nofool4u Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 If someone is friends with an xAP, then they are disrespecting their betrayed significant other. Link to post Share on other sites
thomasb Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 How many of you are friends with xMM or xMW? Why and why not? If you're the xMM or xMW, would you remain friends with your AP? Why and why not? God no. She is a phychotic stalker. How is the decision any different than a "normal" type of relationship? Not only did she go nuts when I dumped her, she stalked my family. Not much chance of anything besides the restraining order issued. Link to post Share on other sites
Author red shoes Posted November 23, 2011 Author Share Posted November 23, 2011 My XAP & I have been over with the affair for years. Probably close to 4 with the actual affair. 3 years since we hung out & attempted the friendship gig. We gave that the ole' college try for about a year. Anyway - He still pops into my life via email from time to time asking to 'be friends' Funny thing is - I actually (at first) believed him. That he wanted to be friends. This last round of email exchanges tells a whole different story. The only time he wants to be friends is when his current live-in-wants-to-get-married-but-he-doesn't-girlfriend goes out of town. Poor lonely boy doesn't have anyone to hang out with Then & only then does he talk of "friendship" & 'let's get a drink & catch up.' Fraud! Yes. Apparently he thinks I'm stupid - Not as stupid as I was 6 years ago - That's for sure. My feelings on total NC - I think it's necessary at the very beginning. If you can be friends after that then GOOD FOR YOU - Truly!!! I wish he & I could be friends - Just ain't gonna happen at this time in our lives at least. Yup, I agree with you on NC. So the friendship thing from him is more of let's get drunk and fool around, I guess. But good on you that you're clear headed. Link to post Share on other sites
LilMissMovinOn Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 How many of you are friends with xMM or xMW? Why and why not? If you're the xMM or xMW, would you remain friends with your AP? Why and why not? How is the decision any different than a "normal" type of relationship? I found out I was unknowlingly an OW with an ex (he was not married but with someone else while he was involved with me). Now that I know the truth I will NEVER be his friend. He has lied to me, betrayed my trust, disrespected me, and in his effort to conceal the truth, subjected me to emotional abuse. There is no room whatsoever for any of the above in my life. A part of me will always love the the memory of the guy I (thought) I knew many years before any of the latter came to pass, however, I am astute enough to also realise that this person never really existed as this man has a severe case of NPD (as well as other serious mental health / addiction issues) which causes him to be totally incapable of respecting others. Sad for him really. I will move on and rebuild my life. He will inevitably continue his downward spiral (sans me!) Link to post Share on other sites
Thunderbolt Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 Plain and simple, the only way I could ever be friends with xMM is if I can look in the mirror and honestly tell myself that I'm completely over him. We've tried being friends several times in the past, but have both failed miserably each time. Despite being further along NC than I've ever been, deep down in my heart I know that I can't be friends with him for a while/if ever. Our relationship started off so many years ago as friends. We had such an awesome relationship when we were just friends. Not sure if it will ever be possible to backtrack and get back to that point in time. Kind of a bummer that we F'd things up. Link to post Share on other sites
despicableME Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 I'm in a position where I frequently interact with my AP, as we work closely together. To say its hard would be putting it mildly. It's so awkward now. I mean... the things we've shared and done(with/to each other), and now to have a strictly plutonic relationship is a considerable loss- on the friendship side of it. We can NEVER go back and "just be friends." Call it paranoia, but I get the sense that people are catching on because of the way we used to carry on... and now NADA, NOTHING, ZILCH. As someone stated earlier... if we did carry on our "friendship," there is no doubt in my mind we'd fall right back into it. Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 Poor lonely boy doesn't have anyone to hang out with . That line made me really LOL! Haha I guess the main reason is because MM wants to, and I think I owe it to him. He did put a lot on the line for me and was loyal to me. I don’t think he has an ulterior motive, although I do think at this moment he hopes it may keep the door open for us to get back together. Gurl you owe him NOTHING he risked what he CHOSE to risk he is loyal to himself and when the **** hits the fan to his wife you just gave us his ulterior motive to being friends - so he still has the chance to get the occaisional shag from you don't fall for it gf Link to post Share on other sites
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