why is my head here? where is the indifference?

[nevadagirl]

i don't understand why the ex is constantly on my mind. i feel this is unfair and it's incredibly mentally exhausting. the weird thing is i act fine around people - if ever i bring up the Ex they are surprised when I say i am still bothered by it - that it still hurts.

 

i went to the doctor because i kept feeling anxious all the time and i couldn't take it anymore - i've started taking adavan and lexapro and it helps some. (well at least the adavan)

 

this is why i'm confused as to why i still care/why it hurts still - i went nc for about 2 months, just about. but he didnt. and i didnt keep up with his life even though it wouldnt be hard to if i'd wanted - but i didn't. so i think maybe some part of me thought these little emails meant Something. then one day - i've wrote this before so I'm sorry for repeating if you've read this - but he pretty much put it all on a dating site he knew i was on a "visited" mine so there was no way i could miss it.

and it went downhill from there.

 

i think maybe i had to start over at stage one but i don't cry anymore. but i wake up in the morning filled with a lot of anxiety. i'm glad for the adavan. i go out with my friends, i do my school work, i'm graduating college in december....but still. so much of this feels hollow and i don't know why? he sometimes sends me dumb emails via the dating site - i've decided i'm not removing it because he doensn't get to win in EVERY way - but i ignore them and i feel it's different now because the mask is lifted and I know that the messages are Nothing and don't give me some false hope - but

 

i don't get why i feel like this. i didn't like our relationship. i didn't like who i was with him. i'm free and single now so i should be happier - since he's so much happier why can't i be? he was a ****ty boyfriend and an even ****tier malicious (though he'd never admit it) ex boyfriend and i can't imagine EVER being friends with someone like that...

 

yet i still feel hollow. a few months ago i didn't even think i was STILL IN LOVE WITH HIM. I never even wanted to KISS him. i had come to the conclusion that maybe it was a defense mechanism (for having been dumped 3 times previously...i mean there's only so much heartbreak a girl can take, right?)

 

why is he always on my mind, at all times? why still when I think of something "cool" i'm going to do i think of it in reference to how he'd feel about it If he Could Only See Me Now?

 

i don't want this. i want - Indifference. how do i get there?

[Popehappycat]

I don't have an answer to your question, but you aren't alone. Most people here, I'm sure, can relate, as can I. Significant dates still give me an uneasy feeling from time to time, and I. Know what you mean about wanting to share moments. I guess it's a mindset we got used to, so we're also responsible for breaking it. We all want the recognition and appreciation from our significant others, and it gets difficult to just do things for ourselves. That said, think of the experiences, knowledge and skills you can put under your own belt right now. Do it for yourself, but you can also put that on your dating "resume" in the future and wow some potential suitors and make them step up their game! :-P

[fenderjames]

I hear you . It is frustrating and exhausting . Someday this WILL pass . Until then , we have this website to share with others . Stay strong . All the best . Time is the key . Knowing that , I sit and wait .......

[Alabama277]

I'm with you on the hating your relationship but don't know why you're hurting so much now.

 

My ex and I had a horrible relationship that lasted for four years, don't know how. I've been so ready to end things for the last year of it, hated being with him, talked about not being IN love with him, but still it was so hard to end things. And when he ended up being the one to dump me I thought I'd be so much happier.

 

It's been over four months since the BU and I still can't stop thinking about him/missing him. The minds a confusing thing. I think it's our ego's that are actually what is hurting, not so much the break up. Stay strong, things will get better.

[nevadagirl]

Thanks for the responses ....and Alabama I think you're right.

 

I think my ego took a bruising and y'know I dunno if his life is great or so much better but it certainly looked that way from what was "revealed" and I think that bothered me.

 

It bothered me more because I was trying to move on in a healthy way - and kinda wish him well (to myself) and then for him to throw in my face just how WELL he's doin and never leave me alone and flat out not care if I got hurt was just...ugh.

 

Ego bruised indeed.

[ShannonMI]

i don't understand why the ex is constantly on my mind. i feel this is unfair and it's incredibly mentally exhausting. the weird thing is i act fine around people - if ever i bring up the Ex they are surprised when I say i am still bothered by it - that it still hurts.

