is the most dangerous phase in relationship when one lies to his own self and forces himself to believe that she aint cheating on him. Some one very rightly said, "Every relation ends up in two ways. (a) Either a Good partner (b) Or A good lesson." Most of us get a Very good lesson which we usually ignore while we move further in our lives. Back to Sustugriel issue, he must consider NC option strictly to make this cheater crawl back to him. 5 years is hell lot of time and on top when someone has been so nice and caring towards his gf, definitely it wont take her long to realise and repent and hurt by her guilt and she would contact him sooner. Sustugriel should act strong and focus on his life since already 5 years of his life have been wasted on a relation which ended up in mess. Any comments/suggestions for Sustugriel?

[silly_panda]

Well, I think Sustugriel is still in the denial phase and moving towards anger phase rite now... I think I can relate with what's on his mind rite now... Thinking how the other guy touching his ex... Thinking of his ex doing stuff that she used to with him to the other guy rite now...

 

It takes time for guys to actually bounce up and see their ex for who she is... We will always look at the nice memories and hold on to those and ignore her recent actions... In Sustugriel's case, 5years is A LOT of memories... But you need to see your ex as who she is now... That's the only way to really able to move on... Those past memories are just memories... Treasure them, but life goes on and what's important is the present...

 

It's weird sometimes that we guys, can stand and can't accept the fact that other guy touches our ex... But we can accept a girl that we never had a relationship with just fine as a new girlfriend even though we know that she had a relationship with other guys before... Til now I still don't know why I still have images of the other guy touching my ex and all and it hurts...

 

Anyway, LifeTwist... What's your story man..?

[Sustugriel]

Well, I think Sustugriel is still in the denial phase and moving towards anger phase rite now... I think I can relate with what's on his mind rite now... Thinking how the other guy touching his ex... Thinking of his ex doing stuff that she used to with him to the other guy rite now...

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/5_stages_of_grief

 

In theory, I would be hitting the bargaining/depression stages next. But I think I'm not really experiencing them so linearly...I seem to be bouncing back and forth and all over the place. Going from denial, to depression, then back to denial again...etc...Just about the only thing I haven't felt is normal since this happened.

 

I just don't know of a way through this. I'll keep you guys posted on how I'm feeling.

[spicolli]

Its a common misconception to believe that you have to go through the five stages exactly how they ate laid out, but it couldn't be further from the truth. You may gain acceptance and wake up tomorrow and go right back to the depression. Or to the anger etc. This is your journey, you will experience it and come through it the way you were meant to. There is no blueprint to it. The only way out is through. Keep your head up bro.

[Sustugriel]

Til now I still don't know why I still have images of the other guy touching my ex and all and it hurts...

 

It's even worse for me because of who it is. He knew it would hurt me, he knows I love her and he doesn't care. He knows I've been with her more times than he can even count, and he DOESN'T care. I've had my hands all over her for years, I've held her for literally person years when we slept together. It's unbelievable.

 

I've had this very same situation reversed on me, a complete strangers girl approached me, I denied her saying it was too soon. I have not been saved the same courtesy..from a friend.

 

Us guys (well, certain ones, the good ones I'll say) get so possessive and connected to a person after touching them and being intimate with them. Then when girls tell you things like "I'm yours forever" and "I love it when you hold me and touch me" thus encouraging that possessive mentality of ours...

 

It makes letting go seem akin to forcibly removing your own hand. It's just an impossibility.

[silly_panda]

It's not impossible man... It just takes time and strong mentality to view your ex as who she is rite now and don't let your memories cloud your mind...

 

About your friend, some will put hoes before bros... That's just how some people works... They are selfish and friendship mean nothing to them as long as they have a hoe to fu*k... They just don't hold the same principle like some other guys do like "never date your friend's ex without permission or bros before hoes..."

 

I knew who my ex did it with too... Though I don't know the guy but I know how he looks like... When I first saw his picture, I was like... "Seriously..? You dumped me for THIS guy..?" Honestly speaking, I don't mind if a guy touching my ex as long as I think the other guy is better than me... But this guy..? I was like "Out of so many guys, THIS is who you choose..? Can't you find someone at least better..?" I just feel disgusted imagining this guy touching her and she allow it...

