renezub Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 Im a guy, who's best friend is a girl. We both tell each other everything, know even the darkest secrets, listen to what the other has to say, laugh nonstop together, get jealous of the other's friends...and I know what I feel for her. I'm in love, I have been in love with her forever and even told her once, but she had a boyfriend back then and I think it was the worst moment to tell her....when I told her, she didn't like talking to me about him, because she knew it would hurt me so I told her I was over that and I was into another girl just so everything would be normal between us...but the more I try to like someone else and have her removed from me, I can't...she is the love of my life.... But I really don't know what she feels for me, because she's single now, and when we have a chance to see each other (we barely due because we are in different schools and live on opposite sides of the city) she does whatever she can just to see me...she has a very low self-esteem and ever since we started being friends, she believes more in herself, she's a much more secure and strong woman... When we chat on Facebook or Skype, we tell each other beautiful things; we get into that argument of who loves who more, and one time it even took us a full half hour (no exaggeration) to hang up on Skype, and she pretty much hates most of the woman that I've gone out with (mostly due to the fact that they have hurt me). What really bothers me is that she is totally different in person, she is really afraid of people thinking we like each other so she always wants to be with other people but at the same time it bothers her because she wants to be alone and hang out with me, and she pretty much ignores me, if I try to hug her she steps back, she is very serious... And then there is this guy who is in the same class with her, who I think she likes, but she always denies it, but she talks a lot about him, and they hang out during class, and she danced with him at a party but later out found out it was for a bet and she got really upset, and she strives to know what he thinks of her...but she always tells me that she has no feelings for him whatsoever, after all she would tell me... I just feel very confused...I don't think she would like me because I have to be honest, I'm not the best good looking person, but she has always said that I'm the most handsome person on the inside, and she's not much of a "looks" person, so that gives me hope...but ugh it's so stressful to talk every single day to the person you love, without being able to say how you feel just because you fear of her not feeling the same way or fearing that she will and that eventually your friendship gets ruined....what do you think of this? Link to post Share on other sites
BillieAnn Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 you want to be her boyfriend and to be boyfriend have to react as a possible boyfriend not as a friend! not be a misunderstanding,Be a friend to her, but start be cool !! I am Sure you know how!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author renezub Posted November 20, 2011 Author Share Posted November 20, 2011 but what about her? Do you think she would be interested in me as more of a friend? Link to post Share on other sites
BillieAnn Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 How will you know if you don't try? not be pushy .. first cooled slightly ..than began to behave like a gentleman to her .. but slow!! Link to post Share on other sites
WordvAction Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 Sorry to tell you but you're in the friend zone. You're her confidence booster. It may be possible to escape this, but to do so you would have to completely cut contact with her and establish yourself as a boyfriend instead of a confidence-boosting best friend. If you stay the way you are you may never get the chance to date her or anyone else for that matter. Link to post Share on other sites
AshleyVilligant Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 I feel for you sister and know how you feel I am the same age as you and have no control over my life at all. I was pushed into a marriage and was Link to post Share on other sites
RiverRunning Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 Like the others said, you're a confidence booster and little more. She gets male attention from you and you're guaranteed to be there (because you're not one of the guys she would bang). It's obvious you have some self-esteem problems yourself...and I can't imagine ever telling ANY of my male friends, "Looks don't matter that much." That's just chipping away at the guy's self-esteem. OP, I hope you didn't get into relationships with other women while holding onto feelings for this friend of yours, although I suspect you probably did. And maybe to some extent she's done the same thing. It's not fair to either of the folks that you've dated. Now is the time to set boundaries. You are not going to be so emotionally available to someone who is really JUST your friend. I have male and female friends, close friends, and we aren't talking constantly or sharing every constantly. That is reserved, in my opinion, for a relationship. You need distance in relationships that aren't romantic. By being available to this girl like a boyfriend would be, you're giving her everything a relationship otherwise would. Meanwhile, she can go out and shop for other guys and you're her fallback buddy whenever things with them don't work out. Start meeting other friends. Don't talk to her every day. Maybe talk once or twice a week. If she wants an explanation, let her know that you feel it's time for you to back off and allow the both of you to invest yourselves emotionally in romantic relationships. See if that changes anything. And if you want to pursue her, make your feelings known now that you're single. Let her know that you are interested in being her boyfriend and not just her friend. If she can't or won't give you an answer, you have yours - it's time to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 Like the others said, you're a confidence booster and little more. She gets male attention from you and you're guaranteed to be there (because you're not one of the guys she would bang). It's obvious you have some self-esteem problems yourself...and I can't imagine ever telling ANY of my male friends, "Looks don't matter that much." That's just chipping away at the guy's self-esteem. OP, I hope you didn't get into relationships with other women while holding onto feelings for this friend of yours, although I suspect you probably did. And maybe to some extent she's done the same thing. It's not fair to either of the folks that you've dated. Now is the time to set boundaries. You are not going to be so emotionally available to someone who is really JUST your friend. I have male and female friends, close friends, and we aren't talking constantly or sharing every constantly. That is reserved, in my opinion, for a relationship. You need distance in relationships that aren't romantic. By being available to this girl like a boyfriend would be, you're giving her everything a relationship otherwise would. Meanwhile, she can go out and shop for other guys and you're her fallback buddy whenever things with them don't work out. Start meeting other friends. Don't talk to her every day. Maybe talk once or twice a week. If she wants an explanation, let her know that you feel it's time for you to back off and allow the both of you to invest yourselves emotionally in romantic relationships. See if that changes anything. And if you want to pursue her, make your feelings known now that you're single. Let her know that you are interested in being her boyfriend and not just her friend. If she can't or won't give you an answer, you have yours - it's time to move on. Everything RR said, PLUS Keeping a friend of the opposite sex with that close of an emotional bond may very likely sabotage your chances of finding a strong romantic relationship of your own. For a lot of people that's a red flag--- As a woman, if I was to go back into the dating scene (I'm in a long term R right now) I would steer clear of men who had female best friends. My R almost got wrecked by my SO's female bff who wanted to monopolize his time, and expected him to drop everything & go running to her whenever she had an emotional crisis. (She also tried to play very nasty mind games with me-- when his back was turned--) I'm not saying that's going to happen in every case, but stories like that happen more often than you might guess. And often times the guy is clueless that his female friend is essentially c*ckblocking him to serve her own agenda.Whether she 's interested in him romantically, or whether she just wants to keep him firmly in place as the fallback friend on a shelf---it's totally uncool . If you do start dating someone else, OP---and maintain the friendship with this girl---please pay close attention to how she treats the girl you're dating.Be careful that she doesn't undermine your other prospects. Link to post Share on other sites
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