I miss her :(

[LifeTwist]

Set goals for yourself... Work towards those goals... Do things that you enjoy doing... That should get your life back...

 

In terms of not thinking about your ex as much... See her as who she is... Accept that she is not with you anymore... Accept the fact that she don't wan you in her life... If she doesn't wan you in her life, why would you wan her to be in your life (thinking of her most of the time)..?

 

Hope this helps... It helped me though...

 

Hi there guys. Sorry was travelling last whole day so couldnt show up. Silly Panda has shown you such an easy way bro. I would want to add to it.. Memories hurt but once you start thinkin about how she treated you, how she cheated you, how she moved on to others so easily, only then you would be able to hate her for what she REALLY IS and for how worthless she thought of you. A few days more, a few days more, Keep telling yourself this when ever it seems very hard to ignore her. BOTTOM LINE. Only concentrate on her negative points, her cheating, her betrayel, and keep urself busy in gym or movies, or friends, or what ever makes u feel great. There must be sth which you enjoy. There are so many movies, old and new, western etc, download them with subs and enjoy watchin them with popcorns. It might sound stupid but give it a try.

[LifeTwist]

We are waiting to hear out your progress. Hope things are getting better. We all pray for your happiness and peace..

[Sustugriel]

We are waiting to hear out your progress. Hope things are getting better. We all pray for your happiness and peace..

 

 

Day 32. The simplest and quickest answer Lifetwist is I'm having no progress. I know what's required to move on, and I know the way to get there...no contact and all that... but everytime I try to climb out of the whole something pushes me back in and it feels deeper than it did before. Be it an item in my house that reminds me of her...a piece of clothing that smells like her...any number of things. Trust me, I've tried to remove stimuli like that as well.

 

I still miss her, worse than ever. I know I shouldn't and that she's a lying, cheating dirtbag...but I still do. I'm a grown man and I'm still crying every single night like it's day 1. I'm still blaming myself, I still ask myself "Why wasn't I good enough?" over and over.. even though I know it wasn't me...it was all her.

 

I don't know why this had to happen. I just don't have any hope for the future.

[DannyT27]

Sustugriel I'm on day 49 and it still really hurts, when I knw she's sleeping with another guy etc.. Makes me feel physicially sick. I hope one day shell return like a lost dog lol, just focus on her negatives and giv it time... She obviously doesn't care for me

[Sustugriel]

Sustugriel I'm on day 49 and it still really hurts, when I knw she's sleeping with another guy etc.. Makes me feel physicially sick.

 

Yep. Even worse so as the person she's sleeping with...was a friend. We hung out every weekend and he's jamming a sickle into my heart. Like it or not I cared for them both. Not sure what kind of person would just turn their back on another human like this.

[Mcnulty]

There are many many people who do this I'm afraid.

 

Ye know, every single thing in life that has a start, has an ending. I'm going through the same situation as you and Danny, so there's 3 women doing it for a start! Mine was a friend as well mate. I'd like to rip his heart out to be honest, but from day 1, I've kept my dignity, no contact and drove away from the idiot when he ACTUALLY tried to speak to me...about what??? That he's sorry he was coming onto then screwing my girlfriend behind my back in the summer???

 

Screw them both....in my experience karma does not always get people and sadly I don't think it's gonna get ex and my ex mate...just a feeling.

 

I'm not going to play the victim here though...I've analyzed everything about the last few months of the relationship and when your girl asks you to have sex with her and you say , "no, you've kept me at a distance, for so long, we need to talk not shag", then i say...wait for it..."go find it with someone else if you're so frustrated" I know that, that probably pushed her to him finally.

 

What i'm saying is, try to think clearly and be resolute with your decisions, for YOU, right now today. Fate has entered your life and dealt you this blow...it's like the bloody grim reaper, fate, but it has played it's card and now, we must find the strength within to move forward with dignity, pride and a positive mind.....there is no other choice and the BEST revenge on all of these scumbags is a happy you!

[Sustugriel]

There are many many people who do this I'm afraid.