[Sustugriel]

About your friend, some will put hoes before bros... That's just how some people works... They are selfish and friendship mean nothing to them as long as they have a hoe to fu*k... They just don't hold the same principle like some other guys do like "never date your friend's ex without permission or bros before hoes..."... I don't mind if a guy touching my ex as long as I think the other guy is better than me...

 

If I may play devil's advocate sir, I'm not sure that's a healthy mentality, that is, to think that another guy is better than you.

 

For example, I don't believe that my friend, or my fiance is better than me. THEY betrayed me, THEY'RE the weak ones, THEY'RE the traitors. I know I'm better than both of them combined, and I certainly know I'm better than him because I hold to higher ideals than he ever could understand (obviously). I'm not a troll, in fact I look pretty damn good. There are a lot of reasons for me to be proud of myself for holding out my hand every single time for this girl despite all her flaws and sluttiness. In many ways, I did it because I want her to have a great future, and with me, I know she will have one.

 

Faithful ones are always better than the cheaters. The fact that you posted here is proof that you feel for your fellow humans and have a much deeper emotional level than most of humanity. That's something to be proud of too.

[silly_panda]

If I may play devil's advocate sir, I'm not sure that's a healthy mentality, that is, to think that another guy is better than you.

 

For example, I don't believe that my friend, or my fiance is better than me. THEY betrayed me, THEY'RE the weak ones, THEY'RE the traitors. I know I'm better than both of them combined, and I certainly know I'm better than him because I hold to higher ideals than he ever could understand (obviously). I'm not a troll, in fact I look pretty damn good. There are a lot of reasons for me to be proud of myself for holding out my hand every single time for this girl despite all her flaws and sluttiness. In many ways, I did it because I want her to have a great future, and with me, I know she will have one.

 

Faithful ones are always better than the cheaters. The fact that you posted here is proof that you feel for your fellow humans and have a much deeper emotional level than most of humanity. That's something to be proud of too.

 

 

I'm not saying to have a looking down on yourself mentality... There is always someone better than us... I myself am proud of myself too... I'm proud of the achievements that I had achieved thus far in my life... But there is always someone that have better achievement than me...

 

Yup... You said it yourself... Your ex do not share the same value as you... From her action, she had dampen her self value... So again, you wouldn't wan this kinda girl rite... Water seeks its own level... Your ex is this kinda person... It's only natural that she finds a guy with the same value as hers (your friend)... Make sense..?

[Sustugriel]

Yup... You said it yourself... Your ex do not share the same value as you... From her action, she had dampen her self value... So again, you wouldn't wan this kinda girl rite... Water seeks its own level... Your ex is this kinda person... It's only natural that she finds a guy with the same value as hers (your friend)... Make sense..?

 

It makes logical sense. But I always thought she had changed and had grown out of her ways. I never thought she could do this to me. I was wrong. Even after 5 years she hid her deceitful ways. And I fell in love with a front she put off to me. She even bragged to her friends about me...ugh I'll just never get it.

 

Still though, I'm the one hurting, I'm the one who's alone, betrayed and dead inside.

 

There are other things that are really hurtful about this...little reminders.. She had a birthday in late October, I had cooked her favorite dinner, took the day off to spend it with her. I put all of my attention and affection into her that day. She seemed blissfully happy. Was she cheating on me then? Signs point to yes.

 

My family had her over for dinner that weekend, gave her gifts and showered her with affection...and again asking the embarrassing questions like "When are you two gonna tie the knot" etc etc...Had she already made up her mind at that point to leave? Less than two weeks later she left me the note...Signs pointing towards that she was cheating on me even then...how could she sleep at night?

Edited December 7, 2011 by Sustugriel

[silly_panda]

I don't think our ex were faking anything when they were with us... But people grow up and people change... So they ended up changing into someone that we don't really know anymore... I read from somewhere saying that girls will react based on their current emotions and feelings... Doesn't matter if they are having good/bad relationship with you before, what matters to them more is their current emotions and feelings...