 

i went to the doctor because i kept feeling anxious all the time and i couldn't take it anymore - i've started taking adavan and lexapro and it helps some. (well at least the adavan)

 

this is why i'm confused as to why i still care/why it hurts still - i went nc for about 2 months, just about. but he didnt. and i didnt keep up with his life even though it wouldnt be hard to if i'd wanted - but i didn't. so i think maybe some part of me thought these little emails meant Something. then one day - i've wrote this before so I'm sorry for repeating if you've read this - but he pretty much put it all on a dating site he knew i was on a "visited" mine so there was no way i could miss it.

and it went downhill from there.

 

i think maybe i had to start over at stage one but i don't cry anymore. but i wake up in the morning filled with a lot of anxiety. i'm glad for the adavan. i go out with my friends, i do my school work, i'm graduating college in december....but still. so much of this feels hollow and i don't know why? he sometimes sends me dumb emails via the dating site - i've decided i'm not removing it because he doensn't get to win in EVERY way - but i ignore them and i feel it's different now because the mask is lifted and I know that the messages are Nothing and don't give me some false hope - but

 

i don't get why i feel like this. i didn't like our relationship. i didn't like who i was with him. i'm free and single now so i should be happier - since he's so much happier why can't i be? he was a ****ty boyfriend and an even ****tier malicious (though he'd never admit it) ex boyfriend and i can't imagine EVER being friends with someone like that...

 

yet i still feel hollow. a few months ago i didn't even think i was STILL IN LOVE WITH HIM. I never even wanted to KISS him. i had come to the conclusion that maybe it was a defense mechanism (for having been dumped 3 times previously...i mean there's only so much heartbreak a girl can take, right?)

 

why is he always on my mind, at all times? why still when I think of something "cool" i'm going to do i think of it in reference to how he'd feel about it If he Could Only See Me Now?

 

i don't want this. i want - Indifference. how do i get there?

I got dumped a year and a half ago and I STILL think about my ex daily. I've even dated other men. We were together for 8 years so to forget about him in a short amount of time isn't going to happen. I don't cry anymore over him which is a blessing. Although a week ago I saw him out at a bar and practically ran out of the place. On the way home I bawled my eyes out. I haven't cried though since then and don't think I will. Indifference is all I want as well. I hate the fact my ex still have control over my emotions. It's really not fair.

 

There is only so much heartbreak one can take. You are right. That's why I've been the dumper in my past two dating relationships. I dumped them for good reasons, but before my 8 year relationship, I would have stayed with these idiots even though I was unhappy. Now that I know what love is and what a real relationship is, I can dump these clowns without a second thought. It's a hell of a lot easier then being dumped.

[lymtal1]

ng,

 

I hear you and it resonates so much. i am 6 months b/u and feel very much the same as you describe. i have been n/c for now 4 months with the only contact a happy birthday text from her last month. i too have quit crying, i do wake in the morning thinking about her. i think about her all the time even though i feel like i am moving on with my life. the anxiety has definately lessened. i did a stint with some meds as well but have been off about 2 months. i saw a councelor as well.

 

i know that you are staying adament that you don't want him to "win" but in this last 4 months since i instituted n/c i feel so much more in control of my life. sure i can't stop the thoughts but i do know that it is slowly getting better. i have to believe that if you stopped this type of contact you would definately begin to feel better. and that means none in either direction. cut him off completely. no emails from anywhere.

 

i do agree that for me it was a big blow to my ego and self esteem. i think most of us are going through this as it is something that is very tough to deal with. in all my b/u's in the past even the one's that were tough, they never hit me this hard. thinking about it as i do way too much, i came to the conclusion that i still am in a sorta shock that she did this to me. i don't want to sound anyway high and mighty but i look at it now and go did she really break up with me? i took her from a really bad place, with no job, no money, no family, basically no hope and gave her most everything. then she dumped me. was a shock that i never expected. the ego was flattened. that is prehaps what you are feeling. this will take us time to deal with. and now i have been doing things that are enabling me to grow myself. not knowing anything about the ex at all, driving hard related to my appearance (got in better shape), pursued a business venture that i always wanted, reconnected with past friends and family, read all i could about this dilema i am in to educate myself, did some volunteer work, dated, met new people and now have a new set of friends. the list goes on further, basically worked on myself and my self esteem. i do feel better, but i still have her on my mind.

 

these are the things that you need to be focusing on. trust me doing this type of stuff will not make you forget him. what it does is make you feel good about yourself which is what they have taken away to whatever degree has occurred. i know that i am back to the person i was before my relationship with her. when with her i was a shell of myself. i am now very strong snd confident. but and you know this but. i can't get her out of my head. what a mystery it is to me. i will get there and so will you. it is time to concentrate on you. you will feel better once you do this.