 

...there is no other choice and the BEST revenge on all of these scumbags is a happy you!

 

Considering this has happened twice in my life (and I'm still young), yeah, it doesn't surprise me that it's happening more often. The question is...why? Why would a woman let things go this far and then make this kind of decision...without consultation...without anything?

 

I've never hurt anyone (meaning breaking their heart), and I will try my hardest to not hurt someone based on what has happened to me in my life. It just doesn't compute in my head how she could sleep at night knowing what she's done to me and other people in her life, and still continue to do it!

 

I guess some people just have no empathy.

[LifeTwist]

You know what Sustugriel, You are a good man. such a nice person who doesnt believe in vengeance. U stand so high among whole lot of ppl who want to revenge their ex for their cheating. I wish you always stay happy. You are young and you would find more and more girls in your life. But this is a lesson for you not to blindly trust someone. Human life is all based on lessons, mostly learnt through own experiences and very few through other ppl advises. We loose parents and at one stage it seems that we can not live without them for a single minute even. But God gives us so much power that we go through that stage. You will definitely go through this stage, it does take time. But as i said, keep thinking about her negative things and that would make u hate her for what she did to ruin your trust, your love and your life. MAY YOU FIND PEACE AND PEACE COMES FROM NO WHERE ELSE BUT FROM WITHIN YOUR HEART.

[Sustugriel]

You know what Sustugriel, You are a good man. such a nice person who doesnt believe in vengeance. U stand so high among whole lot of ppl who want to revenge their ex for their cheating. I wish you always stay happy. You are young and you would find more and more girls in your life. But this is a lesson for you not to blindly trust someone. Human life is all based on lessons, mostly learnt through own experiences and very few through other ppl advises. We loose parents and at one stage it seems that we can not live without them for a single minute even. But God gives us so much power that we go through that stage. You will definitely go through this stage, it does take time. But as i said, keep thinking about her negative things and that would make u hate her for what she did to ruin your trust, your love and your life. MAY YOU FIND PEACE AND PEACE COMES FROM NO WHERE ELSE BUT FROM WITHIN YOUR HEART.

 

Late Night/Early Morning Post.

 

Thank you for the words of encouragement. I really have no desire for revenge because I still care about the girl so much, I just don't see what good it will do to see revenge.

 

It's been a little over 2 weeks NC, and about 6 weeks since the note. A lot of time has passed. I am no better, in fact, I'm a little worse today. I got a fortune cookie last night at a meal, I cracked it open. "Someone you care about deeply seeks reconciliation."

 

Talk about a mind****. I am not a superstitious person but what are the odds? I am thinking of sending her a text letting her know that I'm still thinking about her...I know there's a risk of "going back to square one" but honestly I still feel there. I still miss her and I'm in denial that she's gone still.

 

Oh God

[Sustugriel]

God damnit. I texted her, whyyyy? I told her I missed her and about the cookie.

 

Why couldn't I ignore one superstition/coincidence? Now if I don't get a response I may be crushed again. What was really the prime motivation behind it...can her and I really work after something this damaging? What was the point, and why can't I control my own actions anymore?

 

It seems like I have no will of my own anymore.

[jackmerridew]

God damnit. I texted her, whyyyy? I told her I missed her and about the cookie.

 

Why couldn't I ignore one superstition/coincidence? Now if I don't get a response I may be crushed again. What was really the prime motivation behind it...can her and I really work after something this damaging? What was the point, and why can't I control my own actions anymore?

 

It seems like I have no will of my own anymore.

 

Me too man. I tried NC and I couldn't even go a ****ing day because I had a dream about her and I thought it was funny, so I called her.

 

She didn't answer.

 

But I feel you about square one. I felt like I was right back at square one again. But when I thought about it, I was always in square one.

 

It's been a week since the breakup. This is going to be the longest, loneliest holiday I've had in years.

 

I wish either of us could say something to make us feel better. But the only thing that could is if we could turn back the clock.

 

It's so hard. There's little else that can be said.

