floweredshoes Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 Hi, I'm new to this forum and this is my first time posting, even though I've been reading the threads here for a couple of months. I guess I'm much younger than people who get ourselves into these situations--I've had the misfortune of having a MM as my first relationship. The thing is, I didn't know he was married (engaged, at any rate) when we first started, and when I found out through FB that he was, I confronted him about it and broke it off. It was very brief, just a couple of weeks, but still--I guess I'm very young (not even 19 yet) and very naive about this sort of thing. We're still in contact, though on a very irregular basis. The thing is, he's getting married very soon and I'm very unequipped to deal with it because I still like him, very much, and there's a lot of unresolved things I cannot help and as I'm going off to university next autumn I don't think I'll have the chance to see him again. And he had the balls to invite me to his wedding, and I was a sucker enough to agree to go. I guess I'd like some advice on how to put him out of my life, and some tips on how long it takes to stop hurting, and stop liking him, and how to resolve all these issues before he goes ahead and gets married. Link to post Share on other sites
Lemon Drop Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 You are young and he manipulated you. Don't go to his wedding. Would you have fun there? Why does he want you there? Being a good girl too, I know he thinks you are safe... if you were NOT a good girl, you might say something to the bride that might upset her, yes? Tell him you're not going, that he lied and used you and if he doesn't leave you alone you will call his bride and tell her what happened. Do this in person so you can see the look on his face. This guy is a manipulator and he used you, I'm sorry to say. He is a creep. He doesn't deserve your good love, so please put it behind you and know that there are lions out there who will chase the gazelle (you). This is a hard lesson, but it might help you to know that there are people who don't have your best interests in mind, who will use you. You hate feeling this way and you will be more careful in the future who you give your good love to. Good luck, Sweetie. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 Lemon Drop is right, don't go to his wedding. He has been manipulating you, leading you on, lying to you.. Selfishly! You're young and have your whole life ahead of you, so I do hope you don't let this ass-fool be in your life! As much as you have feelings for him, it'll go no where.. Try to let go. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 Hi, I'm new to this forum and this is my first time posting, even though I've been reading the threads here for a couple of months. I guess I'm much younger than people who get ourselves into these situations--I've had the misfortune of having a MM as my first relationship. The thing is, I didn't know he was married (engaged, at any rate) when we first started, and when I found out through FB that he was, I confronted him about it and broke it off. It was very brief, just a couple of weeks, but still--I guess I'm very young (not even 19 yet) and very naive about this sort of thing. We're still in contact, though on a very irregular basis. The thing is, he's getting married very soon and I'm very unequipped to deal with it because I still like him, very much, and there's a lot of unresolved things I cannot help and as I'm going off to university next autumn I don't think I'll have the chance to see him again. And he had the balls to invite me to his wedding, and I was a sucker enough to agree to go. I guess I'd like some advice on how to put him out of my life, and some tips on how long it takes to stop hurting, and stop liking him, and how to resolve all these issues before he goes ahead and gets married. Don't go to his wedding. Honestly...why would you do that? He is a liar plain and simple and arrogant and audacious to even invite you. People make mistakes yes, but it's what they do after that that further tells who they are. The fact that he has the nerve to invite his affair partner to his wedding is really sickening Please don't go. You're young....life does go on. You'll hurt for a while then you'll get over it. You have university and other more pressing things to think about...focus on that! You won't get over him by going to his wedding and trying to be friends. Have NO CONTACT with him. Delete his number, delete him off FB and anything else, DON'T go to his wedding and live your life. Once you start doing that, you'll slowly start feeling better. He's taking you for a sucker and if you go to his wedding or try to get "closure" from him...he'll just further continue to manipulate you. Don't give him that satisfaction. He fooled you once...shame on him, don't let it be a shame on you too now. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 (edited) I guess I'd like some advice on how to put him out of my life, and some tips on how long it takes to stop hurting, and stop liking him, and how to resolve all these issues before he goes ahead and gets married. Well, if finding out he's a big lying cheater didn't change your perspective on him, I don't know how much we can help. You should be thinking he's a big, lying, cheating douchebag!!! Why aren't you thinking this????? Why aren't you grateful that you are not the unknowing fiance in this picture - she's going to MARRY the big, lying, cheating douchebag!! And he's an even bigger douchebag for inviting you to their wedding. He cheated with you, and expects his fiance to greet you with a smile at his wedding. That is seriously f*cked up. You should be grateful that you are not his future wife, because imagine the world of pain she will be in for...he's a cheater, and will cheat again. Perhaps the best advice I can give you, given your age, is: THIS will pass as soon as you find another guy to fall for, but you really need to learn not to get so attached in just 2 short weeks!!!! 2 weeks should hardly require more than 2 weeks to "stop hurting". And if it's taking longer, you are obsessing over a fantasy you created in your head about the two of you. Let go of that fantasy. Replace it with a new one, one where you take things a hell of a lot slower in your head than to get so wrapped up in a guy in 2 weeks. No contact, no wedding, no chatting, IM'ing, texting, cyber stalking, nothing. That's the only way to get him out of your head. And for pete's sake, I'm going to repeat: do not go to the wedding! That is just f*cked up. Edited November 20, 2011 by norajane Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 You do not go to the wedding. When you reach college and/or go to your first party... you won't even remember his name. Your so called friend feeds off you like a parasite. Stop feeding him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author floweredshoes Posted November 21, 2011 Author Share Posted November 21, 2011 Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement. Haha yes, the world does feel less like it's ending, and I'm glad there are people out there who can empathise with what I'm going through. I will try to put him out of my mind, and keep myself occupied, and I know it will be hard, and it will hurt, but I'm willing to stick through it to be able to come through it realising that my life can be better without him. Link to post Share on other sites
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