 

That's why you can see so many of them leave once they feel bored, taken for granted, etc... But they will still stay (some) even when they found out their guy is cheating on them... In your case (sorry to say this), I can't say if she feels guilty or not... But NOW, she feels better when she is with him compared to being with you... Accept this fact and start getting her out of your mind man...

[Sustugriel]

But NOW, she feels better when she is with him compared to being with you... Accept this fact and start getting her out of your mind man...

 

Ouch

 

I don't know how to bro. It's so soon. Yesterday, believe it or not, was actually a better day for me...Today I struggled to get motivated to do anything. I am fighting rejection and depression of the worst kind.

 

I'm trying to stay as active as I can, I've been going to the gym EVERY day, talking to anyone and everyone about this. I seem to be no closer to accepting that she's gone since day 1. Even now I keep checking my phone hoping to hear from her despite all the hurt she's caused me.

 

I wish I were tougher like my father.

[silly_panda]

Ouch

 

I don't know how to bro. It's so soon. Yesterday, believe it or not, was actually a better day for me...Today I struggled to get motivated to do anything. I am fighting rejection and depression of the worst kind.

 

I'm trying to stay as active as I can, I've been going to the gym EVERY day, talking to anyone and everyone about this. I seem to be no closer to accepting that she's gone since day 1. Even now I keep checking my phone hoping to hear from her despite all the hurt she's caused me.

 

I wish I were tougher like my father.

 

 

It is normal man... It takes time to let go and accepting things as it is... It takes time for us to adjust to the change that we are not prepared... But you will get there eventually... It will make you feel better by telling your feelings to people around you but try to reduce it as time goes...

[LifeTwist]

hey Sustugriel , sorry bro for texting late.. Actually was busy in my job. Read your conversation with SP. Five years man, do you know what means 5 years? it means God damn 1800 + days, thousands of hours. So if you are thinking that you can shed everything off your shoulders and mind in few days, then its impossible. I told you, had this break up been on mutual understanding, things would have been different. But since its purely one sided and that one sided even based on cruel intentions, so definitely it is gonna hurt. And its the tragedy with the guys bearing clean mind and spotless character. They alwys fell prey to such gals/women who play with them till they want.. and afterwards they leave them and move on to the cheap class. I can even tell being my eyes closed that the guy she is with now, would not be 10% good looking or nice or loving/caring as you are. But trust me on this, the guys who arent good looking, they know t hat they cant trap a girl based on their looks, so they use their wit, their cleverness, and girls mostly like such guys who are very clever and who slept with many gals. Its very ruthless honestly on the part of the gals to like such guys. But its natural, its liek an instinct in them. I m sure u would consider NC if you want your pride and self esteem back... I still wish that u keep smiling as u used to before 5 years, and u cheer up with ur friends and hang out brother..

[Sustugriel]

Wasn't sure if I should continue the same thread, better all in one place though instead of spamming up the forums.

 

Thank you Lifetwist for the encouraging post. I know I'm not gonna flip a switch and instantly feel happy and want to date again. I am impatient by nature and hate feeling like crap and I almost wish it were that way.

 

It's been a couple days since my last post, it's been a solid month now since the note-leaving nonsense...I hate her for what she's done to me, she's turned me into a weakling. I have very little motivation. The mornings are the hardest, waking up and her still being gone pretending I don't exist. After all we had been together, all meaningless.

 

What can I do to get this motivation back? How do I get my self-worth back after such a horrible rejection?

 

I know you guys don't have the answers, but it helps to get it out of my system.

[silly_panda]

Set goals for yourself... Work towards those goals... Do things that you enjoy doing... That should get your life back...

 

In terms of not thinking about your ex as much... See her as who she is... Accept that she is not with you anymore... Accept the fact that she don't wan you in her life... If she doesn't wan you in her life, why would you wan her to be in your life (thinking of her most of the time)..?

 

Hope this helps... It helped me though...