Kinda down in the dumps.

[toungeofcolicab]

Hey guys, read the forums quite often, never really post but i thought this i kinda have to get off my chest and need help with.

 

Im Currently a 21 year old male living at home with his parents. I go to the most prestigious university in the country (Australia 4th year student next year) and am doing a Bachelor of Law/ Bachelor of Economics Double Degree offered Honours. So i should be having the time of my life right? Every says that uni is the most fun time ever, well i find myself in a bind due to the fact i really haven't got any friends. I have acquaintances who i might see every few months or so, but not really any close friends. Im generally a person who has a zest for life and tries to get the most out of everything he does, yet i solemnly struggle to maintain any friends.

 

An Overview:

 

I went to a generally bad high school when i was a teen and had many great friends and what not. I had a girlfriend who i dated for 3 years and then when high school was over, she broke up with me. During this time it was a really difficult period for me where i was down, and all my close friends at the time just really bailed on me. I haven't spoken to them ever since, and instead of helping me, they just kind of left me out to dry. I was generally one of the most popular people within my high school and self admittedly i was a bit of a bully ( as all my friends were really)

 

So fast forward almost 4 years and i haven't got one close personal friend really. I find my self often jealous and envy those that i know that go out with their friends every Saturday night and have the time of their lives while i just pointlessly drive around alone with my thoughts.

 

I also recently found out that whilst with my ex girlfriend she cheated on me with 5 different guys, and it didn't bother me in the slightest, most probably cause i was over it. All the guys i went to high school with are now on steroids and some have turned to drugs and im kind of greatful that im not apart of their environment anymore.

 

Even at university i haven't really got any friends. I did have one but then he changed courses and we don't really see each other that much anymore. I often find myself just sitting alone with headphones in my ears just listening to music and minding my own business. Every time one of the acquaintances says do you want to come out with us, i merely feel it is just to use me (because whenever i am out with them, im usually the one driving all of them and things like that ) and cause i come from a fairly wealthy family they kind of just want to show the fact they are in a flash car and usually i end up shouting them drinks and everything. So in that sense, i just get the feeling that i'm just 'their friend' so i can be used.

 

As a result obviously it makes me kind of lonely to think that im always alone with the world as my oyster. I haven't been out on a date in a little under 2 years also and haven't been intimate in a very long time. I used to be close with one guy, however the whole time, all he wanted was sympathy saying 'how bad his life was' and 'how i have it so great' which in the end made me feel and seem guilty for all the hard work i've put in at university and what not seem redundant, while him being a labourer is my of my wrong doing.

 

There has been a few females that i have been interested in, but the fact that barrier for me to just approach them seems so great, however i know if i was to be in a conversation with them i would do fantastic.

 

One other guy that i used to hang out with quite often (he was from high school) always told me his problems and i helped him out and what not, and then he would make up stories how all my ex friends from high school are this and like that, and are bad people, and how they have said bad things about me, even threatened me, but when i confronted them, they said why would we hate you, we haven't talked to you in years, no reason too.

 

Im generally a really confident person, and im relatively good looking (i used to model for national magazines and catalogs during my high school days) and now i've found my self sunken so low.

 

I think personally i have a lot of love to give in a sense of a relationship with a female and have all the time in the world for friendships, but it hasn't just arrived yet.

 

So im just wondering; I am simply just asking for too much? Is it me that's in the wrong? Am i too picky? Am i too self-involved looking for only my interests?

 

P.S. Apologies for the length of the post, just i thought i needed some advice

[c0nfused88]

Hi. I definitely get where you're coming from. I think we all have those feelings sometimes. I'm from the US so my college experience may be slightly different. However, when I started college here I moved into the dorms on campus. At first that was extremely scary because I didn't know anyone at the school. I was forced to be friendly and make friends. I remember the first few weekends-- I had made some beginning friendships but a lot of those friends left. I was extremely depressed these weekends. I just wanted to hangout in my room alone and not even go out for food or anything by myself. I forced myself to find people who stuck around and eventually cultivated many friendships and people began to hang around on the weekends.

 

I think your issue is harder because you still live at home. Have you thought about getting a place of your own? That would certainly give you quite a push out there. You could easily use the internet to find someone looking for a roommate. Sure there are some roommate horror stories but it might be a good experience to get you out of your shell more.

 

I do know exactly how hard it is. I am in a transition phase in my life where it seems a lot of my close friends have moved away. I feel the need for new adventure and to meet new people but it's been rather difficult. Don't allow yourself to be a self defeatist beforehand. Recognize all of your great characteristics and put yourself out there. Invite someone from your classes out for drinks or something-- or join a campus organization. Both ways to meet new people.

 

Good luck.

[AshleyVilligant]

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