Should I settle for being his friend or move on a forget it?

[bsweet00]

Hey guys and gals, hoping I can get some insight on this issue...it's driving me insane.

 

So I've become real close friends with this guy, he's a couple of years younger than me, I am 22 and he is 19. Don't know if that is a factor at all. For the purpose of this post, let's call him "Joe".

 

I met Joe at the beginning of the summer, through a guy I was kind of 'seeing' but never actually dated. Things with the other guy, didn't end up working out at all, but me and Joe have remained friends. Ever since the very start he's been super friendly, invited me over to his house to watch him and his band play, or just chill.

 

About a month and a half ago, he invited me to this party and as the night progressed, we both got pretty tipsy and ended up going back to my place and hooked up. The next morning wasn't awkward or anything and so I didn't think anything of it. We've still hung out since then, I talk to him a lot and we have TONS of things in common, and to be truthfully honest, I've always thought of him being a better match for me than his friend I was kind of talking to.

 

We have hooked up a few more times since that first incident, and maybe that's one of the reasons I feel this way, because I'm actually starting to like Joe a lot. I realize I'm probably being overly infatuated with him, but he really is a great guy and I really connect with him.

 

We had a conversation about the subject the other night and he confessed that I was a great person, and he loved a lot of things about me, and he really liked me as well, but that he wasn't looking for anything like a girlfriend right now. I was understanding, and told him it was OK, that I liked him a lot too and we were probably just at different points in our lives.

 

So far things between me and Joe have not changed, we still hang out as we've always had, but even though I understand his point of view, I'm afraid my crush on him is getting worse as time passes. Also, another issue, is that I don't want to seem too clingy. Sometimes I feel like when I text him, he might think I'm getting too attached or something, or freak him out. He begs to differ and says that it doesn't bother him that I text him and that it's OK, but I don't know why I still get paranoid. I don't want to annoy him and drive him away.

 

In the end, I want to be ok with his decision because I know he's younger than me, and a person can change a lot in a few years, so who knows what could happen? But then again I don't want to linger on this silly fantasy that someday he might change his mind, and see me as more than his friend.

 

So what do I do? Do I just forget about the whole thing? Or stick around and wait for something to happen?

Edited November 20, 2011 by bsweet00

[fallenenvy]

thats a tough call.

 

When i started having feelings for a guy i was friends with and hooking up with... i ran like hell... being as he didn't want a relationship...

 

And then he started seeing someone else.. and has been for years now.

 

I would say its up to you as far as what you can take emotionally. Perhaps things will change and he will be interested in a relationship.. perhaps not.. either way.. can you deal with just being friends for now?

 

If you can deal with being friends then be friends and don't be afraid to look elseware as well... being single can be fun as you can date and look other options that are out there.

 

Another issue i would like to point out is that at this stage in life 3 years is a big difference.. especially when guys seem to mature so much slower than girls. He may just need time to grow up a bit and mature. Im also 22.. and the guys that work for me are 19.. TOTALLY different point in life and different views.

[Suki Lim]

I'm absolutely agreed with fallenenvy. There's a big changes for a 'kid' to turn up into a real 'man'. You should try to consider yourself to moving forward and see if there's other options available for you.

[othersideofthepillow]

im a 25 year old man and def agree that there are age differences that play a huge role in when two ppl get together....but with that being said, i dont know you or "joe" so i cant speak to your maturity levels.

 

what i think you should do is stop hooking up and see how you feel than. see how he feels then. if you start to like him more - tell him. if he starts to like you more - thats great. i think that when you take the whole sex element away from the situation - it might become clear. also, have you asked him if he would be open to taking things slow with you and see how things progress? it could be the title of "bf & gf" are what he's thinking about more than it actually being with you.

 

just my 2 cents from a mans point of view