[Desensitized]

Sustugriel,

 

I have read this entire thread, now let me try to offer you some feedback. Might not help at all, but I will explain some of my experiences to see if it resonates with you. Last year I was engaged to my ex-fiancee. She didn't cheat on me (as far as I know, but she could have. I don't know) but she was also not capable of being empathetic. She has borderline personality disorder (i dont really believe in mental disorders, but that's what they call it) and yeah, she basically sounds somewhat like your ex-fiancee. Whenever I needed my ex-fiancee, she was never there for me.

 

She would always try to pin her guilt onto me, and like a fool, I would think that I was the problem. It seems to me that that's what you're doing. Stop it. You're not the problem, you've just been extremely hurt to the point where you believe that you are the problem. You're a good man, and from what I've been reading, you will have no problem finding a woman when you're back to your normal self. Of course, I would advise you to heal a bit before you get back into the dating game, but you know that.

 

You're not going to heal overnight like many have said. It's been a year since I've called things off with my ex and I still dream about her every now and then. But instead of letting those dreams get to me, I just say to myself, "okay. I had a dream about her. No big deal." Don't listen to any songs you two used to listen to together, store everything that she ever gave you away in a box and put that box somewhere where you won't see. If you can get anything out of this experience, is to try and better yourself.

 

That's what I've been doing. Been going to the gym, I've been extremely successful in my academics, etc. You seem like you're on a good route though, so I'm sure success will come easy for you. Get revenge by being happy and living a mentally stable life. Your ex-fiancee isn't stable, as you can tell. Stable people don't cheat on other people, especially in committed relationships, obviously. My ex was also a cheat and cheated on 3 other guys before we got together. lol. Yet, i still chose to date her and propose to her... what the hell was I thinking? I was stupid and unexperienced. I learned.

 

Unfortunately, even the good guys are prone to the bullsh*t in this world, but it's our job not to change for the worst just because these life-sucking people come into our lives. Don't change your good ways just because of her, change into an even better you! Too many f*cked up people in this world, so don't add to that statistic . Sounds like your ex has a few nuts and bolts missing in her head, unfortunate for her, but at least you have all your nuts and bolts in your head.

 

I know you contacted your ex recently, and I used to break no contact all the time. I would always say to myself, "wow. there goes 2 months of no contact. so dumb of me to break that long of a time period." And then I would always recount from day 1. That would always make me feel bad because I was starting over. If you're recounting from day 1, stop! Don't even count the days of no contact, it's pointless, and it will make each day feel like hell. Instead, just take each day at a time, and don't count the days. Who cares if you broke no contact? I broke no contact about a month ago, and, things didn't go as planned.

 

But you know what? Oh well, I screwed up. I got over it that very same day. We are human, we screw up and let our emotions get the best of us. I know you want to talk to her and there are so many questions you want to ask, but the answers she will give you won't be the truth. So there's really no point to even ask. See her for what she is: a lying, cheating, and mentally unstable sl*t. Don't mean disrespect, but that's what it sounds like she is. Also, try and not remember the good times only, remember the bad times too.

 

The storm shall pass.

[Sustugriel]

The storm shall pass.

 

 

I am trying my hardest bro. To the outside world I look like superman. The man who was cheated on by his fiancee of 5.5 years and one of his best friends...is still going to work, going to the gym and volunteering with everything still. This thread is actually the only true glimpse into my psyche. I'm screaming on the inside.

 

I miss her so much, no matter how much she's hurt me. No matter how much she doesn't deserve it. I still miss her. I miss talking to her, I miss her smell, her walk, her voice. I'm a mess. Finding a girl to replace her just seems like an impossibility, there were so many things I liked.

 

Why did she have to be so gd gorgeous? The devil wears prada..I swear.

 

On your other points about mental stability...When she first came into my life, she was depressed and had some pretty severe mental stability problems. Even more of my friends have come forward with even more stories of her deteriorating mental health.

