Haven't heard from her in 3 months and still can't move on

[DenumChkn]

At about the one to one and a half month mark I was feeling better about things, meeting new people and getting into a pretty good exercise routine. I texted her after 2 months because I was going crazy wondering if she was just waiting for me to do something and because I didn't like how we left things during our last conversation.. I know, probably a bad idea but I couldn't fight the urge any more (was just a simple 'something reminded me of you, hope you are well and that school is going well' without any questions.. no response from her).

 

It's now been 3 months and I feel like any progress I might have made is null and void.. I am constantly working at my crappy restaurant job that doesn't pay me enough to cover my bills, so I am stressed from racking up credit card debt while trying to find more gainful employment. This stress gets compounded with the stress of thinking about her and missing her and feeling inadequate because of my precarious financial situation. I have not done a good job with keeping with my exercise routine lately, but I have still been going out a lot with new friends and meeting new girls.. I've even kissed a couple and pursued dates, etc... However, hanging out with these girls does nothing for me, it briefly takes my mind off of her while I'm out, then as soon as I leave (last night for instance) I am thinking about how these girls don't stack up to my ex at all. I kissed this girl I've been hanging out with last night and she is very into me, and then as soon as I got in my car to drive home, all I could think about was how badly I wanted my ex.. I got home and had a snack, lay down in bed.. nothing but non stop thinking about my ex. I don't feel like I can make any progress until she contacts me, and it really bothers me that I still care so much about someone who apparently doesn't give two ****s about me after 3 months. Our relationship was only about 5 1/2 months long anyway, so its been half that time since we last spoke and I CANNOT shake this feeling that we belonged together and that I'll never find as good or better than her.

 

I am tired of all the generic advice on these forums, I have followed most of it and I am right back at square one.. I am just trying to be patient and hoping she will call or write one day, but I feel so pathetic like I'm waiting around for her.. I have no idea what she's been up to as she doesnt have facebook and I don't bring her up around mutual friends.. one of her best friends (who introduced us and I suspect might have had something to do with my ex leaving me) says she feels bad and doesnt know why she left me yadayada.. I just can't let go, every time I take a step forward it turns into 2 backwards. It is affecting my happiness in every aspect of life, I am struggling to find the motivation to improve my employment situation because my thoughts are so ravaged by her.. I go through the motions everyday going to work, going out with friends and trying to stay busy, but I just feel hollow and none of it makes me feel like anything is getting better.. I just don't know what to do at this point..

[NYOrLAGuy]

Hey dude, without knowing your specific story (mine is here:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t302130/

 

and it's kinda long)

 

sounds like you have a similar situation to me. i was only with my ex for 5 months and it totally felt, and still feels, like she's the one for me. everyone keeps telling that she wasn't, etc, but the feeling is so strong, right? like you just know it has to be true. i'm even kinda sorta with my rebound right now, and it's only a temporary respite, cuz when we're not together, all i think about is the ex.

 

i even just found out she's back on match.com, and part of me is all about thinking about how she needs to see what's out there in order to see what she's missing. but we can't control it, it's out of our hands...

 

i'll say this though, and it's not in anyway to demean or downplay some of the well-intentioned supporters on here, but i get what you're saying about the advice feeling "generic." we're all for the most part dumpees on here, and when i first started reading the coping forums, i found a prevailing mindset that i felt almost played against my attempts at healing. i don't know exactly how to put it, and saying it's a collective "sad-sack"-ism feels like an overstatement. i guess mainly it's just misery loves company i guess.

 

i got no advice for you buddy, i can't follow my own for even more than two days straight. keep doing what you're doing, like i am, like we all are, and hope for the best.