 

When she got with me, it all disappeared, for around a year I didn't commit. She was just a good friend that I had fun with. But when I saw it was gone, believed it was gone and that she had changed...I fell hard. It wasn't really by choice either. It just happened. So many of my friends are also experiencing heartbreak and I can't help but think if it's this time of year...Why can't people just love each other?

 

But you're right, I've been damaged so bad that I just believe that it's something I did wrong. She left me for MY faults. Even though that can't be the case because I did everything I could to fix it, she was unwilling and just ran off every step off the way. Still, the memories just don't seem to be fading and I'm trying to purge them with anyway I can.

 

Part of the difficulty is the inconceivability of it all. She knew that I had girls before pick friends over me, and it tore me up. She promised to never do that, and to never hurt me. She often joked about other people's relationships breaking up, like it would never happen with us and it's all just a big charade. It's all so damn backwards now.

Edited December 20, 2011 by Sustugriel

[Desensitized]

5.5 years is a long time, Sustugriel, and it will take a very long time to heal. I can't fathom what being cheated on by the person who you were going to spend the rest of your life feels like, but I'm sure it hurts like a b*tch. I suppose I can't really say that there will be a woman out there for you that will treat you right and never betray your trust like that, but you just have to believe it to be true. I'm still having a hard time believing I will meet someone that's better than my ex-fiancee, but I have hope that I will. It's all I have, man. I can't just give up after one lousy experience. Sometimes I feel like I want to, but why?

 

The world is unfair; the people that we least expect disappoint us sometimes. It's just a fact of life.

I miss her so much, no matter how much she's hurt me. No matter how much she doesn't deserve it. I still miss her. I miss talking to her, I miss her smell, her walk, her voice. I'm a mess. Finding a girl to replace her just seems like an impossibility, there were so many things I liked.

This definitely resonated with me... That's the main reason I contacted my ex-fiancee about a month ago. No matter how much she hurt me (be it intentionally or unintentionally) I missed her so much. I missed her laugh, her beautiful smile, her small, showering with her, her delicate body; you name it. You are right about it seeming impossible to find someone to replace these women in our lives. The way you describe your ex really sounds like you're putting her on a pedestal, I'm sure she was a beautiful woman.

 

But as you know, there's more to a person than their beauty. Like you, my ex-fiancee was drop dead gorgeous, but there are a lot of gorgeous women out there. We just fail to see it now because we're so caught up with missing our ex's. Regarding the mental stability though, it's always a gamble getting involved with someone that suffers from some sort of depression or mental problems. They can appear fine for long periods of time, but later, they unleash the crazy on you. It seems as though they keep their "normal' appearance just until you're hooked, then you're left to suffer so to speak. It sucks. It sucks hard.

 

Very similar situation, my friend. My friends also told me more stories about my ex when I ended it. Sometimes our love for the other person blinds us so much that it's not only until after everything is over that we realize what situations we were in. Like I said friend, it's going to take a long time to get over your loss. You lost a best friend, lover, your hopes and dreams for the future, and other things. It's like having someone die. It's that painful. Only you know that they're not dead. The worst part of it all is that you know that they're alive, you know everything about them down to the smallest detail, and you are expected to never talk to them again. I mean, I tried talking to my ex the other day, but she wanted nothing to do with me. Things aren't going to be the same, bro. Ever.

 

Not after everything you found out anyway. People can't love each other because as you know, people are too f*cked up. None of that is your fault either, it's the way they are raised from an early age. Some people don't have the parents to be brought up in a well respected manner.

 

I am sorry again for all the pain you must be experiencing. I know it gets so hard sometimes to the point where you just want to make it all go away, and your only option is to just cry until you cannot cry anymore. Such a horrible feeling... You're also not going to forget the memories. You'll be out doing something someday and you'll see something that takes you back to a moment when you were with her. Or you hear a song on the radio that you two used to sing together, or you're walking down a hallway when all of the sudden, an aroma of her perfume somehow is inhaled through your nostrils and you automatically think about her. It's not going to go away, bro. The memories will always be there. The only thing that will happen is that eventually, you'll be able to live with those memories.

 

I really hope that you don't let your cheating ex-fiancee back into your life, you deserve so much better. You won't forget what she did to you, so don't try and trick yourself into believing that you can get over what she did, and get back together with her. Trust is shattered, and it's next to impossible to get it all back. The bond you once had is gone, and it is corrupt. Trust me, I've tried restoring the bond my ex and I once had, but I have come to accept that that's never going to happen.

 

Don't prolong your hurt and just start moving forward. If you want the "ideal" closure, it's probably not going to happen. It never does. There will always be something more that you wish you could have said...

[Desensitized]

Part of the difficulty is the inconceivability of it all. She knew that I had girls before pick friends over me, and it tore me up. She promised to never do that, and to never hurt me. She often joked about other people's relationships breaking up, like it would never happen with us and it's all just a big charade. It's all so damn backwards now.

promises are only as good as the person making them. My ex promised me hundreds of things, but did she keep them? You can probably guess the answer. Promises are just words. That's all they are. Promises become much more than just words when the person making them is of good character. I'm sorry bro, but you just have to realize that some people don't care how nice you are. They will stab you in the back.

[Sustugriel]

So many points I want to touch on...where to start?

 

I suppose I can't really say that there will be a woman out there for you that will treat you right and never betray your trust like that, but you just have to believe it to be true.

 

I currently just feel like if I couldn't make her and I work, is there anyone, anywhere that will? My convictions tell me no. I put my all into this woman, I was sure, so sure I would have bet my life on it. This feeling scares me, I don't know if I will trust a woman again.

 

The world is unfair; the people that we least expect disappoint us sometimes. It's just a fact of life.

 

A lesson I've had to learn multiple times from other girls, I never thought I'd have to do it again.

 

The way you describe your ex really sounds like you're putting her on a pedestal, I'm sure she was a beautiful woman...But as you know, there's more to a person than their beauty. Like you, my ex-fiancee was drop dead gorgeous, but there are a lot of gorgeous women out there. We just fail to see it now because we're so caught up with missing our ex's.

 

You are right, I am putting her good points on a pedestal. But she had her share of problems. She was selfish, immature, quick to anger, impatient, needy, and unfaithful. The worst of all these? Unfaithful. All of those with the exception of the last I accepted as her flaws and worked around them. Why didn't she try to accept my flaws instead of giving up and cheating? Why wasn't I good enough?

 

You lost a best friend, lover, your hopes and dreams for the future, and other things. It's like having someone die. It's that painful. Only you know that they're not dead. The worst part of it all is that you know that they're alive, you know everything about them down to the smallest detail, and you are expected to never talk to them again. I mean, I tried talking to my ex the other day, but she wanted nothing to do with me. Things aren't going to be the same, bro. Ever.

 

This. This is exactly how I feel. I can't imagine her not being part of my life after so long, after so much growing up with each other. Regardless of what's happened, I have been a major part of her life. How could she be so comfortable just leaving like this? After being intimate over 1200+ times could she feel nothing towards me and just never want to speak to me again? I have dealt with death before. (my aunt, who was like a 2nd mother to me, died of cancer...my girlfriend was there to help me through it) I can say without a doubt, this would be easier if she HAD died, at least then she didn't choose to hurt me and leave.

 

Some people don't have the parents to be brought up in a well respected manner.

 

Her childhood was perfect. I think you're definitely right though, I think it was TOO perfect, she never did any growing up and had very little discipline. She still doesn't, when I confronted her a couple weeks ago...she was sleeping at 3p in the afternoon. No job, no direction. *sigh*

 

You're also not going to forget the memories...I really hope that you don't let your cheating ex-fiancee back into your life, you deserve so much better. You won't forget what she did to you, so don't try and trick yourself into believing that you can get over what she did, and get back together with her. Trust is shattered, and it's next to impossible to get it all back. The bond you once had is gone, and it is corrupt.

 

This frightens me. I'm not sure how I'm going to attract someone new in the state I'm in, if hearing a song on the radio tears me down or smell another pretty girl that happened to use the same perfume...or seeing a thin blonde that looks like her and just losing it.

 

If I deserve better, I mean...why is this so hard? All I've wanted since puberty is a pretty girl who cares. That's it. But I am especially vulnerable right now, I would accept her back if she came and I know that I probably couldn't look at her the same after a honeymoon period wore off.

 

Desensitized, thank you for posting. You seem to really get my psychology in all of this. I'm not sure if it's from the thread or from experience, maybe both.

[Desensitized]

I currently just feel like if I couldn't make her and I work, is there anyone, anywhere that will?

You can't make a relationship work just by yourself, Sustugriel, the other person needs to want to make it work as well. I'm sure you know that too, but this break up is interfering with your logic. Like you, I thought that I could never trust again. Hell, I'm still learning how to trust. It's difficult, man, you never think that a best friend, let alone a fiancee could be capable of betraying you like that.

 

She was selfish, immature, quick to anger, impatient, needy, and unfaithful. The worst of all these? Unfaithful. All of those with the exception of the last I accepted as her flaws and worked around them. Why didn't she try to accept my flaws instead of giving up and cheating? Why wasn't I good enough?

You were good enough, she just wasn't good enough for you. Your friend is a scumbag, and the fact that she chose to cheat on you with a scumbag makes her a scumbag too. Your ex-fiancee was too much of a coward to tell you that maybe things weren't working out and maybe your relationship needed some help, so instead she choose the coward's way out and cheated.

 

This. This is exactly how I feel. I can't imagine her not being part of my life after so long, after so much growing up with each other. Regardless of what's happened, I have been a major part of her life.

It's something people that have gone through what you're going through dread too, it's not easy letting go of the memories and everything you once had. You just have to realize that she chose to let your future life together crumble, not you. You just have to acknowledge the decision she made and try to move on as best as you can.

 

How could she be so comfortable just leaving like this? After being intimate over 1200+ times could she feel nothing towards me and just never want to speak to me again?

She's comfortable leaving because she's justified it in her mind. She's mentally unstable, and she believes that you were the one that screwed up, not her. Some women jump from guy to guy, I don't know how they do it, but they just do. Daddy issues, I think is what they call it.

 

This frightens me. I'm not sure how I'm going to attract someone new in the state I'm in, if hearing a song on the radio tears me down or smell another pretty girl that happened to use the same perfume...or seeing a thin blonde that looks like her and just losing it.

Don't focus on finding someone right now, it's not worth it. Take your time to heal. I will tell you this though, there will be times when a song on the radio does come on, or another pretty girl is wearing the same perfume as your ex. You will be brought back to those times in your mind with your ex, but you have to be strong. For your sake. Try to shrug it off as hard as it may be.

 

If I deserve better, I mean...why is this so hard? All I've wanted since puberty is a pretty girl who cares. That's it. But I am especially vulnerable right now, I would accept her back if she came and I know that I probably couldn't look at her the same after a honeymoon period wore off.

It's hard because life is unpredictable. Like I said, life doesn't care who you are. You could be the kindest person in the world, it doesn't matter. Unfortunately, life doesn't punish only the bad people. Think about what you said for a minute though, all you've ever wanted is a woman who cares. While having a significant other is nice Sustugriel, true happiness comes from within. Try and be happy with yourself for a while after this storm passes, and see what sort of women you attract. I'm sure the type of women you attract will be a step up from your ex.

 

If you get back together with her, be careful. As I was once told, what if I got my ex pregnant after our relationship was over? Then I would be screwed. I would have a child with a cheating sl*t. Don't want that. Do what YOU feel you have to do. Try and do things you won't regret though, like calling her a sl*t. Even though she deserves it. Make her remember you as the great guy you were, she will be kicking herself to have lost such a great guy like you in the future.

 

Desensitized, thank you for posting. You seem to really get my psychology in all of this. I'm not sure if it's from the thread or from experience, maybe both.

Let's just say, brother, that I've been through something similar as well. I can only try and offer you the wisdom I've gained through my experience. But as you well know, we usually learn by going through things ourselves, rather than listening to someone else's similar story.

[Sugarkane]

I hope you won't turn into a jerk after this OP. Not every woman is like this. I've never cheated on someone or been that cruel to someone. Yet I've always been The dumpee.

[wilsonx]

It's been 3 weeks. The days are not getting easier, everyday I think of more questions and still have no idea why this had to happen.

 

I don't know what I did to push her away (or if it was nothing at all), or why she has selected a friend of mine over me... Or even how long it had been going on behind my back. I do however, through a lot of talking with friends/family/religious persons know the following:

 

-I am hurt, possibly damaged for years.

-I deserved more than a note, in fact, I deserved someone faithful, and a second chance.

-This is just plain, outright...evil...You cannot go from being with someone for 5 years, sharing their body, love and life...to nothing instantly...it's just not normal. The normal human reaction is to feel intense guilt, I don't see that happening here, as far as I know...she's QUITE pleased with herself.

 

How do I stand now? I'm on a rollercoaster between anger and despair...I keep telling myself I need to talk to her, but honestly...

 

...what would I say? I'm not going to beg her to come back just to do this to me again, and I'm not going to forgive her for perverting the love we had. As I said, I am damaged, conflicted.

 

I have read a lot of this thread and I will tell you what happened in your relationship and why it happened.

 

You have to be willing to accept the hard truth. This is about growing up. Your original post had a lot of red flags not about your ex, but about you. Shes going through a phase right now, shes not a bad person, shes young and doesnt have any experience with this and she shut down. Shes numb and did stupid things and will continue to do stupid things.

 

But the focus of this thread any my advise is going to be holding a mirror up to you and showing you what went wrong. If you can't accept this, then I am not going waste my time

[Sustugriel]

You were good enough, she just wasn't good enough for you. Your friend is a scumbag, and the fact that she chose to cheat on you with a scumbag makes her a scumbag too. Your ex-fiancee was too much of a coward to tell you that maybe things weren't working out and maybe your relationship needed some help, so instead she choose the coward's way out and cheated.

 

Thanks man. This is exactly the type of stuff I need to hear. Things like this are just about the only ones that have made me smile since it happened. I have to believe that I didn't **** up, because honestly I'm not sure what could have been different. Any thoughts?

 

I hope you won't turn into a jerk after this OP. Not every woman is like this. I've never cheated on someone or been that cruel to someone. Yet I've always been The dumpee.

 

I won't. It's not in my nature. Even despite all that's happened, I won't seek revenge or hurt anyone over it. There's never a point in it except self-gratification. Only selfish people do it.

 

If this is how she wants to treat me after so long, what good will it do to be a jerk? I'll just be justifying her actions. Which in the end, is what she wanted anyway. She was grasping for straws, looking for ways to alleviate her guilt, and looked for any reason to pull the trigger. Even as small as a text message.

 

You have to be willing to accept the hard truth. This is about growing up. Your original post had a lot of red flags not about your ex, but about you. Shes going through a phase right now, shes not a bad person, shes young and doesnt have any experience with this and she shut down. Shes numb and did stupid things and will continue to do stupid things.

 

But the focus of this thread any my advise is going to be holding a mirror up to you and showing you what went wrong. If you can't accept this, then I am not going waste my time

 

So you're saying, that despite what everyone else has told me...that it is my fault? I really don't get what you're trying to accomplish by saying that. But it certainly doesn't appear like it's to give a helping hand. I'm not sure how it's going to help to turn my fiancee's infidelity back around me, which is exactly what has been ripping me apart.

 

Just about the only thing that's helping me cope, is believing that it wasn't my fault. Believing that no matter what action I took, it would have happened eventually and it really didn't matter who it was with. Even after it happened, I did exactly as she asked, gave her time and space. Held out my hand every single time and played the "pissed-off girlfriend" playbook to a T.

 

In short, please do not waste your time. I will not and cannot accept that this is my fault.